DIV EX - Sparrow

[sparrow]

I've never gotten a reading before (although I've always wanted to) so I hope I'm doing this right.

I'm kind of in a confusing and stressful (for me) situation with a goddess. I want to know what it is she's expecting and whether I'm capable of fulfilling that. Also, will it work out? Are these the type of questions you can ask for in a reading?

Any feedback would be helpful. Thank you very much!

[SatSekhem]

I've never gotten a reading before (although I've always wanted to) so I hope I'm doing this right.

I'm kind of in a confusing and stressful (for me) situation with a goddess. I want to know what it is she's expecting and whether I'm capable of fulfilling that. Also, will it work out? Are these the type of questions you can ask for in a reading?

Any feedback would be helpful. Thank you very much!

 
I'll try to work it tomorrow. However, I'm not sure how far I'm going to get with it since it has to do with another goddess. (Also, I've never tried to communicate with deities via Tarot cards, so...)

[sparrow]

I'll try to work it tomorrow. However, I'm not sure how far I'm going to get with it since it has to do with another goddess. (Also, I've never tried to communicate with deities via Tarot cards, so...)

I understand, thank you for the attempt either way. I know next to nothing about Tarot myself, sorry if I threw out a near impossible challenge!

[SatSekhem]

I understand, thank you for the attempt either way. I know next to nothing about Tarot myself, sorry if I threw out a near impossible challenge!

 
Oh-kay. Uh. Well.



I like for the people I do readings for to at least be able to see the cards. It's my version of having a table between us. For this reading, I chose a spread that I haven't used before. It's called the "What's Going On" spread as found in the book, Power Tarot by Trish MacGregor and Phyllis Vega. I also asked that Epona guide my hands for this reading. (BTW, my goddess that I speak to prior to readings was not happy with that, which was surprising. I heard a very distinct hissing sound when I said that!)

I would like to mention something: in this reading, you received all of the number eight cards. I found this interesting. It would be seem that a prominence of eights in a spread suggests a focus on karma, achievement, life structures. The eight also represents a "yin energy" that is commonly associated with personal power, advancement, reaping the harvest, and decisive execution of personal plans.

The lay of the cards are as follows: 1 & 2 are what’s going on now, including what you may not see. 3 & 4 are two up-coming events that may influence the outcome. The number five card is where the issue is headed. 6 & 7 are what can be expected based on the current patterns. 8 & 9 are how you can change it if you don’t like it and 10 is the present outcome.

The worst is over, although since you are living in the middle of this, you don’t realize it yet. The pain has been unbearable and it will linger for a bit longer. You felt as though the suffering you were going through was unbearable, however you’ve made it through the roughest, toughest times. You can look around and get ready to see a more positive spin on things. This is the situation as you see it; the physical realm at present.

You feel trapped, boxed in and unable to move out of your present circumstances. You are imposing self-restrictions and limitations, although you don’t see this as happening. You are your own worst enemy. The problem here is that you fear the unknown: you don’t like not knowing what to expect. You feel limited by circumstances, however the more important limitations are caused by your own refusal to open your mind to the truth of the situation. This is what the entire aspect of the dedication to Epona is about: you think that it will enclose you into this tiny little box; however, this is a box that would be of your own making.

The situation that you were in that was unbearable to be in? The one that I told you was over? The over time is nigh: once you get passed the lingering pain of this event, you will enter into a more tranquil period in your life. You will be leaving behind the strain and worry of that difficult situation. This is the time where you should leave any and all destructive behaviors that you’ve accrued or picked up behind. To bring them forward with you into this tranquil time will only cause a major downfall. It would be favorable if you took a trip or a mini-vacation to get out of the thought processes the painful situation bring/brought about. This is your physical future.

