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Author Topic: So it turns out I've used the Imbas Forosnai ritual without even knowing it.  (Read 2148 times)

Sharysa

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Or a toned-down version of it.

You know how I've been going on and on about Spring Awakening and how I know, despite all logic, that the director's fucked up the casting and he'll end up having another round of auditions, thus casting me despite my failure of an audition?

Well, lately my Tarot readings with my Arthurian deck have had the Cauldron/Temperance popping up everywhere, so I started spending time on Irish Recon sites looking for things connected to cauldrons.

On Imbas.Org, I saw an article called The Cauldron of Poesy and I went, "Ooh, neat--something about bards!"

There's this part in the article where it actually describes the Imbas Forosnai ritual--the bard shuts themselves in a dark place, lies down, focuses on their breathing, and then starts talking. Obviously I couldn't stay in my room for three to nine days, but I did lock myself in my room for an hour every night to "talk everything out."

[...][T]he Cauldron of Motion must be turned by sorrow or joy.

Sorrow at not getting my dream role? Check.

How many divisions of sorrow that turn the cauldrons of sages? Not hard; four. Longing, grief, the sorrows of jealousy and the discipline of pilgrimage to holy places. It is internally that these are borne although the cause is from outside.

Longing and grief from dealing with abuse, smothering, and lack of acceptance? Check.

A fitting decision that ennobles one from one's center
that pours forth a terrifying stream of speech from the mouth.


"A fitting decision that ennobles one from one's center." Check. My first epiphany: "I should have gotten a fair chance." Second epiphany: "My family was wrong about me for ten fucking years, and I can't let them control me anymore." Third epiphany: "Just because they're wrong doesn't mean they're bad." Fourth epiphany: "These visions are real, and I really want them to happen, and I deserve anything I want because I'm no better or worse than anyone else."

"A terrifying stream of speech from the mouth," or ten-minute bursts of rambling that I couldn't stop for fear I'd go crazy, which I still can't understand or remember completely? Check.

The Gods touch a person through divine and human joys so that they are able to speak prophetic poems and dispense wisdom [...]. But the source of these joys (the Gods) is outside the person although the actual cause of the joy is internal.

After the fourth epiphany, I told the Morrigan that she did more for me in a week than anyone else did in my entire life. In a nutshell I told her, "I don't even care about getting cast in Spring Awakening anymore--you woke me up, and I will always be grateful for that."

She told me, "Now you understand. Keep an eye out for that second chance." At which I started laughing and crying because everything finally made sense.

Internal joy caused by the knowledge that I have another shot at happiness? Check, motherfucker.

-
And I STILL need to keep from laughing at random moments, because I finally have a name for this whole experience, and I finally know that I'm not crazy.
« Last Edit: April 25, 2012, 01:39:31 am by Sharysa »
On hiatus, but might pop in now and then. Just making it official.

My blog. 40% normal, 60% spiritual, 500% details.

stephyjh

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Quote from: Sharysa;51764
Or a toned-down version of it.

You know how I've been going on and on about Spring Awakening and how I know, despite all logic, that the director's fucked up the casting and he'll end up having another round of auditions, thus casting me despite my failure of an audition?

Well, lately my Tarot readings with my Arthurian deck have had the Cauldron/Temperance popping up everywhere, so I started spending time on Irish Recon sites looking for things connected to cauldrons.

On Imbas.Org, I saw an article called The Cauldron of Poesy and I went, "Ooh, neat--something about bards!"

There's this part in the article where it actually describes the Imbas Forosnai ritual--the bard shuts themselves in a dark place, lies down, focuses on their breathing, and then starts talking. Obviously I couldn't stay in my room for three to nine days, but I did lock myself in my room for an hour every night to "talk everything out."

[...][T]he Cauldron of Motion must be turned by sorrow or joy.

Sorrow at not getting my dream role? Check.

How many divisions of sorrow that turn the cauldrons of sages? Not hard; four. Longing, grief, the sorrows of jealousy and the discipline of pilgrimage to holy places. It is internally that these are borne although the cause is from outside.

Longing and grief from dealing with abuse, smothering, and lack of acceptance? Check.

A fitting decision that ennobles one from one's center
that pours forth a terrifying stream of speech from the mouth.


"A fitting decision that ennobles one from one's center." Check. My first epiphany: "I should have gotten a fair chance." Second epiphany: "My family was wrong about me for ten fucking years, and I can't let them control me anymore." Third epiphany: "Just because they're wrong doesn't mean they're bad." Fourth epiphany: "These visions are real, and I really want them to happen, and I deserve anything I want because I'm no better or worse than anyone else."

"A terrifying stream of speech from the mouth," or ten-minute bursts of rambling that I couldn't stop for fear I'd go crazy, which I still can't understand or remember completely? Check.

