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Author Topic: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone  (Read 3859 times)

NightQueen

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I'm having a bit of problem with a co-worker.  I find her personality to be, to put it mildly, really annoying.  She's hyper, overly emotional, she freaks out about the smallest problems (we work in a hospital-staying calm in emergencies is crucial), she's a know-it-all that's doesn't actually know much and when is told she is wrong she often goes into long weird explanations about why she thought what she thought.  She also seems really attracted to me (I don't mean sexually or romantically, I just don't know what else to call it).  She follows me around, tells me things about her life I really don't care to know, and basically tells me how wonderful I am.  This woman is significantly older than I am, which makes this situation feel more odd for me.  In fact, she has a daughter only a couple years younger than myself, to whom she often compares me.  She'll say things like, "I bet when you were that age you didn't lay around the house all the time."

I really don't think that I'm doing anything to encourage this behavior.  I'm pleasant to her, we are co-workers after all, but I'm not overly friendly.  I really don't share anything personal with her.  I stopped after (what I saw as) a funny story I told was analyzed and declared to be the reason I was such "a strong person."  I do call her out on her BS sometimes, basically telling her she really needs to calm down.  That seems to make her follow me around more.

Now the real problem is we are both also nursing students.  It's one thing to deal with her at work.  We actually work different shifts and we only overlap for a relatively short time.  If that was the only time we interacted I think I could deal with her, but school is starting in a week and I found out that she's in all of my classes.  Now the nursing program I am in is hard and intensive.  Classes are generally all day.  That means we are going to be stuck in class together for upwards of eight hours a day.  Beyond simply not wanting to spend that much time with her, I also don't want the instructors to paint me with the same brush as they do her if they assume we are friends (like I said she likes to play at being a know it all).

Sorry that was all a bit long winded.  What I'm looking for is spell or any other idea you have to get her to just leave me alone, especially in class.  I don't want anything bad to happen to her.  I wish her well, I just wish her father away from me. Maybe a spell or charm to cut her fixation on me.  All I really want is for her not to sit right next to me and talk constantly.  Changing classes is not a option, otherwise I would seriously consider doing that.  I'm really open to any suggestions either magical or mundane to help the situation.

Thanks.

carillion

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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2014, 07:25:44 pm »
Quote from: NightQueen;156134

Sorry that was all a bit long winded.  What I'm looking for is spell or any other idea you have to get her to just leave me alone, especially in class.  I don't want anything bad to happen to her.  I wish her well, I just wish her father away from me. Maybe a spell or charm to cut her fixation on me.  All I really want is for her not to sit right next to me and talk constantly.  Changing classes is not a option, otherwise I would seriously consider doing that.  I'm really open to any suggestions either magical or mundane to help the situation.

Thanks.



Oh no! A cling-on! This person is probably a neurotic which frequently manifests as neediness to an annoying degree. I don't think a spell ( maybe full black mass done in front of her:D: ) will help much.

Learn the many ways to say " Whoops, gotta go...and...smile!". Being a student means you always have an excuse - crack open a text and start reading when she hoves to. When you enter a class room, let her choose her seat first than sit the furthest away. Remember , just because someone launches into a huge story doesn't mean you have to stay to listen, i.e. " Sounds fascinating but if I don't get this work finished I'm toast. Maybe you can tell me later" ( and try to make sure 'later' doesn't happen anytime soon).

I will say be prepared for a rejection reaction. Almost always happens when she finally gets the hint and don't let yourself be hurt by it or sucked into whatever school yard weirdness she tries to start up.

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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2014, 09:47:21 pm »
Quote from: NightQueen;156134
Sorry that was all a bit long winded.  What I'm looking for is spell or any other idea you have to get her to just leave me alone, especially in class.  I don't want anything bad to happen to her.  I wish her well, I just wish her father away from me. Maybe a spell or charm to cut her fixation on me.  All I really want is for her not to sit right next to me and talk constantly.  Changing classes is not a option, otherwise I would seriously consider doing that.  I'm really open to any suggestions either magical or mundane to help the situation.

Thanks.

 
Ugh, that sounds like a really frustrating situation. I've been in that spot before; I tend to attract clingy folks if I'm not careful by putting up boundaries and guarding them with my life.

The first idea that popped into my mind was a glamour - except instead of making you more attractive or alluring or whatever, it sends off "go away and don't mess with me" vibes. The problem of course is making sure it targets this one specific colleague of yours and doesn't affect anyone else. Alternatively instead of "go away" vibes you could make yourself "invisible" and unnoticeable, or perhaps even boring.

