collapse

* "Unable to verify referring url. Please go back and try again" Problem Logging In?

If you get an "Unable to verify referring url. Please go back and try again" error when you try to log in, you need to be sure you are accessing the board with a url that starts with "https://ecauldron.com".  If it starts with https://www.ecauldron.com" (or "http://www.ecauldron.com") you will get this error because "www.ecauldron.com" is not technically the same website as "ecauldron.com". Moving to the more secure "https" means it is more picky about such things.

Author Topic: christo pagan girl in need of support and friendship maybe even new mentors  (Read 1106 times)

kala83

  • Apprentice
  • ***
  • Join Date: May 2013
  • Posts: 24
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
in a short sum up I am just really struggling right now in my life. I just went through a very very hard break up with my fiancé.
I am a polyamorous individual I have been for years, and basically my fiance claimed he was accepting of how I was and really he was not.
I admit there was blame on my part and on his part that ended up hurting both parties in the long run.
I would rather not go into detail about that aspect of it...if its all the same to everyone here.

the hardest thing about the break up was it proved to me that someone I thought was a close and trusted friend to me, was not really a friend to me at all.

I have been making myself try to more spiritual practices then usual lately to help me get through this difficult time in my life.

I also am realizing I am still fairly new to my pagan/wiccan life style and having more mentors in my life that I could learn from and grow from would be highly appreciated on my part.

and for the most part it has been helping me out, but the lack of friends and close friends I have to reach out to and talk to does not help.

Since I associate myself as christo pagan witch its often times hard for me to make friends even in the pagan community cause there can be a bit of judgements towards people like me.

Jenett

  • Staff
  • *
  • Join Date: Jun 2011
  • Location: Boston, MA
  • Posts: 2409
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 23
    • View Profile
    • Seeking: First steps on a path
  • Religion: Initiatory religious witchcraft
  • Preferred Pronouns: she/her
Quote from: kala83;202653

I am a polyamorous individual I have been for years, and basically my fiance claimed he was accepting of how I was and really he was not.


I'm sorry about your breakup. There are multiple people on this forum who are polyamorous (either in identity or practice - I've been single for over 10 years, but it's still the way I self-identify). It doesn't come up as a topic terribly often, but I thought you might like to know that other people have hit those kinds of issues in their pasts, too.

Quote

I also am realizing I am still fairly new to my pagan/wiccan life style and having more mentors in my life that I could learn from and grow from would be highly appreciated on my part.


You'll find a lot of people to talk to here!

One thing that might help you to think about is that lifestyle may or may not be a useful way to look at things (just like 'poly lifestyle' often isn't, actually.)

I'm a witch and a priestess, I'm single and live alone (with a cat and a bunch of books) in an apartment in a large town in a major metro area and I have a particular set of chronic health issues.

My lifestyle is different than one of my best friends (poly and with multiple kids and partners) who lives further outside the immediate metro area, even though we both do ritual together semi-regularly. (We're also working in different witchcraft traditions, and sometime we do very similar things for very similar reasons, but it's a lot more common for our practices outside of what we agree to do together to look pretty different or have different goals.)

(Also, Paganism is, as you may have learned, a really broad category of a bunch of different religions that don't have a lot in common. Darkhawk, another poster on this board, has done a lot of work around explaining how really, it's more useful to see it as a socio-cultural movement rather than more religious, and identifying many of the (extremely varied) influences. There's a post here that links to some useful information. Mostly, I take this as a good reason to learn a lot from all sorts of people, whether or not their practices or goals look much like mine.)

Looking at specific practices may be helpful, in other words, rather than looking at things as a lifestyle. I have a website you might find helpful (especially if you're looking at things like managing energetic ties, cleansing and banishing work, etc. in the wake of your breakup).
Seek Knowledge, Find Wisdom: Research help on esoteric and eclectic topics (consulting and other services)

Seeking: first steps on a Pagan path (advice for seekers and people new to Paganism)

Pickle

  • Journeyman
  • *****
  • Join Date: Aug 2015
  • Posts: 216
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Country: england
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Learning
  • Preferred Pronouns: She/her/hers
Quote from: kala83;202653
the lack of friends and close friends I have to reach out to and talk to does not help.

