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Author Topic: Life taking it's toll - depression  (Read 1124 times)

outlaw393

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Life taking it's toll - depression
« on: February 20, 2012, 09:54:14 pm »
Dealing with depression again. Well technically I've dealt with it for the past 18 years, but I've lived my life without having to get treatment. But things aren't getting any easier on the unemployment front and I recently lost my relationship as well. So things went from bad to worse and not getting any better.

I've even been told (online) that I should seek help, but I most likely won't, because for some reason the idea of seeking professional help scares me.

Maybe it's because I've had depression for so long it's become my new normal. And the idea of changing my normal is what's scary.

I've thought about mentioning it at my yearly physical in March, but I doubt I'll have the guts for that. :eek:
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fallenangel

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Re: Life taking it's toll - depression
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2012, 10:09:53 pm »
Quote
Dealing with depression again. Well technically I've dealt with it for the past 18 years, but I've lived my life without having to get treatment. But things aren't getting any easier on the unemployment front and I recently lost my relationship as well. So things went from bad to worse and not getting any better.


aww...so sorry to hear this. Finding employment...decent employment is so difficult right now.  Sorry about the relationship loss. (((hugs)))

Quote
I've even been told (online) that I should seek help, but I most likely won't, because for some reason the idea of seeking professional help scares me
Maybe it's because I've had depression for so long it's become my new normal. And the idea of changing my normal is what's scary.


Could be. At least you can admit that you should seek help.  that is the FIRST step.  Try it once, you may be surprised at what you may find.

Quote
I've thought about mentioning it at my yearly physical in March, but I doubt I'll have the guts for that. :eek:


Sure you can...think positive, and just let it out.  Honestly, it's not as scary as you may think. :D

(((hugs))) & Good luck :)

stitchinwith

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Re: Life taking it's toll - depression
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2012, 04:41:20 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;43570
Dealing with depression again.

I've thought about mentioning it at my yearly physical in March, but I doubt I'll have the guts for that. :eek:

 
Please, don't wait till March, dig deep, find the motivation and make that appointment today.  You know as well as I do depression is a downward spiral into that black abyss, and you don't want to go there!  Sending you kind thoughts and energy.

 ((((Outlaw393))))

HeartShadow

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Life taking it's toll - depression
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2012, 07:33:14 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;43570
Dealing with depression again. Well technically I've dealt with it for the past 18 years, but I've lived my life without having to get treatment. But things aren't getting any easier on the unemployment front and I recently lost my relationship as well. So things went from bad to worse and not getting any better.

I've even been told (online) that I should seek help, but I most likely won't, because for some reason the idea of seeking professional help scares me.

Maybe it's because I've had depression for so long it's become my new normal. And the idea of changing my normal is what's scary.

I've thought about mentioning it at my yearly physical in March, but I doubt I'll have the guts for that. :eek:

One of the worst parts of depression is that it fights you getting help.  You feel like it's weakness or deserved or whatever.  That's the depression talking, not you.

It might help to think of depression as a brain monster trying to keep you trapped.  It's the enemy and it doesn't want you to fight it.  If it was a visible monster, you'd get help, right?  Well, this is a monster too, and it needs beating.  Fight it.

I've been fighting depression for years, and it is a fight.  Depression doesn't want you to fight.  Don't let it win.  You can live better, and functional is surviving, not living.

Please.  Get help.  Depression is fighting to say you can't, but you can.  Fight it.

Aisling

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Re: Life taking it's toll - depression
« Reply #4 on: February 21, 2012, 08:24:14 am »
Quote from: HeartShadow;43601
One of the worst parts of depression is that it fights you getting help.  You feel like it's weakness or deserved or whatever.  That's the depression talking, not you.

It might help to think of depression as a brain monster trying to keep you trapped.  It's the enemy and it doesn't want you to fight it.  If it was a visible monster, you'd get help, right?  Well, this is a monster too, and it needs beating.  Fight it.

I've been fighting depression for years, and it is a fight.  Depression doesn't want you to fight.  Don't let it win.  You can live better, and functional is surviving, not living.

Please.  Get help.  Depression is fighting to say you can't, but you can.  Fight it.