My second thought is that there must be a disenchantment type spell for people who are smitten with you (romantically or otherwise). Perhaps a nudge to have her see you for who you really are, or encouragement for her unwanted focus on you to dissipate. I'm a fan of sympathetic magic, so what I would do is create an image or find an object to represent you, another for your colleague, and finally some way to represent your colleague's unwanted attentions.

In the past to completely sever relationships with someone I made a paper cutting of two people holding hands, carefully labeled either person, then ritually severed the connections at our hands and feed before burning the other person's image. All of this was to indicate that under no circumstances did I want her in my life anymore and that any past connection between us would be null and void. Obviously you may not want to go quite that far, but I imagine that basic spell could be modified to suit your situation.

I'm also caught on the idea of ritually hiding or destroying eyes to keep her from 'seeing' you, but I'm unsure of how to do that without also symbolically asking for her eyesight to be gone. I'll think on this a little.
Maker, though the darkness comes upon me,
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Jenett

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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2014, 10:28:36 pm »
Quote from: Sage;156156

The first idea that popped into my mind was a glamour - except instead of making you more attractive or alluring or whatever, it sends off "go away and don't mess with me" vibes. The problem of course is making sure it targets this one specific colleague of yours and doesn't affect anyone else. Alternatively instead of "go away" vibes you could make yourself "invisible" and unnoticeable, or perhaps even boring.


This was the first thing that crossed my mind, too, though in a slightly different format. It's something where my own instinct would go to variants on shielding (or rather filtering). One method of doing this is creating the sphere for personal shielding (or whatever shape you do, whether that's skin tight, or an egg-oval or whatever) and then filling it with whatever your intention is.

In this case, a "I'm here to focus on learning" would do fine, and not interfere with your other goals.

Also, given that you do overlap with her at work, if there's difficulty, I think you might well have an easy way to say to your professors "Hey, X always wants to sit next to me, but we also work at the same place, and I'd really love the chance to interact and collaborate with people I don't know yet. Do you think we could mix up the classroom seating every so often?" It'll also alert your instructors that yes, you know each other, but you don't want to be joined at the hip.

It's a totally reasonable request for more networking chances (these people will be your future colleagues, after all.)  

And you can say the same thing to her, when it comes to choosing partners for paired or group work, the "Well, gee, I already know you, I really want to get to know other people in the class too!" in the right cheerful voice is really hard to take offense at.

I'd also suggest, as a kindness to her, that you also spell it out for her once at the beginning of classes. a "It's really great you want to chat, but when I'm at school, I want to focus on what I'm learning. For me that means I want to talk to lots of people in the class, because they'll have different background and experience, and who knows what'll be useful when we're nurses, right? And during breaks, I'm probably going to want to clear my head and not chat about personal things." (Or whatever your thing is.)

It's not your job to do that, exactly, but it can help (if as your post suggests, she's mostly well-meaning, only just way too much?) and it's also a serious kindness with other people she might work with or share classes with in the future.

Do your classes include discussions about this stuff as part of conversations about professionalism? Some of my library grad school class work did, because it's such a big part of managing being in a helping profession.
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NightQueen

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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2014, 08:29:42 pm »
Quote from: Jenett;156162
This was the first thing that crossed my mind, too, though in a slightly different format. It's something where my own instinct would go to variants on shielding (or rather filtering). One method of doing this is creating the sphere for personal shielding (or whatever shape you do, whether that's skin tight, or an egg-oval or whatever) and then filling it with whatever your intention is.

In this case, a "I'm here to focus on learning" would do fine, and not interfere with your other goals.

That sounds like something that might work.  I also might try make myself "invisible" to her also.  Perhaps they would well in conjunction.  I hesitate to try any more extreme spells to remove her from my life because I fear it might somehow lead to her leaving work and/or school (this is sort of her last chance in school) and like I said I really don't anything bad to happen to her.

Quote from:
Also, given that you do overlap with her at work, if there's difficulty, I think you might well have an easy way to say to your professors "Hey, X always wants to sit next to me, but we also work at the same place, and I'd really love the chance to interact and collaborate with people I don't know yet. Do you think we could mix up the classroom seating every so often?" It'll also alert your instructors that yes, you know each other, but you don't want to be joined at the hip.

