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Author Topic: How long did it take  (Read 1731 times)

DancesWithHorses

How long did it take
« on: August 22, 2012, 04:10:34 pm »
For you to move to your chosen pagan path? When did you know that you had let go of whatever religion you had prior to your current one?

I know that spirituality is a personal and continuous journey, what I wanted to know long did it take for you to admit (at least to yourself) that you were pagan (substitute what you would like)?

I've been reading, thinking and doing a lot of mediating for two years now. But when someone asks me what I believe in, I don't say anything or if they really press, I say God. I've come to realise I am afraid. My friends are all Christians and some of them are very close-minded. I guess I'm afraid to admit that I don't believe what they believe.

Is this a common feeling to have?
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Vale

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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2012, 06:46:31 pm »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70238
For you to move to your chosen pagan path?

Many years - I was effectively pagan long before I was prepared to admit it even  to myself.

 
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70238
When did you know that you had let go of whatever religion you had prior to your current one? [

When I was able to throw my baptisimal prayer book in the trash where it belonged! I may still have my baptisimal bible  up in the loft somewhere but if the mice haven't eaten it then if it ever surfaces it will also end up  in the recycling bin.
« Last Edit: August 22, 2012, 06:48:07 pm by Vale »

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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2012, 11:31:34 pm »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70238

Is this a common feeling to have?

 
I think more common than many people talk about, especially if their social network is deeply enmeshed in a particular religious community.

To give you an idea, with years :

1994-1998: in college, actively involved in my college Catholic community (music ministry, Newman board, etc.) but with some increasing questions about specific bits of Catholicism in the last year or two.

1998-99: working for my college, still active in the community, but knowing I'm going to be moving (and likely to a different area) at the end of that year.

summer 1999: move halfway across the country (I knew people in Minnesota, but it wasn't like "all my friends are enmeshed in this religious community") Spend about 18 months going "what do I want out of my religious life, anyway?" during which I do a bunch of reading, try out a bunch of different Catholic parishes on principle, and end up starting to look at the Pagan community.

Samhain 2000: my first ritual in the community out there. I spent nearly another year trying things out, going "Group? Yes group, I think. Which group?"

September 2001: Dedicated with the group I trained with, initiating in 2003, getting my 2nd degree in 2005, and my 3rd in 2007. All of which are additional stages at which I did a lot of "Is this the choice I want to be making? Am I sure?" work.

The point at which I stopped identifying as Catholic was somewhere around fall 2000. The point at which I stopped doing some reflexive stuff (crossing myself at times of stress, reflexively saying things like "Jesus", etc.) was several years later (I want to say sometime in 2003, but I think after my initiation rather than before it)
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Fireof9

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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2012, 12:17:48 am »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70238
For you to move to your chosen pagan path? When did you know that you had let go of whatever religion you had prior to your current one?

I know that spirituality is a personal and continuous journey, what I wanted to know long did it take for you to admit (at least to yourself) that you were pagan (substitute what you would like)?

I've been reading, thinking and doing a lot of mediating for two years now. But when someone asks me what I believe in, I don't say anything or if they really press, I say God. I've come to realise I am afraid. My friends are all Christians and some of them are very close-minded. I guess I'm afraid to admit that I don't believe what they believe.

Is this a common feeling to have?

 
If I look back and am honest it was over about a 12 year period. But really in the beginning I had no idea there even was such thing as pagans. I just started to getting into the deities of other cultures. But I was very tied to the guilt of my extreme fundie Christian upbringing, and had a lot of hatred towards religion in general.

Over time I started learning more about non Christian religions. I ended up here where I found the path I am on now. It was easy for me because due to a few life circumstances my ties with all the Christians in my life were totally severed by that time.

I think the things you are feeling are totally normal. I have a good friend who recently left the JW's. He was saying the other day that while he does not believe anything that they teach, losing his faith was one of the scariest experiences of his life.

Go at a pace that is comfortable, keep your heart and mind open.
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Aine Rayne

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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2012, 01:29:21 am »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70238
For you to move to your chosen pagan path? When did you know that you had let go of whatever religion you had prior to your current one?

I know that spirituality is a personal and continuous journey, what I wanted to know long did it take for you to admit (at least to yourself) that you were pagan (substitute what you would like)?

I've been reading, thinking and doing a lot of mediating for two years now. But when someone asks me what I believe in, I don't say anything or if they really press, I say God. I've come to realise I am afraid. My friends are all Christians and some of them are very close-minded. I guess I'm afraid to admit that I don't believe what they believe.

Is this a common feeling to have?

