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Author Topic: In Need of Positive Energy  (Read 838 times)

redcloverspirit

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In Need of Positive Energy
« on: July 08, 2012, 11:08:12 pm »
Lately it seems that my life has been going downhill.  On one hand, I am very happy with my daughter and I would do anything for her.  She's what keeps me going.  

On the other hand, things aren't so great.  Over the last year my husband has become more and more aggressive, angry, and impatient.  Sometimes I'm even afraid of what he is capable of, though he has never laid a hand on myself or my daughter.  We live in a city which has both of us (born and country raised) extremely depressed and tense, but we cannot afford to move.  We are living off of $1000 a month and my husband refuses to get a job.  I am extremely afraid to go back to work, as I would have to leave my daughter with my husband all day because we cannot afford a babysitter or daycare.  His patience is short with me, and even shorter with her, and leaving him alone with her is not something I feel comfortable with in the least.  In all honesty, I'm not sure I'd have the energy to have a job anyway, as my husband refuses to help with the baby or anything around the house either.  In order to keep a functioning household and a happy baby, I'm running myself ragged.  

I am quite unsure of what to do, honestly, but for now I am simply asking for positive energy, prayers, and even advice to be sent my way.  

Thank you so much to those of you who have read this far.

mlr52

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Re: In Need of Positive Energy
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2012, 11:52:23 pm »
Quote from: redcloverspirit;63323
Lately it seems that my life has been going downhill.  On one hand, I am very happy with my daughter and I would do anything for her.  She's what keeps me going.  

I am quite unsure of what to do, honestly, but for now I am simply asking for positive energy, prayers, and even advice to be sent my way.  

Thank you so much to those of you who have read this far.


Sending Energy ((())), XOXOXO

Although you did not ask (and probably do not want to hear this), contact a battered woman's shelter, (they may be able to point you toward help).
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redcloverspirit

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Re: In Need of Positive Energy
« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2012, 09:44:49 am »
Quote from: mlr52;63329
Sending Energy ((())), XOXOXO

Although you did not ask (and probably do not want to hear this), contact a battered woman's shelter, (they may be able to point you toward help).

 
Thank you.

Shine

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Re: In Need of Positive Energy
« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2012, 10:06:55 am »
Quote from: redcloverspirit;63323
Lately it seems that my life has been going downhill.  On one hand, I am very happy with my daughter and I would do anything for her.  She's what keeps me going.  

On the other hand, things aren't so great.  Over the last year my husband has become more and more aggressive, angry, and impatient.  Sometimes I'm even afraid of what he is capable of, though he has never laid a hand on myself or my daughter.  We live in a city which has both of us (born and country raised) extremely depressed and tense, but we cannot afford to move.  We are living off of $1000 a month and my husband refuses to get a job.  I am extremely afraid to go back to work, as I would have to leave my daughter with my husband all day because we cannot afford a babysitter or daycare.  His patience is short with me, and even shorter with her, and leaving him alone with her is not something I feel comfortable with in the least.  In all honesty, I'm not sure I'd have the energy to have a job anyway, as my husband refuses to help with the baby or anything around the house either.  In order to keep a functioning household and a happy baby, I'm running myself ragged.  

I am quite unsure of what to do, honestly, but for now I am simply asking for positive energy, prayers, and even advice to be sent my way.  

Thank you so much to those of you who have read this far.

 
Sending you good vibes. I hope things turn out well for you.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

Sweetened

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Re: In Need of Positive Energy
« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2012, 09:19:32 pm »
Quote from: mlr52;63329
Sending Energy ((())), XOXOXO

Although you did not ask (and probably do not want to hear this), contact a battered woman's shelter, (they may be able to point you toward help).

 
My thoughts are with you.  I must agree with mlr.

For your thoughts: I was in a similar position, in the role of your daughter.  I watched it escalate and have vivid, regretful memories of standing at the top of the stairs watching the first time it went -that far-.  

You're stronger than you believe, you deserve comfort.  Trust your gut and what's it's telling you.

Message me any time, and know I'm wishing for the absolute best for you.

redcloverspirit

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Re: In Need of Positive Energy
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2012, 01:11:29 pm »
Quote from: Sweetened;63485
.

 
Thank you so much everyone.

SunflowerP

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Re: In Need of Positive Energy
« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2012, 04:37:22 pm »
Quote from: redcloverspirit;63323
Over the last year my husband has become more and more aggressive, angry, and impatient. ... my husband refuses to get a job. ... my husband refuses to help with the baby or anything around the house either.

 
That sounds like it might be depression on a fairly serious, clinical, level.  (Or he's just that kind of asshole, but I'm assuming not from the general tone of your post.)

I can say, "he should seek help with that," 'til I'm blue in the face, but if your family doesn't have the resources, you, and he, are just kinda screwed.  There are things like sliding-fee-scale counselling, though, that might be worth looking into.

That said... not all domestic abuse is physically violent, and (contrary to most of the narratives I see) not all of it is intentionally dominating/controlling.  It took me quite a while, after my common-law marriage came apart, to fully realize that it had been an abusive, or at least toxic, situation for me, because ex-hubby didn't fit descriptions I was finding of abusers - indeed, it was also a toxic, possibly abusive situation for him, for reasons relating to his experiences of emotional abuse as a child.  Does that make me an abuser?  I'm still not sure - not in a universal way, that'd be abusive in any relationship, and not in a way that fits the common "monster who wants to control or harm" tropes, but quite possibly to him and others with similar triggers.

Point being - what matters is not whether one's partner is a Good Person or a Bad Person (that's a false dichotomy; we're all human, all a mix of traits and behaviors that can't be neatly and readily divided into Good and Bad), but whether the situation is toxic to oneself or one's child(ren).

I'm not advising you to leave him here; while from what you've said the situation sounds toxic enough that it might be the right thing, I don't, and can't from a description only a few paragraphs long, know whether that's the right option in this situation or not.  Mostly I'm just bringing up a few things that often don't get brought up in discussions about domestic abuse, so you have them if/when you need them.

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