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Author Topic: Could really use some support....  (Read 1689 times)

lys810

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Could really use some support....
« on: January 19, 2015, 09:27:38 pm »
Can I get thoughts/prayers/light/something sent my way?
I have a lot of stress going on in my life, lots of changes, lots of overwhelming everything.
Could really use some support, in any form.

Here's the big long story.

In May 2014 I packed up my not-quite-2 year old daughter and left my emotionally abusive and controlling boyfriend. (Not my daughter’s father, he has been absent since before her birth). We stayed with my sister 1,000 miles away from home for a few weeks, until my grandmother (to whom I was very close as a child) passed away unexpectedly (to me). We flew back immediately, but we didn’t make it time for me to say goodbye to her. After arriving back home, my daughter and I stayed with my mother from June until September. My mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, and was abusive toward me while I was growing up. I suspect she may have been abusive toward my daughter as well while we were living there.

On September 1, my mother kicked my daughter and I out. We had nowhere to go, so we lived in a motel. I was working at this point, but the motel and daycare took up almost my entire paycheck. I was forced to choose between feeding my daughter and having enough gas to keep working. I was working 50-60 hour weeks because I needed the overtime just to keep food on the table for my daughter. On the weekends, I had to let my mother watch her- there was no one else.
During this time, I repeatedly asked my family for help, to either be told no or ignored completely.

During this summer, I became extremely depressed to the point of suicidal ideation. The first time I considered suicide was toward the end of June.

By October 17, I had become completely overwhelmed with single parenthood, and our situation in general. I literally hit rock bottom. I texted an old friend, basically saying, “Hey, I’m suicidal and need to go to the ER. Can you take her while I’m in the hospital?” I had been asking family for help for months by this point. It took my friend (we’ll call her K) THREE MINUTES to say, “Yes, of course, let’s figure this out.”
So I brought my daughter to K, and K brought me to the hospital. I was admitted in-patient, and remained in the hospital for seven days. (October 17-24. I find it slightly ironic that Mercury was retrograde at the time…) While I was in the hospital, DCF became involved, because that’s what they do when a single parent shows up to the ER with suicidal ideation. Meanwhile, my mother was threatening K that she was going to show up and take my daughter ‘whether K liked it or not” and “by any means necessary.” Intimidated by my mother, K and I quickly got a temporary guardianship put in place. (Meaning, K became my daughter’s legal guardian) DCF approved of this decision, and asked K to make it more formal, and get the guardianship through the court. She did.
My daughter and I have been staying with K since I was released from the hospital. She still has guardianship of my daughter. The next court date is in March.

Meanwhile, it has come to both my attention and K’s that I don’t have a connection with my daughter- no surprise, all the things we’ve gone through since her birth.

So right now, the plan is that in March, we will make the guardianship ‘permanent’. I will be moving out, without my daughter. Hopefully, DCF will become uninvolved, and that will be one less stress in my life. K and I will still be working toward me getting my daughter back.

But… in a nutshell, scary stuff.

Cabal

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Re: Could really use some support....
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2015, 09:32:24 pm »
Quote from: lys810;169587
Can I get thoughts/prayers/light/something sent my way?
I have a lot of stress going on in my life, lots of changes, lots of overwhelming everything.
Could really use some support, in any form.

Here's the big long story.

In May 2014 I packed up my not-quite-2 year old daughter and left my emotionally abusive and controlling boyfriend. (Not my daughter’s father, he has been absent since before her birth). We stayed with my sister 1,000 miles away from home for a few weeks, until my grandmother (to whom I was very close as a child) passed away unexpectedly (to me). We flew back immediately, but we didn’t make it time for me to say goodbye to her. After arriving back home, my daughter and I stayed with my mother from June until September. My mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, and was abusive toward me while I was growing up. I suspect she may have been abusive toward my daughter as well while we were living there.

On September 1, my mother kicked my daughter and I out. We had nowhere to go, so we lived in a motel. I was working at this point, but the motel and daycare took up almost my entire paycheck. I was forced to choose between feeding my daughter and having enough gas to keep working. I was working 50-60 hour weeks because I needed the overtime just to keep food on the table for my daughter. On the weekends, I had to let my mother watch her- there was no one else.
During this time, I repeatedly asked my family for help, to either be told no or ignored completely.

During this summer, I became extremely depressed to the point of suicidal ideation. The first time I considered suicide was toward the end of June.

By October 17, I had become completely overwhelmed with single parenthood, and our situation in general. I literally hit rock bottom. I texted an old friend, basically saying, “Hey, I’m suicidal and need to go to the ER. Can you take her while I’m in the hospital?” I had been asking family for help for months by this point. It took my friend (we’ll call her K) THREE MINUTES to say, “Yes, of course, let’s figure this out.”
So I brought my daughter to K, and K brought me to the hospital. I was admitted in-patient, and remained in the hospital for seven days. (October 17-24. I find it slightly ironic that Mercury was retrograde at the time…) While I was in the hospital, DCF became involved, because that’s what they do when a single parent shows up to the ER with suicidal ideation. Meanwhile, my mother was threatening K that she was going to show up and take my daughter ‘whether K liked it or not” and “by any means necessary.” Intimidated by my mother, K and I quickly got a temporary guardianship put in place. (Meaning, K became my daughter’s legal guardian) DCF approved of this decision, and asked K to make it more formal, and get the guardianship through the court. She did.
My daughter and I have been staying with K since I was released from the hospital. She still has guardianship of my daughter. The next court date is in March.

