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Author Topic: Visions and "future" anecdotes?  (Read 1361 times)

Sharysa

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Visions and "future" anecdotes?
« on: April 04, 2012, 01:46:17 am »
WARNING: Backstory coming up!

My family has a history of psychic abilities, though they vary in ability/strength--my mother has a stronger intuition than most (or she just listens to it more frequently), and sometimes has prophetic dreams. My sister can intuit things, but not often, and she almost never dreams the future.

I, on the other hand, can intuit things (the problem is listening to myself), am very empathic, and used to hear "phantom" music when I was younger (which I now realize may have been the Fair Folk trying to get my attention). I also used to be able to see ghosts (also when I was younger). The last two seem to have been lost, though I can't tell whether there just isn't anything trying to get my attention or it's because I'm older--my mother believes that only young children and the unafraid can see ghosts/fairies, and I am both in my twenties and rather high-strung.

END WARNING: Backstory over.

I suppose I'm already known for my overwhelming drive to be in a local production of Spring Awakening. But what I've been hesitant to mention is that starting from Mid-February to today, I started having--and continue to have--what I believe are visions/prophecies. This is why I'm so driven to get into this play.

They're always about a boy who seems to be in a relationship with me; they started completely out of the blue, and after a week I realized that I had no control over what they were about or when they happened (brushing my teeth, rehearsing for choir/theater, going to sleep), so I started wondering if they were visions instead.

After completely blowing my audition, I got a tarot reading from a psychic in my town. She said that 1) my disastrous audition was due to a negative influence trying to hold me back, which we are now working to get rid of, and 2) the boy is my soulmate, and the visions are preparing me for actually meeting him.

A few days ago, I started hearing "future anecdotes" in my head--stories I'd be telling to my friends about him. They started as random thoughts that had nothing to do with my current tasks, as if I was listening to a recording of myself. The psychic told me that the negative energy is keeping me from seeing/hearing everything properly. Since I started working with her, I can get a longer train of thought if I focus REALLY hard, but they're still in fragments.

The main consistencies in my visions/anecdotes are:

1) They're always the same conversations/scenes; I can let them "keep going," or replay them, but I cannot control them like an average daydream.

2) I can't hear the boy's real name or see his face, no matter how much I focus. The psychic told me that the negative energy is what's keeping me from doing so. After I saw her again today, I decided to try saying the boy's real name during my anecdotes, but something always stops me. I can feel his name forming in my mouth, but then I feel someone watching me and either my throat locks up, or I force myself to call him "Moritz" or an endearment instead. It feels like the presence is keeping me from saying his name because "you shouldn't get your hopes up too much."

3) Whether humorous or serious, the visions always have an undercurrent of acceptance and trust. I see myself tell him things that I've never told anyone else--and things I haven't even admitted to myself--because I trust him that much. Not only that, they feel like memories instead of daydreams that I make up.

4) I can't remember exactly what I say/see after I'm done--only the general idea. This is most likely a combination of my lack of psychic training and the negative energy.

I'm going to try writing things down so you guys have more to work on later, but do you guys have any advice?
« Last Edit: April 04, 2012, 01:51:26 am by Sharysa »
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Fier

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Re: Visions and "future" anecdotes?
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2012, 08:28:28 am »
Quote from: Sharysa;48792



 
I don't have much time so I'll have to answer quickly.

I do believe in prophetic visions. I've had a few myself, though they were always short and never about anything particularly serious. Your visions very well could be telling you about a future relationship. However, I don't personally believe in "soulmates".

I'd be very wary of this psychic, however. A "negative influence" trying to keep you apart just screams, "I need a reason for you to keep giving me money". You said after working with her you've only seen a slight improvement. It could very well be that the improvement is just from practice, having nothing to do with the psychic.

A few other thoughts:
 How do you know that the visions are about THIS particular play coming up, and not one you might do of the same show in the future?

If there is a negative influence, it's probably a part of yourself, not an outside force.

Arcadia

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Re: Visions and "future" anecdotes?
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2012, 09:03:29 am »
Quote from: FierFlye;48808

I'd be very wary of this psychic, however. A "negative influence" trying to keep you apart just screams, "I need a reason for you to keep giving me money".


 
Honestly this is my first thought too. Not saying it isn't a possibility. Just use common sense.

