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Author Topic: Still lost after a year  (Read 2445 times)

Elizabeth

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Still lost after a year
« on: October 17, 2011, 08:47:08 am »
I know these things take time, but I'm starting to get antsy. I need the guidance of a god/goddess/being of some sort. I just have no clue what I believe in regards to the divine, and how to even go about exploring it.

I believe in reincarnation. I have no idea whether I believe our full spirit/being is reincarnated into a different form, or only bits and pieces. I have no idea whether we keep being reincarnated or eventually reach Heaven or whatever you want to call it. I just believe we don't die and that is it.

I am pretty much open to any ideas about the divine. I would like to think there are actual beings helping us along, but I'm not so sure. I like the Hindu view of gods, but I feel like it is so hard to connect with Hinduism because the culture is worlds apart.

I have asked and asked and asked for any Being to show themselves to me in some way. I can't connect when praying because I don't feel connected to anything. I feel like an idiot half the time with this religious stuff. Offerings are uncomfortable to me, though I am not opposed to them if I just knew who I was offering to and what they wanted. Magic of any sort is uncomfortable to me. I feel silly. It feels like it just isn't me.

What are my next steps? I don't want to throw my religion/spirituality down the drain, but I'm so lost, spiritually and in my own life.

Thanks for any help.
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celestialwolf

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2011, 09:10:23 am »
Quote from: Elizabeth;25939
I know these things take time, but I'm starting to get antsy. I need the guidance of a god/goddess/being of some sort. I just have no clue what I believe in regards to the divine, and how to even go about exploring it.

I believe in reincarnation. I have no idea whether I believe our full spirit/being is reincarnated into a different form, or only bits and pieces. I have no idea whether we keep being reincarnated or eventually reach Heaven or whatever you want to call it. I just believe we don't die and that is it.

I am pretty much open to any ideas about the divine. I would like to think there are actual beings helping us along, but I'm not so sure. I like the Hindu view of gods, but I feel like it is so hard to connect with Hinduism because the culture is worlds apart.

I have asked and asked and asked for any Being to show themselves to me in some way. I can't connect when praying because I don't feel connected to anything. I feel like an idiot half the time with this religious stuff. Offerings are uncomfortable to me, though I am not opposed to them if I just knew who I was offering to and what they wanted. Magic of any sort is uncomfortable to me. I feel silly. It feels like it just isn't me.

What are my next steps? I don't want to throw my religion/spirituality down the drain, but I'm so lost, spiritually and in my own life.

Thanks for any help.

 
Hi Elizabeth, I've found that the guidance you are seeking is often subtle in nature. Belief is something formed over time as well as your view of the divine. You obviously want to believe in *something*. A relationship with the divine is something that's cultivated rather than demanded of the Gods. You might try FlameKeeping to better understand yourself, the divine and the world around you better. Or you can also chose a deity that has similar interests as your own and start to work with them. They won't always choose for you.

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2011, 10:02:06 am »
Quote from: Elizabeth;25939
I know these things take time, but I'm starting to get antsy. I need the guidance of a god/goddess/being of some sort. I just have no clue what I believe in regards to the divine, and how to even go about exploring it.

I believe in reincarnation. I have no idea whether I believe our full spirit/being is reincarnated into a different form, or only bits and pieces. I have no idea whether we keep being reincarnated or eventually reach Heaven or whatever you want to call it. I just believe we don't die and that is it.

I am pretty much open to any ideas about the divine. I would like to think there are actual beings helping us along, but I'm not so sure. I like the Hindu view of gods, but I feel like it is so hard to connect with Hinduism because the culture is worlds apart.

I have asked and asked and asked for any Being to show themselves to me in some way. I can't connect when praying because I don't feel connected to anything. I feel like an idiot half the time with this religious stuff. Offerings are uncomfortable to me, though I am not opposed to them if I just knew who I was offering to and what they wanted. Magic of any sort is uncomfortable to me. I feel silly. It feels like it just isn't me.

What are my next steps? I don't want to throw my religion/spirituality down the drain, but I'm so lost, spiritually and in my own life.

Thanks for any help.



