Losing Connection With Deities

[Melissa]

Recently, I felt like my connection during worship has hit a downtime low. I felt disconnected, uninterested and unmotivated. I meditated and prayed for a sign but got none? or maybe I was too ignorant to notice. Whatever it is, I have been doing my small worship chant daily and have felt like I am losing connection. I found myself questioning; Why am I doing this? Do my deities hear my pleas? Maybe they are not interested to work with me or to answer to my prayers or connect to me during meditation? I don't feel enlightened or spiritually aware. It's like I am trying too hard and I don't know what I have done wrong.

Does anyone else feel this way and what do you do when you feel like that? Should I stop worshipping altogether? Or stop worshipping for a while? (I don't like the idea of this as I have been doing this daily for some months and wanna keep my streak, but some part of me just feels like I hit a dead end with this thing.)

HELP.

[ehbowen]

Recently, I felt like my connection during worship has hit a downtime low. I felt disconnected, uninterested and unmotivated. I meditated and prayed for a sign but got none? or maybe I was too ignorant to notice. Whatever it is, I have been doing my small worship chant daily and have felt like I am losing connection. I found myself questioning; Why am I doing this? Do my deities hear my pleas? Maybe they are not interested to work with me or to answer to my prayers or connect to me during meditation? I don't feel enlightened or spiritually aware. It's like I am trying too hard and I don't know what I have done wrong.

Does anyone else feel this way and what do you do when you feel like that? Should I stop worshipping altogether? Or stop worshipping for a while? (I don't like the idea of this as I have been doing this daily for some months and wanna keep my streak, but some part of me just feels like I hit a dead end with this thing.)

HELP.

It's a very common problem. (That's just one out of what I'm sure are dozens of threads, which I remembered off the top of my head.) And it crosses all systems of beliefs, including my own. I'm actually at the point where if anyone claims a connection with the divine and says that they HAVEN'T gone through such a dead time...I would be very very leery of interacting further with them.

My response would be: Keep doing what you've been doing. Keep doing what you see as the right thing, unless you come across very convincing evidence that you were wrong. A "dead zone" is NOT such evidence. You may have lost sight of them, and they may (temporarily) have lost sight of you. But if you at least remain consistent and true to your principles, then it will be easier for Someone to pick up your track again when you come to the other edge of that "skip zone."

[Jenett]

Recently, I felt like my connection during worship has hit a downtime low. I felt disconnected, uninterested and unmotivated. I meditated and prayed for a sign but got none? or maybe I was too ignorant to notice. Whatever it is, I have been doing my small worship chant daily and have felt like I am losing connection.

This is not an uncommon thing, in many religious traditions, but it's probably worth digging a bit more into some specifics.

First, as other threads have noted, sometimes these things are either seasonal as in time of year, or seasonal as in stages of your relationship with a deity.

In the first case, some deities definitely have times they are more active and conversational and times they aren't. (This is perhaps most clear with deities with a strong focus on the agricultural year, but not exclusively.)

In the second case, often people find there's a rush of connection and interaction and response early on in beginning to work with a deity and then it tapers down unless there's something specific. Much like a lot of romantic relationships and friendships: there's a rush of amazing feelings to start, and then it fades down to something else - a good connection, but not one that is overwhelmingly present all the time.

I found myself questioning; Why am I doing this? Do my deities hear my pleas? Maybe they are not interested to work with me or to answer to my prayers or connect to me during meditation? I don't feel enlightened or spiritually aware. It's like I am trying too hard and I don't know what I have done wrong.

So, things to think about here:

1) There's a difference between connection and answers.
There are tons of kinds of ways to interact with deities (like there are with people). Lots of them don't produce answers or commentary: tons of us have been in conversations where people are nodding along but just don't have a lot to say in response. (And if you can't actually see someone nodding, it's really hard to interpret that silence.

But that doesn't necessarily mean the deity isn't listening - just that you don't have data about it.

For example, you've posted a number of questions here, but I've noticed you relatively rarely respond to specifics in what people have written compared to some other posters, whether that's to me or other people.

That's not a requirement - but as someone who takes time to answer your questions, it often leaves me just not sure about the exchange. Because I have very little info from you about what was helpful or not. (Fortunately, when I post here, I'm not just posting to answer your questions, but for other people who are reading along who may have similar questions.)

