So as of Samhain I have been speaking with a Spirit which has revealed to me that it is a guardian Spirit of my family, presumably my father’s lineage. My father also informed me that he was told by numerous people who at the very least claimed to be sensitive to otherworldly things that he had a knack for Spirit mediumship he never really pursued. I spoke to him of this experience and he conveyed to me that he had indeed known the same Spirit and that it had contacted him when he was around my age, though said communication had fallen off in subsequent years. During a meditation exercise it communicated to me that it would speak with me at greater length when I did so again. Lo and behold, it did indeed so, though it had to depart after a period of time. Normally, these experiences seem shockingly mundane when in that particular state of consciousness and indeed talking to the Spirits, however sacred the occasion might be feels as if I’m talking a venerable mortal who I possess some rapport with. It’s as if I’m speaking to a friendly acquaintance. Rarely are my emotions excited in this state. That usually comes after I return to what most people would call a normal state of consciousness.
Well this time, I was actually moved to tears. For you see, for a while, I had this vague impression that when I spoke with it again, I would receive a horse. That must sound rather bizarre to even many of us who practice sorcerous arts and admittedly, I do not know exactly where the impression came from, but low and behold, led by both this peculiar guardian Spirit and an ancestor who I think is one of my ancient Magyar kin, there appeared a white horse whose hair occasionally took on the shape of shifting clouds and I was moved to tears by it’s appearance. It felt as if I knew this being for a very a long time and I was seeing a dear friend again after innumerable years apart. This being felt as if it was a part of me and yet it wasn’t me at the same time. I recall feeling overwhelmed with gratitude toward these goodly Spirits who brought this ethereal steed to me. I was also informed that this spectral equine didn’t have a gender as humans might understand it, but since this being attached to me in some fashion now, that they would respond to male pronouns. These entities also said this same steed would help to carry my consciousness through parts of the Spirit world when I felt so inclined to attempt such projection. Another firm impression I received is that this Spirit which was now my dear friend and companion would require a occasional offerings, not as an act of worship, but rather as a token of friendship, repaying his kindness.
So I must sound rather out of my mind at this point. Honestly, I’ve sort of wondered if this experience was also wishful thinking on my part and I actually need therapy more than I realized and that my mental illnesses (OCD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder to be precise) are taking on a bizarre new dimension. Though said Spirits also strongly encouraged me to seek out the aid of mental health professionals and as far as I know, people who suffer delusions as a result of mental illnesses are not usually told by delusions that they need to see a professional to help them sort through their emotional baggage.
So has anyone had any similar experiences before and are there any resources on things like this that might prove helpful? Does anyone know what exactly might be going on here? For as far as I can tell, this Spirit that appears to my minds eye as an occasionally color shifting horse is some kind of familiar to me. Unless I’m wrong.
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