Your spiritual future: This is another aspect of the original first card. You need to let go and move on. You must get rid of old involvements because no matter what you think, they will not work. You had grown disappointed with your relationship with Epona; it felt stagnant, although you didn’t want to admit this to yourself or your goddess. This is a time of reflection: reflect on what you have learned during this current phase of your relationship because you’re maturing emotionally and it’s time to pursue something far more satisfying. What I gather from this is that the dedication is actually well on your path to maturing, although you still don’t see it that way.

All systems go and full steam ahead! You are full of energy at this time. All projects that you take on will be completed ably and aptly. A period of delay or stagnation (both in the mundane world and elsewhere) is at an end. Fresh opportunities are on the horizon; this would be a time to look into more physical activity such as working out or walking or running, etc. The experiences in both worlds are serving to broaden your mind. Everything is going the way it should be going and it’s the way that you need and deserve.

A recently launched venture isn’t developing as you had hoped it would: this would be your relationship with Epona. You had unrealistic ideals and goals that you wanted to achieve with all of this. Your status quo was insufficient for yourself as well as your goddess. You think desperately that as it is presently is what you need in life. However, you are ready for a larger workload, a better future, and more commitment than you realize. A new opportunity has arisen and if you go for it, you will succeed. (The dedication.)

There are two ways that you can change things as they are now. On the one hand, you can trust implicitly in your goddess and see that she has only the best intentions for you. You can trust her to take care of you for all she wants is your well-being. She is a good goddess (represented by the Queen of Wands in this spread). “The energy, independence of thought, kindness, and generosity of the Queen of Wands promises a successful outcome to any venture she initiates.” This is quote is taken straight from the book of Tarot I utilize. That quote, right there, really rang it for me: she wants your success and that’s all she’s looking into with all of this.

However, you can refuse to move forward because of your fears: you’re too afraid to let go of all of the thoughts, emotional entanglements, beliefs, and ideals from your past. They’re holding you back, but if you don’t want to move forward, then I would recommend not letting go and moving on.

The way things look, it would seem that you’re going to choose the second possibility as opposed to the first. In that regard, things are going to start taking a bad turn. There will be little reward for what you feel is work well done. However, it will be seen as shoddy. You will suffer exceptionally from impatience with your spiritual work and start cutting corners to get things done faster. In the end, I see nothing. I see a lack of work, a lack of communication with your goddess, and an extreme---what I call---Fallow Time.

So, here we are.

I consider this an apt crossroads in a lot of ways. In the first, your mundane is actively affecting your spirituality. This is actually a lot more common than most people realize. Something in the physical realm (I get a relationship of some sort...?) is seriously going to impact your spiritual life. In fact, it already is impacting it, but you don't see that as happening. It is only as this relationship comes to an end that you may be able to see that.

Now, another crossroads that you have to figure out is which direction you want to move in. If you move away from your goddess and distance yourself from the situation (which I see as likely because of the fear of commitments you profess), things will not end well. Both your physical life and spiritual life will come to a screeching halt. What most people don't realize is that one always effects the other: if it is true shit in one aspect, so shall it be in another.

And lastly, the possibility that Epona wants for you: the dedication. I did a little research on your goddess. From what I can gather, she is a protector goddess, but ultimately, she is a mother goddess. It is in this aspect, which I'm not sure you see her as (correct me, if I'm wrong), that she has come to you. It is as a mother that she has asked for your dedication: she only wants what is right for you. I also can gather from my little bits of research that she seems like a pretty... docile and passive goddess. So, if what I'm seeing is the case, then I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. I think that it really is just fear that's holding you back.

WOW. That was a lot.
Did that help?

[sparrow]

Oh-kay. Uh. Well.

Wow, no kidding. I didn't expect you to get nearly this much information!

I also asked that Epona guide my hands for this reading. (BTW, my goddess that I speak to prior to readings was not happy with that, which was surprising. I heard a very distinct hissing sound when I said that!)

Oooh, sorry about that, I hope it didn't cause any trouble. However, I can see Epona's hand in parts of this, so it must have been effective.

