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Author Topic: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)  (Read 980 times)

missgraceless

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DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« on: August 27, 2014, 08:19:43 am »
Um... hi, I'm Sasha. (Cue monotone AA style welcome. Finding Nemo anyone?) Sorry. I'm tired.

So I had a mental breakdown yesterday, complete with suicidal thoughts, which haven't happened in a good 5 or 6 years.

After moving into our own apartment with two of his friends, Boyfriend and I have been... happier, but not. Does that make any sense? We got out from my mother's unmedicated-bipolar, crazy-ass thumb, so we're not as stressed about that. But every day I feel like I can't do anything right and no one really wants me here (usually just in the apartment because I don't pay rent).

I'm still out of a job, and he hardly makes enough to cover rent and utilities, which is only something like $300, let alone his other bills.

He's stressed from his psychotic boss (I would be too, if I watched my son shoot himself in the head), who treats him like shit everyday. But he can't quit because he can't find another job because of the need-experience-need-a-job cycle we're both stuck in.

He comes home everyday exhausted, pissed off, only to find I haven't done all the shit that needs to be done around the house. See, I have a problem with maturity and actually listening, rather than just hearing, when someone tells me to do something. He'll tell me what needs to get done that day (dishes, pick up the empty beer cans, etc), and I'll respond okay, but the thought doesn't process, and it doesn't get done.

Yesterday he asked me to do one thing. Just one. Pick up the whiskey and coke glass in our room that he never finished and put it in the sink. Didn't get done. And with our new dog who's fiercely and annoyingly protective of me, I need to not spend so much time with him so he breaks the attachment. Instead I spent all of yesterday playing with him.

Despite my mom's insane behavior and tendency to flip over nothing, I never had any discipline growing up. She never stuck with grounding me or any type of punishment, so I got away with almost anything. And with my boyfriend, he tries to discipline me (NEVER in an abusive way), but it doesn't stick. I tell him he actually needs to be more strict, but he says I get mad at him and still don't listen.
I truly want to change for myself, not him, but I need his help. And I need that push to actually be able to change.  I'm too bullheaded for my own good, and I just don't know how to stop.

So I guess this is much of a rant/vent as a request for a general "will I ever get out of this" question. I got out of the rut I was in at my mother's house, only to slide into another one here. I know I need to grow the hell up, but I just feel so lost every day.  So how the hell do I actually change?

I don't have any particular medium of choice, as I don't really know much about divination.
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PrincessAstrid

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Re: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2014, 08:27:49 am »
Quote from: missgraceless;157219
-snip-

 
First of, I hope you feel better soon. I'm really familiar with that kind of situation (I used to be the same way), so I feel for you. It can be tough.

I could do a tarot reading if you'd like. If so, is there any particular spread you're more fond of? I have the Shadowscapes deck, if it matters at all.

missgraceless

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Re: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2014, 08:47:51 am »
Quote from: PrincessAstrid;157221
First of, I hope you feel better soon. I'm really familiar with that kind of situation (I used to be the same way), so I feel for you. It can be tough.

I could do a tarot reading if you'd like. If so, is there any particular spread you're more fond of? I have the Shadowscapes deck, if it matters at all.

Like I said, I know nothing about the divinitory arts, so whatever you feel would be best.
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PrincessAstrid

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Re: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2014, 08:55:01 am »
Quote from: missgraceless;157227
Like I said, I know nothing about the divinitory arts, so whatever you feel would be best.

 
That's fine! I'll PM you the reading as soon as I get it done. =)

Faemon

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Re: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« Reply #4 on: August 27, 2014, 09:56:20 am »
Quote from: missgraceless;157219
I truly want to change for myself, not him, but I need his help. And I need that push to actually be able to change.  I'm too bullheaded for my own good, and I just don't know how to stop.

So I guess this is much of a rant/vent as a request for a general "will I ever get out of this" question. I got out of the rut I was in at my mother's house, only to slide into another one here. I know I need to grow the hell up, but I just feel so lost every day.  So how the hell do I actually change?

[attach=CONFIG][/attach]

Deck: Kepple's Zombie
Spread: SWOT

1. 2 of Hazards (thinks seem like...)
2. 6 of Swords (but they're really like...)
3. The Chariot (strengths)
4. Page of Swords (weaknesses)
5. 6 of Hazards (opportunity)
6. Strength (threats)
7. Knight of Hazards (thing to look forward to)

Falling into yet another vicious cycle or pattern is a threat, I think, as symbolized by the Strength card, which is sustained fire--like the spherical sun, ever burning, occasionally flaring, and rising and falling with regularity from our perspective.

