The Hobbit movies

[Altair]

The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies opens today. I saw an early showing last night, so here's my spoiler-free, 2- or 3-sentence review:

http://www.cfcooper.net/the-hobbit-the-battle-of-five-armies

(For those who don't know, my website has a section devoted to very concise, very spoiler-free movie reviews...because I see that many movies!)

I figured in this crowd, there'd be plenty of Tolkien fans, with plenty to say on what has become of The Hobbit on the big screen. I'm eager to hear it...

[Aranel]

The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies opens today. I saw an early showing last night, so here's my spoiler-free, 2- or 3-sentence review:

http://www.cfcooper.net/the-hobbit-the-battle-of-five-armies

(For those who don't know, my website has a section devoted to very concise, very spoiler-free movie reviews...because I see that many movies!)

I figured in this crowd, there'd be plenty of Tolkien fans, with plenty to say on what has become of The Hobbit on the big screen. I'm eager to hear it...

 
The Hobbit films. Right. OK. Going to attempt to do this without swearing. Might be a struggle. Warning, this post may contain fangirling and incoherent rage-induced keyboard smashing. You have be warned.

I love the LotR films. I mean, really, really love. Words cannot express how I feel about them. They introduced me to Tolkien, I have (Tengwar) tattoos of lyrics from the soundtracks, I actually can't be bothered to list all the stuff but basically, I fucking love them. (Oh look, swearing. That didn't take long). I never would have read any of Tolkien's books if it wasn't for those films. I was 10 when FotR came out. I'm dyslexic. My brother had given me the Hobbit to read when I was younger but I couldn't get on with Tolkien's writing style. If it wasn't for the LotR films, I never would have read any of Tolkien's books because they made me persevere with getting my brain to read the bloody things. I finally managed to read LotR from cover to cover when I was 16. Took me 6 years of failed attempts (I was 20 before I finally read the Silmarillion if you were wondering). I even learnt to write in Tengwar which is not easy! (and I can write in it backwards because I'm just that awesome)
Anyway.

Was very excited for the first Hobbit film. I wasn't expecting, or wanting, FotR 2, I knew it was going to be different just because of how different the Hobbit (book) is from LotR. It's a kid's story, not an epic.
So I was expecting differences, I was expecting a few changes from the book, and I was expecting a whole load of new stuff in order to bloat it out into three films.
I traveled for over 2 hours to get to an IMAX because I wanted to see it in the best possible way.
I wasn't disappointed with AUJ. The IMAX made me feel sick so I went to see it again in 2D at my local cinema. I wasn't enthralled with it, didn't think it was brilliant, but it was enjoyable.

DoS was a shitfest. I just can't even.
OK, the LotR films, PJ knew his main audience would be book fans so he knew he couldn't alienate them that much. There were major differences from the book but I can accept that they were needed (book vs film, changes are needed). I love the little nods to book fans that PJ put into the LotR with some of the things that were changed. Sam's "It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are." in Osgiliath is the most obvious. And all the extra stuff in the EEs that was straight out of the book. (Fangorn at Helm's Deep for example)
But with the Hobbit films, well the book fans could go fuck themselves as far as PJ was concerned. His main audience now are fans of the LotR films, not the book so he could do whatever he wanted.

And then there's the whatsherface Xena Warrior Elven Princess whatever the fuck is she doing there person. I'm just trying to erase her and Kíli out of my mind.
I think what gets me the most about DoS is all the shit PJ put in trying to link it back to the LotR films but it doesn't make any fucking sense! Like princesswhatsherface and the kingsfoil. WTF? OK, disregarding the fact that it wasn't a fricking Nazgûl because continuity, who needs that shit? But in FotR, Frodo can't be healed by Aragorn, or by Arwen (you know, Elrond's daughter and Galadriel's granddaughter pretty much the two most badass elves left in Middle-earth), nope, he needs Elrond and even then it's a close call. But then, despite all of that from FotR, some random chick from fuck knows where, is able to do it?
OK, this is impossible without reaction gifs. My face for that scene. Well, actually, film.
And what for? For some completely implausible romance between an Elf and Dwarf which completely eradicates just how goddamn unique and important Legolas' and Gimli's friendship was. You know, the friendship that was quite a big deal in the LotR films because dwarves and elves do not get on yet are thrown together in the quest to destroy the Ring? No. Just no.
(Anybody who is reading this and thinking "but this a film, not the book! I'm not talking about things from the book. I'm talking about things established in the LotR films which the Hobbit films have just twisted upside down and inside out because continuity is not important. )

I can sort of understand wanting another female character. But obviously the only completely original way of having a female character in a film is to give her a weapon and a love interest. Or even better, make her part of a love triangle. Because that shit has never been done before in any film ever.

And then there's how the Hobbit films looked. Putting aside all the stupidity of the plot, the films don't actually look that good. They are far too fake. Yeah I know, fantasy film but the LotR films looked real. Things like the bigatures and then CGI to add to that. So the places look real. Or like a painting that you could walk around in (Rivendell, especially for the painting thing) Whereas in the Hobbit, it's all green screen and everything is CGI and it's just fake. Obviously fake.

