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Author Topic: partners and paganism  (Read 5017 times)

opal rivernymph

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partners and paganism
« on: August 18, 2011, 12:10:11 pm »
I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

The reason I ask is that I am new on my path and while my husband supports my exploration in to my spirituality and beliefs, he just doesnt get it.  He doesnt understand religion or faith at all and has no time for it.  It makes me feel like I need to keep things to myself and not practice anything in his company (which is just a personal thing, its not because of anything he has said or done, I just feel uncomfortable)

I have the freedom to explore my path and he supports me it just feels like it could develop in to something of a wedge between us

monsnoleedra

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2011, 01:13:54 pm »
Quote from: opal rivernymph;13781
I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices? ..


What your talking about applies even when they do hold the same or similiar beliefs / faiths / practices.  I see that as a point where Religion and Spirituality diverege vice coming together.

My beliefs and outlooks are very similiar to my wife's yet the manner we acknowled it differs.  She isn't called upon to do the same things nor compelled to acknowledge or honor the devine as I am.  Yet she will help me prepare things for the rituals / ceremonies I feel I must do just as I help her on those things she must do.  However, she will not participate in them as it is my spirituality and practice at that point not hers.

opal rivernymph

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2011, 01:19:03 pm »
Quote from: monsnoleedra;13791
.

 
I must point out that i wouldnt expect my husband to adopt my beliefs or partake in anything that i am doing.  i just dont know how to deal with things around him.  I dont want to hide things from him but i know its all nonsense to him.

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2011, 01:37:03 pm »
Quote from: opal rivernymph;13781
those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

 
One of my husbands is areligious.  He has no particular desire to codify or actively engage with the process of spirituality.  He gives me space for my stuff, just like he gets space for his wacky hobbies.  Occasionally we bore each other a little with our pet obsessions, but what long-term couple doesn't? :P

My other husband is pagan in a different religious tradition than my own.  We support each other's Stuff even though we don't share it, and occasionally serve as useful debugging service for the other.

My other partner is an atheist who works intensely with story and symbolism.  He also likes to talk religious theory with me on occasion, because story and symbolism.
as the water grinds the stone
we rise and fall
as our ashes turn to dust
we shine like stars    - Covenant, "Bullet"

monsnoleedra

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2011, 01:38:57 pm »
Quote from: opal rivernymph;13794
I must point out that i wouldnt expect my husband to adopt my beliefs or partake in anything that i am doing.  i just dont know how to deal with things around him.  I dont want to hide things from him but i know its all nonsense to him.


Please forgive me if it seemed as if I was implying you expected your husband to adopt your beliefs as that was not my intent.

Others may disagree but to me you have to do things around him as you would were he not part of the picture to begin with.  If you'd wear some jewerly without him then you should wear it with him.  Same with prayers, observances, etc for any relationship is built upon not only being true to the union and its commitments but also true to ones own self.

There is also a difference between hiding it from him and following your spiritual practice that does not include him.  If you do not do something because you think he would find it nonsense then what does it mean to you?  To not do it when he is around because its a distractor or time consuming is one thing, to not do it because of how he might take it is another.
 
Again other's may disagree but to me I'd have to really ask, If your starting out hiding this facet from him what else will you have to hide as your life and pathway unfold?  What are you willing to hide in the shadows so that it doesn't offend or is taken as nonsense?

Myself my spirituality will not allow that for I am my spirituality and my spirituality is me.

opal rivernymph

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2011, 01:56:58 pm »
Quote from: monsnoleedra;13801

There is also a difference between hiding it from him and following your spiritual practice that does not include him.

 
I understand what you are saying but I dont think i've used the right words myself, sorry.  I dont hide things from my husband, he knows what i am doing, I happily talk to him about it and tell him what things mean to me, i just choose not to do anything while he is around.  He distracts me so its just easier to wait till i am alone.  Also, that way I get the peace and quiet i need to focus appropriately!!!  

I guess what I find hard is his lack of understanding.  He has actually said to me before that 'thats not what they done on Charmed'.  While he is willing to listen to me talk about things he has no interest in trying to understand them if that makes any sense

live oak

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2011, 03:30:34 pm »
Quote from: opal rivernymph;13781
I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

The reason I ask is that I am new on my path and while my husband supports my exploration in to my spirituality and beliefs, he just doesnt get it.  He doesnt understand religion or faith at all and has no time for it.  It makes me feel like I need to keep things to myself and not practice anything in his company (which is just a personal thing, its not because of anything he has said or done, I just feel uncomfortable)

I have the freedom to explore my path and he supports me it just feels like it could develop in to something of a wedge between us

 
My husband does not share my beliefs. We actually met at a church college group, both left the C/church and now he's an agnostic and I'm Pagan.