I would like to mention something: in this reading, you received all of the number eight cards. I found this interesting. It would be seem that a prominence of eights in a spread suggests a focus on karma, achievement, life structures. The eight also represents a "yin energy" that is commonly associated with personal power, advancement, reaping the harvest, and decisive execution of personal plans.

That's interesting. One of the points of interest that She had in my life was my career (I work with horses). I've also been feeling (and craving) a change coming for a looong time and it just hasn't happened. I hope I will have some positive change in these arenas.

The worst is over, although since you are living in the middle of this, you don’t realize it yet. The pain has been unbearable and it will linger for a bit longer. You felt as though the suffering you were going through was unbearable, however you’ve made it through the roughest, toughest times. You can look around and get ready to see a more positive spin on things. This is the situation as you see it; the physical realm at present.

Gods, I hope you're right.

You feel trapped, boxed in and unable to move out of your present circumstances. You are imposing self-restrictions and limitations, although you don’t see this as happening. You are your own worst enemy. The problem here is that you fear the unknown: you don’t like not knowing what to expect. You feel limited by circumstances, however the more important limitations are caused by your own refusal to open your mind to the truth of the situation. This is what the entire aspect of the dedication to Epona is about: you think that it will enclose you into this tiny little box; however, this is a box that would be of your own making.

Yep. I think she's actually told me in the past that I'm my own worst enemy lol.

The situation that you were in that was unbearable to be in? The one that I told you was over? The over time is nigh: once you get passed the lingering pain of this event, you will enter into a more tranquil period in your life. You will be leaving behind the strain and worry of that difficult situation.

Please, oh please... *fingers crossed*

 This is the time where you should leave any and all destructive behaviors that you’ve accrued or picked up behind. To bring them forward with you into this tranquil time will only cause a major downfall. It would be favorable if you took a trip or a mini-vacation to get out of the thought processes the painful situation bring/brought about. This is your physical future.

 

Hmm. I wonder which behaviors this is referring to specifically, and how they relate.

Your spiritual future: This is another aspect of the original first card. You need to let go and move on. You must get rid of old involvements because no matter what you think, they will not work. You had grown disappointed with your relationship with Epona; it felt stagnant, although you didn’t want to admit this to yourself or your goddess. This is a time of reflection: reflect on what you have learned during this current phase of your relationship because you’re maturing emotionally and it’s time to pursue something far more satisfying. What I gather from this is that the dedication is actually well on your path to maturing, although you still don’t see it that way.

The bolded part confused me. I wasn't really involved with any other goddesses. I wonder what involvements were meant? With the rest, I don't think I would have put it that way, but you may be right.

All systems go and full steam ahead! You are full of energy at this time. All projects that you take on will be completed ably and aptly. A period of delay or stagnation (both in the mundane world and elsewhere) is at an end. Fresh opportunities are on the horizon; this would be a time to look into more physical activity such as working out or walking or running, etc. The experiences in both worlds are serving to broaden your mind. Everything is going the way it should be going and it’s the way that you need and deserve.

Yay! I've picked up my running again recently, and I just got new running gear. I was debating about whether or not to do a couple 10k's this spring or something. I've also been looking at some of my old unfinished projects again, and craving some new ones.

A recently launched venture isn’t developing as you had hoped it would: this would be your relationship with Epona. You had unrealistic ideals and goals that you wanted to achieve with all of this. Your status quo was insufficient for yourself as well as your goddess. You think desperately that as it is presently is what you need in life. However, you are ready for a larger workload, a better future, and more commitment than you realize. A new opportunity has arisen and if you go for it, you will succeed. (The dedication.)

Hm, that's interesting, since I started the relationship with Epona extremely cautiously and without really any expectation from her. Other than that I think you got this right in some ways that you might not have expected. Interesting.

