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Author Topic: Struggling (CW: somewhat graphic description of suicide attempt)  (Read 1715 times)

theduchess

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I have just joined, and am hoping to find new friends here who I can be completely honest with. There is no one in my life who knows I am a Pagan. So, I will be completely honest:

I am an alcoholic, only 3 days sober but I am ready for my change. I was just diagnosed as bipolar. I have severe anxiety, and I tried to kill myself a few nights ago by taking a lot of Xanax, drinking 3 bottles of wine, and then trying to stab myself.

I need friends, supporters, and to find a way to make myself happy again. At this point, I want to change because I am afraid. But a lot of the changes I want to make, I don't want to make for myself. I feel I am doing it for other people. I want to get to the point where everything I am doing is for me.

Regardless, I need good energy sent my way. And if you feel so inclined, please message me. I often need people to talk to. And if I have scared you off and you do not want to message me, I am very sorry. I realize I am coming on strong.

Thank you. Much love to you all.
~The Past Has No Power Over The Present~

MeadowRae

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2016, 06:48:27 am »
Quote from: theduchess;189586
I have just joined, and am hoping to find new friends here who I can be completely honest with. There is no one in my life who knows I am a Pagan. So, I will be completely honest:

I am an alcoholic, only 3 days sober but I am ready for my change. I was just diagnosed as bipolar. I have severe anxiety, and I tried to kill myself a few nights ago by taking a lot of Xanax, drinking 3 bottles of wine, and then trying to stab myself.

I need friends, supporters, and to find a way to make myself happy again. At this point, I want to change because I am afraid. But a lot of the changes I want to make, I don't want to make for myself. I feel I am doing it for other people. I want to get to the point where everything I am doing is for me.

Regardless, I need good energy sent my way. And if you feel so inclined, please message me. I often need people to talk to. And if I have scared you off and you do not want to message me, I am very sorry. I realize I am coming on strong.

Thank you. Much love to you all.


You don't have to apologize for how you feel. Love, light, and bright blessings to you, duchess.
The genderqueer witch your mother warned you about

missgraceless

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2016, 09:00:08 am »
Quote from: theduchess;189586
I have just joined, and am hoping to find new friends here who I can be completely honest with. There is no one in my life who knows I am a Pagan. So, I will be completely honest:

I am an alcoholic, only 3 days sober but I am ready for my change. I was just diagnosed as bipolar. I have severe anxiety, and I tried to kill myself a few nights ago by taking a lot of Xanax, drinking 3 bottles of wine, and then trying to stab myself.

I need friends, supporters, and to find a way to make myself happy again. At this point, I want to change because I am afraid. But a lot of the changes I want to make, I don't want to make for myself. I feel I am doing it for other people. I want to get to the point where everything I am doing is for me.

Regardless, I need good energy sent my way. And if you feel so inclined, please message me. I often need people to talk to. And if I have scared you off and you do not want to message me, I am very sorry. I realize I am coming on strong.

Thank you. Much love to you all.
First, welcome to the Cauldron, duchess. There are countless people with varying degrees and flavors of mental disorders in this community, myself included. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 9 years ago.

Second, congratulations for taking that huge step towards sobriety. I don't even know you, but I'm proud of you. :) And if it's okay with you, I'll light a candle to Quan Yin, who has helped me with my own suicidal issues over the past few years.
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"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly."   ~ Morticia Addams

anubisa

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2016, 10:12:55 am »
Quote from: theduchess;189586
I have just joined, and am hoping to find new friends here who I can be completely honest with. There is no one in my life who knows I am a Pagan. So, I will be completely honest:

I am an alcoholic, only 3 days sober but I am ready for my change. I was just diagnosed as bipolar. I have severe anxiety, and I tried to kill myself a few nights ago by taking a lot of Xanax, drinking 3 bottles of wine, and then trying to stab myself.

I need friends, supporters, and to find a way to make myself happy again. At this point, I want to change because I am afraid. But a lot of the changes I want to make, I don't want to make for myself. I feel I am doing it for other people. I want to get to the point where everything I am doing is for me.

Regardless, I need good energy sent my way. And if you feel so inclined, please message me. I often need people to talk to. And if I have scared you off and you do not want to message me, I am very sorry. I realize I am coming on strong.

Thank you. Much love to you all.

