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Author Topic: Need help finding out who is contacting me.  (Read 884 times)

Hollow

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Need help finding out who is contacting me.
« on: March 31, 2014, 08:08:57 am »
Hello, I'm really new at this and I would like some help.
Recently I have been told that a lot of the weird stuff that is going on in my life could be explained by a deity either trying to contact me or nudging me.

I dont really know where to start but I will try and explain.
( I am so sorry for the huge post)


(tw animal death)

I’m no stranger to paranormal stuff, I’ve seen a few ghosts and other inexplicable things, and I’ve learned to trust the feelings of danger or ‘keep away’ that pop into my head some times.

But it’s more than that.
I’ve felt sometimes that I’m not alone, and that the feelings of ‘no don’t go that way’ or ‘that person is dangerous’ are not coming from me.
I don’t know how to explain that but it’s like the feeling is being spoken.

I have thoughts come into my head unbidden, images clear and sharp in my mind. Sometimes they’re powerful and make me feel invincible.
Sometimes they’re terrifying.

I’ve learnt to listen to the feelings.
Sometimes they save me. If I ignore them it turns out bad.
But sometimes I’ll be nudged in a direction, when I’m walking or when I’m driving.
It feels like there is someone demanding my attention from a certain direction. Like there is a string attached to my heart and it’s being pulled.

It’s very hard to ignore. And usually I follow it. If I don’t I am overcome with waves of guilt and I can’t stop thinking about it.
Occasionally what I find is a beautiful place or a beautiful moment. Something that brings a really amazing happiness in me and makes me feel like I want to cry.

But most of the time I find animals. Most of the time they’re either dead or dying. They’ve been hit by cars or fallen off power lines or poisoned.
And most of the time if they’re alive they die when I’m there.
Sometimes I get to save them, but it’s very rare. Mostly the ones I get to save are birds and reptiles. At one stage I had my whole kitchen turned into a little hospital for half a dozen blue tongues I had found injured.
But mostly they’re dying and I can’t do anything.

The ones that are already dead are pets and they’re the hardest. I can’t leave them there and I have to find their families.
I’ve knocked on so many doors in the middle of the night with dead cats it’s not funny.
And it hurts. It really hurts. I hate watching them break down. I hate delivering their loved ones to them because I feel like it’s my fault.

And almost every time a friend’s pet dies, I’m there. It happens so often that I felt like I was cursed. Like I was towing death around after me and any animal I came near would be taken away.
If a friend’s pet is missing, I will be the one who finds the body. If they’re sick and dying, I end up being the one who sits there with them in my arms when they’re put to sleep.


And I know when people and things have died. I know that sounds stupid but I knew when my grandmother died. I knew when my I woke up my pet rabbit would be dead. I knew every time my (awful) ex would kill a snake through neglect.
I knew they were dead with the same certainty as if I had found them.
But the feeling wasn’t mine.

And I felt like I was cursed or that it was my fault. That they died because I thought they were dead.


Now I’m starting to think it’s messages. The death thing stopped about 6 months ago when I was at my lowest point. And I hadn’t thought about it switching off like that.
After finding a possum I had broken down and begged to make it stop because I just couldn’t do it any more. It hurt too much.
And it stopped.

But the other nudging didn’t. The feelings about people and the feelings about places.
The feeling of impending doom when something really bad is going to go down in an area and you have to leave NOW.

And the feeling like something is in the room with me is back. Not a malevolent force. But just like someone is at my back, and it makes me feel safe?
It’s also doing things with my art but I’ll talk about that in a post under this so it doesn't get too huge.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2014, 08:11:19 am by Hollow »
Profile picture is She Death by Rhi la Vis

Hollow

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Re: Need help finding out who is contacting me.
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2014, 08:14:53 am »
Quote from: Hollow;144103

It’s also doing things with my art but I’ll talk about that in a post under this so it doesn't get too huge.

 
This is the art thing, which is honestly the reason I started asking questions and searching for answers. Art is my life, and one of the few things I really pay attention to.

A few weeks ago for a whole week I had been trying to draw something pretty, and ending up accidentally drawing the same thing.
Page after page after page of aborted drawings, and I would either fall into the drawing and end up turning it into something I didn’t want to draw, or I would concentrate fiercely on drawing what I wanted to and it would just come out as muck.

Eventually I gave up and went with it.
As soon as I did, I could draw perfectly again. I drew a sketch, then turned it into a value study, then transferred it to proper paper and ended up painting it.
It’s been one of the best things I’ve painted so far. And I’ve only recently started using watercolor and I find them awkward, but on this it felt like I had been using them for years. I KNEW what I was doing. I knew how to mix it and apply it and everything turned out perfectly.

I did it all from sketch to finished in 3 days. Which is unheard of for me. Apart from the fact that I never finish anything, sketches usually sit for months before I’ll do anything with them.

And after that was done, I had a story idea pop in fully formed. And the characters flowed out beautifully. And another story. And a song. And all this inspiration like I’ve always wanted to work.

I’ve filled up a fill quarter of my sketch book in two weeks. A book normally takes me at least 6 months to fill. I’ve story boarded the entire first chapter of a graphic novel, something I’ve wanted to do for YEARS. I’ve written and composed a freaking SONG in less than half a fucking hour and I’ve never been able to do that before in my life.

And it feels like (and I can’t explain this at all) it feels like the nudging.


What was the picture I couldn’t stop drawing? Every time I would try and draw a woman’s face I would end up drawing the bones of the face in over the top, and instead of her jaw she would have the bare bone mandible of a predator.

