partners and paganism

[celestialwolf]

Ithose of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

 
I walk the Pagan path and my wife the Christian path. I know she wishes that I shared her beliefs but she's accepted what I believe and supports me. She'll even go to Pagan Pride events with me. She makes a concerted effort to read up on my path to understand what I believe. I consider myself very lucky.

[Anaitis]

Marriage is like that, you don't get a perfect match unless you're very lucky. you have to dwell on things you do have in common, and perhaps mention your own particular interest from time to time, don't ask for his opinion or advice. Let him get used to it gradually.

I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

The reason I ask is that I am new on my path and while my husband supports my exploration in to my spirituality and beliefs, he just doesnt get it.  He doesnt understand religion or faith at all and has no time for it.  It makes me feel like I need to keep things to myself and not practice anything in his company (which is just a personal thing, its not because of anything he has said or done, I just feel uncomfortable)

I have the freedom to explore my path and he supports me it just feels like it could develop in to something of a wedge between us

[Blaithin]

I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

 
I completely understand where you're coming from! I'm also relatively new to Paganism and while I've never tried to hide it I rarely take initiative to speak openly about it unless someone asks me a question. As other's have mentioned, I also tend to just leave books and other paraphernalia lying around as a bit of an ice breaker. The first time I did this I pretty much had to chain myself in another room! It actually worked out really well though since the person who found it did a flip through and actually asked me quite a few questions! Now a days the books are usually ignored heh

In the partner department, I've never had direct problems with spirituality clashes. However my current partner has about the complete opposite beliefs on anything, not just spiritual. Environmental, conservational, ethical, etc. Either of us bring up anything and the other usually disagrees completely. This doesn't bother me a bit since I enjoy a good debate and learning other viewpoints. He, however, really dislikes it and will leave the room! Since this started happening I worry about what he thinks about my spirituality but refuses to discuss...

 Because of other reasons, like becoming internationally separated, we have decided to split ways so I honestly can't say I've found a good method of coping. With that said, I think it's easy to deal with no interest and even no understanding. But when that no understanding leads to mocking and being looked down upon and thought silly and stupid that's where I start to draw the line. Personally I have no desire to be with a person who can't accept what I am and derides it without knowing or trying to know any better themselves.

I understand you don't have this problem with your husband but this has just been my personal experience of it

[Ana]

I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

 

My husband is agnostic.  He doesn't believe there is NO spirituality or divinity out there, he simply doesn't really choose to faithfully follow anything.  He and I have similar beliefs on some things, but mostly on how we see history affect our beliefs, and that we both agree that we are not, and will not, raise our children in a Christian household.  Over the years we've slowly been pulling away from the traditions that our families were raised with.  We used to celebrate Christmas because our family did, but as the years went on, especially once we had children, it started feeling weird with having a Yule celebration and honoring those traditions, and then having some sort of a shadow holiday that was similar, and yet different.  And the second one had no heart in it.  So finally we simply stopped celebrating it and making up our own traditions.  My husband is simply not a religious person.  He supports my beliefs and what I teach the kids, and he's even participated somewhat in the past, but overwhelmingly, he simply doesn't interfere or contradict.  We both teach our children ethics and morals which for some perhaps is a religious-centered thing, but for us it's simply the way we do things.  My husband will teach my kids ethics because "that's how you grow up to be a good man," and I'll teach them that along with some more spiritual aspects.  Recently, my 5 yr old has started getting into questions about the god and the goddess, and about fairies (because he's heard us enough time saying that they took our keys or wallet...) and we try our best to explain to him.  I suppose succinctly, my husband believes similarly to what I believe, but he just doesn't put any effort into it.  I don't think that not including him really drives a wedge though, it's just a marital dynamic we had to work out.

[Micheál]

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

I think it is very important that one's partner respects their beliefs, above sharing them. I know a Wiccan HPriest engaged to a Christian, and she supports his endeavours, attends some of his functions, and he even accompanies her to mass sometimes, occasionally singing in the choir. Everyone in the church knows his religious preference, and never interfere. That's sometimes even better than sharing beliefs.

That support is important. My wife supports my beliefs, and respects them...maybe most of the time. She's a Pantheist&Spiritualist, with an appreciation for pre-Christian Babylonian traditions, but absolutely hates religion in general, and even anything remotely resembling structure. Astrology is her main thing. I drive her to a Spiritualists Church every Monday, but sometimes she gets annoyed if I have to leave for coven circles, and OTO meets. Sometimes she supports my participation in Irish traditions, and at other times snarks them.

Originally she took Irish language classes with me a few years ago, but dropped out after 3 of them. She was also initiated into the OTO, and took her Minerval degree with me, but became inactive after not even 10 meets(so she never had an interest, but thought it would be somthing we could do together, even though I really encouraged her not to do it unless she really wanted to). Now  any time I mention 'freewill', even if not in a Thelemic sense, or talk or sing something in Irish to myself(I think everyone sings to themselves), she rolls her eyes and pretends to snore. Therefore I pretty much have to keep these things to myself, which is frustrating. I do support and listen to her in her study of Astrology, which she talks quite often about.

[SkylarB]

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

I'm one of those people who's husband doesn't really support my religious practice. Or, at least he used to not support it.

I was already interested in and had started studying and practicing Wicca before I met him, but I was a teenager and my practice fizzled out for a couple years. During that time I met him, we moved in together, and I decided I wanted to get back into Wicca. At first he didnt care. We hold a lot of the same beliefs, but he doesn't like the idea of actually practicing anything. No rituals or spells or prayers or anything.  

