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Author Topic: I've been feeling scared  (Read 1413 times)

meganego

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I've been feeling scared
« on: November 20, 2011, 04:15:35 am »
Tonight, I felt like I actually achieved a level of trance, which I've never done before. What I want to know is why is my level of fear so high? I've been very excited to find everything out about as many different polytheistic religions on here as I can, and I had one Goddess in particular I've been drawn to. At first I felt happy to learn about her and felt very at ease and was, in a sense, at peace with it. But I just now found in my home a candle with a scent that people have said could lure her. I put on 2011's most relaxing tune 'weightless' and almost immediately delved into a trance. But the whole time, instead of feeling relaxed, I felt absolutely terrified! I could not fully succumb to being taken over by the meditation because I was honestly so scared. I still have a heavy feel of anxiety. Now, I'm not the type of person who scares easily. People try to get me with 'jumpy' things, and I never react. I don't think there's any sense in worrying about things when I'm alone and I've always been that friend people cling to when they hear a bump in the night to keep them grounded and thinking clearly. So why did I have such an enormous feeling of dread? Has this ever happened to anyone?
Please help :o

Tana

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Re: I've been feeling scared
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2011, 06:00:49 am »
Quote from: meganego;31035

Please help :o


I wish I could.
But it is very hard to tell, without knowing you in the least, what might have caused an anxiety attack like this.

I take it, you haven't had issues like this before?
Sometimes anxiety problems can pop up at a certain age, esp. if someone in the family has them too. Happened to me in my early 30's.

Another thing to take into consideration is the religion and believes you were raised with. Even if you haven't been raised very strictly Christian, I've seen many people fighting fear of damnation and going to hell, when picking a pagan path. It takes literally years to de-program your mind. Changing one's mindset is hard work.

I hope you find out what happened and how to deal with it. :)
\'You had to repay, good or bad. There was more than one type of obligation.
That’s what people never really understood.….Things had to balance.
You couldn’t set out to be a good witch or a bad witch. It never worked out for long.
All you could try to be was a witch, as hard as you could.\'
Terry Pratchett \'Lords and Ladies\'

Confuzzled and proud. :p

HeartShadow

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Re: I've been feeling scared
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2011, 06:19:37 am »
Quote from: meganego;31035


 
It might help to try and narrow down the *type* of dread.

Were you afraid of success?  Failure?  Summoning an eldritch beast?  Being seen by a neighbor and looking crazy?

There's a lot of different fears, and sometimes they all jump out at us when we didn't even know they were there.  But figuring out the type of fear can really help you get a handle on it.

Good luck.

RandallS

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Re: I've been feeling scared
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2011, 07:56:06 am »
Quote from: meganego;31035
So why did I have such an enormous feeling of dread? Has this ever happened to anyone? Please help :o

It's hard to even know where to start without knowing you and your background better. Do you have any idea what you were dreading?
Randall
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meganego

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Re: I've been feeling scared
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2011, 02:32:49 pm »
Quote from: RandallS;31059
It's hard to even know where to start without knowing you and your background better. Do you have any idea what you were dreading?

Honestly, the fear was if I summoned something evil by accident. I was under the impression that the meditation was going to feel relaxing and happy, but I was very anxious the whole time. Since I'm so new, I was worried that I might have been over excited and had managed to somehow accidentally welcome a spirit that wished harm on me.

Quote
It might help to try and narrow down the *type* of dread.

Were you afraid of success? Failure? Summoning an eldritch beast? Being seen by a neighbor and looking crazy?

There's a lot of different fears, and sometimes they all jump out at us when we didn't even know they were there. But figuring out the type of fear can really help you get a handle on it.

Good luck.
I was afraid of succeeding, yes, and having a negative experience. I've never felt like I've 'belonged' to any religion before, so having found this website and reading people's beliefs, and finally connecting and understanding them? Has made me incredibly happy. I was scared that I wouldn't feel anything, and then I was also worried that if I did feel something, it would be negative. I was spooked. I kept murmuring to her, ((Sekhmet is who I've found myself drawn to in this short amount of time)) "Please be gentle. I'm scared. Please don't touch me."

Quote
I wish I could.
But it is very hard to tell, without knowing you in the least, what might have caused an anxiety attack like this.

I take it, you haven't had issues like this before?
Sometimes anxiety problems can pop up at a certain age, esp. if someone in the family has them too. Happened to me in my early 30's.

Another thing to take into consideration is the religion and believes you were raised with. Even if you haven't been raised very strictly Christian, I've seen many people fighting fear of damnation and going to hell, when picking a pagan path. It takes literally years to de-program your mind. Changing one's mindset is hard work.

I hope you find out what happened and how to deal with it.
Oh no, I've had bad anxiety issues since the age of 13. I have major depression disorder that's borderline bipolar. But I'm not the type of person that sits down and wallows about any of that. Sure, it's a pain in the butt to deal with, but I see the way my mother lets it consume her and I vowed a long time ago I would never let that happen to me.

I am bad at relinquishing control. Making myself completely vulnerable to a deity is nerve wracking for me, because I'm terrified it will hurt me.

I was born Catholic, but my whole childhood and early teen life, I fought tooth and nail to get out of it. I was in pre schools that were in a chapel, and one of my first memories is being sat at the back of the class because my questions were too hard to answer and deemed 'a hassle'. I was also abused when I was young from ages 4-7, and I remember praying to the Christian God to help me, but it never came. So I grew a bit of a bitterness in my heart about Him. Also, I'm a lesbian and have known it since I was 13, so that's always been another factor in subconsciously feeling like a spirit would wish ill will upon me ((even thought I KNOW that's got nothing to do with anything in my heart)).

I'm a strong person. I have 'Survivor' tattooed upon my wrist. I'm loyal, honest, and caring. But I'm also headstrong, nurturing, and grounded. I protect those I love fiercely as well as myself, so I think all of these things lead me to be scared that the first religion I've ever felt connected to would let me down. If this makes sense.

Thank you for all of your feed back, it really means so much!
« Last Edit: November 20, 2011, 05:50:35 pm by RandallS »

BlueCat

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Re: I've been feeling scared
« Reply #5 on: November 25, 2011, 07:18:58 pm »
Quote from: Tana;31050
I wish I could.
But it is very hard to tell, without knowing you in the least, what might have caused an anxiety attack like this.

I take it, you haven't had issues like this before?
Sometimes anxiety problems can pop up at a certain age, esp. if someone in the family has them too. Happened to me in my early 30's.

Another thing to take into consideration is the religion and believes you were raised with. Even if you haven't been raised very strictly Christian, I've seen many people fighting fear of damnation and going to hell, when picking a pagan path. It takes literally years to de-program your mind. Changing one's mindset is hard work.

I hope you find out what happened and how to deal with it. :)

 
This is very true. I was brought up a roman catholic by my parents and found it very difficult to break away from that guilty feeling that i'd done something bad for a long time!

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