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Author Topic: Missing him  (Read 1685 times)

outlaw393

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Missing him
« on: January 28, 2013, 02:09:07 am »
I was going to title this "missing the gods" but then I realized I am only starting to miss Loki.

I am reluctant to pray to him however because he has pretty much lost my trust. Plus I wonder if he hasn't stopped caring about me completely since I walked, since he doesn't seem to want to be around anymore, at least from my depressed point of view.

Being non-theist is getting me absolutely nowhere. I still have the same problems that I had the day I walked away.

I dunno. I guess I just miss him. As simple as that. :(
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Shine

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2013, 02:43:49 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;93989
I was going to title this "missing the gods" but then I realized I am only starting to miss Loki.

I am reluctant to pray to him however because he has pretty much lost my trust. Plus I wonder if he hasn't stopped caring about me completely since I walked, since he doesn't seem to want to be around anymore, at least from my depressed point of view.

Being non-theist is getting me absolutely nowhere. I still have the same problems that I had the day I walked away.

I dunno. I guess I just miss him. As simple as that. :(

 
I understand that this is difficult for you, but you've basically brought it down to a few options from here:

1. Find a way to trust Loki again.
2. Venture out to other deities.
3. Give up on religion entirely.
4. Take a long break, then think about the previous three options.

There's not much else I can say other than I hope you find some resolution to this.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

outlaw393

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2013, 10:57:16 pm »
Quote from: Shine;93991
2. Venture out to other deities.

 
It's just a matter of figuring out who. I'm looking at the Greek pantheon now...but I'm puzzled as to who. Who to reach out to, who to pray to. I usually let them come to me but I don't believe they will...

:confused:
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Annie Roonie

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2013, 11:06:37 pm »
Quote from: outlaw393;94133
It's just a matter of figuring out who. I'm looking at the Greek pantheon now...but I'm puzzled as to who. Who to reach out to, who to pray to. I usually let them come to me but I don't believe they will...

:confused:

What if you do not focus on who and instead spend some time just being open? Some time to let your mind wander and your eyes and ears take in new sights and sounds might lead you to directions you had not considered.

It may be a little difficult to do this, but it could be very worthwhile. You've just changed something significant in your life, jumping in to something new might not be for the best. Like a rebound. But who knows, sometimes that works for people.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2013, 11:07:27 pm by Annie Roonie »

outlaw393

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2013, 12:16:40 am »
Quote from: Annie Roonie;94138
What if you do not focus on who and instead spend some time just being open? Some time to let your mind wander and your eyes and ears take in new sights and sounds might lead you to directions you had not considered.


I've thought about leaving Paganism behind completely as well. None of the gods I've ever encountered have really cared a whole lot about me (or other humans) and are only here or answering prayers for their own ulterior motives.
 
The only thing I know is that Loki completes me, and I've just walked away from him. So I've, in effect, walked away from that which completes me.

Where to go if I leave Paganism? The only obvious place is back to Christianity...but I don't think I can honestly believe in that again. I don't right now. I haven't in years.

Part of me can't believe that Loki took the word and left. He always told me "I won't let you walk away". I guess that was bullcrap too, huh.

:cry:
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Oaksworn

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2013, 12:37:30 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;94143
Part of me can't believe that Loki took the word and left. He always told me "I won't let you walk away". I guess that was bullcrap too, huh.


Outlaw, what if you view this in terms of a relationship that's experiencing some challenges rather than as a supplicant/god relationship?  Forgive me if I'm mis-characterizing your relationship with Loki, I've been gone more than I've been on the boards for some time now so I don't have a read on how you and Loki interact.  From what you've written above you're experiencing the loss of someone significant in your life.  If this had been a dear friend or a lover how would you work with the issues that have come up?  How would you handle the loss?  Have you both walked away from the relationship for good or is this a situation in which conversation could lead to a new understanding?

I tend to see relationships with the gods, even recipients of thwappage, as actual relationships.  They take work, conversation, negotiation, allowing a space for give and take and the opportunity for the other party to grow and change.  There's also a strong sense of commitment and trust there.  At least, this is how I approach my relationship with Epona.  If something has changed in your relationship with Loki, perhaps this is a chance to understand a new dynamic between you.

