Author Topic: How to Troubleshoot my God? (Read 1805 times)

Eleusis · « **on:** August 31, 2017, 05:27:41 pm »

Ok, first up, I know I haven't posted in about a year. I'm sorry. Life has been horrible. I need help on a particular topic though: My god (who has not identified himself as any god in particular, just as "God") seems to have ditched me, except not quite. Let me explain: This dude showed up through a series of highly vivid, lucid, recurring dreams. However, recently these have stopped, I can no seem to get lucid at all, no matter how much I dream journal, and the metaphysical side of reality seems to be offline. My Magick seems to be being blocked or firewalled. Anyone know how I can get past this block and has anyone else been ditched/denied access like this?

ehbowen · « **Reply #1 on:** September 01, 2017, 12:15:54 am »

Quote from: Eleusis on August 31, 2017, 05:27:41 pm

Ok, first up, I know I haven't posted in about a year. I'm sorry. Life has been horrible. I need help on a particular topic though: My god (who has not identified himself as any god in particular, just as "God") seems to have ditched me, except not quite. Let me explain: This dude showed up through a series of highly vivid, lucid, recurring dreams. However, recently these have stopped, I can no seem to get lucid at all, no matter how much I dream journal, and the metaphysical side of reality seems to be offline. My Magick seems to be being blocked or firewalled. Anyone know how I can get past this block and has anyone else been ditched/denied access like this?

Welcome to the club! Believe me, it's not exclusive....

I really don't know anything about your situation and your god, so I'm going to talk about mine. My belief system has the advantage of four thousand years or so (no one really knows how old Job is, and I've seen persuasive arguments that the Toledot phrases in Genesis are Moses's "footnotes" from the original pre-Flood cuneiform tablets) of compiled and canonical writings to base theological arguments on, and my own UPG over the past several years reinforces my belief that my God stands four-square behind every word of Scripture as originally penned by the authors, and that he accepts [most of] the modern translations as an accurate representation [in the modern English vernacular] of what he intended to say. With that in mind....

God so loved the world... My God is willing to go to extreme measures to establish, maintain, and if necessary re-establish contact with humanity and with individual humans.
I will never leave you nor forsake you... In some African tribes there is a manhood ritual where the youths are taken out into the jungle at night and turned loose. Many of them spend the night in sheer terror...to find, when the sun finally rises, that their father has been there all night long with a spear, keeping watch over them.
In this world you will have suffering... Life is not going to be all puppydogs and buttercups, at least not this side of heaven. You are in good company.
If your son asks for bread, will you give him a stone? ... If you are asking for something which you know is within your Father's will [such as a godly wife... ], any delay or seeming denial does not originate from your Father. It is indicative that Somebody Down There is interfering in an attempt to get you to give up and/or breach your relationship with your God.

Now, how does this work in practice? While I do believe in omniscience, I also believe and have stated that omniscience is perfected at the end of the process which sculpts Reality as we know it. So, while I believe that from the end of my soul's journey my God has traced out the entire path and has been able to be with me every step of the way, there were times while that big picture was being put together where my God may have lost sight of me for a time.

I spent six years in the U.S. Navy and read virtually everything Tom Clancy ever wrote. While I didn't work in CIC (I was a hole snipe), I have enough knowledge to have a general picture of how things work. You want to sail to Sydney, Australia during peacetime? No problem, just pull out a chart and plot a course. You need to rendezvous with a supply vessel on the way? No problem, get her position and direction by radio and plot an intercept course.

But what if it's NOT peacetime? What if someone is out there mining sea lanes, jamming your radar and radio, and shooting back at you? Do you give up and quit? Maybe some gods would. Maybe some gods do. But I'm confident that mine doesn't. When you're hunting a submarine you go to the last known point of contact and expand the search in all directions until you pick up the trail yet again. It might take some time but, then, what is the definition of eternity?

In my own case, I believe that "picking up the trail" includes searching for personal distinctives and other clues. If you see someone buying a Toyota (post-1980), it's not me. If you see someone drinking a Pepsi, it's not me. If you see someone eating a raw tomato, it's almost certainly not me. [There was one exception in 1999: I got an impression that Jessica (or, more likely, someone pretending to be her) wanted me to. I choked it down, but AFAIK haven't relapsed since.]

But, more than these little personal quirks, it entails sorting through the choices I make, the break points that define our lives. In my own case, I have made a commitment to live for my God. That means, if he is tracing my own timeline, that he ought to quickly reject any reality in which it appears that I have lied, cheated or stolen. Does that mean I have to be perfect? No, I don't, and I'm not. But I do try to be consistent, and when I realize that I have sinned I make it a point to promptly acknowledge it and confess it and not try to weasel out of it. I feel that, if I do this, it makes it easier for my God to "pick up the trail" again.