 
Welcome to the forum hon! You don't have to apologize and you will definitely find support here. Love and light!
Anubisa

Daughter of Lord Anubis and Lady Bast.

theduchess

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2016, 06:09:33 pm »
Quote from: missgraceless;189603
First, welcome to the Cauldron, duchess. There are countless people with varying degrees and flavors of mental disorders in this community, myself included. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 9 years ago.

Second, congratulations for taking that huge step towards sobriety. I don't even know you, but I'm proud of you. :) And if it's okay with you, I'll light a candle to Quan Yin, who has helped me with my own suicidal issues over the past few years.

 
I would appreciate the candle very much, and thank you.
~The Past Has No Power Over The Present~

missgraceless

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Re: Struggling
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2016, 12:38:41 pm »
Quote from: theduchess;189632
I would appreciate the candle very much, and thank you.
And if you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to PM me.
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"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly."   ~ Morticia Addams

Soletaken

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Re: Struggling (CW: somewhat graphic description of suicide attempt)
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2016, 01:34:30 pm »
Quote from: theduchess;189586
I have just joined, and am hoping to find new friends here who I can be completely honest with. There is no one in my life who knows I am a Pagan. So, I will be completely honest:

I am an alcoholic, only 3 days sober but I am ready for my change. I was just diagnosed as bipolar. I have severe anxiety, and I tried to kill myself a few nights ago by taking a lot of Xanax, drinking 3 bottles of wine, and then trying to stab myself.

I need friends, supporters, and to find a way to make myself happy again. At this point, I want to change because I am afraid. But a lot of the changes I want to make, I don't want to make for myself. I feel I am doing it for other people. I want to get to the point where everything I am doing is for me.

Regardless, I need good energy sent my way. And if you feel so inclined, please message me. I often need people to talk to. And if I have scared you off and you do not want to message me, I am very sorry. I realize I am coming on strong.

Thank you. Much love to you all.


Like others have said, don't apologize. There's nothing to apologize for.

I'm trying to find my words here, so I hope I don't sound too abrupt. Are you taking medication and seeing a therapist for the bipolar disorder? If you aren't, please, please start. Take every tool available to get to a point where you feel happy and confident. You might have to test drive a couple of different prescriptions until you find one that works right for you. Believe me, it's worth the effort. And be completely and totally honest with your health care provider about the effects of the prescription and if you feel it's working well for you.

I'm having to see a therapist about anxiety and depression, and to my surprise, she was completely non-judgmentmental about my religious views. Don't be afraid to tell a therapist your religious situation, it's part of who you are, and therapy helps. I didn't think it would, but it helps. If you don't have one, a medical dr should be able to recommend one.

Congrats on making the decision to stop drinking. That's a huge step, and a difficult one. Well done. I would suggest looking for a local AA group to offer face to face support. Having someone to look you in the eye and tell you it's going to be ok is incredible.

You'll find that place where you feel happy and strong, don't give up hope.

Good luck on your journey to health. This will take time, but you can do it. Best wishes.

Satanas' Horse

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Re: Struggling (CW: somewhat graphic description of suicide attempt)
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2016, 12:38:57 am »
Quote from: theduchess;189586
I have just joined, and am hoping to find new friends here who I can be completely honest with. There is no one in my life who knows I am a Pagan. So, I will be completely honest:

I am an alcoholic, only 3 days sober but I am ready for my change. I was just diagnosed as bipolar. I have severe anxiety, and I tried to kill myself a few nights ago by taking a lot of Xanax, drinking 3 bottles of wine, and then trying to stab myself.

I need friends, supporters, and to find a way to make myself happy again. At this point, I want to change because I am afraid. But a lot of the changes I want to make, I don't want to make for myself. I feel I am doing it for other people. I want to get to the point where everything I am doing is for me.

Regardless, I need good energy sent my way. And if you feel so inclined, please message me. I often need people to talk to. And if I have scared you off and you do not want to message me, I am very sorry. I realize I am coming on strong.

Thank you. Much love to you all.

 
Oh man... *hugs if okay* I am more than happy to be here for you in any way I can. I don't know much about alcoholism as an experience, but I am personally bipolar, anxious, and have a long history with suicide. Feel free to message me any time if you feel alone and don't know who else to turn to. I will never turn you down.

Shellie

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Re: Struggling (CW: somewhat graphic description of suicide attempt)
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2016, 07:11:20 am »
Quote from: theduchess;189586
I have just joined, and am hoping to find new friends here who I can be completely honest with. There is no one in my life who knows I am a Pagan.
Thank you. Much love to you all.