Granted, take this all with the appropriate number of salt licks.  I know neither you nor your relationship with Loki it just sounds like you have a great deal invested in the relationship and that you're hurting.
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Re: Missing him
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2013, 12:43:17 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;94143
None of the gods I've ever encountered have really cared a whole lot about me (or other humans) and are only here or answering prayers for their own ulterior motives.


They have their own agendas. They see a much bigger picture than we do. So yeah, they're going to have their own motives. But in between all of that, they do help out us mortals more than rarely.

I think the gods care about most or even all of creation. Not as much as some think, yet not as little as others think. When they seem so far away it's like we've set them aside. This is cheesy, but the gods are so amazing you can take a little piece of them wherever you go. If they didn't care, I'm not sure they'd open themselves like that.

It's hard when you're so close up. In the future, you might see more clearly what Loki's done for you--and barely asked anything in return. Personally, I've experienced generosity from the gods and have been given blessings--gifts--that I could never repay, even if I lived two lifetimes. These gifts show me that they do care.

There's a lesson in here for you. Try not to let bitterness or anger cloud your judgement. There may be a gift, too, except you have to reach out for it. You have to claim it. (And be aware that the lesson and the gift are often the same.)
 
Quote
The only thing I know is that Loki completes me, and I've just walked away from him. So I've, in effect, walked away from that which completes me.


I can relate.

You did, however, choose to walk away. Your choice was your own. You more than likely had reasons that were good enough, at least from your perspective. But you did walk.

Quote
Part of me can't believe that Loki took the word and left. He always told me "I won't let you walk away". I guess that was bullcrap too, huh.


Just because you walked away doesn't mean Loki did. Right now you're hurting. You're probably a bit pissed off, and you don't see. Remember when I said we can carry little pieces of the gods with us? You dropped yours. Or you forgot where you put them. Or they're clenched in your fist, waiting for you to open up again.

If you were a god in this situation, what would you do? And do you want to hang around someone who continues to simmer? If you look deep down you'll find your answers.

You also seem to be surprised that your words had consequences. Words manifest just as well as actions do.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

outlaw393

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2013, 12:54:35 am »
Quote from: Shine;94147
You also seem to be surprised that your words had consequences. Words manifest just as well as actions do.

 
Actually I was thinking more along the lines of another lie, or perhaps, a really stretched truth.

He claimed me. Bottom line: He either wants me or he doesn't. Same thing with Odin. I wish the Old Man would make a decision. The story is a little different with him though, he came around, got what he wanted from me, and then ditched me like yesterday's trash. And I haven't seen him since.

Dealing with Loki for 10 months was not terribly enjoyable. It was a lot of pain, tears, drama and anger. AND I was foolish enough to fall in love...with a trickster. I was an idiot to do so, and I paid dearly.

I know better now. People talk about loving their god...not me. Not again.

I'm claimed by two gods who don't seem to care about me one bit. Why did they bother claiming me? Surely they can see wyrd and the future and knew this was going to eventually happen.

But then again, I'm renowned for screwing things up. :hdsk:
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Fireof9

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2013, 01:37:05 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;94143
I've thought about leaving Paganism behind completely as well. None of the gods I've ever encountered have really cared a whole lot about me (or other humans) and are only here or answering prayers for their own ulterior motives.
 


Where to go if I leave Paganism? The only obvious place is back to Christianity...but I don't think I can honestly believe in that again. I don't right now. I haven't in years.



Just curious, do you think the Christian God is any different? He too has his own agenda and ulterior motives.
Really?  So, hey, want to go fishing?  I\'ve got a telescope, and it\'s going to be a dark night, so we should see the fish really well.
...what, I\'m not talking about fishing?  That\'s stargazing?  It\'s all doing-stuff, so it\'s the same thing, right?
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outlaw393

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2013, 01:38:50 am »
Quote from: Fireof9;94152
Just curious, do you think the Christian God is any different? He too has his own agenda and ulterior motives.

 
He's very different. He answers prayers selflessly.
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Shine

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2013, 01:44:47 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;94148
He claimed me. Bottom line: He either wants me or he doesn't.