What I'm saying is that it may be the same for you and your deity interaction - that there's a pattern in the interaction where there isn't much direct feedback, for whatever reason. That might change over time, or it might not, and it's not necessarily a sign of a problem or a flaw.

But basically, some kinds of interaction and response produce more conversation and interaction, and other kinds of responses don't, and if you're unhappy with what you're getting, it may be worth trying different things. (But also, learning to be okay with the fact you may not get tons of responses from a particular direction and making your decisions accordingly.)

2) Deities are not endless boxes of answers
Some deities are very active in people's lives, or at least for periods of time while they're working on a big problem, but I think it's probably way more common for people to have a quiet background interaction that doesn't come with a lot of answers or comments or whatever.

That's certainly what my relationship with M'Lady is: she has been hugely helpful at times in the past when I've needed it, but she expects me to handle my own life most of the time, and not bug her about it. I go to her for really big things, where I need a perspective that isn't limited by time and reach of human life, and I do things to support her goals in the world, but most of the time I go along doing the things that matter to her, and don't get a ton of response.

Think of it like connections with adults with lives of their own you might know, people who have been very helpful in your life, but who aren't part of your daily interactions at the moment. (That might be family members, or former teachers, or former bosses.) There are, oh, a dozen or so people where I might reach out to them in specific circumstances, but most of the time it's a once or twice a year exchange at holidays or because one or the other of us has a specific thing to talk about.

3) Some methods tend to produce some kinds of results
I've mentioned before, but I discovered that rote prayer is actively damaging to my relationship with deities - doing the same thing the same way. I do a lot better with a mix of actions I take that please them on a regular basis and offerings and ritual work when I have a specific goal or desire to communicate.

Sometimes the ritual work has been daily (when I'm in the midst of a big thing I need help with), other times it can be weeks or months between. Possibly years. 

It might well be worth looking for specific actions you could do in the physical world, depending on the deity, on a regular basis. For some people, this is something related to school or work, sometimes related to arts or hobbies.

Sometimes it might be a regular but less frequent thing: I've known people who make a monthly food pantry donation to Hecate on a particular day in the monthly cycle when it was traditional for people to leave food at the crossroads in honour of her.

The specifics are obviously going to vary a lot depending on the deity, your resources, and a lot of other factors.

Note that none of these may produce signs or commentary, directly, but they're a different kind of interaction that might make you feel more connected or differently connected.

You could also choose to explore other kinds of methods of connection - instead of prayer, try meditation. Make art or music or poetry or writing specific to your deity (or embroidery or interpretative dance, or whatever else suits you). I know people who've made oil blends or tea blends (to wear or bathe in or drink, depending on the specifics). There are tons of options.

Some people dedicate a piece of jewellery. I've talked about the fact I paint my toenails as a devotional act before. Again, there are tons of options (and some reading through back threads here would give some ideas.)

[Melissa]

This is not an uncommon thing, in many religious traditions, but it's probably worth digging a bit more into some specifics.

Some people dedicate a piece of jewellery. I've talked about the fact I paint my toenails as a devotional act before. Again, there are tons of options (and some reading through back threads here would give some ideas.)

First of all, rants about a different topic. I know this is probably not the first thread about this topic. I understand that it might seem repetitive if you have been on this site for a long time or is a moderator on this site. But having people tell me, "Oh there has been a thread about this!" it gets me a bit reluctant to post any questions in future although I try very hard to be active in this community, so I could learn from more experienced people like you and others. Sometimes, I would try going through at least 10 pages in a particular topic before posting my issues and it makes me feel burdened, like my questions wouldn't weigh anything if it has been asked or answered before. (This is not directed at you because obviously, you took time to write down a generous, thorough and helpful answer but I just felt this way in general about ecauldron.) I really want to be an actively participating member of this forum and to have people to share thoughts and ideas with but I feel somewhat disheartened. As a member, I also think there is a hierarchy bias among the participants, for instance, more experienced members tend to get more answers/replies than newbies. Although, newbies are the ones that needs more input regarding their practices and issues.