 
I'm afraid I can't help you out with the mentoring bit, as my path is different from yours, but I just wanted to say I sympathise with your situation following your break up, and hopefully you will make some new pagan acquaintances on here which will help a bit.

Be kind to yourself, and take care.

Sorcha

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jun 2016
  • Posts: 330
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Total likes: 8
    • View Profile
Quote from: kala83;202653
in a short sum up I am just really struggling right now in my life. I just went through a very very hard break up with my fiancé.
I am a polyamorous individual I have been for years, and basically my fiance claimed he was accepting of how I was and really he was not.
I admit there was blame on my part and on his part that ended up hurting both parties in the long run.
I would rather not go into detail about that aspect of it...if its all the same to everyone here.

the hardest thing about the break up was it proved to me that someone I thought was a close and trusted friend to me, was not really a friend to me at all.

I have been making myself try to more spiritual practices then usual lately to help me get through this difficult time in my life.

I also am realizing I am still fairly new to my pagan/wiccan life style and having more mentors in my life that I could learn from and grow from would be highly appreciated on my part.

and for the most part it has been helping me out, but the lack of friends and close friends I have to reach out to and talk to does not help.

Since I associate myself as christo pagan witch its often times hard for me to make friends even in the pagan community cause there can be a bit of judgements towards people like me.

 
While I wouldn't feel comfortable mentoring (way too new to this myself), I can sympathize with your situation. I consider myself a Christopagan as well, and it can be awkward in certain circles to bring up, though I haven't had any issues whatsoever here. I also recently went through the whole "oh you really aren't my friend and actually suck as a human" thing with somebody I would have sworn would always be there for me, so I feel ya there. :( Hugs and good luck with your path.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Vixen

  • Journeyman
  • *****
  • Join Date: Sep 2016
  • Posts: 151
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Country: nl
  • Total likes: 5
  • We're all mad here
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Pagan
Quote from: kala83;202653


Since I associate myself as christo pagan witch its often times hard for me to make friends even in the pagan community cause there can be a bit of judgements towards people like me.

 
A very warm welcome to the Cauldron. I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time at the moment, I feel your pain as I'm going through divorce myself atm.

Thank you for coining the term christo pagan. I had never heard of it but often wondered if something like that excisted. I was raised Catholic and it is hard for me to let go of Christianity all together cause I was not unhappy there at all. I was just missing something.
You're only given a little spark of madness, you mustn't lose it.

kala83

  • Apprentice
  • ***
  • Join Date: May 2013
  • Posts: 24
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Quote from: Vixen;202692
A very warm welcome to the Cauldron. I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time at the moment, I feel your pain as I'm going through divorce myself atm.

Thank you for coining the term christo pagan. I had never heard of it but often wondered if something like that excisted. I was raised Catholic and it is hard for me to let go of Christianity all together cause I was not unhappy there at all. I was just missing something.

 there were times where I was almost tempted to do that myself.....but truthfully my christian past did help me in a lot of weak points in my life and it still does to a degree.
But realize my pagan side of myself also.....has helped me in a lot of ways also.

but I kind of dance to the beat of my own drum when it comes to how I do things. Don't really follow a typical path but I have learned you don't really have to.

Vixen

  • Journeyman
  • *****
  • Join Date: Sep 2016
  • Posts: 151
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Country: nl
  • Total likes: 5
  • We're all mad here
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Pagan
Quote from: kala83;202707

but I kind of dance to the beat of my own drum when it comes to how I do things. Don't really follow a typical path but I have learned you don't really have to.


That's the beauty of paganism. We all walk our own path. ;)
You're only given a little spark of madness, you mustn't lose it.

kala83

  • Apprentice
  • ***
  • Join Date: May 2013
  • Posts: 24
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Quote from: Jenett;202654
I'm sorry about your breakup. There are multiple people on this forum who are polyamorous (either in identity or practice - I've been single for over 10 years, but it's still the way I self-identify). It doesn't come up as a topic terribly often, but I thought you might like to know that other people have hit those kinds of issues in their pasts, too.



You'll find a lot of people to talk to here!

One thing that might help you to think about is that lifestyle may or may not be a useful way to look at things (just like 'poly lifestyle' often isn't, actually.)

I'm a witch and a priestess, I'm single and live alone (with a cat and a bunch of books) in an apartment in a large town in a major metro area and I have a particular set of chronic health issues.