Meanwhile, it has come to both my attention and K’s that I don’t have a connection with my daughter- no surprise, all the things we’ve gone through since her birth.

So right now, the plan is that in March, we will make the guardianship ‘permanent’. I will be moving out, without my daughter. Hopefully, DCF will become uninvolved, and that will be one less stress in my life. K and I will still be working toward me getting my daughter back.

But… in a nutshell, scary stuff.
Positive thoughts & prayers sent your way!!!!!
"In Hell, everybody loves popcorn."

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Re: Could really use some support....
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2015, 02:36:25 am »
Quote from: lys810;169587


 
Sending out some prayers for everyone involved. I hope it works out for the best.
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." - Hemingway

lys810

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I could really use some support...
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2015, 12:28:56 pm »
« Last Edit: January 21, 2015, 12:41:44 am by SunflowerP »

habbalah

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Re: I could really use some support...
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2015, 04:23:54 pm »
Quote from: lys810;169607
Can I get thoughts/prayers/light/something sent my way?
I have a lot of stress going on in my life, lots of changes, lots of overwhelming everything.
Could really use some support, in any form.


That is a hell of a thing to go through. I'll say a prayer for you, your daughter, and K.
“You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend.” -- Bruce Lee

Gaudior

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Re: I could really use some support...
« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2015, 06:26:42 pm »
Quote from: lys810;169607
Can I get thoughts/prayers/light/something sent my way?
I have a lot of stress going on in my life, lots of changes, lots of overwhelming everything.
Could really use some support, in any form.

Here's the big long story.

In May 2014 I packed up my not-quite-2 year old daughter and left my emotionally abusive and controlling boyfriend. (Not my daughter’s father, he has been absent since before her birth). We stayed with my sister 1,000 miles away from home for a few weeks, until my grandmother (to whom I was very close as a child) passed away unexpectedly (to me). We flew back immediately, but we didn’t make it time for me to say goodbye to her. After arriving back home, my daughter and I stayed with my mother from June until September. My mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, and was abusive toward me while I was growing up. I suspect she may have been abusive toward my daughter as well while we were living there.

On September 1, my mother kicked my daughter and I out. We had nowhere to go, so we lived in a motel. I was working at this point, but the motel and daycare took up almost my entire paycheck. I was forced to choose between feeding my daughter and having enough gas to keep working. I was working 50-60 hour weeks because I needed the overtime just to keep food on the table for my daughter. On the weekends, I had to let my mother watch her- there was no one else.
During this time, I repeatedly asked my family for help, to either be told no or ignored completely.

During this summer, I became extremely depressed to the point of suicidal ideation. The first time I considered suicide was toward the end of June.

By October 17, I had become completely overwhelmed with single parenthood, and our situation in general. I literally hit rock bottom. I texted an old friend, basically saying, “Hey, I’m suicidal and need to go to the ER. Can you take her while I’m in the hospital?” I had been asking family for help for months by this point. It took my friend (we’ll call her K) THREE MINUTES to say, “Yes, of course, let’s figure this out.”
So I brought my daughter to K, and K brought me to the hospital. I was admitted in-patient, and remained in the hospital for seven days. (October 17-24. I find it slightly ironic that Mercury was retrograde at the time…) While I was in the hospital, DCF became involved, because that’s what they do when a single parent shows up to the ER with suicidal ideation. Meanwhile, my mother was threatening K that she was going to show up and take my daughter ‘whether K liked it or not” and “by any means necessary.” Intimidated by my mother, K and I quickly got a temporary guardianship put in place. (Meaning, K became my daughter’s legal guardian) DCF approved of this decision, and asked K to make it more formal, and get the guardianship through the court. She did.
My daughter and I have been staying with K since I was released from the hospital. She still has guardianship of my daughter. The next court date is in March.

Meanwhile, it has come to both my attention and K’s that I don’t have a connection with my daughter- no surprise, all the things we’ve gone through since her birth.

So right now, the plan is that in March, we will make the guardianship ‘permanent’. I will be moving out, without my daughter. Hopefully, DCF will become uninvolved, and that will be one less stress in my life. K and I will still be working toward me getting my daughter back.

But… in a nutshell, scary stuff.

 
I'm so sorry. Praying for you guys.
I talk to plants.

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Re: I could really use some support...
« Reply #6 on: January 21, 2015, 01:01:59 am »
Quote from: lys810;169607

 
A Reminder:
Hi, lys810,

I've merged the two identical threads you made.

In future, please just make one thread for any given post. Making more than one thread for the same post is a violation of our rules (scroll down to the section headed, 'Don't be annoying').

Since you posted one last night, and the second this morning, I'm guessing that what happened is that you realized that 'Prayers and Energy Requests' was a better forum for your thread to be in, and since you couldn't move the original, you made a duplicate. When something like that happens, the thing to do is to ask staff to move the thread for you - an easy way to do this is to report your post (look for an exclamation mark in a triangle, in the lower left corner of your post, and click it), and in the 'reason for reporting' box, explain that you want it moved and to where.

This isn't a formal warning, just a reminder.  No  reply is necessary, but if you have questions or need clarification,  please feel free to contact a member of staff privately.

Thanks!
Sunflower, TC Forum Staff
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