Secondly, I always read your replies and comments, as well as others. I take it all in, analyse and practice and I am always, always very grateful. But I think it will annoy people if I just replied, "Thank you" after a long answer but in fact, I am very thankful. I am new to this and usually, I don't have much to share about my experiences as I am still trying to figure it out. So, usually I don't have much to say. I don't think this can be compared with a relationship to a deity. A deity is a much more experienced, powerful energy with wisdom and insight. I don't think the lack of connection could be equated with ignorance.

Anyway, yes, these are my thoughts and opinions. I don't think cauldron makes me feel included in the community sometimes and I think it is just a hangout place for the OGs as people are not as patient to help out with beginners unless they are moderators of this site.

[Melissa]

My response would be: Keep doing what you've been doing. Keep doing what you see as the right thing, unless you come across very convincing evidence that you were wrong. A "dead zone" is NOT such evidence. You may have lost sight of them, and they may (temporarily) have lost sight of you. But if you at least remain consistent and true to your principles, then it will be easier for Someone to pick up your track again when you come to the other edge of that "skip zone."

Thanks, I will go on and see what happens.

[Goddess_Ashtara]

Recently, I felt like my connection during worship has hit a downtime low. I felt disconnected, uninterested and unmotivated. I meditated and prayed for a sign but got none? or maybe I was too ignorant to notice. Whatever it is, I have been doing my small worship chant daily and have felt like I am losing connection. I found myself questioning; Why am I doing this? Do my deities hear my pleas? Maybe they are not interested to work with me or to answer to my prayers or connect to me during meditation? I don't feel enlightened or spiritually aware. It's like I am trying too hard and I don't know what I have done wrong.

Does anyone else feel this way and what do you do when you feel like that? Should I stop worshipping altogether? Or stop worshipping for a while? (I don't like the idea of this as I have been doing this daily for some months and wanna keep my streak, but some part of me just feels like I hit a dead end with this thing.)

HELP.

Here is some advice... which might be interpreted as general spiritual advice coming from me, but can definitely help with your situation.

-Fitness and nutrition, to strengthen the temple and machine that is your body.... so that you might become more capable of achieving your goals in this world and fulfilling your Will and the Will of your gods.

-Find inspiration and motivation wherever it flows naturally for you.  Find it, and utilize it while it lasts.

-Reach out to your gods with an open mind and heart and remember why you choose to be connected to these gods.  Contemplate what draws you most to them and how they can affect this world through you.  Allow the primordial waters of the imagination to do what they are meant to do and to get you where you Will to be.

-Do not underestimate the value of time.  It is the most valuable resource you have.  Every second you are awake and alive you are choosing what to do with it.  Will you find ways to grow closer to your gods?  Will you just kick back and enjoy life for awhile and forget about everything else that means something to you?  Choose how you will direct your focus.  Choose how to feel, choose how to think and choose how to behave.  Choose how to believe and perceive and choose how you will live and how you will succeed. 

-While maintaining a powerful passion to be everything you Will to be and experience everything you Will to experience... don’t forget to have fun and enjoy life. 

[Jenett]

But having people tell me, "Oh there has been a thread about this!" it gets me a bit reluctant to post any questions in future although I try very hard to be active in this community, so I could learn from more experienced people like you and others.

I can't speak for others, but I can tell you why I say it. Some people read here for a long time before they post, and other people dive right in, and people may not realise that a topic is a thing that comes up every few months (so it might not be on the first page or two of a forum) but that it might be worth browsing or searching a bit more. So, those of us who say "There's other stuff there" are saying it because we see a lot of people, over time, not realising there might be other discussions.

(And again, many people who've been here for a while are responding to your particular question, but also aware there are dozens or even hundreds of people who may read it who aren't posting.)

But we also do it also because there are people who have responded in those threads who are no longer posting here (or no longer reading, or it's not clear) and if you go read those threads, you not only get all the responses of the people who are up for posting right now, but also all the experience of the people who did then. And if you're looking for a wide range of experiences, that's a pretty amazing resource. So when I say there are other threads, mostly, I'm signalling "There's other stuff out there, it's worth a bit of time looking further besides whatever you get in this thread if you want more ideas."

