Discouraged from Religious Practice

[Nyktelios]

I find myself being turned off from current religious practices by (usually minor) misfortunes. It's not even a conscious decision, I just find myself discouraged from what I'm practicing at the time when something goes wrong in life. Not necessarily just when anything goes wrong, but certain things in particular that trigger mental health issues. For example, I have a specific phobia towards something rather common, and my family doesn't take it that seriously. I can usually avoid the trigger, but sometimes it becomes an issue if my father is being especially inconsiderate. It brings up a lot of anger and anxiety, which makes me feel disconnected to spiritual things, and even though it's irrational, I feel almost betrayed by the deities or powers that I honour.

I do notice patterns in which these anxiety-causing situations arise more often when I honour certain deities or engage in certain practices. I remember having a lot of problems with family-related anxiety issues when I followed a more Hellenic path, and also with more witchy practices, so I get turned off from those and they have faded out from what I do spiritually. I enjoy them, so after a while I will go back, and problems don't always arise, but they kind of do feel empty, like the gods aren't listening to me. I feel more protected from such issues with Egyptian gods and even Christian practice, but that's not 100% either. Intellectually I know that unpleasant circumstances are just a part of life, and it probably has nothing to do with what I'm doing religiously, but I just can't help feeling let down by my spirituality and losing interest in it.

I often feel like giving up religion in general, as the only benefits of it seem to be aesthetic. I feel like if I let go of religious superstition, I wouldn't be so anxious about silly things, but I try and always end up going back to religion because I guess my brain is just wired to crave a spiritual practice. There's probably a connection between religiosity and anxiety in the brain for a lot of people, as it seems common for religious people to struggle with anxiety. My anxiety disorders just seem extreme sometimes, depending on contact with triggers.

Does anyone have any advice, or had similar experiences?

[SatAset]

Does anyone have any advice, or had similar experiences?

I have anxiety issues too.  I got to the point (and I think my gods did too) where it was like: Do something about this.  You are not a victim.  This is stopping you from living a full life.  

So Set came to me in a dream and told me to do execration rituals.  So I started.  And every time I do them, I put anxiety (and fear, because that goes hand in hand with anxiety) as one of the  things I execrate.  I write down on paper what I want to be rid of, offer it to the two deities that are helping me, and then burn it in a small cauldron.  

I offer meat to the goddesses helping me since that was offered in ancient Egypt for execration in antiquity.  I often offer stir-fry, if that helps any.    

Just a note, when I do this work, I eventually have to face these parts of myself.  

This maybe something that may help your situation.  Personally, this is helping me.  I'm less anxious than I used to be, but I still have a ways to go.  

You could also wear a pendant or amulet that wards off anxiety too.  That may help as well.  You could speak into a glass of water or milk and say something about X protects me from fear or anxiety and then drink it to take in that power.  

The gods and spirits can do many things, but they can't hide us from ourselves.  

One other thing I was told to do was to clean my home.  I spent 7 days cleaning everything, washing everything and re-arranging everything.  I also de-cluttered my home; I got rid of things I no longer wanted or needed.  This has really helped me, maybe it will help you too.

[Nyktelios]

I have anxiety issues too.  I got to the point (and I think my gods did too) where it was like: Do something about this.  You are not a victim.  This is stopping you from living a full life.

 
Thanks for your help. Execration rituals are a good idea, I will give them a try. Cleaning really helps too, I usually physically clean my living space and do purification rituals after being worked up into hysterics from contact with a trigger, and I find it does help a lot to do so.