Married in Spirit

[Bluerose31]

I have no desire to be married in reality because I have lived a pretty bad life. A lot of horror and trauma. I do however desire to be connected to my soulmate still. My Goddess gave me an idea to marry my soulmate in spirit. It is a type of witchcraft. I daily imagine myself married to my soulmate. I imagine he is off in the world somewhere and I am married to his energy. In my mind his name is Caleb. I believe he loves me unconditionally. I imagine him when I sleep. I imagine him when I go through my day. I feel he understands why I don't want to be married in reality and that somehow my magic will touch his spirit and help his life too. I love him very much and I know in my heart he loves me too and that we will be reunited in heaven after death.

[Emma Eldritch]

I have no desire to be married in reality because I have lived a pretty bad life. A lot of horror and trauma. I do however desire to be connected to my soulmate still. My Goddess gave me an idea to marry my soulmate in spirit. It is a type of witchcraft. I daily imagine myself married to my soulmate. I imagine he is off in the world somewhere and I am married to his energy. In my mind his name is Caleb. I believe he loves me unconditionally. I imagine him when I sleep. I imagine him when I go through my day. I feel he understands why I don't want to be married in reality and that somehow my magic will touch his spirit and help his life too. I love him very much and I know in my heart he loves me too and that we will be reunited in heaven after death.

Okay, so you want to feel connected to someone who may or may not exist but don't want all the messy, real-life bullshit that comes with being with someone physically?

Like, I'm not advocating marriage as I am staunchly against it, but what you're describing is a touch confusing to say the least.

[Castus]

I have no desire to be married in reality because I have lived a pretty bad life. A lot of horror and trauma. I do however desire to be connected to my soulmate still. My Goddess gave me an idea to marry my soulmate in spirit. It is a type of witchcraft. I daily imagine myself married to my soulmate. I imagine he is off in the world somewhere and I am married to his energy. In my mind his name is Caleb. I believe he loves me unconditionally. I imagine him when I sleep. I imagine him when I go through my day. I feel he understands why I don't want to be married in reality and that somehow my magic will touch his spirit and help his life too. I love him very much and I know in my heart he loves me too and that we will be reunited in heaven after death.

I sincerely do not understand how Caleb differs from an imaginary friend. I might also add that it isn't necessarily a bad idea to actually seek treatment for lingering trauma and the effects it might have on your capacity for interpersonal relationships...

[Bluerose31]

Okay, so you want to feel connected to someone who may or may not exist but don't want all the messy, real-life bullshit that comes with being with someone physically?

Like, I'm not advocating marriage as I am staunchly against it, but what you're describing is a touch confusing to say the least.

Yes that is what I want. To feel connected to someone who may or may not exist without all the bad stuff. I imagine it is like an imaginary friend. I know I am too old for such things but I find it comforting.

[Bluerose31]

I sincerely do not understand how Caleb differs from an imaginary friend. I might also add that it isn't necessarily a bad idea to actually seek treatment for lingering trauma and the effects it might have on your capacity for interpersonal relationships...

Thank you for this message. Yes, I have to agree Caleb is like a imaginary friend. I find him soothing. I have a counselor currently for my trauma past but I haven't yet told her about Caleb.

[MadZealot]

Yes that is what I want. To feel connected to someone who may or may not exist without all the bad stuff. I imagine it is like an imaginary friend. I know I am too old for such things but I find it comforting.

That's not a marriage, even in spirit. Hell, it's not even a friendship. It's a fantasy. How can one reunite with a fantasyperson in the afterlife?

Also~
Having been married for 20 years, I'm not exactly against marriage, but I do know it takes some real-world work, and it's more work than some are willing or able to invest. It ain't for everyone.
That said, I also know that survivors of horror and trauma can go on to have meaningful and long-lasting relationships, whether they get married or not. But, honestly, I can't see anything meaningful or long-lasting with someone who really isn't there. Nor can I see how it helps one move past past traumas; although, perhaps, it might be helpful in a talking-to-a-therapist sort of way, but unless you're a therapist by trade, the fantasyperson just won't have the tools to help you heal.

[Bluerose31]

That's not a marriage, even in spirit. Hell, it's not even a friendship. It's a fantasy. How can one reunite with a fantasyperson in the afterlife?

Also~
Having been married for 20 years, I'm not exactly against marriage, but I do know it takes some real-world work, and it's more work than some are willing or able to invest. It ain't for everyone.
That said, I also know that survivors of horror and trauma can go on to have meaningful and long-lasting relationships, whether they get married or not. But, honestly, I can't see anything meaningful or long-lasting with someone who really isn't there. Nor can I see how it helps one move past past traumas; although, perhaps, it might be helpful in a talking-to-a-therapist sort of way, but unless you're a therapist by trade, the fantasyperson just won't have the tools to help you heal.

