collapse

* Recent Posts

Re: new & uncertain! by sevensons
[Today at 02:07:26 am]


Re: new & uncertain! by anubisa
[Today at 12:50:46 am]


Re: new & uncertain! by PerditaPickle
[January 23, 2021, 07:00:39 pm]


Re: Back pain by Micheál
[January 23, 2021, 06:42:53 am]


Re: Favorite Beer? by Micheál
[January 23, 2021, 06:31:29 am]

Author Topic: Would like suggestions, input, insight...  (Read 783 times)

Gracie

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Join Date: Jan 2014
  • Posts: 3
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Would like suggestions, input, insight...
« on: January 30, 2014, 05:49:36 pm »
I am in need of help.  I apologize in advance for I’m sure you all have heard similar posts like this a million times. I have tried very hard not to ask for help, instead reading everything in sight on the internet.  I’ve also bought and read A Witches Bible,  Complete Book of Witchcraft, Pagan Visions, A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner, Grimoire for the Apprentice Wizard (thought it was a different book), I’m just now reading The Earth Path, and bought but still haven’t read The Holy Book of Women’s Mysteries and Spiral Dance. So as you can see I’m taking this seriously.  

I’m 45 years old, and feel like I’m totally lost. I have two problems.  I have been searching HARD trying to find where I fit.  This past year I feel like I’ve had a calling so to speak, but can’t find it.  I’ve started meditation, although I will admit I have not been doing it daily.  I have been researching crystals, and have used them a bit, diddle dallying in it to see where I am with that.  I must say I have enjoyed them. I do not seem to connect with any type of Goddess.  I know she suppose to come to me, but until then I’m just flustered.  

Thing is, I don’t know if I even believe in it.  I don’t think I’m Wiccan, as I don’t do a lot of things they do. I’m not into green politics, etc.   I love my earth, but not to the extent they do. I have though become more aware of my surroundings.  One thing I’ve noticed is that I stare at the sun and the moon a LOT more than others, also the ocean.  Even though I hate heat, I thrive for the sun.  I’m very depressed (literally) without the sun and the water.  I only get to see the ocean in the summer time or when I go by the inlet and I can just sit there for hours.  The moon on the other hand is a new fascination.  I don’t know if any of these things help figuring things out for me or not. Sometimes I wonder if I’m looking in the wrong place.  I’ve researched Hinduism a bit, but not a lot.  I refuse to be in a religion where one can’t be their own person on all levels, which cuts out a lot.  

I was brought up as a Christian but never went to church unless I was at my grandma’s house.  I went to a Baptist church for a year or two in my twenties and even got baptized as an adult.  Even though I have gone very little, I almost feel brain washed.  My father was atheist until he was on his dying bed. That also makes me wonder.  I’m wondering if I can’t open up to the fact that every time I feel like I might be getting somewhere I feel like I might be going to hell even though I’m not sure I do believe in hell.  My husband says they all got a hold of me a little too tight.  I do believe in Jesus, but only as a prophet.  

I believe in one universal being, and I do believe all elements and we are intertwined somehow.  I’m not sure about where we go when we die also.  I just feel like I don’t fit anywhere.  I really need guidance of some kind.  I’m really soul searching for the first time in a long time and it’s already been at least a good six months if not longer.  I feel like “something” is reaching for me, but I can’t get a grasp on it and I’m really frustrated.  I also can’t make decisions for the life of me, never have been.  I blame this on being Gemini, but I really don’t know if that is the case.lol  Think that since there is no certain book that fits all, is making it just really difficult for me.  I’m a researcher at heart so everything is making me so confused. Sorry for the book.  Help!
« Last Edit: January 31, 2014, 07:57:18 am by RandallS »

Jenett

  • Senior Staff
  • *
  • Join Date: Jun 2011
  • Location: Boston, MA
  • Posts: 3397
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 879
    • View Profile
    • Seeking: First steps on a path
  • Religion: Initiatory religious witchcraft
  • Preferred Pronouns: she/her
Re: Would like suggestions, input, insight...
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2014, 06:49:09 pm »
Quote from: Gracie;138345