My lifestyle is different than one of my best friends (poly and with multiple kids and partners) who lives further outside the immediate metro area, even though we both do ritual together semi-regularly. (We're also working in different witchcraft traditions, and sometime we do very similar things for very similar reasons, but it's a lot more common for our practices outside of what we agree to do together to look pretty different or have different goals.)

(Also, Paganism is, as you may have learned, a really broad category of a bunch of different religions that don't have a lot in common. Darkhawk, another poster on this board, has done a lot of work around explaining how really, it's more useful to see it as a socio-cultural movement rather than more religious, and identifying many of the (extremely varied) influences. There's a post here that links to some useful information. Mostly, I take this as a good reason to learn a lot from all sorts of people, whether or not their practices or goals look much like mine.)

Looking at specific practices may be helpful, in other words, rather than looking at things as a lifestyle. I have a website you might find helpful (especially if you're looking at things like managing energetic ties, cleansing and banishing work, etc. in the wake of your breakup).


I think the hardest part of the break up for me is that I know I hurt someone in the process of how it went down. I tried so hard to prevent that from happening and not hurting someone but things did not end up that way. And deep down I alsmost hate myself for putting pain on someone.
cause I typically have been on reciving end of getting hurt and I did not want to do that.
But I can't change what has happened in the past.
I just don't know if I can truly forgive myself for doing what I did.

Jenett

  • Staff
  • *
  • Join Date: Jun 2011
  • Location: Boston, MA
  • Posts: 2409
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 23
    • View Profile
    • Seeking: First steps on a path
  • Religion: Initiatory religious witchcraft
  • Preferred Pronouns: she/her
Quote from: kala83;202788
I think the hardest part of the break up for me is that I know I hurt someone in the process of how it went down. I tried so hard to prevent that from happening and not hurting someone but things did not end up that way. And deep down I alsmost hate myself for putting pain on someone.


If you were honest about what you wanted, and it didn't work out - that's a thing that happens in relationships. And yes, sometimes that hurts, but that's part of the exchange of caring for people.

If you weren't up front about it, or weren't able to explain what you wanted, well, that's also pretty human, and the other person or people in a relationship also have their own responsibilities for asking about stuff that confuses them or bugs them or isn't working for them.

There are good way to deal with that (which might still hurt a lot) and bad ways (which usually do hurt a lot) but again, no one's born knowing how to do this stuff perfectly, and pretty much everyone messes up sometimes.

(I have made some seriously bad calls about exes in my past but in every case I'm pretty clear in my own head that I tried what I could, and did my best to be clear, and if that didn't work, then we weren't going to be good partners for each other, you know?)

What you can do is do the best you can, be especially careful to be honest about the stuff that affects long-term stuff (like health-related decisions and making sure people have information about the ones that affect them) and then try to keep doing things in a way that's caring and kind and compassionate. But that also means caring and kind and compassionate to yourself.

Guilt's probably not going to help much with that, at least after the initial break up stage and poking at what you might want to do differently in the future.
Seek Knowledge, Find Wisdom: Research help on esoteric and eclectic topics (consulting and other services)

Seeking: first steps on a Pagan path (advice for seekers and people new to Paganism)

Freesia

  • Journeyman
  • *****
  • Join Date: Jan 2014
  • Posts: 231
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Quote from: kala83;202653
in a short sum up I am just really struggling right now in my life. I just went through a very very hard break up with my fiancé.

 
Sorry about your breakup, but calling off a marriage is a lot better then dealing with an annulment or divorce.

I've found mentors in strange places. Most of them I've found on youtube: "Pagan Perspective," "Starting Out Solitary," and some of the personal channels of the individuals in those networks.

An author that I've found very influential is Ceisiwr Serith. I have his two books on Pagan Prayer. He also utilizes youtube and has the personality of a thoughtful, logical researcher/professor type which is a nice contrast to some of the more colorful personalities that are out there.

I respect anyone who is willing to put their faces on paganism, druidry, Heathenism, or witch craft. I couldn't do it, at least not yet.