It's not your job to do that, exactly, but it can help (if as your post suggests, she's mostly well-meaning, only just way too much?) and it's also a serious kindness with other people she might work with or share classes with in the future.

Do your classes include discussions about this stuff as part of conversations about professionalism? Some of my library grad school class work did, because it's such a big part of managing being in a helping profession.

She is well meaning, but much too much. She also seems a bit thinned skinned and I know other people we work with have told her that her behavior is sometimes obnoxious (I don't know how bluntly they put it) and she was very upset and chalked it up to their personal issues.  I would like to avoid making her upset so, I want to tread really lightly if I going to tell her I don't want her around (I'd be less blunt than that).  That's why I was kind of hoping that I could use something that would make her simply less attracted to me.

There's really a particular culture that goes along with being a nursing student (at least at my school).  Not helping a fellow student that is having issues with the material, is considered really bad form.  And bringing a Professor into a personal conflict with another student is unheard of and would reflect really poorly on me and my ability to work with others.  I am a better student than her, so I fear that even if I can avoid talking to her about personal stuff she will still come to me for help with school and I'll been seen as a heel if I don't help her.

I will try to simply avoid her as much as possible and try to use some of everyone's ideas to get her ignore me.  Hopefully that will do the trick.  In any case I really appreciate everyone's responses and suggestions.
« Last Edit: August 18, 2014, 08:34:29 pm by NightQueen »

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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2014, 09:54:19 pm »
Quote from: Jenett;156162
This was the first thing that crossed my mind, too, though in a slightly different format. It's something where my own instinct would go to variants on shielding (or rather filtering). One method of doing this is creating the sphere for personal shielding (or whatever shape you do, whether that's skin tight, or an egg-oval or whatever) and then filling it with whatever your intention is.

 
I was thinking something along these lines. I've been really really good at the "invisible" glamour, I can quite easily walk into a room and not be noticed at all.

Do try the "focused learning" as that would probably reflect more positively than what I do. I pull my surroundings around me to blend in. I then wrap my energy as close to me as possible. By doing both, I'm basically avoiding notice, nobody "feels" like I'm there. As said, I've been doing this for so long it takes more effort for me to not hide than it does to be invisible.

Usually if you give off a "leave me alone" vibe, most normal people will avoid you.
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Jenett

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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2014, 01:51:39 pm »
Quote from: NightQueen;156356
That sounds like something that might work.  I also might try make myself "invisible" to her also.  Perhaps they would well in conjunction.


The problem with 'invisible' is that it's hard to target - you don't want to make yourself less visible to your teachers or your other classmates.

(Also, I'd note: you are not responsible for your fellow student. No, you shouldn't make things harder for her, but if she'd truly be happier and better off in another field, it's a favour to everyone, including her, to figure that out sooner than later.)

Quote

And bringing a Professor into a personal conflict with another student is unheard of and would reflect really poorly on me and my ability to work with others.


That's why I suggested the wording I did. You don't need to refuse to help her all the time, but "I'd really like to get to know everyone in the class and learn to work with lots of different people, so can we switch up groups/seating sometimes?" is a totally reasonable and educationally appropriate goal. (Especially if you're also visibly helpful to this woman at other times.)

Frankly, having been in similar circumstances in my own grad program, 'avoiding' is likely to be a lot more noticeable and harder for them to read well.

Your instructors have almost certainly seen a lot of students - and personalities - come and go. It's very likely they'll recognise this classmate is difficult, but if you handle it gracefully, they should also give you chances to work with people you can learn from, not just someone you're always helping.

(Plus, it's *your* education. There's a difference between being helpful - certainly a reasonable thing in your field - and limiting yourself to helping one person and not being able to work with people who might challenge you to learn new things or learn to explain things other ways because you're helping someone *else*.)
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NightQueen

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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2014, 03:54:28 pm »
Quote from: Jenett;156441
The problem with 'invisible' is that it's hard to target - you don't want to make yourself less visible to your teachers or your other classmates.


I'll keep that in mind.  Although to be perfectly honest sometimes I wouldn't mind being invisible to everyone including the Professor.


Quote from:
That's why I suggested the wording I did. You don't need to refuse to help her all the time, but "I'd really like to get to know everyone in the class and learn to work with lots of different people, so can we switch up groups/seating sometimes?" is a totally reasonable and educationally appropriate goal. (Especially if you're also visibly helpful to this woman at other times.)


