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Author Topic: Goddess Spirituality: Extremely intense spiritual experience  (Read 279 times)

WarBaby

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Extremely intense spiritual experience
« on: August 06, 2019, 07:49:00 am »
I had an experience last Sunday morning that I am struggling to understand. I'm going to try to explain it and I may ramble as I have a lot of thoughts about this but no one to talk to about it.

This is going to sound ridiculous and I feel ridiculous for typing it.

A female presence manifested in my living room.  It wasn't "visible" but it was there, someone was there.  She communicated with me but in my head, I didn't really hear it with my ears.  It was overwhelmingly real and very powerful.  It wasn't a ghost or a dead person, she was something else entirely.

I used to have powerful nightmares as a child that were as real as this but it's been since I was 11 or 12 years old.  Aside from t I have never had anything like this happen.  I am not a religious person, I was raised Catholic but I dismissed it all as nonsense when I was in my teens.  I am 48 now.

So now this happens and I am being forced to re-evaluate a lot of my beliefs.

Anyway, I am going to try to explain what she told me.

She told me that she was the Truth, she was the Divine.
She told me that she had asked me to let her into my life many times but I had always refused or ignored her.
She told me that I was a lion and that I should live like a lion and to stop being afraid, that I didn't have to be afraid, she was with me.
She said she wanted me to be happy.

There was power in the room, I can't express how it felt.  There is no doubt in my mind that she was there in the room with me.

The very intense part faded after a few minutes but a sort of afterglow remained in the room all day.  She was not there this morning.

So how is a 48 year old atheist supposed to deal with a visitation by a mother goddess (Cybele?)  I have been reading things and now I am trying to understand ideas that I would have just a few days ago scoffed at.  I am aware of some pagan ideas but again I would have dismissed it as feel-good nonsense.

And if there were other occasions none of them were like this but I think I know what she was referring to.  But those were like pleasant knocks on the door and this was like a hurricane blowing the door off the hinges. 

I am not crazy and I was not hallucinating or I was not hallucinating in a way that I understand.  I am a regular person, I don't have any conditions and I'm not on any medications.  This happened around 7:30 am.

Dynes Hysbys

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Re: Extremely intense spiritual experience
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2019, 08:52:30 am »

This is going to sound ridiculous and I feel ridiculous for typing it.

And if there were other occasions none of them were like this but I think I know what she was referring to.  But those were like pleasant knocks on the door and this was like a hurricane blowing the door off the hinges. 

I am not crazy and I was not hallucinating or I was not hallucinating in a way that I understand.  I am a regular person, I don't have any conditions and I'm not on any medications.  This happened around 7:30 am.

Well I'm not sure how much help this will be but in my own experience, if you ignore a deity trying to get your attention (or simply don't realise what is going on) then eventually they hit you with the proverbial two-by-four!

Why do you think Cybele?

WarBaby

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Re: Extremely intense spiritual experience
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2019, 09:15:01 am »
Well I'm not sure how much help this will be but in my own experience, if you ignore a deity trying to get your attention (or simply don't realise what is going on) then eventually they hit you with the proverbial two-by-four!

Why do you think Cybele?

Cybele or Kybele is a name that has come up in the past.  I have never had more than a shallow take on paganism and up to this point have considered it to be what edgy kids goth kids professed to in high school.  I don't have the words to really correctly speak about what happened.  I feel like I am talking nonsense.

So she told me she had come to me before and I am wracking my brain to find clues or past experiences where I would have encountered something like this.  Cybele is a name that comes up for some reason, I don't have any personal experience with any form of goddess worship or any worship really.

EclecticWheel

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Re: Extremely intense spiritual experience
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2019, 01:17:17 pm »
I had an experience last Sunday morning that I am struggling to understand. I'm going to try to explain it and I may ramble as I have a lot of thoughts about this but no one to talk to about it.

This is going to sound ridiculous and I feel ridiculous for typing it.