There are two ways that you can change things as they are now. On the one hand, you can trust implicitly in your goddess and see that she has only the best intentions for you. You can trust her to take care of you for all she wants is your well-being. She is a good goddess (represented by the Queen of Wands in this spread). “The energy, independence of thought, kindness, and generosity of the Queen of Wands promises a successful outcome to any venture she initiates.” This is quote is taken straight from the book of Tarot I utilize. That quote, right there, really rang it for me: she wants your success and that’s all she’s looking into with all of this.

You're right. She was definitely a part of this reading, because that's her all the way.

However, you can refuse to move forward because of your fears: you’re too afraid to let go of all of the thoughts, emotional entanglements, beliefs, and ideals from your past. They’re holding you back, but if you don’t want to move forward, then I would recommend not letting go and moving on.

The way things look, it would seem that you’re going to choose the second possibility as opposed to the first. In that regard, things are going to start taking a bad turn. There will be little reward for what you feel is work well done. However, it will be seen as shoddy. You will suffer exceptionally from impatience with your spiritual work and start cutting corners to get things done faster. In the end, I see nothing. I see a lack of work, a lack of communication with your goddess, and an extreme---what I call---Fallow Time.

I chose the first option, however I think this prediction rang very true. I saw it all ahead of my at one point and I think you would have been right. Again, the way you worded things here makes me think you may have been right in more ways than you might realize, and that she was definitely giving you guidance with the cards.

(I want to make a point that I didn't dedicate myself to Her because I was afraid of this future. I was actually more afraid of the path that included commitment that I ultimately chose, lol. I dedicated myself because I wanted to be with Her, not because I was scared of what would happen if I refused.)

I consider this an apt crossroads in a lot of ways. In the first, your mundane is actively affecting your spirituality. This is actually a lot more common than most people realize. Something in the physical realm (I get a relationship of some sort...?) is seriously going to impact your spiritual life. In fact, it already is impacting it, but you don't see that as happening. It is only as this relationship comes to an end that you may be able to see that.

NOW I'm confused. A relationship? I'm guessing that would be with my partner, but our relationship is actually going pretty well at the moment. Also, he's always been really supportive of my spirituality. Hmmm. I'll have to think about the other people in my life.
My family effects my spiritual life because I have to hide it all the time. In fact I was thinking the other day that when I finally get my own house I'd want two permanent altars set up: one for general purpose nature based practice and one for Epona. Then I figured I'd have to take them down any time family came over anyway, so they could never be permanent, and I wondered how Epona would feel about that... To break off my relationship with my whole immediate family though? So that part confused me.

And lastly, the possibility that Epona wants for you: the dedication. I did a little research on your goddess. From what I can gather, she is a protector goddess, but ultimately, she is a mother goddess. It is in this aspect, which I'm not sure you see her as (correct me, if I'm wrong), that she has come to you. It is as a mother that she has asked for your dedication: she only wants what is right for you. I also can gather from my little bits of research that she seems like a pretty... docile and passive goddess. So, if what I'm seeing is the case, then I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. I think that it really is just fear that's holding you back.

This was the part that really convinced me that she was in on this. I've read all there is on her, and talked to others who work with her, but I could never get her being a mother goddess exactly. She always shows herself to me as young, energetic, and a little wild looking. One of the other people I talked to described her as mysterious, giving rare smiles, but to me she is always smiling, laughing, even joking. She's usually straight forward and direct, and she doesn't treat me like a supplicant. She's more like a friend and mentor.

Oy. I wouldn't really promote the use of the words docile and passive. I mean, she's definitely not the "mighty smiter" type, and she is the most gentle, patient, and forgiving entity I've ever experienced, so I think that's what you're getting at there. Actually docile and passive are how I've seen Rhiannon. I can't get how people think of them as the same. I get the impression that Rhiannon is the dainty lady type who rides sidesaddle because of her skirts and needs a boost up. Epona is more like a mare herself, or like the stable hand who actually knows what the $#%& they're talking about. Very very much UPG of course. *shrug*

WOW. That was a lot.
Did that help?

