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Author Topic: Reflections on self-confidence and spirituality  (Read 265 times)

EclecticWheel

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Reflections on self-confidence and spirituality
« on: July 08, 2018, 11:00:51 am »
I have been going through the most difficult time, but I think I am growing from it and hopefully deepening my spiritual insight.

I walked away from a terrible job.  It was a terrifying decision, but that decision arose naturally and passed.  Then I panicked in the fear of not finding a new job, but I did find one as a stocker.  Though my previous job was terrible, the environment was very diverse and good for me.  I do not feel the same way about my position as a stocker.  On the very first day someone made a homophobic comment about me.  I only worked a day as a stocker and did not enjoy it.

Yesterday I was called in for an interview at a nice hotel, and I was hired on the spot and started work that same day, so I've been working all last night.  I panicked again because of the learning curve and feared I would not make it in this job.  The person I am replacing was fired after only two weeks, yet my trainer has every confidence in me, says I am learning quickly, and that he will not let the same thing happen to me.

And I'm still terrified and lack confidence in myself so much so that I was considering working two jobs, a full time position as a stocker during the day and then working all night at the hotel.  But that would be so physically and mentally demanding and possibly destroy my chance at being able to concentrate or learn properly.  So after much indecision and talking to others I made the decision to resign my position as a stocker and put more confidence in my ability to learn my new job at the hotel.

Besides, the first place I left already wants to hire me back for another position, but that will be in August and will give me time to ascertain whether the hotel job will work out.

I cannot say with any certainty whether this will all work out for me well in the end.  The job I decided to take is a little less pay, although it has a much better work schedule for my life and needs, and if I can master it, I think I will be happier.

I had to make a decision: am I going to work two jobs and exhaust myself and thus endanger my opportunity to concentrate and learn the job I really want because I lack confidence or am I going to take a risk?  In the end I decided to take the risk, and whatever the outcome I believe this is better for me spiritually in the long run.  And I don't want to be around openly homophobic jerks, either.

I am still developing the words to express how I make decisions on a spiritual level.  It is often very difficult for me to make decisions because of my depression.  But I do have a method for making hard decisions.  I simply go into myself and rest until a decision arises of its own accord, and then of course I have to be willing to face the consequences.  One way of putting it may be, "Abide in agape, and do what thou wilt," or "Abide in agape with confidence, and do what thou wilt."

Whatever the outcome, today I made a decision in favor of having confidence in myself, and I think that will be worth it in the end.
Love wisely, and do what thou wilt.

Pickle

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Re: Reflections on self-confidence and spirituality
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2018, 04:11:20 am »
I have been going through the most difficult time, but I think I am growing from it and hopefully deepening my spiritual insight.

I walked away from a terrible job.  It was a terrifying decision, but that decision arose naturally and passed.  Then I panicked in the fear of not finding a new job, but I did find one as a stocker.  Though my previous job was terrible, the environment was very diverse and good for me.  I do not feel the same way about my position as a stocker.  On the very first day someone made a homophobic comment about me.  I only worked a day as a stocker and did not enjoy it.

Yesterday I was called in for an interview at a nice hotel, and I was hired on the spot and started work that same day, so I've been working all last night.  I panicked again because of the learning curve and feared I would not make it in this job.  The person I am replacing was fired after only two weeks, yet my trainer has every confidence in me, says I am learning quickly, and that he will not let the same thing happen to me.

And I'm still terrified and lack confidence in myself so much so that I was considering working two jobs, a full time position as a stocker during the day and then working all night at the hotel.  But that would be so physically and mentally demanding and possibly destroy my chance at being able to concentrate or learn properly.  So after much indecision and talking to others I made the decision to resign my position as a stocker and put more confidence in my ability to learn my new job at the hotel.

Besides, the first place I left already wants to hire me back for another position, but that will be in August and will give me time to ascertain whether the hotel job will work out.

I cannot say with any certainty whether this will all work out for me well in the end.  The job I decided to take is a little less pay, although it has a much better work schedule for my life and needs, and if I can master it, I think I will be happier.

I had to make a decision: am I going to work two jobs and exhaust myself and thus endanger my opportunity to concentrate and learn the job I really want because I lack confidence or am I going to take a risk?  In the end I decided to take the risk, and whatever the outcome I believe this is better for me spiritually in the long run.  And I don't want to be around openly homophobic jerks, either.

I am still developing the words to express how I make decisions on a spiritual level.  It is often very difficult for me to make decisions because of my depression.  But I do have a method for making hard decisions.  I simply go into myself and rest until a decision arises of its own accord, and then of course I have to be willing to face the consequences.  One way of putting it may be, "Abide in agape, and do what thou wilt," or "Abide in agape with confidence, and do what thou wilt."

Whatever the outcome, today I made a decision in favor of having confidence in myself, and I think that will be worth it in the end.

I don't have enough time right now to post much more than just "Way to go" for making a difficult decision and having confidence in yourself!

EclecticWheel

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Re: Reflections on self-confidence and spirituality
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2018, 06:26:33 am »
I don't have enough time right now to post much more than just "Way to go" for making a difficult decision and having confidence in yourself!

Thank you.

In the meantime I found the words to describe how I want to live my life right now:

Love wisely, and do what thou wilt.
Love wisely, and do what thou wilt.

EclecticWheel

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Re: Reflections on self-confidence and spirituality
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2018, 06:49:03 pm »
I don't have enough time right now to post much more than just "Way to go" for making a difficult decision and having confidence in yourself!

Update:

First of all I will say this is not the job I'd like to be in long term.  I would like to find something commensurate with my level of education and that involves helping other people, but jobs are hard to come by here, and I'm just not prepared psychologically or financially for a big move.

I did sacrifice a little money to take this job, but it has been a challenge that I have thus far come to grips with and handled well.  The schedule also fits my life perfectly right now, and I'm spending a lot of time visiting my family and taking care of myself socially, psychologically, and spiritually.  So all in all I consider my decision a spiritual win.
Love wisely, and do what thou wilt.

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