Why not begin with a form of ancestor veneration (this might conflict with your feelings on reincarnation, but also jives with your sense that we don't just die)?  Unlike some gods, our ancestors already have a vested interest in us and they can be easier to connect with. Some may even be willing to bring things into your life that will help you find some spiritual fulfillment.
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I am in the camp that is concerned about super intelligence," [Bill] Gates wrote. "First the machines will do a lot of jobs for us and not be super intelligent. That should be positive if we manage it well. A few decades after that though the intelligence is strong enough to be a concern. I agree with Elon Musk and some others on this and don\'t understand why some people are not concerned."

HeartShadow

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2011, 10:39:55 am »
Quote from: Elizabeth;25939


 
When I was at that state, a big part of my problem was that I was trying to shoehorn myself into a religion that just didn't work for me.  The only thing I'd found was Neo-Wicca, so I was going to be one.  Darn it.

Even after finding out there were other options, I clung to my Wiccan label because I wanted to believe in SOMETHING.  I wanted a label, a culture, a group.  I didn't want to be a lone voice in the wilderness.

But as long as I was trying to make myself something I wasn't, everything felt hollow.  I felt stupid doing rituals, offerings, whatnot.  It didn't fit.

When I finally accepted that whatever it was that I was, I didn't have a group already established to fit into, things fell more into place.  It wasn't EASY - but it became POSSIBLE.  Maybe you're trying to force yourself into the wrong box.

veggiewolf

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2011, 10:46:57 am »
Quote from: HeartShadow;25951
...


I agree with everything HeartShadow said here and will add the following: contact with deity is not a given on any religious path.  Waiting for such to occur before continuing your exploration could, in fact, lead you to a long period of waiting.
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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2011, 10:56:17 am »
Quote from: Elizabeth;25939

I have asked and asked and asked for any Being to show themselves to me in some way. I can't connect when praying because I don't feel connected to anything.


Besides Shadow's and Veggie's answers, I think the quote is your answer for the problem.

Things may sound flamboyant, if you read folks on TC talking about their contacts to gods and spirits. (And don't be fooled, this place has a very over average number of so-called 'god-bothered' folks, it is not the normal thing.) But you need to know, that such things are way more subtle.

You can ask for someone to hear you and to show themselves, but are you sure you're looking for the right signs? An answer can be a vague feeling, a little pull towards a certain book, a passing thought... very subtle.

Also one of the most important basics I found to be true is: Know yourself. The more you are aware of what you believe, what you think - how you think - the easier it is to realize, if something else is making itself known to you.

Patience, young padawan. Others been there before and managed, you will too. ;)
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savveir

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #6 on: October 17, 2011, 11:00:41 am »
Quote from: veggiewolf;25952
I agree with everything HeartShadow said here and will add the following: contact with deity is not a given on any religious path.  Waiting for such to occur before continuing your exploration could, in fact, lead you to a long period of waiting.

 
Don't stop exploring just because you're yet to have any deity contact.
I felt lost for years, until recently when I had some contact... it only took roughly 6 years of searching, reading and questioning. However, I don't think it would have occurred at all otherwise, but then again I'm very much a believer of doing rather than waiting for things to happen. :p
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sephira

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #7 on: October 17, 2011, 01:39:36 pm »
Quote from: Elizabeth;25939

I have been in your shoes and I know the frustration you feel. As Tana said "Be patient". I started my first path awhile back! And I found myself not connecting with anything until recently. No, I am NOT trying to scare you, just letting you know that forcing it doesn't work, not that you necessarily are. I was trying to force a connection. I did the rituals, gave myself a label and said I was going to do it come hell or high water! You know when I did get a connection? When I stopped all my nonsense, just let it happen, if it was even meant to happen. I even stopped thinking about it. And who connected with me? Ganesh. He's as far from everything I was practicing before! I understand your concern about the Hindus being worlds apart, but they aren't as far as you think. If you ever have a question about it just Private Message me, not saying I'm an authority, but I'll answer what I can and research the rest. I just love to research! Seriously!
So Good Luck  and Be Patient! I'm pulling for you!
« Last Edit: October 17, 2011, 01:41:49 pm by Marilyn/Absentminded »
"If it ain\'t fun, it ain\'t worth doing!"

Elizabeth

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2011, 04:59:12 pm »
Quote from: Elizabeth;25939



Thanks, everyone! I appreciate the replies.

