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Author Topic: Learning to Trust the Inner Voices  (Read 1521 times)

veggiewolf

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Re: Learning to Trust the Inner Voices
« Reply #45 on: July 31, 2012, 09:35:32 am »
Quote from: Aine Rayne;66750
...
Btw, I was wondering about this, I just thought about it. I'm wondering if anyone has ever had the experience of sensing their depression or whatever as a more or less literal monster presence in their space, be it their mind or aura or what have you. I once did two or three weeks ago, was having a perfectly fine morning and suddenly had this very vivid feeling of a creature in my head that was angry and pacing and hungry for my brain and happiness. It carried the aura of what my depressive episodes usually feel like. Later that week I had a monster breakdown (and last week too), though I was reasonably alright after that. I've never felt such a thing before.

 
Not exactly, but I do Monster Work and Depression is one of the ones I'm dealing with right now.  When I work with my monsters they tend to have form of some sort since they're me.
Fluid Morality - my spiritual blog
Eating Monsters - my mental health blog

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DancesWithHorses

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Re: Learning to Trust the Inner Voices
« Reply #46 on: July 31, 2012, 10:35:34 am »
Quote from: Aine Rayne;66750
Btw, I was wondering about this, I just thought about it. I'm wondering if anyone has ever had the experience of sensing their depression or whatever as a more or less literal monster presence in their space, be it their mind or aura or what have you. I once did two or three weeks ago, was having a perfectly fine morning and suddenly had this very vivid feeling of a creature in my head that was angry and pacing and hungry for my brain and happiness. It carried the aura of what my depressive episodes usually feel like. Later that week I had a monster breakdown (and last week too), though I was reasonably alright after that. I've never felt such a thing before.

Yes, almost. I refer to my depression and anxiety as my twin demons. I feel like something takes over my body whenever I get sick again. I've sort of limited the anxiety demon to my stomach... and then I wonder why I lose my appetite. It or they have a presence and they like to sneak up on me but there's been a time or two (like last week) where it was like depression walked in and sat down, refusing to leave. I've come to prefer them sneaking up on me, they have less hold and it's easier to get rid of them. Ok, I probably sound crazy now... but yes, there is a presence and I do view them as a monster. It's been like this for 8 years, and I've probably just gotten used to them coming around and creating chaos. I've always viewed them that way from the time I knew that what I was feeling was not "normal." I usually say they ride on my shoulders and I prefer them there... they cause less trouble.
« Last Edit: July 31, 2012, 10:36:58 am by DancesWithHorses »
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Nachtigall

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Re: Learning to Trust the Inner Voices
« Reply #47 on: July 31, 2012, 10:44:03 am »
Quote from: Aine Rayne;66750
Btw, I was wondering about this, I just thought about it. I'm wondering if anyone has ever had the experience of sensing their depression or whatever as a more or less literal monster presence in their space, be it their mind or aura or what have you. I once did two or three weeks ago, was having a perfectly fine morning and suddenly had this very vivid feeling of a creature in my head that was angry and pacing and hungry for my brain and happiness. It carried the aura of what my depressive episodes usually feel like. Later that week I had a monster breakdown (and last week too), though I was reasonably alright after that. I've never felt such a thing before.

 
Yes. As it appears, such things are easier to handle if you give them form - then, they don't seem as big and overwhelming as otherwise, so the feeling of helplessness becomes much less prominent.
Mental afflictions were often explained as the working of malevolent spirits, the kakodaimones (or displeased Gods, but I'd rather not go there). While I hardly believe it to be literal truth, it's a framework one can work with.

LiminalAuggie

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Re: Learning to Trust the Inner Voices
« Reply #48 on: July 31, 2012, 11:15:23 am »
Quote from: Aine Rayne;66750

Btw, I was wondering about this, I just thought about it. I'm wondering if anyone has ever had the experience of sensing their depression or whatever as a more or less literal monster presence in their space, be it their mind or aura or what have you. I once did two or three weeks ago, was having a perfectly fine morning and suddenly had this very vivid feeling of a creature in my head that was angry and pacing and hungry for my brain and happiness. It carried the aura of what my depressive episodes usually feel like. Later that week I had a monster breakdown (and last week too), though I was reasonably alright after that. I've never felt such a thing before.