 
This. Every last word of it.  You have a capacity within you to do great things; do not let depression convince you otherwise.  Find the courage to seek help.  ((((Outlaw393))))
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RandallS

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Re: Life taking it's toll - depression
« Reply #5 on: February 21, 2012, 08:30:57 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;43570
I've thought about mentioning it at my yearly physical in March, but I doubt I'll have the guts for that. :eek:

You'll probably feel a lot better if you do mention it. It's treatable and you will feel a lot better. While I've never had clinical depression, I did have something the doctor called "depression related anxiety" which has the same cause as depression (same chemical problem in the brain). I was afraid/worried about all sorts of ridiculous stuff like my car being blown off the freeway in high winds. Stuff so silly I knew it was silly even as my body reacted as if terrified. I mentioned this to my doctor when I was in for sinus problems. I was on a mild anti-depressant for months, but the stupid anxiety attacks faded to manageable within a few weeks.
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MarieBay

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Re: Life taking it's toll - depression
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2012, 06:50:23 pm »
Quote from: outlaw393;43570

I've even been told (online) that I should seek help, but I most likely won't, because for some reason the idea of seeking professional help scares me.

Maybe it's because I've had depression for so long it's become my new normal. And the idea of changing my normal is what's scary.

 
I feel for you, Outlaw. After suffering for pretty much my whole life I finally sought treatment for my depression about a month ago. I'd talked myself out of it thousands of times, but this time I hauled my sorry ass to the hospital and talked to a psychologist.

I felt like I didn't deserve to be there, among the other (way worse off) folks in triage, but seriously, even just talking to someone about it made me feel lighter. It opened up dialogue with family and friends, and it's a lot more manageable now with treatment. Please, mention it to your doctor. Change the sad-normal into normal-normal. It WILL get better, but you have to talk first!

Etheric1

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Re: Life taking it's toll - depression
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2012, 07:19:46 pm »
Quote from: outlaw393;43570
Dealing with depression again. Well technically I've dealt with it for the past 18 years, but I've lived my life without having to get treatment. But things aren't getting any easier on the unemployment front and I recently lost my relationship as well. So things went from bad to worse and not getting any better.

I've even been told (online) that I should seek help, but I most likely won't, because for some reason the idea of seeking professional help scares me.

Maybe it's because I've had depression for so long it's become my new normal. And the idea of changing my normal is what's scary.

I've thought about mentioning it at my yearly physical in March, but I doubt I'll have the guts for that. :eek:

 
As someone who struggles with this miserable disease and has shared your thoughts as you stated above, I would like to say I encourage you to seek help anyway.  Depression can be made worse with added stresses and the unemployment thing is a big one (one that made mine MUCH worse).

It takes a lot of courage to speak about it, and there are plenty of reasons to not want to do so.  But wouldn't you rather improve the state of your mind?  Keep in mind, there are therapists out there that became therapists because of their struggles with a mental illness.  My therapist had it in a bad way, and as a result of this, I think she can identify with people that struggle with it and is more effective because of this background.  I'm starting a private psychotherapy practice myself in part because of depression and how I'd like to work with people so they can recover from it.

I totally understand how this depressed state can feel like the new norm and changing that is more scary - quite simply, it's adding the unknown element on top of the fact that you can feel like you are running on empty.  This is something depression seems to almost "feed on" as though it were some lower entity.  I'd say try to find a therapist that you mesh well with and perhaps specializes in depression.  They are out there.  And many offer a free first session so see if you like them and they can work for you.  

For some, depression needs to be treated as a debilitating illness that can be fatal, quite simply because it indeed can be exactly that.  It's not a sign of weakness or shame to realize when help is needed.  I'd argue it can be trying to take the easy way out by NOT getting help.  I don't mean to talk down to you at all, quite the opposite.  

I was in a position for a long time where there were risks and potential consequences for admiring to having depression and getting help, what I came to realize is that therapy is nobody's business except you and your therapist.  I was in a position where taking anti-depressants was a big no-no. So I've sought help involving NOT taking a pill.  And personally I prefer that anyways.  

Yes, insurance can get involved, as far as how much they financially will help, but the details and what is said should always remain a matter of confidentiality between you and the person helping you.

So I do hope you can find someone to help you with this.  And I'll leave you with a quote I love on this matter:  "Depression is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of having to be too strong for too long."  Good luck with whatever you choose, and I hope it gets better.
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outlaw393

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Re: Life taking it's toll - depression
« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2012, 11:50:23 pm »
Quote from: MarieBay;43828
I feel for you, Outlaw. After suffering for pretty much my whole life I finally sought treatment for my depression about a month ago. I'd talked myself out of it thousands of times, but this time I hauled my sorry ass to the hospital and talked to a psychologist.