I've had some stressful stuff going on lately, so it hurts when I see others turning to their beliefs for comfort and I'm left standing here still confused and just more hurt.

Other than researching things that interest me, I don't really push it otherwise now. I think I may start a daily "relaxation" time with a yummy smelling candle and see where that takes me. At least have some time to connect with myself a bit.
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Gelfling

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #9 on: October 17, 2011, 06:12:15 pm »
Quote from: Elizabeth;26002
Other than researching things that interest me, I don't really push it otherwise now. I think I may start a daily "relaxation" time with a yummy smelling candle and see where that takes me. At least have some time to connect with myself a bit.

 
That's about where I am, too.  There was a thread awhile back where someone suggested a sort of active imagination type meditation, where you picture yourself somewhere comfortable like a meadow and invite Whomever to come chat.  I started to do so, and got a very strong sense of 'your eyes aren't even open yet, kitten, come back later.'  So, back to the basics for me.  

I finally got a copy of Trance-Portation by Diana Paxson a week or so ago and I'm forcing myself to do the exercises for the time frames she suggests and not read ahead until I'm ready to move forward.  It's taking a lot of effort to ignore my "read ALL the things!" instincts, but I'm hoping this way will work better than my usual habits.

sephira

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2011, 06:14:38 pm »
Quote from: Elizabeth;26002
I think I may start a daily "relaxation" time with a yummy smelling candle and see where that takes me. At least have some time to connect with myself a bit.

 
That actually sounds perfect, Elizabeth!
"If it ain\'t fun, it ain\'t worth doing!"

Wooden Spoon

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #11 on: October 18, 2011, 05:50:43 am »
Quote from: Elizabeth;25939
I know these things take time, but I'm starting to get antsy. I need the guidance of a god/goddess/being of some sort. I just have no clue what I believe in regards to the divine, and how to even go about exploring it.

I believe in reincarnation. I have no idea whether I believe our full spirit/being is reincarnated into a different form, or only bits and pieces. I have no idea whether we keep being reincarnated or eventually reach Heaven or whatever you want to call it. I just believe we don't die and that is it.

I am pretty much open to any ideas about the divine. I would like to think there are actual beings helping us along, but I'm not so sure. I like the Hindu view of gods, but I feel like it is so hard to connect with Hinduism because the culture is worlds apart.

I have asked and asked and asked for any Being to show themselves to me in some way. I can't connect when praying because I don't feel connected to anything. I feel like an idiot half the time with this religious stuff. Offerings are uncomfortable to me, though I am not opposed to them if I just knew who I was offering to and what they wanted. Magic of any sort is uncomfortable to me. I feel silly. It feels like it just isn't me.

What are my next steps? I don't want to throw my religion/spirituality down the drain, but I'm so lost, spiritually and in my own life.

Thanks for any help.

 
I'm in the same boat with you. I didn't feel a connection with anything for the longest time, but I did feel that there was something/someone, only unrecognizeable. Lately, I feel pulled towards something, but I still don't know what it is. I only have the feeling that it is a feminine energy. It took years to even get to the point where I feel a pull.

Let your intuition guide you, and maybe work on building that. IMO, the more in-tune you get with that, the more you will be able to feel a connection.

Someone mentioned on another thread (and in yours too) researching ancestral roots, and that's what I've been doing, when I have time. A lot of it clicks, and some of it just feels like I'm learning interesting facts. Or just start researching what interests you. You'll know when something clicks.

I get a strong feeling that patience is the key for me; I think that if I pushed, I would probably go in the wrong direction, for a less than fulfilling outcome.

I actually enjoy using this time to learn about myself, until I've grown enough. There's no reason to rush. Maybe they don't make themselves known to us until we're ready.

Enjoy the journey :)

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #12 on: November 07, 2011, 08:43:06 pm »
Quote from: Wooden Spoon;26137
I'm in the same boat with you. I didn't feel a connection with anything for the longest time, but I did feel that there was something/someone, only unrecognizeable. Lately, I feel pulled towards something, but I still don't know what it is. I only have the feeling that it is a feminine energy. It took years to even get to the point where I feel a pull.

Let your intuition guide you, and maybe work on building that. IMO, the more in-tune you get with that, the more you will be able to feel a connection.