For a while I felt uncomfortable practicing around him, mostly because I was still unsure about what I believed. He's very logical, loves to ask tons of questions and I wasn't prepared for that yet. It can still be a struggle. He's agnostic now but raised Christian, so the magic stuff can seem silly to him. Then again, so does most religious ritual.

One thing that made me start feeling more comfortable was subtly exposing him to the culture: I listen to podcasts while I cook dinner and he's around, I leave my altar out on my dresser, I always have books on my night table. It was hard to begin with--every time a podcaster started talking about spells I wanted to hit pause!--but I persevered. We've had some good conversations as a result of my being open about it.

If this is still new to you give it some time. It's new to him, too, and a new dynamic in your relationship. That always takes some adjusting.

KittyVel

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2011, 03:34:58 pm »
Quote from: opal rivernymph;13781
I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

The reason I ask is that I am new on my path and while my husband supports my exploration in to my spirituality and beliefs, he just doesnt get it.  He doesnt understand religion or faith at all and has no time for it.  It makes me feel like I need to keep things to myself and not practice anything in his company (which is just a personal thing, its not because of anything he has said or done, I just feel uncomfortable)

I have the freedom to explore my path and he supports me it just feels like it could develop in to something of a wedge between us

 
My boyfriend and I hold pretty different beliefs, but we both support and accept each other every step of the way.  I have asked him if he wants to participate in a small ritual dedicated to Anpu with me, and he happily agreed.  (He's always been fascinated by Anpu to begin with, though.)  I consider myself very lucky.
<3 Rest in peace, Christiana. I love you so much, and I miss you like crazy already. At least you\'re not hurting anymore...May you ascend. <3

Katsura

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #8 on: August 18, 2011, 04:02:28 pm »
Quote from: opal rivernymph;13781
I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

The reason I ask is that I am new on my path and while my husband supports my exploration in to my spirituality and beliefs, he just doesnt get it.  He doesnt understand religion or faith at all and has no time for it.  It makes me feel like I need to keep things to myself and not practice anything in his company (which is just a personal thing, its not because of anything he has said or done, I just feel uncomfortable)

I have the freedom to explore my path and he supports me it just feels like it could develop in to something of a wedge between us

 
I totally understand what your going through. When i started on my path, it took my partner a while to get use to because he never knew paganism or understood it and what i believed it, so it took him a while to adjust to it. His main concern really was if it was going to change me into a "bad" person, or change me at all. And in some ways it has, but more for the positive and he understands that my spirituality means so much to me and makes me happy, he just lets me get on with it.

I understand what you mean about being comfortable practicing it around it.. it took me a while to feel comfortable too but now i just have my stuff out and my altar. I would gradually start bringing things out in the open.. even little things that mean something to you spiritually. Start off small :) Like keeping books out?  I wouldnt worry to much about creating a wedge, as long as he respects your beliefs and doesnt say anything negative about them it shouldnt do. Have you thought about keeping a journal, using that at a tool to get your thoughts out? that may help :)

diana_rajchel

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #9 on: August 18, 2011, 04:18:16 pm »
Quote from: opal rivernymph;13781
I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

The reason I ask is that I am new on my path and while my husband supports my exploration in to my spirituality and beliefs, he just doesnt get it.  He doesnt understand religion or faith at all and has no time for it.  It makes me feel like I need to keep things to myself and not practice anything in his company (which is just a personal thing, its not because of anything he has said or done, I just feel uncomfortable)

I have the freedom to explore my path and he supports me it just feels like it could develop in to something of a wedge between us

 
Since I started practicing Wicca, not one of my partners has shared my beliefs. Only one was close to hostile to it, and I think he thought he would knock me up and make it about the child or convert me by marriage, neither of which happened.  Most of the time, I've chosen to make it a non-issue. My partners over the years and I have simply looked for or created other passions to share in common.

My current partner is agnostic/atheist, and I was an old hand at the differing beliefs thing by the time he came along. I think he sometimes feels left out - while I don't have a working group, I can sometimes share my spiritual life with friends who share my beliefs, in ways I can't share with him. That's the way he feels, and it's not really my job/place to resolve it - that's part of the experience he's learning from, and a strong relationship isn't about fixing the other person or even necessarily fixing the differences. As long as we're functioning, we're good.

SlySionnach

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #10 on: August 18, 2011, 05:01:30 pm »
Quote from: opal rivernymph;13781
I hope I make sense here
those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

 
My boyfriend is an atheist, so I know how you feel. He has no desire to follow a religion and I'm perfectly okay with that, just as he doesn't mind that I follow one of my own. He's actually expressed to me a few times that of all the religious people he's met, pagans are the ones he gets along with best. I count that as a plus in my book.