The 2 of Hazards, or 2 of Pentacles to revert to traditional suit-naming, represents 2 in partnership or a tenuous beginning period in a journey (after one) and the suit applies to practicalities. It's a logical card. Money is a logical worry. That your partner would be your better half and provide you with the structure to be your best self is a logical calculation. That you can just shape up and truck on is a logical decision.

But it's not a conscious one. It can be difficult when we care about the people in our lives and don't want to hurt them, we're attached to their presence/support/validation, and feel obliged to outside standards...but sometimes self-sabotage, to be contrary to all those, is the way we trick ourselves into getting what we need: doing what we want, in circumstances that we can truly thrive in. I interpret this to mean that you're continuing unhappily because this is--represented by the 6 of Swords--still a transitional period. There's still dirt to shake off your boots. This isn't a pragmatic time, but a liminal one still.

That said, The Chariot indicates to me that what you suffer now, the pressures to "shape up and truck on" are your strength. Which I don't believe, but...Something I read recently, is that if you want to do something (like put an empty glass in the sink) but do something else, then that's judged as weak-willed...but, that you're doing anything at all can show some volition (well, that's not actually something that can be judged from the outside, I think--if it feels volitional, then it is; if it feels exhaustive like you haven't got the spoons, then that's something else, and I'll believe you that it's the former) but the problem is alignment with intention.

You can identify how this lack of alignment manifests ("I don't listen, I'm not used to discipline...") but not why, and the answer why is the key to aligning it. By your own admission, you're bull-headed, you have a strong will-power...But, I think, for example...Why play with your dog? It can't just be rebellion. Maybe you have a deep-seated emotional need to play with your dog, and until that gets fulfilled, you don't have the perspective to improve because all your emotional wherewithal is naturally going to doing something that is good for your soul but bad for your logical goals. Well, unfortunately, as a spiritualist I can't advise a trickle-down approach...if you have a need, then you have a need, no matter how much thinking you do to curb it. No matter how you logically redefine a need to be "do this chore and ignore the dog", your baser nature would take over especially if it resists examination.

Logic is only a small part of the overall psyche, so the re-direction of emotional and mental wherewithal must be processed in the soul or psyche before expecting the logical "debt" of pragmatic, practical action to be fulfilled.

But that's just my opinion, and I'm not a shrink or a counselor or anything.

The 6 of Hazards, and the Court Cards (Knight and Page) indicate to me that...there is some break upcoming, but it's a favor. (I don't know how your attitude would be towards that, whenever the 6 of Pentacles comes up and I'm not on the giving end, I just feel horrible because I hate being a charity case.)

That the basis, the "bases" of the Page of Swords in "weaknesses" and Knight of Hazards in "next thing to look forward to" but positioned at the base of the spread, indicate to me that it's really a problem with people? But the "problem" of people is also...like, people are the thing. Or, a person is the thing. To break out, to initate the resolution. These aren't just thoughts, emotions, events, ideas of practicality...but this situation has to do with players, like the agency of everyone, or at least two people.

I'm sorry you're in such a schism, though. I mean, Chariot--I associate that with an astrological water sign; Strength with astrological fire sign. It's a time of oscillation. The other suits being air and earth, completely opposite elements, also add to this total clashing.

I can triangulate cards 4, 5, and 7 to signify...wow, you need a break. The cards can be interpreted that you'll get a break, of some practical sort, and that can be the opportunity to transition from the self-harming page of swords to the driven, pragmatic knight of pentacles/hazards.


Oh, wow...I hope this helps somewhat. Please do feel free to reserve your right to your own opinion, I'm on a somewhat fried brain right now too and don't know whether I'm talking from intuition or bias or wishes for you or what...and I do sincerely wish for your suffering to end so you can continue an enjoyable life as in like life-life.
« Last Edit: August 27, 2014, 09:56:58 am by Faemon »
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missgraceless

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Re: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2014, 12:01:19 pm »
Quote from: Faemon;157234
[attach=CONFIG][/attach]

Deck: Kepple's Zombie
Spread: SWOT

1. 2 of Hazards (thinks seem like...)
2. 6 of Swords (but they're really like...)
3. The Chariot (strengths)
4. Page of Swords (weaknesses)
5. 6 of Hazards (opportunity)
6. Strength (threats)
7. Knight of Hazards (thing to look forward to)

Falling into yet another vicious cycle or pattern is a threat, I think, as symbolized by the Strength card, which is sustained fire--like the spherical sun, ever burning, occasionally flaring, and rising and falling with regularity from our perspective.

The 2 of Hazards, or 2 of Pentacles to revert to traditional suit-naming, represents 2 in partnership or a tenuous beginning period in a journey (after one) and the suit applies to practicalities. It's a logical card. Money is a logical worry. That your partner would be your better half and provide you with the structure to be your best self is a logical calculation. That you can just shape up and truck on is a logical decision.