Someone mentioned on another thread (and in yours too) researching ancestral roots, and that's what I've been doing, when I have time. A lot of it clicks, and some of it just feels like I'm learning interesting facts. Or just start researching what interests you. You'll know when something clicks.

I get a strong feeling that patience is the key for me; I think that if I pushed, I would probably go in the wrong direction, for a less than fulfilling outcome.

I actually enjoy using this time to learn about myself, until I've grown enough. There's no reason to rush. Maybe they don't make themselves known to us until we're ready.

Enjoy the journey :)

Hi, Elizabeth. I think at one time we are all in your shoes. I read a boat load of Scott Cunningham books, I felt very comfortable with all his teachings and there is one meditation he lists, and it is to help find your deity. In your meditation you find yourself  in a meadow, it's beautiful and at the edge of the meadow is a forest. Walk towards the trees, you are now shaded and walking towards a very large oak tree in the center of the pathway. On each side of the tree is a path, you decide which way you will travel. As you walk on the path I. The distance you see what you think is a figure, you keep walking towards the figure. As you approach the figure, you will begin to make out the feature on the figure. I knew as soon as I met Hecate, who she was. I don't know how I knew, but I knew. I felt overwhelmingly at peace, protected, and loved. I hope you try both, the books and the meditation. Enjoy the Path. All my best thoughts, Luna.

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Re: Still lost after a year....
« Reply #13 on: November 08, 2011, 03:51:01 am »
Quote from: Elizabeth;25939

What are my next steps?

 
First, it's important to know that, as others have said already, lots of people go through the same or similar difficulties while finding their ways to spiritualities that worked for them.  This isn't something that can be rushed.  In fact, rushing can backfire.

I know it can be extremely difficult to convey one's thoughts in text only, and just as difficult to understand what someone means.  So it's quite possible I'm not understanding correctly what you're looking for.  It sounds to me like you're looking for a direct, personal, explicit connection with a god/dess. Is that correct?  If so, have you sat down and thought carefully about *why* that's what you're looking for?  

You said that "I need the guidance of a god/goddess/being of some sort."  What kind of guidance are you looking for and why?  Is there a specific situation you feel you need help with?  Why do you need guidance from a *deity* in particular?

One way to go about developing a relationship with a deity is to approach it pretty much the same way you'd approach making a new friend.  Is there a specific culture that interests you?  F'ex, I've had a life-long interest in Celtic art and mythology, so it was natural for me to learn about Celtic gods, which eventually led me to a path focused on Brighid.  Others here on TC have posted about their fascinations with ancient Egypt or Greece or Rome.  If you can identify an interest in a culture or geographic area, that can give you a place to start.  

Read.  Read everything you can find about that culture or area, and especially about the religion(s) in that culture.  Learn about the god/desses that are/were honored there, and, as you read, pay attention to how you feel when you read about specific god/desses.  Is there one who stands out to you?  Who feels more...ummm...comfortable?  Or intriguing?  If so, learn everything you can about that One.

At that point, you might feel like you want to try to open communications with that god/dess.  Find a time when you have some peace and privacy, and introduce yourself.  Just like you would with a human you wanted to meet.  Maybe light a candle and do a little grounding and centering, if that's helpful to you.  Then simply reach out, verbally or with your mind.  Let Him/Her know you're there and that you're interested in getting to know Him/Her.  Maybe make an offering of something you've learned S/He likes or something that was/is a traditional offering in the culture.

Then, see what happens.  But, just like with people, you might have to be a little persistent.

Another way to approach an initial introduction might be through meditation.  Do you have a meditation technique you like?  Someone mentioned Active Imagination upthread -- that's a technique I've had some really interesting experiences using AI.  If you're comfortable with that sort of thing, you can use it to reach out to a god/dess.

Regardless of how you go about trying to connect with a deity, it's important to understand that this kind of direct, personal connection (what we usually call "being thwapped") is extremely unusual.  Despite the unnaturally large number of TC regulars who are "godbothered", most people don't experience deity this way.  

As I said above, I'm not sure if I'm understanding correctly what you're looking for.  I hope some of these suggestions will be helpful for you, though.  I'm sorry this post got so long!

~ Aster
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