Yep, the False Friend is something I normally think of as an inner voice that I have to learn not to trust, but sometimes it definitely feels like it has an external presence, rooted on my back at the junction of my neck and shoulders. If I weren't so scared of needles I might want to put a tattoo there, sort of to keep it at bay by acknowledging it. I've never really thought about my depression as an actual monster in any sort of magical sense, but now that I look at it from a different angle I wonder if this is something like a thought-form manifesting from focused negative emotions.

LiminalAuggie

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Re: Learning to Trust the Inner Voices
« Reply #49 on: July 31, 2012, 11:38:34 am »
Quote from: Aine Rayne;66747
Same here! I don't seem to have short dreams and they're either outrageous and silly, serious with a purpose, sprawling adventure, or a combination thereof. Most of the time I don't have intense physical sensations in any of my senses. Usually if there's an intense sensation that means something special is going on. I recall one dream, so intensely vivid, where I was being swallowed and cleansed by the sun. I also remember very distinctly seeing my spirit guide as I momentarily came to reality (still with the dream's sensation!) and went back to the dream. I had one last night too, though this time it was the moon and I kinda brought that one on myself lol

 
My favorite "normal" dream was a month-long recurring series of long adventures where I was a spy. It was amazing.

On the flip side of things, I had a dream...about two or three years ago, I think, that involved a tornado in my neighborhood. I was rushing around the house trying to make everything secure (and everything felt like a typical dream at that point) but for some reason I went outside and that was when the sound seemed to get turned up and I ended up clinging to a bench trying not to get consumed by this roaring visceral pressure. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

Now, earlier this year there was an actual tornado scare here, and all day at work I felt this capital P Presence, making me hysterically energized. Later that night when the storm came I was actually out in a car with my friends, we got caught in some intense winds and hail for a while, and it was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced. Took me right back to that dream and the realization that this thing just wants to devour me and doesn't care whether I'm a person or a plank of wood.

I'm not sure that that's an entity I really want to acknowledge, considering I went into a depressive episode almost right after that, but it might be a Something that needs placating. All I know is that this was one of those instances where my rational dismissive brain got turned off, and I'm certain it was not just a coincidence but an encounter.

Aine Rayne

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Re: Learning to Trust the Inner Voices
« Reply #50 on: July 31, 2012, 12:14:14 pm »
Quote from: DancesWithHorses;66785
Yes, almost. I refer to my depression and anxiety as my twin demons. I feel like something takes over my body whenever I get sick again. I've sort of limited the anxiety demon to my stomach... and then I wonder why I lose my appetite. It or they have a presence and they like to sneak up on me but there's been a time or two (like last week) where it was like depression walked in and sat down, refusing to leave. I've come to prefer them sneaking up on me, they have less hold and it's easier to get rid of them. Ok, I probably sound crazy now... but yes, there is a presence and I do view them as a monster. It's been like this for 8 years, and I've probably just gotten used to them coming around and creating chaos. I've always viewed them that way from the time I knew that what I was feeling was not "normal." I usually say they ride on my shoulders and I prefer them there... they cause less trouble.

 
You hardly sound crazy lol you DO realize the sort of people you're talking to right? XD see, this wouldn't have been so surprising if I had this experience before, which if I'm remembering correctly I haven't. Or at least, not with that sort of vividness and realization there was truly a form and presence, not just a sort of awareness that something's not right and...stalking isn't the right word, but something is waiting on the edge of my awareness and it's making me feel depressed and full of dread. That's the thing about emotions and feelings, it's really hard to describe them properly. I wonder if working with my depression as if it's that creature again would make it easier to push away when it's trying to eat me? I don't have dreams about monsters as far as I can remember, so I really have no clue why it's suddenly, I dunno, revealed itself in that way.
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Aine Rayne

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Re: Learning to Trust the Inner Voices
« Reply #51 on: July 31, 2012, 12:22:07 pm »
Quote from: LiminalAuggie;66795
My favorite "normal" dream was a month-long recurring series of long adventures where I was a spy. It was amazing.