I really, really like the Richard Harris quotation from the second Harry Potter film: "It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices.” I try to keep my choices consistent...but I also try not to be too proud to hang onto them if shown that I am wrong.

So, yes, there have been dry spells. I remember laying prostrate on the deck of that oil tanker, begging God to at least yell at me. He was actually making plans to fix me up with his own daughter. I remember the five years after I first met her, when it seemed impossible...and it was, in human terms...that I would ever find her again. I remember being thrown into a mental hospital four times because I would not compromise what I spoke regarding what I believed my God was doing in my life. I remember when, last year, I cut off the very tenuous contact which I did have because it was increasingly apparent that the enemy was tapping and/or interfering with the line, and went back to relying on Scripture and that still, small voice...and the occasional coin flip!

So back to your situation, Eleusis: Do what is good and right and highest and best, regardless of the circumstances. If your god is in fact worthy of the name god, he will find you again. But, if he doesn't, then I'm pretty sure my God will.

Sefiru · « **Reply #2 on:** September 01, 2017, 06:45:43 pm »

Quote from: Eleusis on August 31, 2017, 05:27:41 pm

Ok, first up, I know I haven't posted in about a year. I'm sorry. Life has been horrible. I need help on a particular topic though: My god (who has not identified himself as any god in particular, just as "God") seems to have ditched me, except not quite. Let me explain: This dude showed up through a series of highly vivid, lucid, recurring dreams. However, recently these have stopped, I can no seem to get lucid at all, no matter how much I dream journal, and the metaphysical side of reality seems to be offline. My Magick seems to be being blocked or firewalled. Anyone know how I can get past this block and has anyone else been ditched/denied access like this?

A few things I can suggest:

You said your life has been horrible; stress can be an inhibitor to spiritual awareness. Some self-care and relaxation strategies might help here.

Second, about your sleep conditions specifically, maybe something has changed there? Temperature, duration, ambient light or noise? Pillow worn out? (Not joking on that last one; sleeping with the wrong pillow is a pain in the neck. Pun intended.)

Third, at this point you may well be trying too hard. It's the centipede problem: like the centipede who was asked how it could coordinate that many legs, thinking about what you're doing could be blocking the capacity to actually do it. Unfortunately I have no advice on how to overcome this. Perhaps you could take a set time off (a moon cycle, or whatever seems appropriate) or try some entirely new method of contact to shake something loose.

Emma Eldritch · « **Reply #3 on:** September 02, 2017, 06:11:38 pm »

Quote from: Eleusis on August 31, 2017, 05:27:41 pm

Ok, first up, I know I haven't posted in about a year. I'm sorry. Life has been horrible. I need help on a particular topic though: My god (who has not identified himself as any god in particular, just as "God") seems to have ditched me, except not quite. Let me explain: This dude showed up through a series of highly vivid, lucid, recurring dreams. However, recently these have stopped, I can no seem to get lucid at all, no matter how much I dream journal, and the metaphysical side of reality seems to be offline. My Magick seems to be being blocked or firewalled. Anyone know how I can get past this block and has anyone else been ditched/denied access like this?

I think Sefiru has a really good point about trying too hard. I've had that happen to me personally, where the more I force the issue the shittier the results. This often also accompanies burnout, where my energy reserves and patience are both super low to begin with.

What I've found to be helpful in those situations is to try and remove expectations for myself. Instead of telling myself "okay, I need to spend X number of hours doing ritual" I'll instead give myself a realistic timeframe in which to relax and have some fun. Maybe that will mean ritual. Maybe it'll just be doing some meditation and then eating ice cream on the couch. Maybe I'll just read, or maybe I'll do exactly nothing. The idea is not to encourage laziness (although, you know, that can be a risk) but to reduce the stress I'm putting on myself so that my soul and mind can recharge and therefore allow me to fall back in with my natural rhythms. That's another thing, too - I believe people do have their own natural cycles and sometimes fighting against them is a losing battle.

So basically I'd say evaluate where your head is at and see if some mundane stress management might be in order. If everything seems cool and you're still feeling blocked, get someone to do a reading for you and see if maybe they have some insights.

Goddess_Ashtara · « **Reply #4 on:** September 02, 2017, 07:01:30 pm »

Quote from: Eleusis on August 31, 2017, 05:27:41 pm

My god (who has not identified himself as any god in particular, just as "God") seems to have ditched me, except not quite. Let me explain: This dude showed up through a series of highly vivid, lucid, recurring dreams. However, recently these have stopped, I can no seem to get lucid at all, no matter how much I dream journal, and the metaphysical side of reality seems to be offline. My Magick seems to be being blocked or firewalled. Anyone know how I can get past this block and has anyone else been ditched/denied access like this?

You are less connected to your God(s) because you believe you are less connected to your God(s).