I saw DoS once in the cinema. Haven't watched it since, even though it's on Netflix. I don't want to smash my laptop in a rage. I will not be going to see Battle of Five Armies in the cinema, and I highly doubt I will ever watch it, even when it's on Netflix.
Because all I see now with the Hobbit films is just an image of Peter Jackson, with dollar signs for eyes, wanking all over Tolkien's grave and it's not a nice image.

Spoiler because of the ending of the book and what should happen in Battle of Five Armies.

Spoiler:  

The only part of the Battle of Five Armies that I want to see is Kíli getting killed (although if that will happen is doubtful because obviously the only thing they've taken from the book is character names and about three lines of plot and nothing else), then whatsherface being impaled and dying a slow, painful death all alone then nobody mentioning her ever again because she shouldn't fucking be there in the first place. If that doesn't happen, I'm not watching any of that film.

To sum up: An Unexpected Journey was OK. Nothing brilliant but not terrible. I do have it on DVD and have watched it a few times. Desolation of Smaug was fuck awful and I wanted to rinse my eyes out in bleach after I saw it and erase it from my memory. No idea about Battle of Five Armies because I'm not going to watch it.

[Nyktelios]

The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies opens today. I saw an early showing last night, so here's my spoiler-free, 2- or 3-sentence review:

http://www.cfcooper.net/the-hobbit-the-battle-of-five-armies

(For those who don't know, my website has a section devoted to very concise, very spoiler-free movie reviews...because I see that many movies!)

I figured in this crowd, there'd be plenty of Tolkien fans, with plenty to say on what has become of The Hobbit on the big screen. I'm eager to hear it...

 
I don't hate the movies, but I wouldn't say I'm a fan. I have read the book, but it was a while ago and I don't remember it very well. The movies are very different from what I do remember, and I don't have anything against long adventure epics, though I don't think of The Hobbit as being on that level of epicness. If I was a bigger fan of Tolkien and the book, I might be more irritated that a story I like has been milked to death by Hollywood and turned into something almost unrecognizable.

I do appreciate the man-candy in the films, it gives the brain something to focus on when it feels like the movies will never end. Thoren Oakenshield and Kili stand out in my mind as being easy on the eyes, but there are probably others.

[Altair]

Warning, this post may contain fangirling and incoherent rage-induced keyboard smashing. You have be warned.

DoS was a shitfest. I just can't even....

Desolation of Smaug was fuck awful and I wanted to rinse my eyes out in bleach after I saw it and erase it from my memory.

But how do you really feel?

(BTW, I agree with you pretty much across the board.)

[MadZealot]

I figured in this crowd, there'd be plenty of Tolkien fans, with plenty to say on what has become of The Hobbit on the big screen. I'm eager to hear it...

One word: mixed.  I do like the first film, in fact it's currently taking up about 12G of space on my console.  I liked that it was lighter in tone as compared to 'Rings'; in parts, the book was laugh-out-loud funny.  I liked seeing some added stuff-- Radagast, for example, with his hare-drawn sleigh, was pretty neat.  I do not, however, recall any mention of an albino orc.  Meh.  Maybe they thought they needed an identifiable antagonist.  
 
As to the 2nd and 3rd film-- haven't seen 'em, and I'm not much interested.  All I've heard about the 3rd film in particular is that it suffers from severe bloat.  And that's too bad, because having another 10-hour cinematic sojourn into Middle-Earth really ought to be a joy.  I'll probably pick up the extended editions next year at clearance price.  In the meantime I'll stick with the Rings films-- they're not perfect, but they're brilliant.

[Jainarayan]

The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies opens today. I saw an early showing last night, so here's my spoiler-free, 2- or 3-sentence review: ...

 
All the movies have definitely polarized fans. I try to take them for what they are... based on the books. It's not unlike how people feel about the Thor movies. Now, this is all just my observation: people who knew the Marvel comics probably didn't know Norse mythology (mythology defined as body of genuine lore and stories, not fairy-tale stories) and thought Thor really is a blond-haired, clean-shaven, winged-helmet-wearing superhero with a red cape. But the comics and movies are based on. As an Asatruar I'm not offended, they're fun.

Back to The Hobbit movies... sure, there are things that grate on my nerves because I know they are not true to the book, Thranduil was not named (though he was a git), Tauriel did not exist, Legolas was not in the book, the White Council and the battles at Dol Guldur were only briefly mentioned, and so forth. Could the movies be as adventurous without all that? Sure, but there would be no tie in to the LotR. Remember, in the FotR book there is the chapter Shadow of the Past that gives the backstory of the Ring and Bilbo's finding it.

As fun as I thought they were, and keeping the based-on thing in mind, I can understand that many people were pissed off and/or disappointed, and I can't blame them. But maybe the movies (LotR, Hobbit and Thor) will spur people to read the Tolkien books and learn Norse mythology.