You made some good points. I need to bring this up to my counselor and see what she says.

[ehbowen]

Yes that is what I want. To feel connected to someone who may or may not exist without all the bad stuff. I imagine it is like an imaginary friend. I know I am too old for such things but I find it comforting.

That's not a marriage, even in spirit. Hell, it's not even a friendship. It's a fantasy. How can one reunite with a fantasyperson in the afterlife?

I do, mostly, agree with MadZealot BUT...

Back during the 30+ years when it seemed as if God was ignoring me, I was in the Navy and Merchant Marine for an extended time (8 years total). All-male environments long before "harassment" became an issue. The Navy wasn't so bad as most graphic stuff had to be kept in your personal lockers, but on the oil tanker the pornography was on open display. Some of the guys had their rooms literally wallpapered with it...and I had to go in there and work. It was also up in the engineering office and sometimes in the main spaces. I was trying to stay pure; I was and still am a virgin. But I have eyes...and this stuff was distracting.

The issue came to a head one day when I had to do something in the Chief's office, and his calendar was in full view. Instead of looking away, I stared right at it and—silently—prayed: "Lord, she's pretty. No, she's beautiful. If I said anything else, I'd be lying. But she doesn't belong to me, and she's never going to. But I am asking that you would find somebody like that, someone special and beautiful and maybe even a little bit magical, that I can share my life with in a way that is completely holy and above reproach." I've never had a problem with pornography since. And it was just three years later that I began to find out that my God has had someone very special in mind for me all along.

So while I don't encourage Bluerose to build a fantasy relationship with her Caleb as if he were an actual personality, if she makes her wishes the basis of an ongoing prayer request and asks for a real person who is all that she has imagined and more...I wouldn't bet against her finding him.

[Emma Eldritch]

So while I don't encourage Bluerose to build a fantasy relationship with her Caleb as if he were an actual personality, if she makes her wishes the basis of an ongoing prayer request and asks for a real person who is all that she has imagined and more...I wouldn't bet against her finding him.

There are entire chapters of spellbooks dedicated to basically this concept with a little more punch, so I can see where you're coming from with this one. Although if this 'perfect' dude ever manifests? Then Mad Zealot's advice is going to hold true - it's going to take a lot of real world work.

[Bluerose31]

I do, mostly, agree with MadZealot BUT...

Back during the 30+ years when it seemed as if God was ignoring me, I was in the Navy and Merchant Marine for an extended time (8 years total). All-male environments long before "harassment" became an issue. The Navy wasn't so bad as most graphic stuff had to be kept in your personal lockers, but on the oil tanker the pornography was on open display. Some of the guys had their rooms literally wallpapered with it...and I had to go in there and work. It was also up in the engineering office and sometimes in the main spaces. I was trying to stay pure; I was and still am a virgin. But I have eyes...and this stuff was distracting.

The issue came to a head one day when I had to do something in the Chief's office, and his calendar was in full view. Instead of looking away, I stared right at it and—silently—prayed: "Lord, she's pretty. No, she's beautiful. If I said anything else, I'd be lying. But she doesn't belong to me, and she's never going to. But I am asking that you would find somebody like that, someone special and beautiful and maybe even a little bit magical, that I can share my life with in a way that is completely holy and above reproach." I've never had a problem with pornography since. And it was just three years later that I began to find out that my God has had someone very special in mind for me all along.

So while I don't encourage Bluerose to build a fantasy relationship with her Caleb as if he were an actual personality, if she makes her wishes the basis of an ongoing prayer request and asks for a real person who is all that she has imagined and more...I wouldn't bet against her finding him.

Thank you for your words, they were insightful. I imagine many people want to find their special person someday.

[ehbowen]

There are entire chapters of spellbooks dedicated to basically this concept with a little more punch, so I can see where you're coming from with this one. Although if this 'perfect' dude ever manifests? Then Mad Zealot's advice is going to hold true - it's going to take a lot of real world work.

Oh, I agree completely. As I wrote this past New Year's Day:

It's no secret to those who have been around this board for a while that I seriously expect to be married to a literal goddess some day. But even then, I am not expecting that everything will necessarily be smooth sailing. Any time two different personalities are joined there will be rough edges that need to be filed down so that the gears mesh properly. And, even in those cases where they fit perfectly, there will still be strains and even outright attacks from outside. If damage happens, do you give up? Or do you put the pieces back together and make a fresh start?

