I have studied Feri since I was a teenager as far as I could through books and the internet, but lately I’ve been feeling like I should make it official and find a teacher and maybe pursue initiation. Considering it is mostly based on the west coast of the US, being in Ontario, Canada is kind of remote. Even Toronto has a pretty pathetic pagan community, with only a few organized traditions represented. I have some contact with a Garnderian coven, although it doesn’t feel very traditional, and the people involved are very stereotypically pagan, in that many of them are dealing with mental illness, poverty, obesity, are pushing 40 and dressing like angsty teenagers, etc. I don’t mean to sound judgmental, I just don’t know if it’s a healthy community for me, or if what is going on is truly healthy for the people already involved, either.
My struggles with the Roman Catholic Church have peaked lately and I think I’ve finally had enough. I might still attend high Anglican liturgies, but not so much because I believe in the faith, but because the aesthetics and the music do lend themselves to a spiritual state of mind. At the core, I’m a universalist and I do feel that all religions are different methods of understanding the same divine presence. I think paganism is best suited for me, though I find the community aspect in real life disappointing so far, and my heart has always been in Feri, but finding like-minded people and someone to give me proper training is ever the struggle.
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