But it's not a conscious one. It can be difficult when we care about the people in our lives and don't want to hurt them, we're attached to their presence/support/validation, and feel obliged to outside standards...but sometimes self-sabotage, to be contrary to all those, is the way we trick ourselves into getting what we need: doing what we want, in circumstances that we can truly thrive in. I interpret this to mean that you're continuing unhappily because this is--represented by the 6 of Swords--still a transitional period. There's still dirt to shake off your boots. This isn't a pragmatic time, but a liminal one still.

That said, The Chariot indicates to me that what you suffer now, the pressures to "shape up and truck on" are your strength. Which I don't believe, but...Something I read recently, is that if you want to do something (like put an empty glass in the sink) but do something else, then that's judged as weak-willed...but, that you're doing anything at all can show some volition (well, that's not actually something that can be judged from the outside, I think--if it feels volitional, then it is; if it feels exhaustive like you haven't got the spoons, then that's something else, and I'll believe you that it's the former) but the problem is alignment with intention.

You can identify how this lack of alignment manifests ("I don't listen, I'm not used to discipline...") but not why, and the answer why is the key to aligning it. By your own admission, you're bull-headed, you have a strong will-power...But, I think, for example...Why play with your dog? It can't just be rebellion. Maybe you have a deep-seated emotional need to play with your dog, and until that gets fulfilled, you don't have the perspective to improve because all your emotional wherewithal is naturally going to doing something that is good for your soul but bad for your logical goals. Well, unfortunately, as a spiritualist I can't advise a trickle-down approach...if you have a need, then you have a need, no matter how much thinking you do to curb it. No matter how you logically redefine a need to be "do this chore and ignore the dog", your baser nature would take over especially if it resists examination.

Logic is only a small part of the overall psyche, so the re-direction of emotional and mental wherewithal must be processed in the soul or psyche before expecting the logical "debt" of pragmatic, practical action to be fulfilled.

But that's just my opinion, and I'm not a shrink or a counselor or anything.

The 6 of Hazards, and the Court Cards (Knight and Page) indicate to me that...there is some break upcoming, but it's a favor. (I don't know how your attitude would be towards that, whenever the 6 of Pentacles comes up and I'm not on the giving end, I just feel horrible because I hate being a charity case.)

That the basis, the "bases" of the Page of Swords in "weaknesses" and Knight of Hazards in "next thing to look forward to" but positioned at the base of the spread, indicate to me that it's really a problem with people? But the "problem" of people is also...like, people are the thing. Or, a person is the thing. To break out, to initate the resolution. These aren't just thoughts, emotions, events, ideas of practicality...but this situation has to do with players, like the agency of everyone, or at least two people.

I'm sorry you're in such a schism, though. I mean, Chariot--I associate that with an astrological water sign; Strength with astrological fire sign. It's a time of oscillation. The other suits being air and earth, completely opposite elements, also add to this total clashing.

I can triangulate cards 4, 5, and 7 to signify...wow, you need a break. The cards can be interpreted that you'll get a break, of some practical sort, and that can be the opportunity to transition from the self-harming page of swords to the driven, pragmatic knight of pentacles/hazards.


Oh, wow...I hope this helps somewhat. Please do feel free to reserve your right to your own opinion, I'm on a somewhat fried brain right now too and don't know whether I'm talking from intuition or bias or wishes for you or what...and I do sincerely wish for your suffering to end so you can continue an enjoyable life as in like life-life.

Thank you! I think a lot of what I needed was an outside perspective of someone saying "you will in fact get through this."

Side note: I'm not sure if it's Tapatalk/my phone, but the image you posted isn't showing up. It could be a bad link or it could be my phone.
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missgraceless

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Re: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« Reply #6 on: August 27, 2014, 01:21:05 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;157245
Thank you! I think a lot of what I needed was an outside perspective of someone saying "you will in fact get through this."

Side note: I'm not sure if it's Tapatalk/my phone, but the image you posted isn't showing up. It could be a bad link or it could be my phone.

 
If I do a spread with my tarot deck, would you guys interpret it? I also have no idea what spread to do, so... yeah. I like to have my own input/analysis as well as others'.

I have the Mystical Faerie deck from Barbara Moore. It's my first and only deck, and I've maybe done a dozen readings in the 6 years I've had it. And I'm so awful at interpretations that I could use your help as well.

So who's up for helping the newbie?
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Faemon

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Re: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« Reply #7 on: August 27, 2014, 01:26:37 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;157245
I'm not sure if it's Tapatalk/my phone, but the image you posted isn't showing up. It could be a bad link or it could be my phone.