Yes it was, and yes it did. Thank you so much for the time and effort you put into this. It gave me clarity on some things and it reminded me of who I'm working with here. I thought about the things you said a lot, and it helped me make a decision in the end. I really appreciate your help, thank you.

[SatSekhem]

The bolded part confused me. I wasn't really involved with any other goddesses. I wonder what involvements were meant? With the rest, I don't think I would have put it that way, but you may be right.

I got the feeling that the 'old involvements' weren't religious in nature, but actual relationships. Unfortunately (or otherwise), relationships all impact one another. It felt like a physical relationship was impacting your relationship with your goddess.

NOW I'm confused. A relationship? I'm guessing that would be with my partner, but our relationship is actually going pretty well at the moment. Also, he's always been really supportive of my spirituality. Hmmm. I'll have to think about the other people in my life.

The relationship I saw was a significant other kind of relationship. I think it was the whole 'open' relationship aspect. You mentioned in your posting about how you are so afraid of commitment that you even have an open relationship with your partner and that it works well for you. I think it's the open relationship aspect that impacted you. You're not as afraid of commitments as you think you are, hon.

This was the part that really convinced me that she was in on this. I've read all there is on her, and talked to others who work with her, but I could never get her being a mother goddess exactly.

I have similar issue with my goddess, Hwt-Hrw. She is almost entirely a goddess of magic for me. However, if you speak with Darkhawk about her, she'll talk to you about her mother goddess qualities.

[sparrow]

I got the feeling that the 'old involvements' weren't religious in nature, but actual relationships. Unfortunately (or otherwise), relationships all impact one another. It felt like a physical relationship was impacting your relationship with your goddess.

Hmm, then I'm not sure what this could be referring to.

The relationship I saw was a significant other kind of relationship. I think it was the whole 'open' relationship aspect. You mentioned in your posting about how you are so afraid of commitment that you even have an open relationship with your partner and that it works well for you. I think it's the open relationship aspect that impacted you. You're not as afraid of commitments as you think you are, hon.

Oh, I said that even though I'm in an open relationship, the amount of time still freaks me out. I'm not just polyamorous because I'm afraid of commitment. It's because it makes the most sense to me. Even if I wasn't afraid of commitment I would be polyamorous.

[SatSekhem]

Oh, I said that even though I'm in an open relationship, the amount of time still freaks me out. I'm not just polyamorous because I'm afraid of commitment. It's because it makes the most sense to me. Even if I wasn't afraid of commitment I would be polyamorous.

 
Good luck with that. I'm such a jealous bitch that I'd rip the hair out of anyone who tried to have sex with my man. :ashamed: Of course, I can only hope that he'd feel the same... Heh.

[SatSekhem]

Hmm, then I'm not sure what this could be referring to.



Oh, I said that even though I'm in an open relationship, the amount of time still freaks me out. I'm not just polyamorous because I'm afraid of commitment. It's because it makes the most sense to me. Even if I wasn't afraid of commitment I would be polyamorous.

 
Also, about the open relationship thing...

I didn't take it as polyamorous or anything like that. What I was seeing was an open-ended relationship that didn't have any firm concrete foundations. It was like a kite that is let go instead of being tethered to a child's hand. It was just... floating there and being all wild and nutty instead of calm, cool, and collected.

Does that make sense?

[sparrow]

Good luck with that. I'm such a jealous bitch that I'd rip the hair out of anyone who tried to have sex with my man. :ashamed: Of course, I can only hope that he'd feel the same... Heh.

 

Ya, I think the part of my brain that's supposed to register jealousy is missing. I just can't even wrap my head around it.

[SatSekhem]

Ya, I think the part of my brain that's supposed to register jealousy is missing. I just can't even wrap my head around it.

 
I think that's a good thing!