I'm not sure it's so cut-and-dried. Like any relationship, a relationship with a god is dynamic. Things shift. All things in this world are in flux.

If Loki did claim you, then he'll be back. It may not be on your terms or when you like it, but since when did the gods time things to mortal conveniences? ;) It tests your patience (and sanity!) at times.

Quote
Same thing with Odin. I wish the Old Man would make a decision. The story is a little different with him though, he came around, got what he wanted from me, and then ditched me like yesterday's trash. And I haven't seen him since.


Odin. . . knows what he needs, gets it, then moves on. At least that's been my marginal experience with him.

It isn't that unusual to work with any god for such a short time. And you were obviously more than yesterday's trash. My impression of Odin is he doesn't deal in trash.

It might help for you to think about exactly what you want out of a relationship with the divine. It'll pay off in the long run. It seems that some deities are more amenable to certain kinds of relationships than others. If you know what you want, then at least it'll be easier for you when you go out "deity shopping".

Quote
Dealing with Loki for 10 months was not terribly enjoyable. It was a lot of pain, tears, drama and anger.


When dealing with tricksters, I once read somewhere that you've "gotta chill out". Sometimes you just have to respond with good humor and patience. If you don't have that, then perhaps it's not a good match. (Hey, not everybody is up for that kind of stuff for various reasons. No shame.) It can be difficult to have that good humor right after the fact, as well.

To steal an image from another post, when the gods put underwear on our heads and watch us bump into walls, it tends to hurt. After time, distance, and healing, it can actually be a little hilarious, like looking at pictures of your younger self doing goofy stuff.

Quote
AND I was foolish enough to fall in love...with a trickster. I was an idiot to do so, and I paid dearly.

I know better now. People talk about loving their god...not me. Not again.


Let the hurt, anger, and whatever else subside before you make blanket statements about that. The gods have a way of getting in no matter what we do. They'll pick the damn locks. Again, speaking from experience.

When the locks are picked and the doors flung wide open, the bad thoughts flow. They flow for a long time. Then things get better.

Once more, I strongly suggest making a list of the things you're looking for, then go "shopping" again.

Quote
I'm claimed by two gods who don't seem to care about me one bit. Why did they bother claiming me? Surely they can see wyrd and the future and knew this was going to eventually happen.

But then again, I'm renowned for screwing things up.


Well, if they can see into wyrd and the future, and they bothered claiming you, then they see something important. The future is a nebulous thing, so perhaps even they don't have a clear picture. Yet you play a small part. Or heck, you might even play a big part one day. You never know. The point is you're important, even if that's impossible to tell right now.

You might screw up a lot. That's part of being human. I screw up so much I'm shocked Bast hasn't walked away yet (although I'm sure she's had to take a breather so she doesn't go Eye of Ra on me. ;)). But I try to recover. I try to understand what went wrong, where, and how to avoid it in the future. The gods tend to be patient if we make progress. Keep pressing forward. Make progress in whatever small ways you can. Do good things with the faith that they will later manifest into more good things.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2013, 01:46:55 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;94153
He's very different. He answers prayers selflessly.


Except that one... how did it go...
 
Matthew 26:39 "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass away from me. Yet, not as I will, but as you will."

At least Odin tried to save his son.
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Shine

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2013, 01:48:33 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;94153
He's very different. He answers prayers selflessly.

 
It's really fascinating how things can vary from one person to another. I never found the Christian god to answer prayers selflessly. He always struck me as the kind of god to always put his agenda first, everything else later.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

Marilyn/Absentminded

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #13 on: January 29, 2013, 02:13:24 am »
Quote from: outlaw393;94153
He's very different. He answers prayers selflessly.

 
So you figure he would get you out of jury duty if you asked?

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veggiewolf

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Re: Missing him
« Reply #14 on: January 29, 2013, 02:53:25 pm »
Quote from: outlaw393;94153
He's very different. He answers prayers selflessly.

Ummm...no, He doesn't.  He does answer prayers, but not selflessly - and sometimes the answer is "NO!"

The same is true for other gods.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2013, 02:53:57 pm by veggiewolf »
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