I’m 45 years old, and feel like I’m totally lost. I have two problems.  I have been searching HARD trying to find where I fit.  This past year I feel like I’ve had a calling so to speak, but can’t find it.  I’ve started meditation, although I will admit I have not been doing it daily.  I have been researching crystals, and have used them a bit, diddle dallying in it to see where I am with that.  I must say I have enjoyed them. I do not seem to connect with any type of Goddess.  I know she suppose to come to me, but until then I’m just flustered.  Thing is, I don’t know if I even believe in it.  I don’t think I’m Wiccan, as I don’t do a lot of things they do. I’m not into green politics, etc.  

 
Ok, here's a couple of things to help you try and get untangled. First, it's totally okay for it to take some time to sort out. This is a big complicated topic, and it takes most people time to figure out where they fit.

A lot of Pagan paths are joined by shared practices, more than shared beliefs. Beyond that, I think some of your reading might be confusing you a bit, and we can see about unconfusing you.

Some people find a particular path that they follow, but lots of people may piece things together to create their own path, or focus much more heavily on one part of a particular path or practice than another.

(There's some pitfalls with both of these, and you can find a lot of discussion about both sets of issues elsewhere on this forum, but basically if you're following an established path, you may need to make sure the people you're doing it with are good for you, and that you fill any gaps in your personal needs that that path doesn't. If you're pulling things together on your own, you probably want to make sure that what you're doing fits together, and is not appropriating other people's traditions inappropriately, or that you're leaving out important safety or pragmatic things that would be part of the original path's materials/practices.)

First, Wicca is one of those places where the focus on what makes a path a path is shared practice *and* a place where people use the term in a lot of different ways, and it can be really confusing.

There certainly are strands of Wicca with a strong ecological bent (and I'd agree that most Wiccans are certainly aware of environmental and ecological issues). But for many traditional Wiccans, the focus in practice is on the service of specific deities (whose names are not shared in public). Ecology might be part of their personal practice, but heavily green politics, not so much part of the path as a whole: that's something that'd be left up to individuals or maybe covens to decide to focus on or not.

Anyway, on my website (which is at http://gleewood.org/seeking) I've got some articles under the Basics section that might help you sort out some of the definitional issues. And you might find some of the things elsewhere to also help you out. (I identify what I do as initiatory religious witchcraft, because I think the tradition I'm trained in is working with different religious mysteries than Wicca is. That's a sort of complicated explanation to get into, but a lot of our general practices - casting circle, celebrating 8 Sabbats, doing both magical and devotional ritual work - are very like many forms of Wicca.

The second part, about deity - having deity express an interest in you is certainly an option, but it's also totally okay for you to decide you might be interested in working more closely with a particular deity and making an overture. (Usually this involves some combination of learning about them, doing some simple offerings to them, and seeing how it goes from there.)

Some books that might help you out in particular: if you like Starhawk's general take, you might find the book Twelve Wild Swans (by Starhawk and Hilary Valentine) appealing: it basically uses the fairy tale of that name to create three separate paths of learning and development, so you can work through the same book three times.

I like it both because it does a great job chaining different things together to build a larger practice, and because it gives people an idea how a lot of Pagan learning is a cycle: you don't just do something once and never again, you do it, and then you do it again a bit later and it's different because you've learned more, and the next time, you've learned a bit more, and you keep adding depth and richness. (Or can, anyway.)

You might also find Dianne Sylvan's book The Circle Within useful, because it's focused on creating a daily (or regular) practice, not just focusing on Sabbats or more formal ritual or practice.
Seek Knowledge, Find Wisdom: Research help on esoteric and eclectic topics (consulting and other services)

Seeking: first steps on a Pagan path (advice for seekers and people new to Paganism)

Lula

  • Apprentice
  • ***
  • Join Date: Jul 2012
  • Posts: 43
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Would like suggestions, input, insight...
« Reply #2 on: January 30, 2014, 09:49:44 pm »
Quote from: Gracie;138345
I am in need of help.