Regardless of whether the perceived negative influence comes from you or outside of you, some cleansing and or protective work could help.
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Sharysa

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Re: Visions and "future" anecdotes?
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2012, 02:29:54 pm »
Quote from: Arcadia;48810


 
Well, my intuition and the Morrigan have been pretty active lately, but neither is giving me any trouble about her. She asked me questions about things that I have never told anyone; I haven't written them down where any spying could access it, and nobody would be able to get them from a cold reading.

And ever since she told me that an outside negativity had actively prevented me from getting the part, I've felt consuming, righteous anger that isn't completely mine--most of it is the Morrigan's rage that someone messed with her plans. She's not mad at me even indirectly, so the negative energy probably isn't my own depression. Yesterday the psychic told me that the negativity was from one of my own family members trying to hold me back, and my own anger kind of faded into acceptance and a little bit of betrayal.

I've always known that my family isn't supportive of me; they like that theater makes me happy, but they treat it as a hobby until I find my "real" career and they never really respond to whatever praise my productions get with more than "Oh, that's great!" I tried to compromise with my mother a year ago by double-majoring in psychology, but eventually life (and the Morrigan) forced me to just major in theater like I really want.

I did a tarot star-reading with my own deck yesterday in hopes that it would say something different, and the card representing my question ("Will I get cast in Spring Awakening?") was the Tower--irreversible change. I was looking at it and I felt it saying, Your family will never accept your choices, and I went, "...Okay, FINE." And I felt things just coming down around me, but it wasn't completely bad because there was a sense of "Finally, I don't have to worry about it anymore."

I always hoped that they'd come around and be happy that I'm happy, and not worry about whether I'm broke or hungry or getting enough sleep, because I've had several years to accept that acting is a hard job. But, you know, it turns out they won't. If you count high school where I first caught the acting bug, this means I've been trying to compromise and get their acceptance for the past five years.

But the outcome card (right above the Tower in this layout) was the Star--I kind of chuckled and went "LOL, WHAT COULD THIS POSSIBLY MEAN FOR A THEATER MAJOR?"

Quote

How do you know that the visions are about THIS particular play coming up, and not one you might do of the same show in the future?


I know it's this particular production because I'm the same age, and the overall feel is spring/summer (when rehearsals and performances for this production will take place). There's always light pouring in through the windows, and aside from the visions taking place at college, it feels like my hometown.
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Sharysa

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Re: Visions and "future" anecdotes?
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2012, 02:51:44 pm »
Quote from: Sharysa;48833

I hate double-posting, but I forgot to mention that after focusing extremely hard on the boy and asking, "Who are you?", I woke up with the name "Bartolomeo" stuck in my head.

Still can't get his face, though, and his voice is still a generic tenor no matter how much I try to hear it.
« Last Edit: April 04, 2012, 02:52:36 pm by Sharysa »
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Annie Roonie

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Re: Visions and "future" anecdotes?
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2012, 12:59:47 am »
Quote from: Sharysa;48792
I realize you did not ask for different interpretations, but in case you are open to them, I may have some.  I've done this for friends and have some time on my hands, so I'll give it a hotmess untrained psychic go. YMMV wildly of course.

Quote from: Sharysa;48792
The main consistencies in my visions/anecdotes are:

1) They're always the same conversations/scenes; I can let them "keep going," or replay them, but I cannot control them like an average daydream.

Sometimes visions turn out to come in metaphors where the message has to do with the vision, but is not directly related to the specific content. Could the repeated scenarios actually be coming because the message is something other than what it seems on the surface and your not grasping it yet? This happens to me sometimes and the visions stop when I finally click in. So other situations could be analogous to these scenes and conversations and those situations may not even have arisen yet or are not being seen clearly yet.

Quote from: Sharysa;48792
2) I can't hear the boy's real name or see his face, no matter how much I focus. The psychic told me that the negative energy is what's keeping me from doing so. After I saw her again today, I decided to try saying the boy's real name during my anecdotes, but something always stops me. I can feel his name forming in my mouth, but then I feel someone watching me and either my throat locks up, or I force myself to call him "Moritz" or an endearment instead. It feels like the presence is keeping me from saying his name because "you shouldn't get your hopes up too much."

There is something on the tip of your tongue and you cannot get to it, and if you do, it might not feel precisely fitting. That's my take on your words. Like before, the surface might be representing something else that is as yet unacknowledged so it cannot be spoken or if it is, it will not be lead to the best processing. And that can suck, but is often for the best as the process of working through turns out to be the most important thing.