Then, he started telling me that I was changing and I wasn't the same person he met and it was either Wicca or him. He said if he knew I was a witch, he would have never started dating me.  I decided to practice in secret. I didnt want to choose. I was very secretive for quite a while, and then it got to be too hard, so once again I  packed up my stuff and stored it away.

I had a baby.. started practicing again.. but after I started seeking out local Pagans and groups to meet and he didnt like it, gave me an ultimatum again. Again I went into secret for a while and it fizzled out.

Now I'm older, wiser, I know what I want out of life, and part of that is to be Wiccan, and one that is actively participating in my religion. So, I recently got all my stuff out from the attic, set up my alter in the computer room and I'm going back to the beginning with a fresh set of eyes.

I first had my alter set up in the living room. He said "what's that?" I told him it was my meditation table! He kinda rolled his eyes and said it couldn't stay there because it will be too close to the wood during the winter and it will get ruined. So I moved it into the computer room, which is actually a dining room in the center of our house. He's got to walk by it to get to the kitchen, our bedroom! He hasn't said a thing... so I haven't said a thing!

And no more ultimatums.. I won't go for that now! This is who I am, and he can live with it, deal with it, or divorce me! LOL!  I think now that we are older (I'm 36 and he's 40) Though he hasn't said anything else about it, so we'll see if/when the topic does come up.

It is hard in a way because I have to do my rituals when he's not home because of the central location of my alter and there are no doors in that room. So I just do them during the day while he's at work and my 10yr old is at school. But in another way its better because the house is quieter with just me and my 2yr old at home. And when he takes a nap I can take a break from working and do any rituals or celebrations or anything else Wiccan related, in peace and privacy!

[hufflee]

I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

I'm another that's married to an agnostic. It works well. When he notices that I'm doing something "witchy" he acts the same way he would if he noticed I was brushing my hair. The only time he ever says anything snarky is if I hog the computer too long. He tells me to tell my "hippie friends" (sorry guys, this means you) goodbye so he can check his email. Then I give him my requisite comment that he wouldn't know a hippie if it bit him in the ass, and all is well. (No offense to any actual Hippie Cauldronites, my husband just thinks he's funny. : )

Having said all of that, he will handle the kids and let me hop into my closet (where my altar is), or if there's a particular day that I want to do my "witchy stuff" and he doesn't complain about it. (He just threatens to take up hockey.) He doesn't hound me because I've bought yet another stone of some sort, and he actually like the incense. I'm one of the lucky ones I guess.

[Siannan]

I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

 
My husband and I just don't discuss it.  I go in the bedroom alone or I do things in the morning after he goes to work.  So far it works for us...

[Tharsus]

I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

The reason I ask is that I am new on my path and while my husband supports my exploration in to my spirituality and beliefs, he just doesnt get it.  He doesnt understand religion or faith at all and has no time for it.  It makes me feel like I need to keep things to myself and not practice anything in his company (which is just a personal thing, its not because of anything he has said or done, I just feel uncomfortable)

I have the freedom to explore my path and he supports me it just feels like it could develop in to something of a wedge between us

 
My approach was to sit down with my partner and discuss in depth what I believe and why, answering any questions she had as thoroughly as possible. In this way, she was able to see that I was very serious about my belief, and that it was a deeply personal thing to me, and not a passing quirk of mine. This helped get things out in the open, and she was very accepting. Like your situation, she doesn't feel the need to worship, and so she doesn't participate with me. My advice is to be as open and, above all, as clear as possible about what you believe and why. This will help make that aspect of you more "real" to him. Of course, since you say you're just exploring a new path, that may not be possible yet. But it's something to keep in mind as you develop your path, I think.

Just my 2 cents.

[sephira]

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

 
I married a non practicing Christian who I suppose really isn't interested in any type of religion-he's too busy being a soldier. Anyway, when we first got together I was a little apprehensive about telling him that I was a witch because I wasn't sure how he would react. He took it as well as to be expected, but referred to me as being 'weird'. Yeah, a little offensive, but that's what ignorance gets you I suppose. Since then, he has taken the time to learn what I do, respects my space (I have an altar room to myself) and actually comes and hangs out with me in the room sometimes because he finds it has a 'vibe' going in there.  I consider myself lucky that he has become so understanding.

Just give your partner time. I know you wouldn't, but don't force it on him because that could only backfire. Do you have a spare room you could set up a small altar of your own, away from him? Maybe then he would come to you and find out what you are doing. That's how I got my husband interested in what I was up to. Just a suggestion. Good Luck!

[Figment99]

I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

The reason I ask is that I am new on my path and while my husband supports my exploration in to my spirituality and beliefs, he just doesnt get it.  He doesnt understand religion or faith at all and has no time for it.  It makes me feel like I need to keep things to myself and not practice anything in his company (which is just a personal thing, its not because of anything he has said or done, I just feel uncomfortable)

I have the freedom to explore my path and he supports me it just feels like it could develop in to something of a wedge between us

 
My husband and I are very different in the spirituality department. He calls himself an Agnostic, but he is more Atheist than anything else. Like your husband, mine doesn't understand my beliefs. I have always been open about my beliefs and practices with him though, I was Pagan over a decade before I met him to begin with.

I will say that I do not practice ritual or the like in front of him. That is because my spirituality is very personal to me and I like being alone when I commune with my Divine.

In marriage we all need something that is just ours. Couples share almost everything; time, space, kids, food, rooms, etc. This is something that is completely yours and yours to explore. It shouldn't put a wedge between you two, in fact it may bring you closer together in some way by allowing each other to explore what it means to be you.

Just my two cents and experience.