(Which, actually, is pretty much what I said here. Especially as, in that case, it was not actually about the question you asked in this post, but part of my answer to it - i.e. many other kinds of devotional practices out there.) 

As a member, I also think there is a hierarchy bias among the participants, for instance, more experienced members tend to get more answers/replies than newbies. Although, newbies are the ones that needs more input regarding their practices and issues.

Perhaps hilariously, a lot of established people here have commented that they feel people don't respond to them, or that they're always bringing up the same things, and get the same people responding to them. Which is to say, I suspect this is one of those things where the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence.

Personally, I love new questions - one of the reasons I've hung out here for so long is because I love learning how people are looking at things in new ways, and figuring out what might be helpful.

But at the same time, I hope new people understand that maybe I had a spare hour two years ago to write a big long thing, and today I've got 10 minutes to answer a question about the same topic. Or that last year, I was thinking about a particular concept or issue or idea a lot, and right now I'm focusing on something else.

Or that we have some really amazing posts from experts in different fields, who aren't posting here much at the moment because their lives got busy (I'm thinking here of Catja and Naomi, specifically). So looking at the accumulated knowledge of the forum rather than just right now is pretty much always worth thinking about for me.

But I think it will annoy people if I just replied, "Thank you" after a long answer but in fact, I am very thankful. I am new to this and usually, I don't have much to share about my experiences as I am still trying to figure it out. So, usually I don't have much to say.

You don't need to make lots of posts saying thank you- you're right, that can get tedious. But if you don't post anything at all, well - my mind reading isn't that reliable! I don't have any idea if you found any of the posts helpful, or none of them, or they made you happy or upset or something else. '

A quick post with a "Thanks for all the great ideas - X, Y, and Z were new for me, and I'm looking forward to exploring them" is a comment that will help people know that you did in fact read what they spent time writing (yay!) and what parts were especially helpful (which helps with helping other people later down the road). Responding to a couple of things with specific questions or "What would you think if I tried this?" is a way to continue the conversation, if you want to encourage it to continue.

I don't think this can be compared with a relationship to a deity. A deity is a much more experienced, powerful energy with wisdom and insight. I don't think the lack of connection could be equated with ignorance.

Experienced, yes. But many of the deities Pagans work with aren't omnipotent or omniscent or omnipresent (all-powerful, all-knowing, or all places at all times.) Saying thank you to them, expressing specific gratitude that recognises the particular things they've shared, that's usually never a bad thing.

(Well. Not with deities. There are specific other beings - the fae, notably - where thanks are a bit more complicated, and there are some cultures where it can be complicated. But mostly not for deities, or it's really obvious.)

The point is, if you have the habit in one place in your life of doing a thing, and then letting it drop - even with the best of intentions - it might be worth looking at the other places, where you want to continue and deepen that connection, and see if trying something different might open up new options for you. Try it for a month or two - with human beings, each time you ask for their time and energy, say thank you (or a more specific "Thanks for this particular thing that helped" and see how it changes the interactions with non-physical people in your life.

I don't think cauldron makes me feel included in the community sometimes and I think it is just a hangout place for the OGs as people are not as patient to help out with beginners unless they are moderators of this site.

We're a debate and discussion focused forum, rather than fellowship - so the way to be included is to post in ways that encourage discussion. Asking questions does that - but so does following up on questions, or asking people how they do something if they're willing to share, or sharing things you've found useful (like resources), or any number of other things.)

It's also worth realising that the forum has been around a long time, and some people have connections outside of the forum in various ways. I've been around for nearly 20 years, been staff for only 2 of those, and while I've met a small handful of people on the forum in person, it took years to build up those connections. (I am a person who wants very hard to be pleasant to people, but friendship rather than amiable acquaintanceship is a thing that takes one on one conversations and time to build - it's not something I do lightly, because I want to make sure I can hold up my end of the friendship.)

And over time, how people use the Internet has changed a huge amount, so people who come here are often coming for kinds of conversations - including have stable URLs that mean we can find things again - that you can't get on Tumblr or Facebook, or other settings. That's often less about personal connections and more about sharing a wide range of resources and topics, or getting help with specialised things where fewer people are interested or knowledgeable, as well as more general beginner questions that lots of people might have some comment on.

