The Cauldron: A Pagan Forum

Hi, my name is Kendall. I'm new to this site, but I'm not exactly new to paganism or gods/goddesses in general. I just have some questions about this particular god, Hades. He made himself known to me about eight years ago through a very...umm...."interesting"...dream.  At the end of the dream his full name/epithet was the last thing reverberating in my head after I woke up. Since I was a young girl and knew nothing of greek mythology at the time, I looked up the name and what I found about him being ruler of the underworld scared me, so I shut off the computer and ran away from it. I only reacted this way because I was raised a catholic and I thought I was reading about the devil. Eight years later, I know better and looking back on that incident makes me laugh.

Anyway, what made my dream so...odd...is that apparently he wasn't acting the way others have described him acting towards them. I've read enough experiences of other people who have worshipped, communicated, or even just worked with him to know that somehow my first encounter with him was a bit different than his "normal behavior," I guess. I've read experiences people have had of him appearing as a 'father-figure', a 'brother-figure', as a friend, as a mentor, as a lover (in a lustful, sensual way), and even as someone looking for followers/worshippers. Most of the time peoples' experiences with him have been a combination of those things.
I mean, I could be completely wrong, but it seems like there's something a little different going on here since my encounters with him aren't like those. I hope I'm not coming off as conceited. I'm really sorry if it sounds like it because the last thing I want to do is make it seem like I think he's 'hitting on me'. This whole thing is just very odd and I'm having trouble finding answers. This place seemed like a good site to ask my questions and find people who might be able to tell me what's going on.

Now I know what you're thinking, "Are you sure that this god is really Hades and not someone else?" Yes, I'm positive. I've looked at other pantheons, other gods/goddesses, and have come up with nothing. Even the symbols match up. I see narcissus (daffodils) flowers all over the place where I live. Nearly every place I've lived so far has had those flowers. Every dream I've had of him since that one eight years ago, has carried a similar theme and similar symbolism. Not to mention he keeps showing up in them. Nowadays I notice that when he wants to be heard, his name will show up randomly in a book I'm reading that it doesn't really belong in. Sometimes his name pops up with Persephone's. There'll be weird signs of his presence, like a feeling of me being observed. On very rare occasions, he'd traverse through the 'astral plain' to the point where he'd end up standing right in front of me in the real world; sometimes so close I could feel a corporeal touch. More recently, he'll pull a 'bermuda triangle' on me and my stuff disappears. Sometimes I really do think that this is some 'trickster' god. Who knows? Maybe another god is trying get my attention too, but the point is that Hades seems to be acting "out of character". Aside from my stuff disappearing, everything else points to it being Hades.

Now, the real reason that my first encounter with him was so unusual is that in my dream eight years ago he said and I quote, "I love you, Kendall and I will do whatever it takes to show you." This is very concerning to me because, 1) He is married to Persephone, 2) I'm fairly certain he has romantic feelings for Persephone, 3) Despite his mishap with Minthe, and possibly Leuce depending on the myth, he was a pretty faithful husband, 4) Persephone is my favorite goddess and the last thing I'd want to do is insult her, and 5) While he is known to be seductive, sexual, and a lover in a sensual way around those he communicates with, there's a fine line between that and what he said. Honestly, I've never read about nor heard about him saying say something like that with such deep romantic connotations towards another aside from Persephone, I assume.

Keep in mind, that I could be very, very wrong. His statement could simply be fatherly, brotherly, or friendly affection. Yet, there was something in his eyes and the timbre of his voice. I can't explain it, but it was so...sincere. In other dreams and encounters I've had with him, this same thing persists. Some aren't always as romantically themed as the first one, but others carry slight hints of jealousy on his part. I'm not sure why, but every other time I've dated a guy he'd get this self-satisfied smirk plastered on his face. And whenever I'd ask, "What would happen if I chose to love another?" he would chuckle slightly with that smirk and say, "Well I'd hate to be him..." I never understood the implications of this because either it's implied towards me and my relationship or an ambiguous statement that carries more meaning.

