Mental Blocks and Difficulty Connecting to Deities

Given my limited experience with pagan deities in terms of devotion and ritual I chose our beginner friendly section to ask some advice.  I’d also be interested in what experiences others may have had overcoming what I’ll call mental barriers to connecting to gods.

I’m no expert, and I have a lot to learn, but for years on and off I have explored Greek mythology and felt a great fondness for some of the deities.  The first barrier I had to overcome was ritual structure, but that was easily enough addressed by adapting rituals from Reconstructionist sources (though I’m not overly strict and do not claim to be Reconstructionist).

The barriers I have are possibly cultural.  I am still learning about this concept but I’m pretty sure I do not want or need a concept of miasma.  It is very foreign to me, and concepts of purity cause me anxiety even when they’re not notions of moral purity.

I also struggle with an emphasis I perceive in some places on treating gods as very Other, which is connected to concepts of Hubris.  I am on board with this to a degree, that the gods are in some ways Other, and I am perfectly fine with honoring them, and I do know that apotheosis is a thing, so these barriers can be blurred.  But my emphasis is different, and I will worship just about anyone I am drawn to, god or not.  Maybe not in the same ways exactly, but I do not limit worthiness of worship to the gods.

I am well aware that I could worship the gods in my own context and don’t have to take a Reconstructionist route, but I do not yet know what that context would look like.  I could explore some other pantheons, but I haven’t felt particularly desirous to do so.  I do feel like my worship should be at least informed by historical practice, but when I turn to the culture and religious setting the gods were worshiped in, I can sense that something is off, that I’m not connecting, and this in turn creates a disconnect from the gods in ritual.

I will go ahead and put this out there as well in case it lends any light to the situation: in the past I’ve worshiped these gods only during periods of elevated mood.  I don’t know why — it feels like something happening to me rather than something chosen.

Despite all these blocks I’m feeling, I did hear from what I believe to be a goddess, possibly Hekate, since that is who I have been praying to.  All she told me was that it wasn’t hard to reach out to a god.  That was definitely progress.

In the meantime I have taken note of the Powers I have been consistently devoted to over 15 years or longer and distilled a very simple ritual form that I practice daily to honor them, and some of my more elaborate rituals I am working on simplifying for various reasons.  I have also deepened my devotion to the departed, especially my ancestors.  This has been so fulfilling I’m considering the possibility that I do not need a pantheon, at least not on a regular basis.  The ancestors along with my main Powers may be enough.

Any advice or experiences with related matters is greatly appreciated.

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