Struck on the bottom and trying to look up to the stars... without much success

[SkySamuelle]

I feel a bit selfconscious in asking for help, seeing that many of you here asked for far more serious reasons but...I feel lost and struck and right at this moment a total failure in knowing how to deal with everything and anythmy messes so... i figure i really might use some help.

College-wise and life-wise, I am struck in a very draining, cahotic phase where any progress I attempted to, seems to bring me at anything but more mistakes. Most of time, I try to convince myself that i'm dealing and i'm in control of where I am going, right until i notice i am not, and thiss is when I feel overwhelmed, overly emotional and anxious over things i realize i shouldn't be.

My family is living a pretty hard situation since my granda mental health started deteriorating (she used to 'abuse' her daughters when they were little, but she utterly depnded on them now and this arose a lot of conflicting feelings in my household since we are live in the same building), I  took on more than i could handle in attempts to get more on pace with my college studies and i barely had tiome for anything but studying, eating, and visiting professors in last two months. Add in that this was the same course of studies I had decided to quit in september, because i finally admitted to myself that i hated it. My parents asked me to finish it if i wanted them supporting anything i chose to pursue later (quoting my very serious mother: 'pretend i am dying and this is last thing i ever ask of you- finish this before doing anything else'). I complied with that request because their reasonings made sense at the time ... and because i had no idea of what doing next. It was my choice and i am not blaming anyone, but it's still hard to put my everything in something i feel so negatively toward.

All while i drifted away from some of my closest friends, my RCU flared up and my anemia is not helping any with keeping my health in check- i take the iron during one of my 'active RCU phases', i get cramps so strong that sometimes i can't sleep.

During last few months i lost weight, i lost sleep and i surely lost my balance.

I am tired of things going wrong but I feel like i am being pulled in many different directions at once and i can't find a way to settle myself. Even expressing my insecureties seems to make to feel like i am failing at something while i keep drumming into my head that i should be stronger than this.

In short: right now i am in full emotional overload mode. So you could pray to give me some clarity, i would be very, very obliged.

[mlr52]

In short: right now i am in full emotional overload mode. So you could pray to give me some clarity, i would be very, very obliged.

 
I would take some time off and enjoy myself (I have found, that whatever I or others think I have to do, will be there when I get back).

[RandallS]

In short: right now i am in full emotional overload mode. So you could pray to give me some clarity, i would be very, very obliged.

::praying for clarity and a few calm days for you::

[SkySamuelle]

::praying for clarity and a few calm days for you::

thank you.

To both of you!

I would take some time off and enjoy myself (I have found, that whatever I or others think I have to do, will be there when I get back).

Right now there  are many things going awry at he same time in my life, even outside college... I  am hoping that once one settles, things will start to look up.

[SunflowerP]

 
(((Antonella)))

Sunflower

[Wulffwynne]

Right now there  are many things going awry at he same time in my life, even outside college... I  am hoping that once one settles, things will start to look up.

 
I've been struggling to finish college through years of family issues so I can understand.  You can't be all things to all people.  If your family is taking care of your grandmother, then separate yourself from the family stress so you can focus on finishing college.  But, if you hate school so much, then don't push yourself to do it.  Find a job, get away from everyone for a little while. You can go back to college later when you've found something you love and actually want to study.

Hope it all settles down and works out for you :-)