My family has strong spiritual power. I think I did something stupid.

[moonpaws]

Hey guys. So before I begin, I have to give a bit of backround. Since I was little I grew up with stories about my Bapchi (there is no way to spell it in English sorry) who was a Druid. My family has alwasy had strong spiritual abilities, but in my case I never learned to harness them, and in an attempt to control my energy absorbtion ( I tend to absorb peoples negative energies making myself very stressed and confused) I decided to start doing more research into paganism and Wicca thinking thats the closest I can get to my Bapchi's druidry. Unfortauntely, her journal was lost when my grandfather moved all her stuff to his house, and I was unable to find it. Anyway, last week I had a middle of the night crisis. In my dream, which was very vivid, I was chanting in some kind of langauge (which I believe to be Gaelic at this point in time), and next thing I remember was a huge old looking, black and red door/gate opening up in front of me, and something calling me stupid in my ears. I then woke up with sleep paralysis (Which I used to have frequently as a child) and the thing was taunting me and it was terrifying. Well then something flashed really bright and white and I heard what I believe was my spirit guide possibly? Or something, teling me I would be okay.

Well, ever since this event occurred my main desktops computer screen has been glowing a really wierd, not quite the death blue but a lighter version of that? And it hasnt shut off at all, not even if I try to shut it. And I keep getting this wierd sensation like Im being watched or theres something next to me.

Anyway, Im really scared I accidentally let something through some kind of spirit gate, and Im sure I sound nuts, but Ive heard other people in my family talk about similar experiences, but with talking to family, and Im kinda worried I let something bad through maybe? Is this even a thing??? Am I even in the right place?

My grandma told me once that its important to get control of the energies before they get out of control... was this what she meant? (She passed away and my Mom doesnt know how to explain it to me (Shes tried) since her energy absorbtion and spiritual power isnt as strong as mine) Im kinda slightly scared. Should I do a cleansing? I have a book on crystals and protection runes and stuff and am wondering if that would even do me any good.

[Jenett]

Anyway, Im really scared I accidentally let something through some kind of spirit gate, and Im sure I sound nuts, but Ive heard other people in my family talk about similar experiences, but with talking to family, and Im kinda worried I let something bad through maybe? Is this even a thing??? Am I even in the right place?

So, first, it's really unlikely that you did something in a dream that is going to cause huge major problems (because dream states are just complex, and you are not usually directing what goes on: things can feel really real and vivid, but that isn't the same as them doing or changing things necessarily.)

That said, it's possible that this dream and your other experiences are part of a larger energetic shift. Some people go through a period where a lot of stuff starts shifting or awakening for them at once, and it can feel chaotic and overwhelming. Dreams can definitely be a part of that.

Good things to do in this case:
-Slow down, and don't panic. Don't make sudden decisions.

-Spend some time focusing on core energy management skills (centering, grounding, shielding) and on learning to discern what's going on in your head from what's going on around you. (I've got articles about many of these topics on my Seeking website, though there are bunches of other resources. Here's the page that lists them, but other parts of the site might be helpful to you too.)

Doing some deliberate cleansing doesn't hurt and may well help. (Articles on that also linked from that page.) It doesn't need to be anything magically super fancy: cleaning your home physically, having a bath in salt water, and sorting out anything that might be bringing unwanted energies into your life (like unresolved problems you're having with people, or watching/listening to stuff that is highly emotional to you or inviting people over who are lots of chaos) can help. You don't have to forgive and forget, but getting it to something a little more stable, keeping some of it out of your home if you can, and so on can help a lot.

- Don't seek out interactions with non-physical beings just yet, until you get the other things under control (If you have an existing connection with deities or local energetic beings or something, keeping that up is okay, but don't add new ones.) If something shows up in dreams or meditation, a good solution is to be polite and do the "Thank you, but not right now" thing that you'd do to a random person who showed up wanting your time.

- Figure out some method of getting additional information that works for you. For some people, this is divination. For some people, this is meditation. For some people, this is finding and working with a group or teacher you can get advice from. (For some people, it's a combo of these!) Any advice you get through any of these methods should always be checked against your own intuition and common sense, but by trying multiple sources of info, you can usually get a better result than one option alone.

Coming back to your intro...

I decided to start doing more research into paganism and Wicca thinking thats the closest I can get to my Bapchi's druidry. Unfortauntely, her journal was lost when my grandfather moved all her stuff to his house, and I was unable to find it.

One thing I want to point out is that there are a bunch of different forms of druidry out there, but that it's definitely an option if you want to explore that in particular. If you are able to tell us a little more about what your grandmother's druidry involved, people might be able to point you at groups or people with similar practices.

You might also decide you want to explore other options - but in a lot of cases, the religious side and the 'managing energy and related experiences' can be different things, so you might find looking at a bunch of different solutions for energy management helpful to you anyway.