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Author Topic: Awkwardness in solitary ritual  (Read 2812 times)

Gisil

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #15 on: October 23, 2014, 07:09:10 pm »
Quote from: SunflowerP;163325
I think that, in one sense, you maybe are wanting too much: that feeling of security won't happen on its own, because the self-doubt instilled in you by your background will undermine it even if you've found something that's otherwise an excellent fit for you.

That's not to say you can never have that feeling of security, just that you will have to build it yourself, which will take time and work. (That's true, to some extent, for pretty much everyone, but it sounds like you're likely to find it especially challenging.)

I think Scales' advice, about considering other areas in your life where you've learned to move beyond your parents' fears of difference and do what works for you, is good.

Sunflower

 
Thanks all for the helpful responses. Recently I have felt an inner drive to do something related to my spirituality instead of just writing about it. It was the first time I acknowledged that there is a huge block there, and I will be losing faith with myself if I don't keep working at this.

Yes, there's a big issue where I diverged from my parents openly. Vegetarianism. We have never discussed paganism, but vegetarianism. Wow. My mom "forgot" and emailed me chicken recipes, and my dad kept offering me breakfast sausage for a long time, though I don't speak with them now. They took Pretending to Not Notice to a new level. Obviously their self-images are pretty underdeveloped if they can't handle me making my decision. It's no wonder they didn't raise me to have much of a self-image. They didn't know how.

Affirmations or some form of mental re-conditioning seem like a good idea. Scales or Mama Fortuna, did I read those ideas into your post, or did I misinterpret your words? Brain-washing is a frightening concept, but I believe I was subjected to that from my mother.

Quote from: Nyktelios;163326

Long story short, keep it simple. Keep reading and journaling, if that satisfies you. Some people don't need a lot of ritual, and the standard, generic stuff in the Ravenwolf and Cunnningham kind of books don't do it for everybody. Experiment with different things and see what works for you. Like Darkhawk said, different traditions offer different things, and some are better matches for certain people than others.

 
I like the prospect of keeping things simple, but I need to be physical with it now, not just mental. It occurs to me that just putting my time in at this point is needed.

Scales

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #16 on: October 23, 2014, 07:23:06 pm »
Quote from: SunflowerP;163325
I think Scales' advice, about considering other areas in your life where you've learned to move beyond your parents' fears of difference and do what works for you, is good.

 
Quote from: Gisil;163330

Yes, there's a big issue where I diverged from my parents openly. Vegetarianism. We have never discussed paganism, but vegetarianism. Wow. My mom "forgot" and emailed me chicken recipes, and my dad kept offering me breakfast sausage for a long time, though I don't speak with them now. They took Pretending to Not Notice to a new level.

I'm really glad that part of my post didn't disappear under the part about affirmations and stuff, and that you have something to compare (although it sucks, obviously. I'm vegetarian as well, but have been lucky), and I hope that maybe whatever skills you used to get passed that will also help with this mental block.

Quote from: Gisil;163330
Affirmations or some form of mental re-conditioning seem like a good idea. Scales or Mama Fortuna, did I read those ideas into your post, or did I misinterpret your words? Brain-washing is a frightening concept, but I believe I was subjected to that from my mother.

Brainwashing is a bit harsher than what I meant, and of course the point is to... well, it is to wash your brain of things, but to make it behave the way you want it to, not the way someone else does.

Quote from: Gisil;163330

I like the prospect of keeping things simple, but I need to be physical with it now, not just mental. It occurs to me that just putting my time in at this point is needed.

Putting time in is usually the right thing to do for anything, and from your post as a whole, it seems like you're beginning to get a handle on things, which is great.

Ginko

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #17 on: October 27, 2014, 10:24:05 am »
Quote from: Gisil;163182
I would like to practice regular rituals, but I find myself reading spiritual books and journaling about my beliefs instead. I want to bring those ideas into practice. However, the times I have tried have felt awkward and cold. I felt alone and foolish, my words hollow.

I have not known whether to persevere in this endeavor would be to disrespect spirit with my pretentious acts, or if at some point the awkwardness would go away and the physical practice would begin to resemble the belief concepts in my mind.