Which is to say, I can see how you might see that pattern - but I think there's other things going on beyond people not hanging out with beginners.

[Melissa]

-Reach out to your gods with an open mind and heart and remember why you choose to be connected to these gods.  Contemplate what draws you most to them and how they can affect this world through you.  Allow the primordial waters of the imagination to do what they are meant to do and to get you where you Will to be.

I have since practicing an open mind and heart and remember why I seek for help from my goddess at the first place.

[Melissa]

Perhaps hilariously, a lot of established people here have commented that they feel people don't respond to them, or that they're always bringing up the same things, and get the same people responding to them. Which is to say, I suspect this is one of those things where the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence.

A quick post with a "Thanks for all the great ideas - X, Y, and Z were new for me, and I'm looking forward to exploring them" is a comment that will help people know that you did in fact read what they spent time writing (yay!) and what parts were especially helpful (which helps with helping other people later down the road). Responding to a couple of things with specific questions or "What would you think if I tried this?" is a way to continue the conversation, if you want to encourage it to continue. 

We're a debate and discussion focused forum, rather than fellowship - so the way to be included is to post in ways that encourage discussion. Asking questions does that - but so does following up on questions, or asking people how they do something if they're willing to share, or sharing things you've found useful (like resources), or any number of other things.)

Which is to say, I can see how you might see that pattern - but I think there's other things going on beyond people not hanging out with beginners.

Thanks for clearing it up. I have taken your advice and try to reply to make sure the other person understands how their opinions and knowledge have helped me tremendously. I know it is a forum and not a fellowship but why can't it be both? I don't think it is necessary to draw a line to separate both. I have been utilising the advice to me given on this thread and have since tried using other ways to connect with my goddess. There doesn't seem to be much change but I guess patience is virtue.

[Jenett]

Thanks for clearing it up.

I have been utilising the advice to me given on this thread and have since tried using other ways to connect with my goddess. There doesn't seem to be much change but I guess patience is virtue.

Welcome!

Well, it's been less than a week (4 or 5 days) since you made your original post - that's a pretty short period of time!

So, here's a thing. I messed up something badly with someone I worked with, in December. We talked about it, we talked about it with our boss, and I've been working hard to demonstrate to her that I'm not going to do that category of thing anymore.

(It's one of those things where I messed up on something, but also we had a miscommunication and our personal tendencies hit each other's raw spots about particular things, so it's sort of messy, and not all of it is a 'fault' thing, as much as a 'how the two of us tend to be' thing.)

It's the end of March, so about three months later. If I'm really consistent, and also a bit lucky, maybe in a year or so I'll have demonstrated solidly that I won't do that thing again.

Right now, she's quite rightly being cautious with me, and I'm being cautious with her, and I'm being extra super careful to thank her for things and tell her when something has been helpful, and not step on her toes about some things, and letting some things I care about but which are not actually that important go. And I'm going to need to keep doing that, attentively and repeatedly, and consistently. Doing it once or doing it for a week, or even a month, isn't enough.

Deities do work a bit differently, but that's partly because their sense of time often works very differently - to them, a couple of days is like blinking.

With something like this - focusing on stating gratitude, on expressing appreciation, etc. (i.e. something that's not a bad habit to have anyway) - then I'd suggest you probably need to make it a habit, first, before you even think about whether it's going to significantly change patterns for you. That might be a month, it might be a couple of months (since some things come up more frequently than others, sometimes it might be a year or more). But making progress on the thing, and reinforcing it for yourself, those will help change things, usually.

It might not be the pattern you need to adjust. It might be one that is not a good fit for other priorities in your life right now. And those are reasonable choices - just they also have consequences. (Like: if you don't try things to improve this interaction, it might well not improve.)

I have taken your advice and try to reply to make sure the other person understands how their opinions and knowledge have helped me tremendously. I know it is a forum and not a fellowship but why can't it be both? I don't think it is necessary to draw a line to separate both.

This is where a bit of history might be helpful. There are tons of online Pagan spaces out there where if what you want is emotional support and pretty images and memes and vague comments (and some useful ones, too, but they tend to get overwhelmed by the other things), you can find them.