I’m not talking once or twice. I’ve got dozens of pictures I had started trying to sketch, and all of them ended up with their facial bones out and this bone jaw.

No matter the angle of the face or the style I was drawing it in, until I finally gave up and just drew it properly.

It’s not the first time either that I’ve ended up doing an incredible peice of work that just came out perfectly and out of the blue. But all of those were also women where you can see their bones through their face.
But I wasn’t trying to draw anything in particular then like I was this time. And the jaw is new.
Profile picture is She Death by Rhi la Vis

Allaya

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Re: Need help finding out who is contacting me.
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2014, 10:49:03 am »
Quote from: Hollow;144103
And I felt like I was cursed or that it was my fault. That they died because I thought they were dead.


Now I’m starting to think it’s messages. The death thing stopped about 6 months ago when I was at my lowest point. And I hadn’t thought about it switching off like that.
After finding a possum I had broken down and begged to make it stop because I just couldn’t do it any more. It hurt too much.
And it stopped.

But the other nudging didn’t. The feelings about people and the feelings about places.
The feeling of impending doom when something really bad is going to go down in an area and you have to leave NOW.

And the feeling like something is in the room with me is back. Not a malevolent force. But just like someone is at my back, and it makes me feel safe?
It’s also doing things with my art but I’ll talk about that in a post under this so it doesn't get too huge.

 
It doesn't really sound to me like a curse at all. To draw a parallel, a priest giving Last Rites at a hospital doesn't trail death behind them because of a curse...they appear to trail death behind them because they usher the dying. For some reason or another, you were being repeatedly called to tend to the dying. To my mind, there are few duties more sacred than tending the dead and dying.

As for who or what is nudging you, it's difficult to say. It doesn't have to be any one thing either. I do not get nudges from deity, nor do I get nudges from any one entity/being/thing/spirit/whathaveyou either. The nudges and whispers come from whomever or whatever is in the vicinity.

I'll break out another comparison to explain the way I see it: lost children, elderly people, and others in difficulty may try to reach out to whomever is nearby that they can identify as a Helper*. Maybe an Eagle Scout, maybe a Policeman, maybe just a kindly student walking past. And often the Helper receives an unexpected kindness in return, and no necessarily from the person they helped...sometimes it's a bystander.

Perhaps these animals saw you as a Helper. And perhaps they or others are 'paying it forward' to you for your kindness as a Helper.


*the famed Mister Rogers quote is as follows: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' ”
Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth.  — Shirley Chisholm
No doubt the truth can be unpleasant, but I am not sure that unpleasantness is the same as the truth.  — Roger Ebert
It is difficult to get a person to understand something when their livelihood depends upon them not understanding it. — Upton Sinclair (adapted)
People cannot be reasoned out of an opinion that they have not reasoned themselves into. — Fisher Ames (adapted)

Hollow

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Re: Need help finding out who is contacting me.
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2014, 12:43:00 am »
Quote from: Allaya;144112
It doesn't really sound to me like a curse at all. To draw a parallel, a priest giving Last Rites at a hospital doesn't trail death behind them because of a curse...they appear to trail death behind them because they usher the dying. For some reason or another, you were being repeatedly called to tend to the dying. To my mind, there are few duties more sacred than tending the dead and dying.

As for who or what is nudging you, it's difficult to say. It doesn't have to be any one thing either. I do not get nudges from deity, nor do I get nudges from any one entity/being/thing/spirit/whathaveyou either. The nudges and whispers come from whomever or whatever is in the vicinity.

I'll break out another comparison to explain the way I see it: lost children, elderly people, and others in difficulty may try to reach out to whomever is nearby that they can identify as a Helper*. Maybe an Eagle Scout, maybe a Policeman, maybe just a kindly student walking past. And often the Helper receives an unexpected kindness in return, and no necessarily from the person they helped...sometimes it's a bystander.

Perhaps these animals saw you as a Helper. And perhaps they or others are 'paying it forward' to you for your kindness as a Helper.


*the famed Mister Rogers quote is as follows: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' ”

 

Hey thanks heaps!
I meant to write that I *used* to think that I saw cursed and now I think it might be something else.

I had never thought that it could be the animals themselves, since most of the ones I actually get to when they're alive are wild animals not pets.

Thanks for giving me some food for thought. I'm going to make some rune stones today to see if I can get some answers.
Profile picture is She Death by Rhi la Vis

Asterix

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Re: Need help finding out who is contacting me.
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2014, 12:56:39 am »
Quote from: Hollow;144103


But most of the time I find animals. Most of the time they’re either dead or dying. They’ve been hit by cars or fallen off power lines or poisoned.
And most of the time if they’re alive they die when I’m there.

 
It's possible you may be connected to a reaper, or even Thanatos.  Perhaps do some research on both?

IceAngie

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Re: Need help finding out who is contacting me.
« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2014, 09:39:23 am »
Quote from: Asterix;144158
It's possible you may be connected to a reaper, or even Thanatos.  Perhaps do some research on both?

 
I thought of Hel, maybe you can reasearch Her too.

Faemon

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Re: Need help finding out who is contacting me.
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2014, 07:55:52 am »
Quote from: IceAngie;144179
I thought of Hel, maybe you can reasearch Her too.


That's what I was thinking too

Hela
Kali
Ereshkigal

...Just guessing some death goddess, although it could possibly be that whoever's thwapping you Hollow just isn't in any mythology.
The Codex of Poesy: wishcraft, faelatry, alchemy, and other slight misspellings.
the Otherfaith: Chromatic Genderbending Faery Monarchs of Technology. DeviantArt

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