Meditation by gazing at a candle flame

[PerditaPickle]

It's occurred to me that I can only perform this type of meditation in company, and I wondered whether anyone might have any thoughts as to why this might be the case?

I'm not the best at meditation, still very much a beginner -- honestly, I really need a guided meditation to follow else my mind just wanders immediately and repeatedly, until I just give up.  Even then, with the recording of a guided meditation, it's hit or miss -- I have to be in the right frame of mind to begin with, and there are still times when I just give up after a few minutes because I just can't keep my mind from going all over the place no matter how I try.

But it just strikes me as odd that I can get into a really relaxed, meditative state while gazing at the candle flame whenever my eclectic Wiccan friend and I do this at her place during our meet ups (not done for many months now, as you can imagine, due to the lockdown).  It's the closest I can get to being in any kind of a trance.  But not when I attempt it at home by myself, it doesn't work.  You'd think the reverse would be true, since you'd think I'd be more self-conscious at my friends place, and less so by myself.

Maybe it's just as simple as my knowing that husband could walk in at any minute and disturb me, whereas when my friend and I do this activity it's always just the two of us, plus we have also set out to do our semi-regular "something pagan-y" as we have come to refer to it.  (My husband is not very good at respecting my meditation time; it's not deliberate but he just tends to forget and when he's gaming he loses track of the passage of time, too, so he possibly just assumes that I must be done by now or something.)

Does anyone else do (or previously tried) this form of meditation, and if so how do you feel about this form?  Have you ever experienced anything similar to the above?  If so, did you find a way to get past it and have you any tips for me as to how I might do the same?

Tl;dr -- anyone hit any snags while trying this activity, and if so what did you do when that happened?

[Sefiru]

Does anyone else do (or previously tried) this form of meditation, and if so how do you feel about this form?  Have you ever experienced anything similar to the above?  If so, did you find a way to get past it and have you any tips for me as to how I might do the same?

This is my usual form of meditation, minus guided meditation and plus breath awareness. I don't know if I'd call myself good at it (or for that matter, if being good at it is the point ...)

it's hit or miss -- I have to be in the right frame of mind to begin with, and there are still times when I just give up after a few minutes because I just can't keep my mind from going all over the place no matter how I try.

Eh, I'm like this too. As far as I know it's fairly normal. I generally try the method of, as soon as I notice I'm thinking about something specific, to purposely let go of that thought. Eventually I end up with only my Second Thoughts (thinking about my own thinking) active, and if I can keep that up, I can get a light trance going. That happens maybe 1/3 - 1/4 of the time.

Maybe it's just as simple as my knowing that husband could walk in at any minute and disturb me,

Yeah, that could be a major factor. (It's the same reason I can't use any kind of timer; my brain keeps going 'are we there yet?')

it's not deliberate but he just tends to forget and when he's gaming he loses track of the passage of time, too, so he possibly just assumes that I must be done by now or something.)

Maybe set up a visual cue of some kind? Like a 'do not disturb' door hanger or similar?

[PerditaPickle]

(It's the same reason I can't use any kind of timer; my brain keeps going 'are we there yet?')

Yes!  Everyone in the Mindfulness group at my work keeps raving about Insight Timer app, but I uninstalled it as it was absolutely no use to me for this reason (though I am still fanatical about The Tapping Solution app, but it's different because there's a script which you follow, with a beginning, middle and end if that makes sense...)

[Sefiru]

it's different because there's a script which you follow, with a beginning, middle and end if that makes sense...

Yes, I have a few grounding methods and such that work like this. Following steps feels a lot different than waiting for the bell to ring.

[Sophia C]

Does anyone else do (or previously tried) this form of meditation, and if so how do you feel about this form?  Have you ever experienced anything similar to the above?  If so, did you find a way to get past it and have you any tips for me as to how I might do the same?

Tl;dr -- anyone hit any snags while trying this activity, and if so what did you do when that happened?

I’ve tried this technique and completely failed with it. I meditate a lot - up to three times a day (to help my anxious brain) - but I have some techniques that work pretty well, and some that... really don’t. Nothing with my eyes open works for me at all. I just can’t drop into trance that way. I’ve wondered if it’s my easily-distracted thing (ADHD and all that), since visual distraction bothers me more than other kinds.

I think meditation techniques can be very individual, in terms of what works. Some people just can’t connect with some techniques, but do well with others. And some work better for me in groups than alone. Have you tried any that use other senses? (Ignore me if you have, and I’m teaching you to suck eggs...) My favourites are ones that use body awareness, like focusing on breathing (but I know those can panic some people). I also love repetitive little focus objects, like prayer beads, which can be used to meditate on the feeling of them rather than to pray. I also like repeating words and phrases in my head when I notice I’m getting distracted, as a ‘signal’ to bring myself back to a meditative state (I learned this one from Christian contemplative meditation, but it can be secular, like repeating “I am here” as your signal phrase). When I’m feeling more easily distracted, I tend to use guided meditations to keep me focused (I recommend the app Insight Timer which has thousands to explore, all free). And visualisations work for me too - although those create a different kind of trance. But no open eyes meditation works for me - not walking meditation, not candle flames, nothing.

Tldr; my 15-ish years of meditating, alone and in groups, has taught me that some techniques just work better for some people than others. And some do work better for me in groups than alone, with the presence of other people to remind me to focus. There’s so many techniques that I try not to worry about the ones that I fail at - which have been many!


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