I have attempted to practice basic rituals in well-known books, and I have also tried spontaneous rituals based on my feelings, which in fact felt even emptier than the published rituals.

I welcome any experiences or opinions on this subject.

 
I think all the advice that has been offered is great, but I would like to add this.

Remember that you are doing this for you.

It is ok, imo, to pick out bits that resonate with your heart and put them together in new ways.  The rituals that are in books or online are ones that someone put together because that is what spoke to them.  What speaks to you?  When does your heart surge?
Ginko

Gisil

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #18 on: October 28, 2014, 04:52:12 pm »
Quote from: Ginko;163525
I think all the advice that has been offered is great, but I would like to add this.

Remember that you are doing this for you.

It is ok, imo, to pick out bits that resonate with your heart and put them together in new ways.  The rituals that are in books or online are ones that someone put together because that is what spoke to them.  What speaks to you?  When does your heart surge?


Thank you for asking. These are some things:
 
Being near the ocean.

Listening or dancing alone to spiritual music.

The voice of a spiritual author that feels so close to me I feel I have a teacher for a while.

Listening to the calls of birds at dawn and dusk.

The people in my dreams at night, and the information about my life I receive from thinking about the dreams.

The forest.

schwertlilie

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #19 on: October 29, 2014, 12:29:57 am »
Quote from: Gisil;163683
Thank you for asking. These are some things:
 
Being near the ocean.

Listening or dancing alone to spiritual music.

The voice of a spiritual author that feels so close to me I feel I have a teacher for a while.

Listening to the calls of birds at dawn and dusk.

The people in my dreams at night, and the information about my life I receive from thinking about the dreams.

The forest.


About dance & music, have you ever heard of Dianne Sylvan? She started out as a Wiccan and has a love of ecstatic dance, which is part of a few of her books (I'm pretty sure it's in "The Body Sacred"). She dances as a prayer and offering to Deity, which definitely a "doing" rather than a "thinking" activity if you'll pardon my phrasing.

This is her 101 on how to do a ritual through ecstatic dance, and you can add whatever ritual trappings you like (such as calling quarters, casting circle, etc).

Allaya

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #20 on: October 29, 2014, 06:37:55 am »
Quote from: schwertlilie;163754
About dance & music, have you ever heard of Dianne Sylvan? She started out as a Wiccan and has a love of ecstatic dance, which is part of a few of her books (I'm pretty sure it's in "The Body Sacred"). She dances as a prayer and offering to Deity, which definitely a "doing" rather than a "thinking" activity if you'll pardon my phrasing.

This is her 101 on how to do a ritual through ecstatic dance, and you can add whatever ritual trappings you like (such as calling quarters, casting circle, etc).

 

Thank you for this post and the link. It has lit up a lightbulb in my head that I didn't even think was screwed into a socket.

I've run into several resources that have suggested "earth walking" as a way to tune in, so to speak. Great and everything, but I'm someone who is pretty earth connected to begin with (sometimes to my detriment).

It never occurred to me that I could turn it into a devotional act rather than just an exercise in mindfulness.
Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth.  — Shirley Chisholm
No doubt the truth can be unpleasant, but I am not sure that unpleasantness is the same as the truth.  — Roger Ebert
It is difficult to get a person to understand something when their livelihood depends upon them not understanding it. — Upton Sinclair (adapted)
People cannot be reasoned out of an opinion that they have not reasoned themselves into. — Fisher Ames (adapted)

Amphibian

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Re: Awkwardness in solitary ritual
« Reply #21 on: October 29, 2014, 12:01:01 pm »
Quote from: Allaya;163764
Thank you for this post and the link. It has lit up a lightbulb in my head that I didn't even think was screwed into a socket.

I've run into several resources that have suggested "earth walking" as a way to tune in, so to speak. Great and everything, but I'm someone who is pretty earth connected to begin with (sometimes to my detriment).

It never occurred to me that I could turn it into a devotional act rather than just an exercise in mindfulness.

Seconding the appreciation for this link.  It's not pinging quite the same places for me as it is for Allaya, but it is reminding/reinforcing my feelings about the place of music and movement in ritual.  which is useful.

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