Struggling with Belief of all kinds

Hello, I’m new here on this forum so please bear with me

I’ve dabbled in different religions all my life. I was raised Christian, spent plenty of time as an atheist, and have had some pagan practices earlier in my life as well. However, I’ve always struggled with actually believing in something (atheism excluded of course because it is simply a lack of belief). I fell out of Christianity for my personal issues with some of its teachings from a moral perspective, and out of paganism because I just couldn’t get over the fact that I couldn’t find any hard scientific proof to back any of my practices.

What I struggled with, though, was enjoying being pagan. I liked the stronger connection to nature and to my own thoughts it gave me, and how it encouraged me to learn and work with my hands. I really wanted a deeper connection with some god (I never got as far as deciding on a pantheon or specific god/ess to devote myself to) but I just couldn’t believe they were real. It doesn’t make sense to me that there was some supernatural force specially devoted to humans or this planet or even this plane of existence as we know it. I just really want to believe in something, to have something to anchor my thoughts and practices in.

I am wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar, or how others rationalize scientific facts with spirituality, in any ways that personally satisfy them. I wonder if I am being childish in wanting to believe something instead of only relying on hard “scientific facts” to guide me, as I have before.

I also want to emphasize that I do not mean the juxtaposition between science and spirituality and my personal struggle with it to be offensive to anybody’s views or practices. I’m looking for personal thoughts, wisdom, any advice that someone that has been through any sort of similar struggle can give me.

Thank you.

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