collapse

Author Topic: Shadowing? Does this even mean anything?  (Read 395 times)

Redfaery

  • Grand Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 1345
  • Total likes: 40
    • View Profile
Shadowing? Does this even mean anything?
« on: June 13, 2014, 05:20:26 pm »
Hi all,

I don't think I need to explain to anyone on this board that I worship Sarasvati. I think it's also no surprise to people that I'm pretty passionate about it.:o However, I've never given our relationship much thought beyond the fact that it's just what I need from a god, and She seems to be pretty happy with the situation too.

But I was reading Kenaz Filan and Raven Kaldera's Drawing Down the Spirits, and I flipped over into the different types of spirit work. And there was Shadowing. And I'll be damned if it isn't what Sarasvati is doing to me all the time.

She's....there. Physically. Usually right at the back of my head, or just over my shoulder. But...she's actually there. And she comments on things. She comes up with clever witticisms. Quite often She'll make mildly snarky comments, generally about wilfully ignorant or foolish behavior (she's a great one for witty remarks, actually)

I...just wanted to talk to someone about this, because I don't think I could tell anyone in my family. I'm not sure what it means, or if it means anything. I'm just left with an even bigger feeling of "why me?" What makes ME so special?
KARMA: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Tom

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jan 2013
  • Posts: 399
  • Total likes: 2
    • View Profile
    • http://serpentinetom.wordpress.com
Re: Shadowing? Does this even mean anything?
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2014, 06:02:06 pm »
Quote from: Redfaery;150020
Hi all,

I don't think I need to explain to anyone on this board that I worship Sarasvati. I think it's also no surprise to people that I'm pretty passionate about it.:o However, I've never given our relationship much thought beyond the fact that it's just what I need from a god, and She seems to be pretty happy with the situation too.

But I was reading Kenaz Filan and Raven Kaldera's Drawing Down the Spirits, and I flipped over into the different types of spirit work. And there was Shadowing. And I'll be damned if it isn't what Sarasvati is doing to me all the time.

She's....there. Physically. Usually right at the back of my head, or just over my shoulder. But...she's actually there. And she comments on things. She comes up with clever witticisms. Quite often She'll make mildly snarky comments, generally about wilfully ignorant or foolish behavior (she's a great one for witty remarks, actually)

I...just wanted to talk to someone about this, because I don't think I could tell anyone in my family. I'm not sure what it means, or if it means anything. I'm just left with an even bigger feeling of "why me?" What makes ME so special?

 
I've had similar experiences, though I wouldn't use the word physically per se to describe it. It's more as if there's something there, but not in a solid sense. Is that what you mean?

I honestly don't like to bring it up much myself because it's a pretty personal experience and well, I don't really like other people paying particular attention to that part of my practice as I don't feel like I'm particularly special either.

Redfaery

  • Grand Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 1345
  • Total likes: 40
    • View Profile
Re: Shadowing? Does this even mean anything?
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2014, 06:24:08 pm »
Quote from: Tom;150028
I've had similar experiences, though I wouldn't use the word physically per se to describe it. It's more as if there's something there, but not in a solid sense. Is that what you mean?

I honestly don't like to bring it up much myself because it's a pretty personal experience and well, I don't really like other people paying particular attention to that part of my practice as I don't feel like I'm particularly special either.


That would be it. She's there, but I can't actually touch her. I feel kind of self-conscious though, because I know this is something I can't talk to just anyone about. I've got the "Mom and Dad would think you're crazy!" worry going through my head. And I feel self-conscious because I know that this level of godbothering isn't very common at all. So why is it happening to me? Is it just because "that's what works for you?"

I don't think I've really worked through my issues with Evangelical Christianity, and how all my classmates and teachers were just so happy with Jesus, but no matter how I tried, I never got a peep from him. So now I've got a goddess who is doing exactly the kind of things I wanted Jesus and the Virgin to do, and...it's making me feel weird, and I don't know why.
KARMA: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Redfaery

  • Grand Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 1345
  • Total likes: 40
    • View Profile
Re: Shadowing? Does this even mean anything?
« Reply #3 on: June 14, 2014, 11:19:11 am »
Quote from: Redfaery;150020
Hi all,

You know, I've thought about this some more, and I've realized that it's actually helpful to know what it is that She's doing with me, because I've been trying to work with her using the wrong techniques.

I would try to channel Her energy with my athame, and when I did that, I usually really concentrated and strained to try and feel Her. However, it always seemed like the harder I consciously tried, the less I felt Her presence.