I'm glad it helped! I don't know why my attachment is a link now though instead of an image at the bottom that can be clicked to enlarge like it usually is...

Quote from: missgraceless;157259
If I do a spread with my tarot deck, would you guys interpret it? I also have no idea what spread to do, so... yeah. I like to have my own input/analysis as well as others'.

I have the Mystical Faerie deck from Barbara Moore. It's my first and only deck, and I've maybe done a dozen readings in the 6 years I've had it. And I'm so awful at interpretations that I could use your help as well.

So who's up for helping the newbie?

 
I'm up! :) I love fairy decks. I actually have the Shadowscapes, too, but the Zombie Deck seemed to be the best for Shite Hit The Fan situations.
The Codex of Poesy: wishcraft, faelatry, alchemy, and other slight misspellings.
the Otherfaith: Chromatic Genderbending Faery Monarchs of Technology. DeviantArt

Faemon

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Re: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« Reply #8 on: August 27, 2014, 01:30:22 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;157259
So who's up for helping the newbie?


Oh, sometimes if you sort of meditate to ask the deck what spreads should be dealt...It answers. Or maybe that's just me. Well, I learned it from this here blogger, so it isn't just me, but...

How do you pick the cards? Is it just shuffle and pull from the back? Because I'm just personally a big fan of picking from a fan.
The Codex of Poesy: wishcraft, faelatry, alchemy, and other slight misspellings.
the Otherfaith: Chromatic Genderbending Faery Monarchs of Technology. DeviantArt

missgraceless

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Re: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« Reply #9 on: August 27, 2014, 01:46:43 pm »
Quote from: Faemon;157260
I'm glad it helped! I don't know why my attachment is a link now though instead of an image at the bottom that can be clicked to enlarge like it usually is...


 
I'm up! :) I love fairy decks. I actually have the Shadowscapes, too, but the Zombie Deck seemed to be the best for Shite Hit The Fan situations.

 
I've never seen the Shadowscapes deck before. It's so pretty! I found the one I have at Borders, back when it still existed, and when I was first starting out as a (unfortunately SRW-esque) Wiccish-flavored pagan. But I never really got into it because I was crap at interpreting.

Quote from: Faemon;157261
Oh, sometimes if you sort of meditate to ask the deck what spreads should be dealt...It answers. Or maybe that's just me. Well, I learned it from this here blogger, so it isn't just me, but...

How do you pick the cards? Is it just shuffle and pull from the back? Because I'm just personally a big fan of picking from a fan.

 
That link is immensely helpful and informative. Yeah, I shuffle and pull from the back. You're a fan of using a fan? :p Wordplay!

So I think I'm gonna follow the blogger's tips and start working with my deck again. And if after a little while it still doesn't "jive" with me (fun words!), I'll pass it on (maybe to someone on here if they're interested), and find a new deck. Assuming I have enough money.

So what spreads would you guys recommend as some practice stuff, but still relevant to my current shit?
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Faemon

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Re: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« Reply #10 on: August 27, 2014, 01:59:31 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;157263
So what spreads would you guys recommend as some practice stuff, but still relevant to my current shit?

I hope this image works for you...

Okay, for this spread, the exact same positions of the cards can change while still keeping the spread's shape.

The first variation is a relationship reading:

1. Person A’s past, emotional baggage
2. Person A’s present desires
3. Person A’s expectations
4. Person B’s past, emotional baggage
5. Person B’s past, present desires
6. Person B’s expectations
7. Emotional baggage dynamic
8. Desires and present emotions dynamic
9. Shared expectations dynamic
10. Final result

The second variation is made for mentally unstable tarot readers, by a mentally unstable tarot reader. Specifically for manic depressives, but I get just...depressive, sometimes, and it works just fine for me.

1. Present state of mind
2. State of mind aspired to
3. The obstacle: Expression
4. Present emotional state
5. Emotional state aspired to
6. The obstacle: Internalization
7. Present behavioral state
8. Behavior aspired to
9. The obstacle: Circumstances / Environment
10. Final result/advice
« Last Edit: August 27, 2014, 02:01:13 pm by Faemon »
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Faemon

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Re: DivEx - missgraceless (slight trigger warnings)
« Reply #11 on: August 27, 2014, 02:07:51 pm »
Quote from: Faemon;157264
Okay, for this spread, the exact same positions of the cards can change while still keeping the spread's shape.

 
I mean, you can choose one or the other, not that the exact same cards can mean both (although that would be uncanny.)

The real fun part is that these spreads allow you to step back and if you can "blur" your view of the colors, then try to attribute movement or stuckness to it...like, look at the whole square as if it's a portrait. That's why all those 9 cards are together.

That isn't a common tarot thing, but I think it's fun!
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