I have identified as an atheist for most of my life (besides a brief and passionate fling with evangelical Christianity), but I have been drawn to some type of alternative religion for several years. I have been reading pagan blogs, checking out books from the library, and actively researching traditional witchcraft, religious witchcraft, and different ancient and current religions for about two years. I joined this forum about six months ago, feeling very attracted to the concept of being "pagan" but extremely unsure.

I still don't know what I'm doing here. Really. And I'm sure I won't for quite a long time. As a very cynical person, but an undeniably spiritual one, it is hard to know where to fit in. Some people are drawn to certain traditions and find a nice tight fit with an established practice... And some don't. I don't. There are so many different approaches and styles and traditions and religions and it can all make your head spin.

I am in love with the phrase that I've seen used a lot in diverse forums like this one: "your mileage may vary".

If you are attracted to a practice, learn a bit about it, and try it out! Feel it out. Make your decision to continue or move on based on your completely unique perspective and experience. You don't have to be right the first time.

You have every day of your life to learn and experience things, and there is no hurry. I feel like, as a former Christian as well, there is a certain pressure to have it all figured out, and all right, and right away. I found a lot of comfort in the certainty of secular humanism for a time. But stepping away from that comfortable place has been SO freeing. It is a bit scary to not know, but it is so good to not have to be right all the time! Let's embrace being wrong! Let's try new things and fail! Let's make fools of ourselves and change our ways and learn from other people! And maybe, eventually, something will work. And it will feel good, too.

(For all the many things I am unsure about, I am sure of one, though. I am NOT going to Hell for seeking meaning in life. Screw that idea. That particular belief doesn't work for me, and I'm over it.)
« Last Edit: January 30, 2014, 09:50:35 pm by Lula »

Viv

  • Journeyman
  • *****
  • Join Date: Jul 2013
  • Posts: 210
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Would like suggestions, input, insight...
« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2014, 07:19:28 am »
Quote from: Gracie;138345
I am in need of help.

 
I don't have any advice to give but I wanted to welcome you to TC :)
"As every cat lover knows, nobody owns a cat." ~Ellen Perry Berkeley

AKA: windshadow; hesperia

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
8 Replies
1782 Views
Last post January 27, 2012, 09:39:56 pm
by Aine Rayne
17 Replies
2928 Views
Last post June 27, 2012, 12:36:06 pm
by Annie Roonie
4 Replies
1063 Views
Last post July 31, 2013, 02:32:23 pm
by Fionnbharr
1 Replies
798 Views
Last post May 04, 2014, 10:10:20 pm
by Jack
5 Replies
1905 Views
Last post June 10, 2020, 12:51:16 am
by TheGreenWizard

* Who's Online

  • Dot Guests: 39
  • Dot Hidden: 0
  • Dot Users: 1
  • Dot Users Online:

* Please Donate!

The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.

* Shop & Support TC

The links below are affiliate links. When you click on one of these links you will go to the listed shopping site with The Cauldron's affiliate code. Any purchases you make during your visit will earn TC a tiny percentage of your purchase price at no extra cost to you.

* In Memoriam

Chavi (2006)
Elspeth (2010)
Marilyn (2013)

* Cauldron Staff

Host:
Sunflower

Message Board Staff
Board Coordinator:
Darkhawk

Assistant Board Coordinator:
Aster Breo

Senior Staff:
Aisling, Jenett, Sefiru

Staff:
Allaya, Chatelaine, EclecticWheel, HarpingHawke, Kylara, PerditaPickle, rocquelaire

Discord Chat Staff
Chat Coordinator:
Morag

Cauldron Council:
Bob, Catja, Emma-Eldritch, Fausta, Jubes, Kelly, LyricFox, Phouka, Sperran, Star, Steve, Tana

Site Administrator:
Randall

SimplePortal 2.3.6 © 2008-2014, SimplePortal