Seating is not assigned by the professor.  There is nothing keeping her from getting up and sitting next to me.  If we are paired up specifically then it is generally best to say, "Yes, ma'am," to the professor and do what you are told.  

At the risk of sounding melodramatic (and going slightly off topic), nursing professors do not care if you know someone or don't know them.  They don't care why you do or do not want to work with someone.  They do not care about your feelings, period, on any subject.  They are not there to hold your hand and make you feel good about what you are doing.  They are to teach you and as an added bonus make your life a living hell.

The only thing I can think to compare nursing school to is the military.  While we are not being shot at (though I have been hit by a patient) there are similarities.  We wear a uniform and the requirement for how we have to wear our hair, nails, and how much makeup we can wear are not dissimilar from the military.  Nursing professors are our drill instructors.  They break you down until you either drop out or pass just to spite them.  I think it breeds the same sense of brotherhood or in this case sisterhood that is found in the armed forces. I          think that's what fosters the sort of "no student left behind" feeling.  You don't let another student flounder if you can help them.


Quote from:
Frankly, having been in similar circumstances in my own grad program, 'avoiding' is likely to be a lot more noticeable and harder for them to read well.

Your instructors have almost certainly seen a lot of students - and personalities - come and go. It's very likely they'll recognise this classmate is difficult, but if you handle it gracefully, they should also give you chances to work with people you can learn from, not just someone you're always helping.

(Plus, it's *your* education. There's a difference between being helpful - certainly a reasonable thing in your field - and limiting yourself to helping one person and not being able to work with people who might challenge you to learn new things or learn to explain things other ways because you're helping someone *else*.)

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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2014, 04:26:23 pm »
Quote from: Jenett;156441
The problem with 'invisible' is that it's hard to target - you don't want to make yourself less visible to your teachers or your other classmates.

I'll keep that in mind.  Although to be perfectly honest sometimes I wouldn't mind being invisible to everyone including the professor.  Might keep me from being assigned the really unpleasant patients as an added bonus. ;)


Quote from:
That's why I suggested the wording I did. You don't need to refuse to help her all the time, but "I'd really like to get to know everyone in the class and learn to work with lots of different people, so can we switch up groups/seating sometimes?" is a totally reasonable and educationally appropriate goal. (Especially if you're also visibly helpful to this woman at other times.)

Seating is not assigned by the professor.  There is nothing keeping her from getting up and sitting next to me.  If we are paired up specifically then it is generally best to say, "Yes, ma'am," to the professor and do what you are told.  

At the risk of sounding melodramatic (and going slightly off topic), nursing professors do not care if you know someone or don't know them.  They don't care why you do or do not want to work with someone.  They do not care about your feelings, period, on any subject.  They are not there to hold your hand and make you feel good about what you are doing.  They are to teach you and as an added bonus make your life a living hell.

The only thing I can think to compare nursing school to is the military.  While we are not being shot at (though I have been hit by a patient) there are similarities.  We wear a uniform and the requirement for how we have to wear our hair, nails, and how much makeup we can wear (or not wear) are not dissimilar from the military.  Nursing professors are our drill instructors.  They break you down until you either drop out or pass just to spite them.  I'm not exaggerating that.  This is my second year, we have half the number of students we started with and more will drop this semester.  The classes are designed to make you want to quit.  I think it breeds the same sense of brotherhood, or in this case sisterhood, that is found in the armed forces. I think that's what fosters the sort of "no student left behind" feeling.  You don't let another student flounder if you can help them.

I should added this is how my nursing program is, other programs are different.  In case I just scared someone away from going into nursing.

Quote from:
Frankly, having been in similar circumstances in my own grad program, 'avoiding' is likely to be a lot more noticeable and harder for them to read well.

Your instructors have almost certainly seen a lot of students - and personalities - come and go. It's very likely they'll recognise this classmate is difficult, but if you handle it gracefully, they should also give you chances to work with people you can learn from, not just someone you're always helping.

(Plus, it's *your* education. There's a difference between being helpful - certainly a reasonable thing in your field - and limiting yourself to helping one person and not being able to work with people who might challenge you to learn new things or learn to explain things other ways because you're helping someone *else*.)

I keep all that in mind.  Though to be perfectly frank if my instructors pick on the fact I don't like this particular person they'll pair us repeatedly just to see how I'll deal with it.  Like I said, they live to makes our lives hell.  Thank you for the advice though.