Luckily for me, though, he's always had a very deep interest in Greek culture and history. It wasn't hard to go, "Well, have you read any Irish myths?" and pass some of my favorite books along. He's now got a book of Irish and Norse myths on his shelves and I can talk to him about my Irish path with him actually knowing who I'm referencing. And since he's so academic (he just finished getting his MLIS with a specialty in Archiving), he's get fun to debate with.

GreentreeTarot

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #11 on: August 18, 2011, 05:52:34 pm »
Quote from: live oak;13830
My husband does not share my beliefs. We actually met at a church college group, both left the C/church and now he's an agnostic and I'm Pagan.

For a while I felt uncomfortable practicing around him, mostly because I was still unsure about what I believed. He's very logical, loves to ask tons of questions and I wasn't prepared for that yet. It can still be a struggle. He's agnostic now but raised Christian, so the magic stuff can seem silly to him. Then again, so does most religious ritual.

 
I definitely know the feeling.  I still feel a little funny doing anything around my partner, and we've been together five years now.  It's definitely a tricky subject to navigate.

Nomad of Nowhere

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #12 on: August 18, 2011, 06:47:23 pm »
Quote from: opal rivernymph;13781
I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

The reason I ask is that I am new on my path and while my husband supports my exploration in to my spirituality and beliefs, he just doesnt get it.  He doesnt understand religion or faith at all and has no time for it.  It makes me feel like I need to keep things to myself and not practice anything in his company (which is just a personal thing, its not because of anything he has said or done, I just feel uncomfortable)

I have the freedom to explore my path and he supports me it just feels like it could develop in to something of a wedge between us

My girlfriend is "spiritual", and does not identify as Christian, but I try not to inundate her with my religious opinions and thoughts.  Her religious beliefs are basically monotheistic, but she thinks that paganism is a path to the divine as well. She has shown some interest in Wicca, and various pagan traditions in general, but I don't expect her to ever really choose a religion. I consider myself lucky just to have a girlfriend who isn't exactly Abrahamic, and isn't an atheist either.
« Last Edit: August 18, 2011, 06:47:57 pm by Nomad of Nowhere »

AthenaiiseSofia

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #13 on: August 19, 2011, 10:40:38 am »
Quote from: opal rivernymph;13781
I hope I make sense here

those of you with partners who do not share your beliefs, how does your partner feel about your beliefs/faith/practices?

 
My fiancee was raised very Christian, and although he has recently lost his faith, it still resonates with him. When we first got together, I was sure my beliefs would ruin us. But, we talked it over, and he ended up being really cool with it. In fact, his mother is Wiccan, and he admitted to trying spells a few times as well.

Regardless, at first, I was so nervous to have my altar out around him, much less do any rituals. It was really just my own insecurities; I was so afraid he would think my rituals were silly. But he was very respectful. There for awhile I felt the need to kind of hide my workings. but I bridged that gap by telling him about my work. I'd explain how and why I did something or prayed to someone. Although he doesn't understand it completely, he has gotten to the point where he supports me and even asks me to light a candle for someone now and then. He even came to me to help heal a coworker's wife.

My point is, I honestly don't think a wedge will come between you. If he shows no hostility towards it, that's great. I think eventually you two will become more comfortable with this. Maybe try explaining why you feel drawn to your path, or why you choose to do rituals. Communication is key in any relationship. Be sure he has no serious qualms about it, and everything else will fall into place.
"Go then and make of the world something beautiful, set up a light in the darkness." - from Awakening Osiris by Normandi Ellis

Rowanfox

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Re: partners and paganism
« Reply #14 on: August 19, 2011, 11:19:58 am »
Quote from: opal rivernymph;13806


I guess what I find hard is his lack of understanding.  He has actually said to me before that 'thats not what they done on Charmed'.  While he is willing to listen to me talk about things he has no interest in trying to understand them if that makes any sense

 
My husband is a gymnastics coach. I am a network geek. I have no idea what he does all day. Ditto for him with my job. We seldom share our day to day job "issues", or if we do it is to listen with sympathy but little understanding. I have never considered this to be concerning.

I am a witch, he is agnostic. This does not concern me any more than our diverse work lives.

We all have parts of ourselves that we do not necessarily share with our partners. This is normal. We seem to make a big deal out of it if it is something like religion, but really; it doesn't have to be. A friend of mine is a staunch Catholic. goes off to the Catholic Women's conference every year. She is married to a Buddhist. They have been happily married for 25 years.

If you go looking for it, you can find strife anywhere.... but it is not inherent.

Teri

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