Many of those places explicitly have rules that discourage people posting things that disagree or challenge how someone is going about something. Some of them have had rules about not allowing links to outside sites (so no being able to cite where you got information from if it came from a reputable online source).

Others have a strong social pressure to focus on things like "Here is a picture of my Seasonal Altar" that ignores the fact that only some Pagan religious celebrate that holiday. Or that "This fantasy view of this deity is more important than this body of historical information we have". Or who call out people who post important safety information because it's getting in the way of inspiration.

Some of them also have what other places on the internet refer to as a Cult of Nice, where there's a lot of overt social interaction, but it has to happen in specific ways, or people get excluded and left out (or in many cases, just banned without it being obvious why. There are multiple good reasons we do moderation in public.)

And a long long time ago - before I showed up, sometime in 2000 - Randall and Elspeth and the other founding members of the forum decided they were having none of that. So this has always been a space where it's expected that bad information will get challenged (even if it's a thing you care about a lot), and that was going to give preference to discussion, learning, and debate, over people feeling good.

It's not that we don't have social threads - you can see them for yourself - but a lot of people who come here come here precisely because there isn't a lot of pressure to be extrovertedly social with people. Strong friendships and relationships do develop (Randall met LyricFox, his wife, on here, so it'd be silly to say otherwise, never mind anyone else). But they tend to be a secondary aspect, and for a lot of people, they take a lot of time to develop.

I think it's also true that many of the more active posters are people who don't have a lot of time to spare for a particular kind of performative emotion - the "Oh, I remembered your birthday with a pretty meme" [1] or remembering personal details. Some people, that's because of neurodiversity. Some people that's because of chronic health. Some people it's because they've got demanding jobs, or they've got young kids who occupy their brains. Sometimes it's just 'not that kind of person'.

But that also makes a space that is much more about shared information, shared discussion, shared learning, a lot more comfortable for some people. And turning it into a different kind of place would both change the reason a lot of people are here rather than other places (including a bunch of staff, I suspect from past conversations), and it'd take away a kind of space that is much less common online. And I think that'd be a shame.

[1] I mean, Jack did make an awesome meme for my birthday one year, but we'd known each other for a decade or so at that point.

[Jack]

[1] I mean, Jack did make an awesome meme for my birthday one year, but we'd known each other for a decade or so at that point.

Oh my god, I'd completely forgot that.

Anyway, OP, it might be helpful to think about what you've been getting our of the relationship and what you want to get out of it. There are powers that I consider constants in my life, but are sometimes closer and sometimes further away. Sometimes Mara or Mom sends me off to someone else with a note because I need something different. ("Please look after this monster.")

Is it possible what you need is something you should look elsewhere for? Is there anything you've been drawn to but put off lately?

But by all means, keep doing your regular thing. Keep your streak up. XD I find value and strength in routine even when it's not doing much else for me.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk

[Morbid]

It's not that we don't have social threads - you can see them for yourself - but a lot of people who come here come here precisely because there isn't a lot of pressure to be extrovertedly social with people. Strong friendships and relationships do develop (Randall met LyricFox, his wife, on here, so it'd be silly to say otherwise, never mind anyone else). But they tend to be a secondary aspect, and for a lot of people, they take a lot of time to develop.

I think it's also true that many of the more active posters are people who don't have a lot of time to spare for a particular kind of performative emotion - the "Oh, I remembered your birthday with a pretty meme" [1] or remembering personal details. Some people, that's because of neurodiversity. Some people that's because of chronic health. Some people it's because they've got demanding jobs, or they've got young kids who occupy their brains. Sometimes it's just 'not that kind of person'.

But that also makes a space that is much more about shared information, shared discussion, shared learning, a lot more comfortable for some people. And turning it into a different kind of place would both change the reason a lot of people are here rather than other places (including a bunch of staff, I suspect from past conversations), and it'd take away a kind of space that is much less common online. And I think that'd be a shame.

This part is so incredibly important for people to remember.  Very eloquently put, Jenett.  In a lot of ways, this place is like a library.  It has a mountain of resources available to all of who seek knowledge, and generally the information that is put forth is pretty spot on.  Do people come here for social reasons and does TC support that?  Of course they do.  That's one of the reasons I love the discord channel (thank you Randel and the rest of the staff for making that a possibility!).  It's specifically designed as a social area, as a commons area so to speak. 