I think that a sound, mutually fulfilling marriage is a lot like a battleship underway in Pearl Harbor...it draws a lot of Japanese torpedoes! Particularly if there is some element of the relationship which cannot be easily explained away as mere chance or fortuitous circumstances...as in what I expect for myself and what I would like to see Ms. Bluerose hope for. So you really, really need to be good at emergency maneuvering and damage control!

From one perspective, the thirty-plus years of delay in my own case looks like an enemy strategy to make me give up. On The Other Hand, though, that delay may have bought enough time for me to gain enough understanding so that, when it does finally happen, we can actually make this work.

[Bluerose31]

There are entire chapters of spellbooks dedicated to basically this concept with a little more punch, so I can see where you're coming from with this one. Although if this 'perfect' dude ever manifests? Then Mad Zealot's advice is going to hold true - it's going to take a lot of real world work.

See, I like the idea of it being like a spell. If the perfect guy manifests in reality most likely I will not recognize it because I am so timid due to my past.

[Sorcha]

I have no desire to be married in reality because I have lived a pretty bad life. A lot of horror and trauma. I do however desire to be connected to my soulmate still. My Goddess gave me an idea to marry my soulmate in spirit. It is a type of witchcraft. I daily imagine myself married to my soulmate. I imagine he is off in the world somewhere and I am married to his energy. In my mind his name is Caleb. I believe he loves me unconditionally. I imagine him when I sleep. I imagine him when I go through my day. I feel he understands why I don't want to be married in reality and that somehow my magic will touch his spirit and help his life too. I love him very much and I know in my heart he loves me too and that we will be reunited in heaven after death.

This is very much like a game I played when I was in high school and was exceptionally lonely. It felt extremely real and I loved it... but it wasn't reality. It was a coping mechanism for my loneliness. This fantasy dude was perfect, understood everything, was always there, always understood, never hurt me...

But that's not real at all. Real people aren't like that. Even really, really good ones. They hurt you (not because they're bad but because human beings have separate lives and sometimes there are misunderstandings) and just of necessity they can't always be there, nor would that be healthy. If Caleb exists, he's not the way you imagine him. He's a flawed human being with his own needs and interests and relationships and problems and distractions, and if you ever met him you'd very likely be disappointed because what you imagine isn't a whole human. It's more like a sentient golden retriever.

That being said, there are absolutely people who also don't want to be married who still appreciate meaningful relationships and experience fulfilling and close friendships or even romantic non-sexual relationships. Sometimes they even live apart but remain committed to each other.


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[Bluerose31]

This is very much like a game I played when I was in high school and was exceptionally lonely. It felt extremely real and I loved it... but it wasn't reality. It was a coping mechanism for my loneliness. This fantasy dude was perfect, understood everything, was always there, always understood, never hurt me...

But that's not real at all. Real people aren't like that. Even really, really good ones. They hurt you (not because they're bad but because human beings have separate lives and sometimes there are misunderstandings) and just of necessity they can't always be there, nor would that be healthy. If Caleb exists, he's not the way you imagine him. He's a flawed human being with his own needs and interests and relationships and problems and distractions, and if you ever met him you'd very likely be disappointed because what you imagine isn't a whole human. It's more like a sentient golden retriever.

That being said, there are absolutely people who also don't want to be married who still appreciate meaningful relationships and experience fulfilling and close friendships or even romantic non-sexual relationships. Sometimes they even live apart but remain committed to each other.


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Thank you for your words. Thank you for sharing that you also had a fantasy love before. I agree with you that if Caleb exists he is very different from how I have imagined him. Maybe one day I will meet him. Thank you for saying that there are different ways to be close to someone without getting married.

[Bluerose31]

I have no desire to be married in reality because I have lived a pretty bad life. A lot of horror and trauma. I do however desire to be connected to my soulmate still. My Goddess gave me an idea to marry my soulmate in spirit. It is a type of witchcraft. I daily imagine myself married to my soulmate. I imagine he is off in the world somewhere and I am married to his energy. In my mind his name is Caleb. I believe he loves me unconditionally. I imagine him when I sleep. I imagine him when I go through my day. I feel he understands why I don't want to be married in reality and that somehow my magic will touch his spirit and help his life too. I love him very much and I know in my heart he loves me too and that we will be reunited in heaven after death.

Something extremely magical happened for me. I had chosen the name Caleb after a close friend of mine who I was madly in love with. Over the past month we had gotten closer and on Dec. 9th of 2017 he proposed to me and I said yes. I am engaged now. To Caleb none the less. I am extremely happy and thank my Goddess. He is Christian but respects my love for my Goddess. I have considered converting to Christianity and may at some point do so to be the same religion as him.