MadZealot

  • Adept Member
  • ********
  • Join Date: Nov 2011
  • Location: So Cal
  • Posts: 2214
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 3
  • fhtagn
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Bacon Cheeseburger
Re: christo pagan girl in need of support and friendship maybe even new mentors
« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2017, 03:20:33 am »
Quote from: kala83;202707
but I kind of dance to the beat of my own drum when it comes to how I do things. Don't really follow a typical path but I have learned you don't really have to.

Yeah, the fun part of the path you've chosen is: there are no rules, and you can pretty much make it up (and modify it) as you go.  
Which isn't bad, not at all, but sometimes people find the 'fun' part is also the most daunting (maybe even scary) part.  And that's justified.  I mean, you're pretty much making a religion that's all your own-- by you, and for you.  It's exciting, and it's heavy lifting.

Christopaganism: an Inclusive Path, by J&R Higgenbotham, will help you define exactly what your faith is.  The work may seem like a slog; take it instead as an opportunity to suss out your own thoughts & feelings.  
Do you want Brussels sprouts on your Communion plate?  Hell fucking no!!  
Point is: relax and have fun with the process.  You might be surprised.  I sure as as hell was.  

Also, check out this one and that one.  Good brain food.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2017, 03:29:36 am by MadZealot »
Covfefe. It's my safe word.

Sorcha

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jun 2016
  • Posts: 330
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Total likes: 8
    • View Profile
Re: christo pagan girl in need of support and friendship maybe even new mentors
« Reply #11 on: February 19, 2017, 12:58:33 pm »
Quote from: MadZealot;202871
Yeah, the fun part of the path you've chosen is: there are no rules, and you can pretty much make it up (and modify it) as you go.  
Which isn't bad, not at all, but sometimes people find the 'fun' part is also the most daunting (maybe even scary) part.  And that's justified.  I mean, you're pretty much making a religion that's all your own-- by you, and for you.  It's exciting, and it's heavy lifting.

Christopaganism: an Inclusive Path, by J&R Higgenbotham, will help you define exactly what your faith is.  The work may seem like a slog; take it instead as an opportunity to suss out your own thoughts & feelings.  
Do you want Brussels sprouts on your Communion plate?  Hell fucking no!!  
Point is: relax and have fun with the process.  You might be surprised.  I sure as as hell was.  

Also, check out this one and that one.  Good brain food.

 
My wishlist is getting unmanageable, damn it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Demophon

  • Journeyman
  • *****
  • Join Date: May 2015
  • Posts: 207
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Country: ca
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Re: christo pagan girl in need of support and friendship maybe even new mentors
« Reply #12 on: February 19, 2017, 11:51:56 pm »
Quote from: kala83;202653
Since I associate myself as christo pagan witch its often times hard for me to make friends even in the pagan community cause there can be a bit of judgements towards people like me.

 
I'm a Roman Catholic with some pagan leanings, so I can relate. Most of the pagans I know in real life are pretty suspicious of Christians, but the people on this forum are pretty open minded.

I don't know what kind of Christianity you follow, but I find with Catholicism, there are so many overlaps with paganism, and traditional Wicca in particular. As the Wiccans have the Rede, Catholics also understand sin at its most basic definition to be harm. The natural world isn't necessarily divine to Catholics, but creation is understood to be a revelation of God, and Pope Francis's recent Lautdato Si' encyclical stresses the importance of caring for the environment. Liturgically they can be quite similar, and I think there's even a common ideal of humanity that goes back to our more primitive origins.

 For Christians, this is understood to be in Eden before the Fall, when we lived in harmony with nature and with God, before our selfishness and disobedience severed us from this communion. Through Christ, communion with God and the rest of creation is restored by his sacrifice of taking on our sins and overcoming death, and he gives us a model of love and justice that we are to strive for in order to keep our covenant with God. Christianity is about communion, both with each other and the whole of creation, as well as with God. I think traditional Wiccan teaching is similar, recognizing the dignity of all things due to the immanent divinity of all life, and living in harmony with nature and other people, as all things are connected in relationship with each other, including the Divine.

MeadowRae

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Oct 2015
  • Location: West Virginia
  • Posts: 322
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 3
    • View Profile
  • Religion: Pantheist Pagan
Re: christo pagan girl in need of support and friendship maybe even new mentors
« Reply #13 on: February 23, 2017, 10:53:08 am »
Quote from: kala83;202788
I think the hardest part of the break up for me is that I know I hurt someone in the process of how it went down. I tried so hard to prevent that from happening and not hurting someone but things did not end up that way. And deep down I alsmost hate myself for putting pain on someone.
cause I typically have been on reciving end of getting hurt and I did not want to do that.
But I can't change what has happened in the past.
I just don't know if I can truly forgive myself for doing what I did.