I read further where you wrote a Bartolomeo as a name you woke to.  Could it be a red herring or a direction in which to search for the possible meanings? Bartolomeo is the first name of a famous anarchist. Vanzetti of Sacco and Vanzetti infamy. And he is the first Bartolomeo that comes to mind for me. To me he fits as a sign that focusing in a specific direction might not lead where it seems.

Conversations are a combo of transmit and receive. What exists already that is being transmitted and received ineffectually?


Quote from: Sharysa;48792
3) Whether humorous or serious, the visions always have an undercurrent of acceptance and trust. I see myself tell him things that I've never told anyone else--and things I haven't even admitted to myself--because I trust him that much. Not only that, they feel like memories instead of daydreams that I make up.

That's cool. So a culmination of acceptance is there and it is valued. That's a positive sign to me in that even if these things lead to or represent something different, there is a strong possibility of assimilation that will be beneficial.

Quote from: Sharysa;48792
4) I can't remember exactly what I say/see after I'm done--only the general idea. This is most likely a combination of my lack of psychic training and the negative energy.

Maybe. I have similar problems that I credit to my lack of training/discipline. But the negative energy seems off to me because if that were so, to my mind you wouldn't be gifted with the good visions at all. I may be totally off, but if the visions are a message you are open to receiving, then whatever negative energy is about, isn't being super successful since the visions portend positivity. But that might be because negative energy for me comes in the form of prevention of visions or insights or in darker sights. Visions as far as I know, are not typically easy peasy from the get go, so just getting them is like being given an awesome clue or puzzle to figure out. A kind of blessing to the brain, but negative ones do not usually feel that way. Also, I there is usually no good/bad duality to them for me so that you have a good set is interesting, and again makes the negative energy angle seem off a bit.

Still, if you feel it and if it is going to make things stagnate, then would here be harm in doing some purification or balancing work? A ritual to let it go or something perhaps.

Quote from: Sharysa;48792
I'm going to try writing things down so you guys have more to work on later, but do you guys have any advice?

Riffing now:
You've spent 5 years living with the acknowledgment that your family does not accept your choices. That is a very difficult thing to assimilate and move forward from. It's a tangle that can anchor until a body finds a way around the cognitive dissonance. You love them and want them to love you but that's got some smudges on it. Can you accept, like the idea of soul mates suggests, that there will always be a bug in the honey there? Can that be okay anyway? In reality there seem very few unconditional loves, more like accepting of conditions loves.

I can't get over the symbolism in the words "Spring Awakening." Could this mean your coming to terms with something that will enable you to see different and brighter possibilities? This awakening in what is the springtime of your life? I don't know your age though.

I know my take ignores the relationship with the guy and that is a bummer for a romantic, but that kind of idealized love vision never seems to represent actual romantic or relationship love to me. Rather, it represents the heart of the matter, which in this case seems to be the idealized love you've been craving but been denied with your family.

This admittedly bad psychic's advice: Find a way to make it okay that your family isn't supportive. As in, allow it to not matter to you for a bit and see what that feels like. Removing those negative feelings may open up vistas of possibilities. Even romantic ones. But imagining an audition where your talent was freed from the undercurrent of "they'll never accept me" and let to shine, might elevate it to the stars. Whether that be acting stars or other higher grounds I have no incoming glints.
« Last Edit: April 05, 2012, 01:03:22 am by Annie Roonie »

Sharysa

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Re: Visions and "future" anecdotes?
« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2012, 08:28:18 pm »
As promised, I wrote down a whole lot of stuff. This post is going to be REALLY long.

Quote from: Annie Roonie;48926
Could the repeated scenarios actually be coming because the message is something other than what it seems on the surface and your not grasping it yet?


Well, a fair few of my visions/anecdotes involve a rehearsal for , which I was hesitant to mention to people for obvious reasons. It's a beautiful song, but I rarely listen to it because I invariably get the urge to sing along, so I either have to make sure I don't or I hum along so I don't get weird looks. In one of the "anecdotes," however, I'm discussing it without a problem: "At first I was just supposed to climb on the table and show off my stockings, but then it morphed into me acting out one of Moritz's wet dreams; so now I'm dragging him on the table to feel him up, while screaming for him to (sings) TOUCH MEEEEE."

The actual "rehearsal" is one of the most frequent visions I'm having, which I wasn't very comfortable with at first because I have intimacy problems. I just don't like people touching me (in any way), partly because I'm not physically expressive and partly for reasons I don't want to mention in public.