But here in the main part of the forum, it's more of the library feel.  It's important to note here that if you seek answers, they can be found.  But it takes time for people to 1) see the thread, 2) consider their thoughts on the subject, and 3) compose a reply to that thread.  It's not even to say that we aren't beginner friendly.  We have areas specifically designed for that.  Jenett and the rest of the staff do a top notch job of providing answers to questions that have been asked.  And yes, I realize your complaint is that it's always the same people.  Well the answer to that is pretty simple.  Most of us don't have time to dedicate to being extremely active on the forums all the time.  Or we don't have something constructive to offer to the subject.  I know others do this but me personally I read pretty much all of the threads.  But I don't respond to everything because I may not have something to offer.

And the other thing is and I hope you can take this for what it is: my own observations and constructive criticism - but you tend to jump to conclusions.  For instance when we first met in the discord channel, you had apparently asked a question which I did not see and I made a completely unrelated statement something along the lines that I always get the dumb ones.  It wasn't talking about you, it was actually talking about the plumber at work that was charging me by the hour for his insanity.  But you refused to accept this explanation, and "marched" off (as if such a thing were possible on a chat room).  So in the future I would try to understand the circumstances behind a statement or action before replying.  Always remember that every story has two sides. 

[Morbid]

I should add here that this was directed at OP not Jenett.

[Melissa]

And the other thing is and I hope you can take this for what it is: my own observations and constructive criticism - but you tend to jump to conclusions.  For instance when we first met in the discord channel, you had apparently asked a question which I did not see and I made a completely unrelated statement something along the lines that I always get the dumb ones.  It wasn't talking about you, it was actually talking about the plumber at work that was charging me by the hour for his insanity.  But you refused to accept this explanation, and "marched" off (as if such a thing were possible on a chat room).  So in the future I would try to understand the circumstances behind a statement or action before replying.  Always remember that every story has two sides.

There we go again, what I have previously mentioned. (I have an obvious example.)  Older members ganging up to go against a newbie. What's new on cauldron? We only belong to beginner's thread to feel accepted... I want to put everything behind and start being nice to people but you have to open this up and attack me personally. Of course the moderators on this site will come to the rescue because you are a more senior member. As a somewhat new member here, I don't feel welcomed here compared to any other sites, just have to put it out there. If this is supposed be a library format, why try to bring up personal matters. Since that incident, where I was reprimanded by a moderator for misunderstanding something that could very well be misunderstood, I was put in the wrong while your mistake was brushed off and cushioned by a fellow moderator on cauldron, who should be taking his/her job with less favouritism. I wasn't happy with that of course because in my opinion, I ought to be pissed, I ought to be angry by the reply that I actually got because it was rude. (I have actually put this all behind and accepted your explaination but you want to bring it up, somehow.) I was reprimanded for being angry towards someone who was rude to me at the first place. I expect senior members to be fair and to be wiser given their age, but it is not true all the time.

Try that in a public chatroom elsewhere and anyone will have the same reaction as me, especially when I asked, "What do you mean?" and there wasn't a reply. I accept it now that it is a misunderstanding but no one can tell me that I shouldn't be angry at the point because the reply was really rude, I have to say. After that, I have since avoid using Discord. Please don't use past mistakes to attack me over an unrelated matter.

I didn't jump to any hard and fast conclusions. I have been here for sometime. I am allowed to have my own views and opinions and I am allowed to have my take on the ecauldron community "oops" library. I don't know why it's so hard to try to be nice to everyone on a pagan site where everything we truly believe in as individuals lie under the same umbrella? Why try to bring out past issues to attack someone when obviously I haven't done anything to try to get back at you? Help me understand your part of this issue. (I am taking your advice here).

How long have you observed me? How much you know about me as a person? You did something that clearly made someone misunderstood yet point fingers at the victim. I didn't form any opinion about you at all till now. You should eat your own advice because it seemed you are the one who formed a conclusion about me after ONE SINGLE meeting on Discord. Talk about that.

(Edit note: fixed quote code)

[Melissa]

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