 
I am also brand new here, and also brand new to the Pagan faiths. I have also had suicidal thoughts, suffer from depression and anxiety, and no one knows i'm thinking about paganism either.

I am sending positive thoughts and energy your way, and am also open to your messaging me anytime. I love to talk to others who are in the same boat as me, and can always use a friend!
Much love and light!
Shellie

Moonstone

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Re: Struggling (CW: somewhat graphic description of suicide attempt)
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2016, 03:59:58 pm »
Quote from: theduchess;189586
I have just joined, and am hoping to find new friends here who I can be completely honest with. There is no one in my life who knows I am a Pagan. So, I will be completely honest:

I am an alcoholic, only 3 days sober but I am ready for my change. I was just diagnosed as bipolar. I have severe anxiety, and I tried to kill myself a few nights ago by taking a lot of Xanax, drinking 3 bottles of wine, and then trying to stab myself.

I need friends, supporters, and to find a way to make myself happy again. At this point, I want to change because I am afraid. But a lot of the changes I want to make, I don't want to make for myself. I feel I am doing it for other people. I want to get to the point where everything I am doing is for me.

Regardless, I need good energy sent my way. And if you feel so inclined, please message me. I often need people to talk to. And if I have scared you off and you do not want to message me, I am very sorry. I realize I am coming on strong.

Thank you. Much love to you all.

You are not coming on too strong and you do not need to be sorry for asking for help. Bipolar is a disease you have no control over and so is alcoholism.
Firstly I want to say well done for trying to quit but please try asking for help quitting. Have you tried antabuse?  It is a medication that makes you sick if you drink on it my friend takes it and she is doing really well she hasn't drunk in 7 months.
I know where you are coming from as I have BPD, schizoaffective disorder and aspergers and I Have a long hisory with self harm and suicide. I have OD'd, slit my wrists, stabbed myself etc. But that's enough about myself.
I would suggest you find a decent therapist and discuss what kind of therapies would suit you. Also get on some medication for your bipolar.Are you in the UK? If so you can get these thingts for free if you are willing to sit on the waiting list (ugh don't even ask...).
Also, being pagan, I have found it helpful to find gods and or goddesses who I can talk to and pray to. Brighid is good she is a very caring goddess.
Anyway if you ever need to talk I am here I may not be good at socialising but I can attempt to talk you through your dark moments.
Love and light
Moonstone
x
« Last Edit: April 16, 2016, 04:33:09 pm by SunflowerP »

CottageWitch

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Re: Struggling (CW: somewhat graphic description of suicide attempt)
« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2016, 10:26:27 am »
Quote from: theduchess;189586

Regardless, I need good energy sent my way. And if you feel so inclined, please message me. I often need people to talk to. And if I have scared you off and you do not want to message me, I am very sorry. I realize I am coming on strong.

Thank you. Much love to you all.


I have struggled with depression as well and I wanted to just say "your not alone" and there are people that care about you. I have no "friends" from HS any more myself, but I keep my mind busy, in that regard you came to the right place.

I am a big believer in community and bringing back ancient Athena culture where people got together, had tea, pot lucks, and talked good talk. Our culture is clearly lacking that, but it dosent mean that it can't heal. I think potlucks, tea, and Nature talk could be a new hipster thing. lol You have to start somewhere, if you want change.

I don't have much to say, but I wanted to give my "Universal Love and Support". I don't want to see a beautiful life ended. At an early age, I went to my fathers AA classes with him, and its some of the best memories I have of him. Get to know where those classes are held in your community.

Many Blessings!!!
« Last Edit: April 25, 2016, 10:33:42 am by CottageWitch »

Morag

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Re: Struggling (CW: somewhat graphic description of suicide attempt)
« Reply #11 on: April 25, 2016, 04:13:43 pm »
Quote from: CottageWitch;190355
I have struggled with depression as well and I wanted to just say "your not alone" and there are people that care about you. I have no "friends" from HS any more myself, but I keep my mind busy, in that regard you came to the right place.

I am a big believer in community and bringing back ancient Athena culture where people got together, had tea, pot lucks, and talked good talk. Our culture is clearly lacking that, but it dosent mean that it can't heal. I think potlucks, tea, and Nature talk could be a new hipster thing. lol You have to start somewhere, if you want change.

I don't have much to say, but I wanted to give my "Universal Love and Support". I don't want to see a beautiful life ended. At an early age, I went to my fathers AA classes with him, and its some of the best memories I have of him. Get to know where those classes are held in your community.

Many Blessings!!!

 
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