Which leads me to the second-most frequent vision, where I'm singing ; for Ilse's half of the song, the director tells me to sit/lie down while Ilse's father just stands over me. I'm fine with the idea, but when we actually start acting it out, I freeze up. Everyone stops and asks me what's wrong, but I can't say anything and then I just run off.

It skips ahead to where I'm sitting with the boy somewhere and he's been hugging me for a while, and I ask why he ISN'T asking me what's wrong; to which he says, "Well, you were singing about child abuse and then you spent [amount of time] crying in the bathroom. It's not that hard to guess."

In visions that take place later, I tell him what exactly happened and it doesn't feel like he's asked me--it feels like I'm the one deciding to tell him.

Quote
There is something on the tip of your tongue and you cannot get to it, and if you do, it might not feel precisely fitting. That's my take on your words. Like before, the surface might be representing something else that is as yet unacknowledged so it cannot be spoken or if it is, it will not be lead to the best processing. And that can suck, but is often for the best as the process of working through turns out to be the most important thing.

I read further where you wrote a Bartolomeo as a name you woke to.  Could it be a red herring or a direction in which to search for the possible meanings? Bartolomeo is the first name of a famous anarchist. Vanzetti of Sacco and Vanzetti infamy. And he is the first Bartolomeo that comes to mind for me. To me he fits as a sign that focusing in a specific direction might not lead where it seems.


The more I think about it, the more it doesn't really feel like his name. Also, for more information now that I'm not going crazy with things--in my dream we were in Germany and I was introducing the boy to someone as "Bartolomeo," but I had a lot of trouble 1) speaking German, and 2) figuring out how to say an Italian name with a German accent. The fact that Germany/Italy were two Axis powers wasn't very comforting when I woke up, but that didn't matter in the actual dream, which was very positive--I kept apologizing constantly for things I got wrong, but the others kept saying "Don't worry so much, we're not expecting epic poetry... YET. Lawls!" I felt that the boy was more fluent in German than I was, but he was letting me talk because I wanted to.

And for the record, Spring Awakening is set in Germany. Either I'm just going crazy or it's more symbolism.

Quote
Conversations are a combo of transmit and receive. What exists already that is being transmitted and received ineffectually?


I notice I talk a LOT in those visions, either without interruption or with people actively urging me to talk more and elaborate on things. For the most part I'm just naturally quiet and laid-back, but I have a problem of using that as an excuse when people go, "Why didn't you tell me [X] was bothering you?"

And for some reason I have an even worse problem talking about good things that happen to me, because I always feel like I'm taking up people's time or something. I know it's ridiculous, but I have this feeling that "Sure, it's great to tell people things are going well, but they don't have to know THAT much."

Quote
You've spent 5 years living with the acknowledgment that your family does not accept your choices. That is a very difficult thing to assimilate and move forward from. It's a tangle that can anchor until a body finds a way around the cognitive dissonance. You love them and want them to love you but that's got some smudges on it. Can you accept, like the idea of soul mates suggests, that there will always be a bug in the honey there? Can that be okay anyway? In reality there seem very few unconditional loves, more like accepting of conditions loves.


Right now I'm still in that "god I feel like shit" phase, but I think I can accept the idea when things hurt less.

Last night I did a love-knot spell and I'm currently wearing the cords as a bracelet. Then I wore it when I went to sleep, and I prayed to the Morrigan for answers/help. I started rambling about all the things I was seeing and what I'd do to get them, and she was fine with that, but then I felt her ask "What will you STOP doing?" I didn't get it at first, but after another bout of rambling I said, "I will not go back to my family." By then I was crying and my chest hurt, but it was more of a release than actual pain.

I had to say it three more times for it to sink in, and the only answer she could give me was, "You'll have to wait, but he's coming. Don't worry." I don't know whether this matters or not, but by the end of this I was in a fetal position crying at everything, and felt incredibly cold despite the weather and my blanket. But the bracelet was wrapped around my forearm, and when the chill settled on me, I felt an urge to pull it closer to my chest and realized it was warm.

And aside from having to admit that I'm officially the black sheep in my family, right now I feel like I'm dormant.

Quote
I can't get over the symbolism in the words "Spring Awakening." Could this mean your coming to terms with something that will enable you to see different and brighter possibilities? This awakening in what is the springtime of your life? I don't know your age though.


I'm twenty-two, which is well past legal-adult age in the United States. My mother and sister have been hounding me ever since I started to do things on my own and they constantly say "I know you're an adult now, but [insert what I should (not) do]." They do genuinely care about my happiness, but the problem is that their idea of happiness is "a good job with a nice house in a nice neighborhood." To me that's not happiness, it's safety. And safety is good, but it's not everything to me--and that's where we start clashing.

