Drawn to Paganism but a little unsure

Hello! I will try and make this as short as possible. Also, I apologize in advanced if I offend anyone, that is not my intention. I’m looking for guidance.

I was baptized and raised Catholic, so I have always believed in the Christian concept of God. As a child, I believed in magic and the supernatural and so did my mother. I discovered Wicca at a bookstore one day when I was 10. Having always believed in magic, I was ecstatic to have found a real life spell book. To be honest, I was more interested in the magical aspect, and never really paid attention to the religious aspect of it. In fact, I don’t even think I knew it was a religion. So whenever we went to the bookstore, I would bee line it to the New Age section and pick out my new spell book. I have always enjoyed learning about different religions, even when I identified as a Catholic. It’s just something I find interesting. So skipping ahead, it wasn’t even until college that I realized that Wicca was a religion. By this time, I had stopped identifying as a Catholic as it didn’t seem as loving or accepting to me, but still believed in God and believed that He was more understanding and loving than people were making Him out to be. I have always felt a connection with the pentacle since discovering Wicca, so I thought I would study it. I didn’t feel a pull to it, like I felt a pull to magic, so stopped studying it in a personal sense. It was also around this time that I found out that Wicca fell under the Pagan umbrella. I hadn’t really studied Paganism, so I started looking it up little by little. By that, I mean, would study it a bit, but then school would become more demanding so I would stop for moths at a time all the while focusing on my magical practice more than anything.

It has been more than a few years, but I always seem to come back to studying Paganism. Lately, when I study it I have been getting what I can only describe as “that feeling.” When I feel more energized, at peace, and really powerful. I don’t know why. What turned me off of having/following a religion completely are the rules. The “you must do this and that otherwise you’re not a good person” way of thinking. I still believe in and have a connection with my God, so I’m not giving him up. Also, I believe that many Gods and Goddesses exist, and that people have a connection with certain one(s). It also makes sense to me that there is a God(dess)/Spirit of the sea, sky, earth, forest, etc., I do believe in a Spiritual realm, and believe in the elements and also the Universe.

I just don’t know what draws me to Paganism. I can appreciate the beauty of nature and I do like to get out, but I don’t walk in the forest, go camping, and I’m not a vegan or vegetarian even though I do like animals. I mean, I observe the changing of the seasons though I do get a little more excited about certain seasons than other ones. I am drawn to the water element and the moon (I’m a Cancer so that makes sense). I guess, even though I’m drawn to Paganism, I don’t want to give up my traditions or holidays. Though I’ll be honest, when I celebrate a holiday it’s not in a religious way at all.

I guess when it comes to religions, I always associate them with rules and must dos. I also feel that if I were to convert, I would be disrespectful during Halloween time as I’ve always celebrated it the “mainstream” way.

Any thoughts would be helpful. Thank you!

Message Board: Join in our discussion.