 
Hey, I'm still halfway between them. I also am surrounded by Christians, not a lot of people know I'm pagan. Boyfriend, parents, maybe four or five friends (probably more by now since I talk about it on facebook, but they haven't said much) were actually told. There are family I honestly would never want to find out because the resulting conversation/argument would not be pretty. My mom is trying really really hard, gotta give her mad props for that, but she's still trying to get me to come back. I think part of my problem is that I don't actually have any problems with Christianity or those deities but with all the people. Too many humans sticking their hands and noses in my relationship with the Divine. My mom just doesn't understand, she doesn't think anyone is in my way except that I'm "letting" them, but if I were letting them I'd still be going to church and going through them. And honestly, I feel more at peace with my current god than I ever did as a Christian and that's saying something cuz I used to feel pretty at peace at times. Let me say, the peace is more frequent and easily forthcoming and I can actually feel my god's presence as opposed to much less frequently or not ever getting that in Christianity.

Honestly, I'd say I'm still in the same state you are, not quite letting go of the old and embracing the new. I still have a lot of old habits and thought processes to get over and such. I'd say about the end of last year, maybe later than that, that I finally admitted that what I needed and wanted wasn't something Christian or Christian based. And it wasn't Wicca either, I figured that out pretty quickly that I'm really not all that interested in how it works or witchcraft either. Turns out I made a pretty good choice :3

I think dealing with those around you who may not be accepting can be one of the hardest things. So far no one has really said anything except my mom and dad. Dad says "no magic while you're living there!" (I live with my grandmother, his mom) and my mom is just trying to understand where I'm coming from. Honestly I just want to ask her "is it really so bad for me to worship another deity if said deity is giving me peace and inspiring me to be a better person?" Of course I imagine her comment would probably be, "God can do that for you too!" She has also asked if I believed my "new god" (something tells me she's afraid of saying His name, she knows who it is) was just an aspect of "the true God" because that would make her feel better. I skirted the answer, because honestly I don't, I'm really a harder polytheist. I don't know how I'd ever explain that to my grandfather and am hoping I never have to do that, as loving and kind as he is there's no way in heaven, hell or Duat that he'd be alright with that. You're not alone in this at least :)
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Laveth

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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2012, 01:33:06 am »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70238
For you to move to your chosen pagan path? When did you know that you had let go of whatever religion you had prior to your current one?

I know that spirituality is a personal and continuous journey, what I wanted to know long did it take for you to admit (at least to yourself) that you were pagan (substitute what you would like)?

I've been reading, thinking and doing a lot of mediating for two years now. But when someone asks me what I believe in, I don't say anything or if they really press, I say God. I've come to realise I am afraid. My friends are all Christians and some of them are very close-minded. I guess I'm afraid to admit that I don't believe what they believe.

Is this a common feeling to have?

 
I'm probably not qualified to answer this post, since my circumstances seem to be a bit different. But just for the sake of putting forth a different perspective...

Despite my parents insisting that they were Presbyterian/Lutheran, I grew up in a pretty pagan and psychic-sensitive household. I've never been able to identify as Christian, and in hindsight, I never really was. It just took awhile to identify what the label for the alternative was. By that point I was about 12 years old.

Food for thought, or maybe just a strange crazy-person's story. Take it as you will. :)

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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2012, 09:53:49 am »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70238
For you to move to your chosen pagan path? When did you know that you had let go of whatever religion you had prior to your current one?

I know that spirituality is a personal and continuous journey, what I wanted to know long did it take for you to admit (at least to yourself) that you were pagan (substitute what you would like)?


Is this a common feeling to have?


I was starting to get uneasy with Christianity for several years before I left. I was "saved' in 1991 and started church in 2002. Reading the bible and attending church really messed up my faith, lol. Around 2004 I was really starting to question why I was there and what the faith meant. Left church 2007ish. Started meditation, from there witchcraft, Gnostic Christian, Heathen. I would say between the craft and Gnostic part I decided I did not believe just one god existed that was about three years ago. I am just now telling people I am not Christian. So it all started around 2004. I think being in a family, area and country mostly Christian is pretty common to go through stages and have some fear. Especially if you loose friends over it.

Siannan

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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2012, 10:37:59 am »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70238
For you to move to your chosen pagan path? When did you know that you had let go of whatever religion you had prior to your current one?

Is this a common feeling to have?

 
I think I finally felt that I had let go of Catholicism when I stopped being afraid of going to hell for not believing anymore.  And it took a LONG time to get there.  I started looking into Wicca and Paganism when I was in my teens. Then I would feel guilty and go back to church.  After a while, I would start reading my "witchy" books again until once again the guilt/fear would come back.  I am in my mid-thirties now and finally put the threat of hell to rest in my mind in the past couple years.

As for how long it took to find my path... well, I am still looking!  I'm still reading and trying to figure our exactly what I believe but I am good with that.  At least it is up to me.