The Gods touch a person through divine and human joys so that they are able to speak prophetic poems and dispense wisdom [...]. But the source of these joys (the Gods) is outside the person although the actual cause of the joy is internal.

After the fourth epiphany, I told the Morrigan that she did more for me in a week than anyone else did in my entire life. In a nutshell I told her, "I don't even care about getting cast in Spring Awakening anymore--you woke me up, and I will always be grateful for that."

She told me, "Now you understand. Keep an eye out for that second chance." At which I started laughing and crying because everything finally made sense.

Internal joy caused by the knowledge that I have another shot at happiness? Check, motherfucker.

-
And I STILL need to keep from laughing at random moments, because I finally have a name for this whole experience, and I finally know that I'm not crazy.

 
Don't you love those moments, when the gods split your head wide open and invite themselves open, and they break you till you're whole? It's hard to describe to someone who hasn't been there, but...it changes you. It's like the old myths of the people who had been in contact with the faeries and carried the mark of it for the rest of their lives--you know you'll never *quite* go back to being who you were.  My Lady and tM have tag-teamed me that way a few times.
A heretic blast has been blown in the west,
That what is no sense must be nonsense.

-Robert Burns

Sharysa

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Quote from: stephyjh;51908



They are, indeed.

Gods, I keep feeling the urge to laugh. Everything makes sense now because there are still things that I don't understand. I don't know how an esteemed community theater could fuck up this badly, because one of my high-school teachers worked with them and he gushed about the experience.

I also don't get what's up with the visions--someone said they could be metaphors for what's on my mind, someone ELSE said they were visions of the future, I personally think they're guidelines TO the future because little-but-important details keep changing, and it's very likely that they're all three in various combinations.

And I'm fine with that.
On hiatus, but might pop in now and then. Just making it official.

My blog. 40% normal, 60% spiritual, 500% details.

herenow

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Quote from: Sharysa;51929
They are, indeed.

Gods, I keep feeling the urge to laugh. Everything makes sense now because there are still things that I don't understand. I don't know how an esteemed community theater could fuck up this badly, because one of my high-school teachers worked with them and he gushed about the experience.

I also don't get what's up with the visions--someone said they could be metaphors for what's on my mind, someone ELSE said they were visions of the future, I personally think they're guidelines TO the future because little-but-important details keep changing, and it's very likely that they're all three in various combinations.

And I'm fine with that.

 

That’s a lot of epiphanies. This is ‘wake up time’ for you.

Sharysa

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Quote from: herenow;52063
That’s a lot of epiphanies. This is ‘wake up time’ for you.

 
And that was just the gist of the epiphanies! :) Speaking of which, I think the Morrigan gave me a second chance once I stopped caring about it because she wanted me to stop trying so hard.

It correlates very well with how I'm no longer stressing about knowing everything, doing everything on my own, or things being perfect.
On hiatus, but might pop in now and then. Just making it official.

My blog. 40% normal, 60% spiritual, 500% details.

herenow

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Quote from: Sharysa;52071
And that was just the gist of the epiphanies! :) Speaking of which, I think the Morrigan gave me a second chance once I stopped caring about it because she wanted me to stop trying so hard.

It correlates very well with how I'm no longer stressing about knowing everything, doing everything on my own, or things being perfect.

 
I don’t now who Morrigan is but I can say this.  Sometimes you connect and sometimes you don’t.

I’m trying to map out when I’m “on” and when I’m not, but still have not found a reliable pattern.

I know it’s got something to do with you feeling like you’re doing “what is right”, not just in trying to communicate but also with the way you’re experiencing every moment of this existence on this plane.

We all can do it.  That’s the one thing I’m sure of.

Sharysa

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Quote from: herenow;52164
I don’t now who Morrigan is but I can say this.  Sometimes you connect and sometimes you don’t.

I’m trying to map out when I’m “on” and when I’m not, but still have not found a reliable pattern.

I know it’s got something to do with you feeling like you’re doing “what is right”, not just in trying to communicate but also with the way you’re experiencing every moment of this existence on this plane.

We all can do it.  That’s the one thing I’m sure of.

 
The Morrigan is my patron goddess. She forced me to confront my personal issues and is largely responsible for the epiphanies in question.

And I don't quite understand your post in context to the thread. I never had a problem connecting with my patron or the universe--it's just that before now, I never consciously knew why I needed to "pray" lying in an unlit room, why I ended up talking so much that I could barely find time to take a breath, or why I always ended up overwhelmed by happiness/sorrow afterward. I just knew that I needed to do it, but it always bothered me that I didn't know what it was.

Essentially, this is a thread going "that thing I've been doing actually has a NAME!"
On hiatus, but might pop in now and then. Just making it official.

My blog. 40% normal, 60% spiritual, 500% details.

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