A female presence manifested in my living room.  It wasn't "visible" but it was there, someone was there.  She communicated with me but in my head, I didn't really hear it with my ears.  It was overwhelmingly real and very powerful.  It wasn't a ghost or a dead person, she was something else entirely.

I used to have powerful nightmares as a child that were as real as this but it's been since I was 11 or 12 years old.  Aside from t I have never had anything like this happen.  I am not a religious person, I was raised Catholic but I dismissed it all as nonsense when I was in my teens.  I am 48 now.

So now this happens and I am being forced to re-evaluate a lot of my beliefs.

Anyway, I am going to try to explain what she told me.

She told me that she was the Truth, she was the Divine.
She told me that she had asked me to let her into my life many times but I had always refused or ignored her.
She told me that I was a lion and that I should live like a lion and to stop being afraid, that I didn't have to be afraid, she was with me.
She said she wanted me to be happy.

There was power in the room, I can't express how it felt.  There is no doubt in my mind that she was there in the room with me.

The very intense part faded after a few minutes but a sort of afterglow remained in the room all day.  She was not there this morning.

So how is a 48 year old atheist supposed to deal with a visitation by a mother goddess (Cybele?)  I have been reading things and now I am trying to understand ideas that I would have just a few days ago scoffed at.  I am aware of some pagan ideas but again I would have dismissed it as feel-good nonsense.

And if there were other occasions none of them were like this but I think I know what she was referring to.  But those were like pleasant knocks on the door and this was like a hurricane blowing the door off the hinges. 

I am not crazy and I was not hallucinating or I was not hallucinating in a way that I understand.  I am a regular person, I don't have any conditions and I'm not on any medications.  This happened around 7:30 am.

I don't know how much advice I have other than to accept it and try to live by the insights you gain.

I also had a visitation of a non-visible presence when I was 14, and the communication was telepathic, so I was intrigued by your description.  I'm just letting you know, it does happen.
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Re: Extremely intense spiritual experience
« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2019, 07:21:28 pm »
It wasn't "visible" but it was there, someone was there.  She communicated with me but in my head, I didn't really hear it with my ears.  It was overwhelmingly real and very powerful.  It wasn't a ghost or a dead person, she was something else entirely.

I used to have powerful nightmares as a child that were as real as this but it's been since I was 11 or 12 years old. 

This sounds a lot like experiences I have had.

 
Quote
So how is a 48 year old atheist supposed to deal with a visitation by a mother goddess (Cybele?)  I have been reading things and now I am trying to understand ideas that I would have just a few days ago scoffed at.  I am aware of some pagan ideas but again I would have dismissed it as feel-good nonsense.

One place to start, since you have a deity name to work with, is to look at mythology and ancient literature. Or you can do simple practical exercises and see what suits you: try lighting as candle, or saying a short prayer, or offering a cup of water.

Modern paganism is a broad and complicated area, so figuring out which ideas are a good fit for you can be tricky. One good thing is that you can pick and choose. (For example, I personally practice meditation and make offerings every day, but I don't see much point in crystals or astrology). Take some time reading this board, too; we've discussed all sorts of things over the years, and had many people like you come asking for advice.

Local Magpie

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Re: Extremely intense spiritual experience
« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2019, 09:23:46 pm »
Cybele or Kybele is a name that has come up in the past.  I have never had more than a shallow take on paganism and up to this point have considered it to be what edgy kids goth kids professed to in high school.  I don't have the words to really correctly speak about what happened.  I feel like I am talking nonsense.

So she told me she had come to me before and I am wracking my brain to find clues or past experiences where I would have encountered something like this.  Cybele is a name that comes up for some reason, I don't have any personal experience with any form of goddess worship or any worship really.
If it is Cybele this might be of interest.

[Fixing garbled link code - SP]
« Last Edit: August 07, 2019, 11:27:45 pm by SunflowerP »

Jenett

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Re: Extremely intense spiritual experience
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2019, 10:05:48 am »
So how is a 48 year old atheist supposed to deal with a visitation by a mother goddess (Cybele?)  I have been reading things and now I am trying to understand ideas that I would have just a few days ago scoffed at.  I am aware of some pagan ideas but again I would have dismissed it as feel-good nonsense.