DancesWithHorses

Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2012, 10:43:58 am »
Quote from: Ula;70339
I was starting to get uneasy with Christianity for several years before I left. I was "saved' in 1991 and started church in 2002. Reading the bible and attending church really messed up my faith, lol. Around 2004 I was really starting to question why I was there and what the faith meant. Left church 2007ish. Started meditation, from there witchcraft, Gnostic Christian, Heathen. I would say between the craft and Gnostic part I decided I did not believe just one god existed that was about three years ago. I am just now telling people I am not Christian. So it all started around 2004. I think being in a family, area and country mostly Christian is pretty common to go through stages and have some fear. Especially if you loose friends over it.

 
I can't even open the Bible without getting the chills. For something reason, I have an extremely strong dislike for that book which is weird because I love most books. But that is the one I don't and no matter how hard I tried, I could never get myself to read it. I usually like church, or did back when we had a really cool open-minded minister. In her opinion, most religions have the same basic moral code and all deserve recognition. She was the one person that never pushed me into the Christian faith.

I might lose friends, some of those friends I've let go of for other reasons. The worst part could by my dating life :whis: I seem to always end up with the highly religious Christian boys. The current one is a Catholic. That should be an interesting conversation someday.

Quote from: Jenett;70291
I think more common than many people talk about, especially if their social network is deeply enmeshed in a particular religious community.

 
I wish it was more talked about. This thread has been helpful, really. I kind of alone in this for a while there!

Quote from: Aine Rayne;70306

Honestly, I'd say I'm still in the same state you are, not quite letting go of the old and embracing the new. I still have a lot of old habits and thought processes to get over and such. I'd say about the end of last year, maybe later than that, that I finally admitted that what I needed and wanted wasn't something Christian or Christian based. And it wasn't Wicca either, I figured that out pretty quickly that I'm really not all that interested in how it works or witchcraft either. Turns out I made a pretty good choice :3

 
Much the same. I need faith, I need something to believe in, someone to talk to, to pray to and Christianity has never met that need for me. I admitted it about a year ago during an extremely difficult time. It was then that I finally started talking to someone (who I found out was Wodan). Old habits die hard.

Siannan, I know where you are coming from. for me though, its not the thought of going to hell, it's the fact that's my favourite set of swear words. Hell never scared me because the way I see it, if I end up there, I had fun getting there and I know a few of my friends will be joining me. (all joking aside) I do still have trouble with the Heaven and Hell aspect of afterlife. I guess that's what drew me to the Norse gods, there is a heaven and hell concept there.

Thank you for the kind responses.
Jinx or Jinxy :)
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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2012, 12:16:46 pm »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70238
For you to move to your chosen pagan path? When did you know that you had let go of whatever religion you had prior to your current one?

 
Not actually a simple question.

I had drifted into an amiable not-really-Christian agnosticism for various reasons before the age of ten.  When we moved away from the church I attended I didn't really go back (I did attend a few of their Christmas candlelight services because they were awesome).

I was introduced to neo-Wicca around the age of fourteen, fourteen and a half (I am very vague on this; chronology in that timeperiod of my life is something that I have to logic out and it's very hard).  I continued in that very vague vein for at least eight or nine years, but ... honestly, without much more attachment to it than the amiable not-really-Christian agnosticism, though I tried a lot harder, often in ways that were actively detrimental to other things.  Eventually I stopped trying quite so hard, and was just ... vague for a bit.  Pagan in a kind of meaningless way.

Early in the oughts, I guess, I got diverted sideways into Kemetic stuff.  Was there for a couple of years before I got told to study Feri as well, which I started in 2005 I think.  Eventually I accepted that I was stuck with both....

So if you start from 'drifting agnosticism', probably about twenty years. :P  If you start from neo-Wicca we're down to about thirteen, maybe?
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CoraFrost

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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2012, 12:27:02 pm »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70238
For you to move to your chosen pagan path? When did you know that you had let go of whatever religion you had prior to your current one?
I've come to realise I am afraid. My friends are all Christians and some of them are very close-minded. I guess I'm afraid to admit that I don't believe what they believe.
Is this a common feeling to have?


I live in the eastern part of the Bible belt-- you're darn tootin' I'm afraid! I grew up in NJ, right outside of NYC, so I think my journey of being 'out' in my paganism was somewhat delayed because so many of my friends back home were into exploring a wide variety of spiritual practices, and may or may not have gone to Mass on Sunday.  Down here, if you're not Baptist or reborn, someone is always trying to save you.  
 
Quote from: Laveth;70308
I'm probably not qualified to answer this post, since my circumstances seem to be a bit different. But just for the sake of putting forth a different perspective...

Despite my parents insisting that they were Presbyterian/Lutheran, I grew up in a pretty pagan and psychic-sensitive household. I've never been able to identify as Christian, and in hindsight, I never really was. It just took awhile to identify what the label for the alternative was. By that point I was about 12 years old.