I felt like I didn't deserve to be there, among the other (way worse off) folks in triage, but seriously, even just talking to someone about it made me feel lighter. It opened up dialogue with family and friends, and it's a lot more manageable now with treatment. Please, mention it to your doctor. Change the sad-normal into normal-normal. It WILL get better, but you have to talk first!

 
I am in a support group on facebook. I was told about St John's Wart. I've actually been taking the stuff for years on and off without much success except for momentary lifts of mood.

I started taking the recommended dose on the bottle about 2 days ago and I have to say I feel much closer to normal than I have in months.

Someone here spoke of anxiety. I have that too, I get fits of paranoia sometimes that come out of nowhere, and I am not sure where they come from. There are days when I am anxious too, and worry about way too much. They mentioned irrational fear - that's what I had too. They mentioned their car blowing away in the wind, for me it was hearing random noises (through headphones playing music - I live with two people who secured the house) at night that made me worry someone could be breaking into the house. Irrational fear? Definitely.

I feel right now that I need the herbal anti-depression stuff to stay normal and sane. And when the time comes I might bring this up to my doctor, because to be blunt, it's worrying me. I have NEVER been to this point in my life where my mental health worried me. And I have been suicidal before, and bounced back from that, and wasn't worried after that. (Now before anyone starts commenting I'll say it's been 18 years ago)

Though I will admit after I lost my job I was tempted to do some pretty crazy things that I would never normally think about doing. And I knew it was the depression making me think about doing those things. :eek:

Anyway, enough. I don't want to depress anyone else with my issues. Thank you all for your responses. :)
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stitchinwith

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Re: Life taking it's toll - depression
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2012, 06:26:16 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;43858
I am in a support group on facebook. I was told about St John's Wart. I've actually been taking the stuff for years on and off without much success except for momentary lifts of mood.

I started taking the recommended dose on the bottle about 2 days ago and I have to say I feel much closer to normal than I have in months.

Someone here spoke of anxiety. I have that too, I get fits of paranoia sometimes that come out of nowhere, and I am not sure where they come from. There are days when I am anxious too, and worry about way too much. They mentioned irrational fear - that's what I had too. They mentioned their car blowing away in the wind, for me it was hearing random noises (through headphones playing music - I live with two people who secured the house) at night that made me worry someone could be breaking into the house. Irrational fear? Definitely.

I feel right now that I need the herbal anti-depression stuff to stay normal and sane. And when the time comes I might bring this up to my doctor, because to be blunt, it's worrying me. I have NEVER been to this point in my life where my mental health worried me. And I have been suicidal before, and bounced back from that, and wasn't worried after that. (Now before anyone starts commenting I'll say it's been 18 years ago)

Though I will admit after I lost my job I was tempted to do some pretty crazy things that I would never normally think about doing. And I knew it was the depression making me think about doing those things. :eek:

Anyway, enough. I don't want to depress anyone else with my issues. Thank you all for your responses. :)

 
Having been diagnosed as Clinically Depressed, through compounded stress related issues, I can relate to so much that has been said by others, and whole heartedly agree with their advice.

Something that works for me, more so than any drug, be it herbal or otherwise, is laughter. Now I know raising a smile is hard, but once I put on "Blazing Saddles" the blackness starts lifting, and by the end of the film, I'm rolling on the floor.  The plus side is that I start to feel better.

At one of the self-help groups I attend, I raised this, and I'm glad to report that everyone, albeit using different DVD's, commented on how beneficial they found the experience.  They now use this when they start to feeling overwhelmed by the issues (real or imagined) of every day life.

People care about you, and there will always be plenty of ears to listen.

MarieBay

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Re: Life taking it's toll - depression
« Reply #10 on: February 24, 2012, 09:55:05 pm »
Quote from: stitchinwith;43868

Something that works for me, more so than any drug, be it herbal or otherwise, is laughter. Now I know raising a smile is hard, but once I put on "Blazing Saddles" the blackness starts lifting, and by the end of the film, I'm rolling on the floor.  The plus side is that I start to feel better.

At one of the self-help groups I attend, I raised this, and I'm glad to report that everyone, albeit using different DVD's, commented on how beneficial they found the experience.  

 
That's a really neat treatment idea, Stitchinwith! I'm going to try it :)

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