You've already gotten some other great comments, but a few things that might be helpful.

1) First, what you've had happen isn't the most common thing in the world, but you're not at all alone in having this kind of experience. (You might try a search here on the word 'thwapped' - being thwapped on the head is how a lot of people describe it.)

2) Maybe the most important point: deities can express interest (and sometimes they do that very energetically!) but you have choices about what you do about that. It's okay to take things slow (or at a speed you're okay with), it's fine to have boundaries, all of that.

(Obviously, there are polite ways to have boundaries and ruder ways to have boundaries, but you get to say "I'm sorry, this isn't a thing I'm up for" if that's how you end up feeling.)

3) If you are interested in exploring this, there are lots of resources out there.

I've got several articles on my website about deepening a relationship with a deity (basically 'learn some more', 'try some small things', and 'see how that goes', but with more ideas.) You may also find a book Judy Harrow edited, useful. It's called Devoted to You, and it's got four different people talking about learning about and developing relationships and practices for four different deities. (All of them are coming from a more or less witchcraft perspective, rather than reconstructionist or other approaches, but there are a lot of great resources.)

And of course, asking here!

4) Specific identification - the one thing I'd suggest is don't get too attached to an initial name or sense of a name immediately. Definitely feel free to start there, but often the names that attach to initial experiences are sort of a 'closest name we have handy' and you may find that there's a less well-known deity, even a cognate deity (a deity with a similar role in a different culture) who's a better fit for your experiences.
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WarBaby

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Re: Extremely intense spiritual experience
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2019, 04:25:59 pm »
You've already gotten some other great comments, but a few things that might be helpful.

1) First, what you've had happen isn't the most common thing in the world, but you're not at all alone in having this kind of experience. (You might try a search here on the word 'thwapped' - being thwapped on the head is how a lot of people describe it.)

2) Maybe the most important point: deities can express interest (and sometimes they do that very energetically!) but you have choices about what you do about that. It's okay to take things slow (or at a speed you're okay with), it's fine to have boundaries, all of that.

(Obviously, there are polite ways to have boundaries and ruder ways to have boundaries, but you get to say "I'm sorry, this isn't a thing I'm up for" if that's how you end up feeling.)

3) If you are interested in exploring this, there are lots of resources out there.

I've got several articles on my website about deepening a relationship with a deity (basically 'learn some more', 'try some small things', and 'see how that goes', but with more ideas.) You may also find a book Judy Harrow edited, useful. It's called Devoted to You, and it's got four different people talking about learning about and developing relationships and practices for four different deities. (All of them are coming from a more or less witchcraft perspective, rather than reconstructionist or other approaches, but there are a lot of great resources.)

And of course, asking here!

4) Specific identification - the one thing I'd suggest is don't get too attached to an initial name or sense of a name immediately. Definitely feel free to start there, but often the names that attach to initial experiences are sort of a 'closest name we have handy' and you may find that there's a less well-known deity, even a cognate deity (a deity with a similar role in a different culture) who's a better fit for your experiences.

Thank you for this and all of the other replies.  I feel like no one should actually believe me, I would not believe me.

Here’s a funny story...back in 1992 or so I was a pizza delivery driver and saw a ghost in the parking lot of an apartment complex. I pulled up in my car and my headlights fell upon an apparition in a wooded lot next to the parking lot. It was maybe 15–20 feet in front of my car. A ghost. Seeing the ghost triggers a deluge of thoughts: oh shit! What is that? Does this mean there is a god? Will it harm me? What else is real that I’ve mocked? How am I going to get of this car to deliver this pizza? I was frozen in deep thoughts and a growing terror until I snapped to and saw that it was just a column of steam rising from a drainage grate and illuminated by my headlights. It was a unique experience because it was so real and unexpected and funny to me how I had time to re-evaluate my whole belief system in the space of a few seconds.

This week has been full of re-evaluations. Also, oddly, my posture while walking has changed.

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