Food for thought, or maybe just a strange crazy-person's story. Take it as you will. :)


This is true for me as well! My mother still insists (despite her Reiki work, mediumship, smudging rituals, etc...) that she is Roman Catholic.  It took me well into my post-college years (as I went to a Jesuit university, who still in my opinion absolutely rock) to figure out, "hey... I don't think I'm actually Catholic."

It took me longer to willingly identify as pagan because so much of the early pro-pagan literature and internet postings that I read were less "pro-Pagan" and more "anti-Christian".  As I did more research (over a period of 2+ years), I've come to find more gentle accepting pagan writings and doctrine.
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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2012, 01:34:22 pm »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70238
For you to move to your chosen pagan path? When did you know that you had let go of whatever religion you had prior to your current one?

I know that spirituality is a personal and continuous journey, what I wanted to know long did it take for you to admit (at least to yourself) that you were pagan (substitute what you would like)?

I've been reading, thinking and doing a lot of mediating for two years now. But when someone asks me what I believe in, I don't say anything or if they really press, I say God. I've come to realise I am afraid. My friends are all Christians and some of them are very close-minded. I guess I'm afraid to admit that I don't believe what they believe.

Is this a common feeling to have?

 
I'm still working on it.  I've been actively identifying as a Pagan for a bit over a year, now, though I'm still figuring out what I believe, what path I want to follow, &c.  It was about a year before that when I stopped identifying as Christian.  I finally decided I had too much of a disagreement with Christian doctrine, so I spent that year as vaguely theistic, not doing anything much religious.  The eventual abandonment of Christianity was probably three or four years in the making.  I did leave Christianity on good terms, and still think it's a perfectly fine religion, just not one I can personally get behind anymore.

The thing is, having said that, I know I haven't abandoned all of my Christian thinking.  I've found that, while I'm perfectly willing to step away from the Christian God, I'm very much unwilling to approach any other Gods, unwilling to really examine polytheism, and make a concrete statement about what I believe in terms of whether Gods exist, and which ones.  I'm finding it difficult to step out of my comfort zone, as it were, and probably a lingering fear of getting mixed up with demons or other malevolent entities by accident (fear of Hell, not so much, as Heaven and Hell were never as important to me as this life, even when I was still Christian).  So, yeah, it's definitely something I'm still working on, and I expect I will be for a couple more years at least.

There's also the fact that, even though I self-identify as Pagan in my own head, I don't really feel confident enough to identify that way with half the people I know.  Of course, much of the time it doesn't come up in conversation, which is just as well.

DancesWithHorses

Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2012, 01:58:53 pm »
Quote from: SweetVanity;70365
I live in the eastern part of the Bible belt-- you're darn tootin' I'm afraid! I grew up in NJ, right outside of NYC, so I think my journey of being 'out' in my paganism was somewhat delayed because so many of my friends back home were into exploring a wide variety of spiritual practices, and may or may not have gone to Mass on Sunday.  Down here, if you're not Baptist or reborn, someone is always trying to save you.  


Basically the same here. Half of the time I find myself in church just to maintain social standing. My job, my social connections, everything is attached to the church. And since I have heard the 'save' speech so many times, I ended up as a member of the United Church... the most liberal branch I could find. I wish it wasn't so, I wish I could speak freely but the consequences are daunting and I'm not that strong.
Jinx or Jinxy :)
Add a dash of folklore, a few centuries of farmer\'s blood and mix well.
[/B]

CoraFrost

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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2012, 02:59:03 pm »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;70373
Basically the same here. Half of the time I find myself in church just to maintain social standing. My job, my social connections, everything is attached to the church. And since I have heard the 'save' speech so many times, I ended up as a member of the United Church... the most liberal branch I could find. I wish it wasn't so, I wish I could speak freely but the consequences are daunting and I'm not that strong.


truth! It was such incredible culture shock.  I mean back home, I went to Mass, drum circles, yoga, Reiki shares, moon ceremonies, and still celebrated the holidays in the Roman Catholic tradition.  Nobody that I ever met -- either in my pagan circles or Catholic ones-- ever really batted an eyelash.  

Here, I'm not allowed in one of my husband's coworkers houses anymore because her husband freaked out when I brought her valerian root extract and lavender chamomile tea because she'd been in a car accident and was having anxiety and trouble sleeping.
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Laveth

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Re: How long did it take...
« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2012, 03:53:14 pm »
Quote from: SweetVanity;70365

This is true for me as well! My mother still insists (despite her Reiki work, mediumship, smudging rituals, etc...) that she is Roman Catholic.  It took me well into my post-college years (as I went to a Jesuit university, who still in my opinion absolutely rock) to figure out, "hey... I don't think I'm actually Catholic."


 

Hey, at least I'm not the only one!

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