In fact, when I got a job so I wouldn't have to keep borrowing money from Mom, she freaked out and went, "You shouldn't feel guilty about asking me for things! I'm your mother!" I told her that I didn't want to spend two hundred dollars of HER money for, say, a laptop or iPod, but somehow that made her MORE mad. I suspect it's partly culture clash (My family is Filipino, but I was born and raised in America) and partly because she wouldn't have financial control over me anymore.

On Spring Awakening's actual plot: It's rather famously a show about puberty/sex, but it's also about how adults screw up their children's lives because they won't accept that their kids are growing up, and that they want answers that aren't just "Do well in school," "Listen to what I/[insert Holy Book]/your teachers say," or "These feelings are bad and you should feel bad for having them."

The characters I identify with most are Ilse and Moritz--Ilse is the role I desperately wanted to get, both because she is a young, non-villainous alto and because I literally share a backstory with her.

I identify with Moritz because I also went through near-suicidal depression (right down to the school problems and paradoxical loneliness/fear of intimacy), but when Moritz hits rock-bottom and goes into the woods to shoot himself, Ilse conveniently meets up with him. They reminisce about their childhood play-times, and then Ilse asks him to walk her home so they can play around like they used to. There's a lot of subtext that they're both secretly attracted to each other, and it's also really obvious that this is Moritz's life-or-death choice, but not only is Moritz in so much torment that he refuses, Ilse doesn't know he's five minutes away from shooting himself and she thinks he's just blowing her off so he can focus on homework.

Yes, the fact that I identify with both halves of a couple is important, as is the fact that the "Moritz" in my visions is my soulmate. As cheesy as it sounds, I want to be Ilse so badly because I never had an Ilse in my own life, but I want to help everyone else who might be going through it.
Ilse goes through a huge transformation from "angry/broken" to "defeated" to "hopeful," and she leads everyone in The sadness, the doubt, all the loss, the grief/ Will belong to some play from the past;/ As the child leads the way to a dream, a belief,/ A time of hope through the land.

I mentioned previously that I was feeling intense, righteous anger that wasn't completely mine, and I was thinking about it today: The play deals with an injustice from parents/society to the children, which echoes the injustice that I and many others still go through, and not getting a proper chance for Ilse's role is a very personal injustice--which is right up the Morrigan's alley, and probably why she had me going crazy for a while.

Quote
I know my take ignores the relationship with the guy and that is a bummer for a romantic, but that kind of idealized love vision never seems to represent actual romantic or relationship love to me. Rather, it represents the heart of the matter, which in this case seems to be the idealized love you've been craving but been denied with your family.


While I was charging around in a fury, I decided to look for information on soul-mates/twin flames/other halves. A lot of the sites said, "Before you can meet this person, you NEED to get rid of your hangups or you will NEVER EVER MEET THEM." I panicked because I have LOTS of baggage (as mentioned above), but then I compared that information to my own visions and thought, "If people are really meant to be together, shouldn't they accept your baggage like the boy does in my visions? Or gods forbid, HELP you get rid of it?"

If normal couples who AREN'T soul-mates can work through issues, why on earth would I need to drop mine before I can meet someone who's supposedly perfect for me? "Lose baggage = get soul-mate" would be reducing him or what he represents to a reward, and that's stupid.

I heard another thing last night while I was trying to get to sleep: One of my friends said to me, "You used to be sad all the time, but since you met him you're just so happy."

I don't mind that you didn't focus on the boy as a person, because the visions actually feel like a mix of figurative and literal meaning. He's definitely a real person because he's showing up more strongly in my tarot readings (I'll do another one tonight), but the visions don't seem to be showing the future as much as saying, "this is what it's going to feel like."

Maybe that's why I can't see him clearly or remember the exact details--he's real, but the visions are "fairy-tale" embellishments? In my list of the traits I could sense in my visions, he's definitely giving off the prince/knight vibe: Appearance-wise he's just "tall/gangly, young, adorable," but personality-wise I got "gentle, happy, responsible, smart, understanding," etc, and I was thinking, "why doesn't it just say "chivalrous"?" (Then I remembered that I had a really bad experience with someone who mistook "chivalry" for "treat the messed-up chick like a project to fix and bring up her issues at every possible chance--wait, she's getting MAD?!")
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