It's kind of like...you can slow your heart rate if you try, but only by relaxing and letting go; you can't do it by focusing on your heart and going "OK heart, I only want 90 beats per minute right now." Because that, in fact, will probably make your heart go FASTER.

So I've realized that it's easier for me to "reach" Her by letting go and just waiting for Her to touch me, instead of stretching out and flailing around for Her. She's not "out there"; She's inside.
« Last Edit: June 14, 2014, 11:20:18 am by Redfaery »
KARMA: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Tom

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Jan 2013
  • Posts: 399
  • Total likes: 2
    • View Profile
    • http://serpentinetom.wordpress.com
Re: Shadowing? Does this even mean anything?
« Reply #4 on: June 14, 2014, 01:43:44 pm »
Quote from: Redfaery;150094
You know, I've thought about this some more, and I've realized that it's actually helpful to know what it is that She's doing with me, because I've been trying to work with her using the wrong techniques.

...

It's kind of like...you can slow your heart rate if you try, but only by relaxing and letting go; you can't do it by focusing on your heart and going "OK heart, I only want 90 beats per minute right now." Because that, in fact, will probably make your heart go FASTER.

So I've realized that it's easier for me to "reach" Her by letting go and just waiting for Her to touch me, instead of stretching out and flailing around for Her. She's not "out there"; She's inside.

 
I've found that it's a lot like listening to my muses/the characters that I write because I sorta see them as having a presence in the same way almost as if they are spirits themselves.

I know you've mentioned having dolls in which your character's spirits are in, so I think you've familiar with the concept? I wonder if it's just her (and in my case, his) way of reaching a person in the way they work best and communicate best with the unseen?

Redfaery

  • Grand Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Dec 2013
  • Posts: 1345
  • Total likes: 40
    • View Profile
Re: Shadowing? Does this even mean anything?
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2014, 09:45:03 am »
Quote from: Tom;150110
I've found that it's a lot like listening to my muses/the characters that I write because I sorta see them as having a presence in the same way almost as if they are spirits themselves.

I know you've mentioned having dolls in which your character's spirits are in, so I think you've familiar with the concept? I wonder if it's just her (and in my case, his) way of reaching a person in the way they work best and communicate best with the unseen?


I had to think about this, and I think you're right. Sarasvati is reaching me this way because it's how I react best. I was always soooo jealous of the Evangelicals who were being talked to by Jesus or their guardian angel. That never happened to me, save the one time when my future patron saint thwapped me in the Church Kitchen, as I was reading an article about her in a newsletter. Actually a wonderful thing for her to do! I still have very warm feelings towards her.

But yes, you're right. I think Sarasvati deals with me in this manner because this is the way I was always hoping the Divine would deal with me. I always wanted explicit acknowledgment from a deity, and now I have it.:)
KARMA: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
4 Replies
3882 Views
Last post June 19, 2012, 11:31:08 pm
by NatureMade
10 Replies
2285 Views
Last post July 01, 2014, 12:50:44 am
by baduhmtisss
6 Replies
609 Views
Last post April 05, 2016, 05:26:52 pm
by SunflowerP
4 Replies
1038 Views
Last post February 26, 2017, 12:34:43 am
by Be33
2 Replies
309 Views
Last post March 31, 2019, 10:27:34 pm
by Zlote Jablko

Special Interest Group

Warning: You are currently in a Special Interest Group on the message board with special rules and focused discussions.

* Who's Online

  • Dot Guests: 31
  • Dot Hidden: 0
  • Dot Users: 2
  • Dot Users Online:

* Please Donate!

The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.

* In Memoriam

Chavi (2006)
Elspeth (2010)
Marilyn (2013)

* Cauldron Staff

Co-Hosts:
LyricFox & Randall

Senior Staff:
Darkhawk

Message Board Staff
Board Coordinator:
Sunflower

Assistant Board Coordinator:
Aster Breo

Board Staff:
Allaya, Chatelaine, HarpingHawke, Jenett, Morag, rocquelaire, Sefiru

Discord Chat Staff
Chat Coordinator:
Morag

Reserve Staff:
Aisling

Cauldron Council:
Bob, Catja, Emma-Eldritch, Fausta, Jubes, Kelly, Phouka, Sperran, Star, Steve, Tana

Cauldron Assistants
[Non-Staff Positions]

Site Assistants
[Non-Staff Positions]
Webmaster:
Randall