I had what I believe to be similar situation when my first marriage ended. We had an open marriage, but I hurt my ex pretty badly, even though I was up front with everything. I still feel bad about it sometimes, and this was many years ago.

If I could give you one piece of advice I wish I had gotten years ago; feel your pain. Work through it, but don't punish yourself forever. You will end up punishing those you love, as well. You can't be good to anyone else (kids, siblings, friends, etc.) until you are good to yourself. Self-martyrdom is still self-absorbing.

Regarding paganism, I have found my best discussions have been interfaith. It's not always necessary to find people who think just like you. I have added to my practice based on things I've heard from Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, and Christians. Right now I'm reading A Religion of One's Own by Thomas Moore. He's a former Catholic Monk, but he has a more pagan-leaning (from my perspective) view now.

Sarah

  • Sr. Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Apr 2013
  • Posts: 827
  • Attack: 100
    Defense: 100
    Attack Member
  • Total likes: 1
    • View Profile
Re: christo pagan girl in need of support and friendship maybe even new mentors
« Reply #14 on: February 23, 2017, 11:12:43 am »
Quote from: kala83;202653
in a short sum up I am just really struggling right now in my life. I just went through a very very hard break up with my fiancé.
I am a polyamorous individual I have been for years, and basically my fiance claimed he was accepting of how I was and really he was not.
I admit there was blame on my part and on his part that ended up hurting both parties in the long run.
I would rather not go into detail about that aspect of it...if its all the same to everyone here.

the hardest thing about the break up was it proved to me that someone I thought was a close and trusted friend to me, was not really a friend to me at all.

I have been making myself try to more spiritual practices then usual lately to help me get through this difficult time in my life.

I also am realizing I am still fairly new to my pagan/wiccan life style and having more mentors in my life that I could learn from and grow from would be highly appreciated on my part.

and for the most part it has been helping me out, but the lack of friends and close friends I have to reach out to and talk to does not help.

Since I associate myself as christo pagan witch its often times hard for me to make friends even in the pagan community cause there can be a bit of judgements towards people like me.

 
I am a christian with an interest in folk magic and would be happy to talk about that

There are also a lot of christian witches on tumblr it might be worth following
Knowing when to use a shovel is what being a witch is all about. Nanny Ogg, Witches Abroad

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
5 Replies
1895 Views
Last post August 25, 2011, 01:08:16 am
by Melamphoros
1 Replies
930 Views
Last post September 21, 2011, 11:41:49 am
by KittyVel
8 Replies
990 Views
Last post November 23, 2011, 06:48:36 pm
by Lonstar
5 Replies
447 Views
Last post June 19, 2015, 03:31:36 am
by Morrigan
7 Replies
688 Views
Last post June 27, 2016, 05:36:19 pm
by SunflowerP

Beginner Area

Warning: You are currently in a Beginner Friendly area of the message board.

* Members in Chat

0 members chatting in CauldronMUX:
Updated every five minutes or so

* Who's Online

  • Dot Guests: 27
  • Dot Hidden: 0
  • Dot Users: 4
  • Dot Users Online:

* Please Donate!

The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.

* In Memoriam

Chavi (2006)
Elspeth (2010)
Marilyn (2013)

* Cauldron Staff

Co-Hosts:
LyricFox & Randall

Message Board Staff
Board Coordinator:
Sunflower

Assistant Board Coordinator:
Aster Breo

Board Staff:
Allaya, Chatelaine, Emma-Eldritch, HarpingHawke, Jenett, Morag, rocquelaire, Sefiru, Tana

CauldronMUX Chat Staff
Chief MUX Wizard:
Darkhawk

Reserve Staff:
Aisling, Bob, Catja, Fausta, Sperran, Steve

Cauldron Council:
Everfool, Jubes, Kelly, Koi, Melamphoros, Ocelot, Phouka, Sashapablo, Star

Cauldron Assistants
[Non-Staff Positions]

Site Assistants
[Non-Staff Positions]
Webmaster:
Randall