On the flip side of things, I had a dream...about two or three years ago, I think, that involved a tornado in my neighborhood. I was rushing around the house trying to make everything secure (and everything felt like a typical dream at that point) but for some reason I went outside and that was when the sound seemed to get turned up and I ended up clinging to a bench trying not to get consumed by this roaring visceral pressure. It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

Now, earlier this year there was an actual tornado scare here, and all day at work I felt this capital P Presence, making me hysterically energized. Later that night when the storm came I was actually out in a car with my friends, we got caught in some intense winds and hail for a while, and it was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced. Took me right back to that dream and the realization that this thing just wants to devour me and doesn't care whether I'm a person or a plank of wood.

I'm not sure that that's an entity I really want to acknowledge, considering I went into a depressive episode almost right after that, but it might be a Something that needs placating. All I know is that this was one of those instances where my rational dismissive brain got turned off, and I'm certain it was not just a coincidence but an encounter.

 
This particular dream about the moon didn't even start anywhere near it lol but I know that I had talked to it, like it was Anpu staring at me. Seeing as how the moon was in fact staring at me before I went to sleep (and yes, I had the strangest sensation that it was definitely looking at me through my window, using my mirror to see perfectly through me) it kinda makes a bit of sense. Hardly dangerous, the feeling that it was staring at me, just sort of a, *sees moon's perfect reflection in mirror* "well what are you looking at? I'm tryin to sleep." In the dream I said to the moon "Hello Anpu, it would be great if you were closer." And I blinked and the moon got huge! And then this intense sensation of energy and I was floating, more intensifying, then eventually I was put on the ground and went about the rest of the dream, both disappointed and relieved at being placed back on the ground and the power going away.
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DancesWithHorses

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Re: Learning to Trust the Inner Voices
« Reply #52 on: July 31, 2012, 08:43:44 pm »
Quote from: Aine Rayne;66800
You hardly sound crazy lol you DO realize the sort of people you're talking to right? XD see, this wouldn't have been so surprising if I had this experience before, which if I'm remembering correctly I haven't. Or at least, not with that sort of vividness and realization there was truly a form and presence, not just a sort of awareness that something's not right and...stalking isn't the right word, but something is waiting on the edge of my awareness and it's making me feel depressed and full of dread. That's the thing about emotions and feelings, it's really hard to describe them properly. I wonder if working with my depression as if it's that creature again would make it easier to push away when it's trying to eat me? I don't have dreams about monsters as far as I can remember, so I really have no clue why it's suddenly, I dunno, revealed itself in that way.

 
I do know, I just forget at times. As long as I call them demons, they become a framework like was suggested by Nachtigall suggested. I deal with them and it becomes easier to handle. Now if I'm being messed with from another side (empath of some sort) and the demons are there, it gets really messy and complicated. As said, I've lived with them for 8 years. They exist to me and while I pray that one day they leave, if they never do, I'll just get better at removing them.
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Aster Breo

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Learning to Trust the Inner Voices
« Reply #53 on: August 01, 2012, 01:12:43 am »
Quote from: SkySamuelle;65658
And... consider what happens to shamans during their 'shaman' sickness' - they are first isolated by the spirits/gods for a variable stretch of time, and then they are litterally broke open so they can be rewired to ease their capacities of comunication/energy channeling before the initiation can take place.

This is interesting.

I've had this *feeling* for several years that some kind of problem with how I process energy (whether that's generating, managing, absorbing, grounding, shielding, or something else, I'm not sure) is at the root of my migraine problems.  It's about energy channeling. Apparently, I'm doing something wrong.  Interesting to link that to shamanism...
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