If you're wondering why I haven't asked him myself, it's because I've only had about nine encounters with him over the course of eight years. Plus, either I can never meditate long enough to get answers from him or I can't be lucid enough in my dreams to ask him what he wants from me or what he wants me to do. He has never once said nor insinuated that he wants me to build a shrine for him, pray to him, or anything else. I've tried those things too, but I get little to no results. So I still have no clue what he wants from me after 8 years. I've heard he's very impatient, yet he's stuck around this long so there must be something I need to do or that he wants from me. If any of you can offer me some insight or advice, I'd really appreciate it.

To be honest, I was afraid to post this. I was afraid of being criticized. I am also afraid of finding out that it's just wishful thinking despite how much I have to back it up. I accept the fact that I could be very wrong about everything I've mentioned, but it still makes me nervous.

If you've taken the time to read all of that, thanks it means a lot to me.

(Btw: I have journalled every dream/encounter I had of him.)

Godspousery with such a choppy godphone has got to be rough, or at least chafe a bit. You have my sympathies. As these experiences are meaningful to you, they...well, are. But I suppose that whether you hope for validation or fear invalidation...what some stranger on the internet (like me) thinks about your personal spiritual experiences shouldn't matter. Shared personal gnosis can be awfully cool, but at the same time I think it can kind of become a trap? We then risk caring more about preserving a collective narrative—that's changed depending on region, or point in history, or who's the loudest or most popular storyteller, anyway—than caring that individual community members might be feeling lost, afraid, confused, or can't find ways to interpret what they're going through in ways that are constructive and fulfilling in their lives and (because fellow community member) ours.

(That might be a big deal for something I just said we shouldn't try for because it shouldn't matter, but if it's been so likely that you get accused of humblebragging conceitedness when you're genuinely unsettled or confused or seeking a way to make this constructive and fulfilling...I suspect there's something wrong.) (Not that I've never snarled at someone I believed to be faking, mind you. It just doesn't come off to me that you are, but then I can be in the wrong, because you're just some random internet stranger to me.)

Anyway, here's a blog I follow by an earthly spouse of Hermes who rarely updates anymore, but had a lot of really fascinating and helpful ideas about how it all works. Maybe you'll be able to find something that applies to you and Hades (or "Hades" if that's what turns out to be)? You might also be able to request a divination exchange on another one of the subforums here, but I want to caution you again against giving away your personal decision-making powers or valuing or perspective/perception powers to anyone really. Like the blog I linked, it can be helpful to consider, but if you're nervous about anybody else's reaction then I'm nervous that you'd be nervous enough to take it to heart even if it doesn't help. So this is how I try to help, but ultimately your life experience is yours.

 

Thank you for that helpful website and being one of the only people to actually offer me some kind of help instead of writing me off as a crazy person. While the thought has occurred to me that godspousery might be what he's looking for, I wouldn't say my 'relationship' with him is anything like that right now. It seems more like a metaphorical game of phone tag with the 'godphone'. But I'll keep trying. Sometimes it even seems like he is listening, but doesn't want to respond for whatever reason. I should've mentioned in that post that I'm not the type of person to blame every mishap in my life on supernatural occurrences. I only blamed him for my stuff disappearing because I've searched my entire house. Every nook and cranny. Every bizarre corner of the house and have turned up with nothing. Plus the things that went missing weren't things that I could easily misplace. It's hard to lose a camera in its large carrying case and a dress with sparkly decoration on it. So either they grew legs and walked out the door. Haha Or Hades (or someone else) is messing with me to get my attention, maybe. From one stranger on the Internet to another, I can see why you'd think I was trolling people on here or making up a bunch of BS. Though whether or not you'd like to believe me, I assure you I'm not making any of this up and I take whatever relationship I have with Hades very seriously. Could you please specify which sub-forums I'd go to so I can request a divination exchange? Thanks again. Hopefully I'll figure this out eventually.