*Sorry about the double post, I don't know how that happened. Any clue on how to delete the earlier post?*
« Last Edit: August 19, 2014, 04:28:45 pm by NightQueen »

Jenett

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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2014, 05:57:36 pm »
Quote from: NightQueen;156466

I keep all that in mind.  Though to be perfectly frank if my instructors pick on the fact I don't like this particular person they'll pair us repeatedly just to see how I'll deal with it.  Like I said, they live to makes our lives hell.  Thank you for the advice though.


Definitely one of those situations where more context can change the answer.

Do you know the trick about arranging to meet with a student you'd like to get to know better just before class, so that you naturally walk in and sit together? It can take a bit of arranging, but I did it in grad school myself.

Or if there's a break for lunch, saying "Hey, I'd like to get to know other people in the class, can I eat with you?" to some likely prospect. You may get the other woman trying to tag along, but sometimes three people can make it easier.

The other one that can work is figuring out how to get to your class at a time when you're on time, but can either slip into an empty seat (with no space next to you) or so that the person you don't want to be next to is already there. (in which case, the "I'd like to get to know other people too" comment is a thing you say generally to the room, in explanation. Obviously you need to observe the way people come and go for a bit to make this work, and sometimes that's too much effort to be worth it.
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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2014, 06:33:52 pm »
Quote from: Jenett;156486
Definitely one of those situations where more context can change the answer.


My apologies for not giving enough information initially.  To be fair, not all the instructors are that calculated, most of them just don't care whether you work well with your partner or not.

Quote from:
Do you know the trick about arranging to meet with a student you'd like to get to know better just before class, so that you naturally walk in and sit together? It can take a bit of arranging, but I did it in grad school myself.

Or if there's a break for lunch, saying "Hey, I'd like to get to know other people in the class, can I eat with you?" to some likely prospect. You may get the other woman trying to tag along, but sometimes three people can make it easier.

The other one that can work is figuring out how to get to your class at a time when you're on time, but can either slip into an empty seat (with no space next to you) or so that the person you don't want to be next to is already there. (in which case, the "I'd like to get to know other people too" comment is a thing you say generally to the room, in explanation. Obviously you need to observe the way people come and go for a bit to make this work, and sometimes that's too much effort to be worth it.


I do have other friends (or at least acquaintances) in the classes that I can probably sit and eat with, but I do suspect that she will try to tag along no matter what I do.  I've also thought about getting to class later than I usually do so she'll already be seated, but I like to be early and I don't feel like I should have to change my routine for this one person.  But I suppose its either that or accept that she'll sit by me.  I guess I'll have to decide which is the lesser of two evils.   Hopefully I can send out enough "please leave me alone," vibes to get her to heed them.

In an odd way I would rather her be nasty.  I think I'm pretty good at handling people who are outright nasty to me.  I think I do a pretty good job at letting them know that I will not tolerate them treating me that way without stooping to their level.  It's just the people who aren't nasty but rather overbearing I sometimes have trouble with.

Thanks again for all the advice, from everyone.  I really do appreciate it.  The people I work with simply like to tease me about her for the moment without adding anything helpful.

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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #11 on: September 13, 2014, 07:31:53 pm »
Quote from: NightQueen;156134
I'm having a bit of problem with a co-worker..

.

 
Might be considered a bit of a necropost, but have you considered the transformative powers of a permanent pissy mood? Grunt, glare, snap a bit, look irritated and sound short when she talks to you.

Like a reverse glamor, but no need for magic.

Could work.
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Re: Spells/tips/tricks to get an annoying person to leave you alone
« Reply #12 on: September 14, 2014, 02:55:38 am »
Quote from: Cuthwin Crowe;158880
Might be considered a bit of a necropost, but have you considered the transformative powers of a permanent pissy mood? Grunt, glare, snap a bit, look irritated and sound short when she talks to you.

Like a reverse glamor, but no need for magic.

Could work.
I'm not particularly friendly towards her.  I just don't think she's perceptive enough to realize that I don't really like her. I have snapped at her a couple times and she usually either thinks I'm kidding with her or thanks me for  "being so direct."

Being overtly rude is not really an option at work or school, I have to be professional in both those spheres with her.

But class has started and I'm gratified to know that everyone in my class also finds her annoying.  Except for one day she insisted on eating lunch with me (oddly enough it was actually after I kind of snapped at her in front of the class), I have managed to avoid her for the most part.  She's still just generally annoying to be in class with because she interrupts lectures with inane questions and comments but at least I haven't been the focus of it.

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