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Author Topic: Getting upset  (Read 2466 times)

addy

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Getting upset
« on: September 02, 2011, 09:43:42 pm »
Okay so some times I get upset over the littlest things. Like if something doesnt work I start swearing or yelling. ( I have tourttes but I dont use that as an excuse) are there anyways I learn to calm down and to control my energies? thanks :) blessed be

opal rivernymph

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Re: Getting upset
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2011, 03:38:39 am »
Quote from: addy;17534
Okay so some times I get upset over the littlest things. Like if something doesnt work I start swearing or yelling. ( I have tourttes but I dont use that as an excuse) are there anyways I learn to calm down and to control my energies? thanks :) blessed be

 
I am by no means an expert but I would suggest meditation and relaxation exercises.

Etheric1

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Re: Getting upset
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2011, 06:15:55 am »
Quote from: addy;17534
Okay so some times I get upset over the littlest things. Like if something doesnt work I start swearing or yelling. ( I have tourttes but I dont use that as an excuse) are there anyways I learn to calm down and to control my energies? thanks :) blessed be

 
I would suspect that this reaction is more of a symptom of something bigger.  Perhaps the little thing that sets you off is related to a larger issue?  I think relaxation, meditation, or therapy can be helpful in pin pointing what the heart of the actual issue is.  Sometimes it can also be that a lot of smaller irritants have been bugging you until you're at your limit and then the proverbial "straw that breaks the camel's back" happens.  

I've found for me that I am less likely to explode and have greater tolerance for life's little pains in the ass by working out as this burns out a lot of energy by itself so there just simply isn't any more to give these smaller stressors. Journaling helps too, just write honestly about everything even if it's something you don't think you should allow yourself to be upset about.
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Starglade

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Re: Getting upset
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2011, 11:10:13 am »
Quote from: addy;17534


 
I'll third the suggestion about meditation/relaxation work.

When this feeling/sensation/emotion arises for you, stop and ask yourself: "Can I affect the cause of this? Is there something I could do to keep it from happening next time?" If the answer is "Yes, I could XYZ," then yay! Next time you feel it coming on, take action to stop it/alleviate it/prevent it/whatever's most appropriate here. If the answer is "No, there's nothing *I* can do to affect it, it's only my inappropriate reaction to *this situation/thing/person/whatever*," that's still a fair answer. Then it's time to examine what you can do *for yourself* to have a better (less angry, less loud, less disruptive, etc,) reaction to the stimulus. Maybe it's to walk out of the area for a few moments, then come back. Maybe it's to stay there because walking out isn't an option, but to take a few deep breaths and tell yourself not to explode, "this too shall pass," what have you.

You say it's little things that get you upset. If the coffee doesn't perk right (can you tell I'm old-fashioned in this area? LOL), I have no right to be mad at the percolator. I'm the one who put the thing together and turned it on; I'm the one who set the stem in crooked so the percolation didn't make coffee as much as tan water. Likewise, getting mad at myself doesn't help me, either. I accept that I wasn't paying close attention to how I set it up, I reseat the stem, and I reperk the coffee. (I like my coffee strong enough to make the spoon stand up, anyway. Ha.) A few deep breaths when I see that the coffee isn't really coffee, and I'm on to correcting the situation.

That's a small concrete example. If it helps, great. Little frustrations don't have to become big ones unless we allow them to.
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OpenHands

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Re: Getting upset
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2011, 12:46:59 pm »
Quote from: addy;17534
Okay so some times I get upset over the littlest things. Like if something doesnt work I start swearing or yelling. ( I have tourttes but I dont use that as an excuse) are there anyways I learn to calm down and to control my energies? thanks :) blessed be

 
Something that has always stayed with me from my psych courses in college is a professor explaining that frustration and outbursts can occur when we have very rigid expectations and they are not met.  It's usually termed as rigid or inflexible thinking- I saw it a lot in certain groups of kids I've worked with and I think we all deal with it to a certain extent.  

If you fiddle with something fully expecting that fiddling will solve whatever's wrong with it, you're more apt to blow up in frustration when it is, in fact, not fixed.  If you keep your thinking more flexible (accepting that fiddling might not fix the problem and approach the issue with a Plan B), you might find that you're less frustrated because you've already processed the possibility that the outcome may differ from what you want.  Just a thought and something I've had experience with.  :)

Starglade

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Re: Getting upset
« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2011, 12:55:52 pm »
Quote from: OpenHands;17624


If you fiddle with something fully expecting that fiddling will solve whatever's wrong with it, you're more apt to blow up in frustration when it is, in fact, not fixed.  If you keep your thinking more flexible (accepting that fiddling might not fix the problem and approach the issue with a Plan B), you might find that you're less frustrated because you've already processed the possibility that the outcome may differ from what you want.  Just a thought and something I've had experience with.  :)


In Tibetan Buddhism that's a form of attachment, and attachment is something to be overcome. We WANT certain outcomes from specific situations and when those outcomes don't happen ("arise" in TB parlance) we get frustrated and angry. You've provided excellent advice about flexibility. That's part of releasing attachments: Let go of the expectations, and accept what happens as what it is, and proceed from there. (This really drives my husband bats. "It is what it is" is one of my truisms that he HATES to hear. Hee.)
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HeartShadow

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Re: Getting upset
« Reply #6 on: September 03, 2011, 12:59:22 pm »
Quote from: addy;17534
Okay so some times I get upset over the littlest things. Like if something doesnt work I start swearing or yelling. ( I have tourttes but I dont use that as an excuse) are there anyways I learn to calm down and to control my energies? thanks :) blessed be

 
Something else to consider - are you in any kind of physical pain or discomfort when this happens?  I get cranky as hell when my wrists are acting up - and I don't always realize I'm in pain, I just know I'm irritable.

Physical pain does effect emotional reaction - so it might be worth stopping when you want to snap and doing a body-check.  "Am I mad because this is a problem, or am I mad because there's something in my shoe" type thing.

addy

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Re: Getting upset
« Reply #7 on: September 03, 2011, 10:55:08 pm »
Quote from: HeartShadow;17628
Something else to consider - are you in any kind of physical pain or discomfort when this happens?  I get cranky as hell when my wrists are acting up - and I don't always realize I'm in pain, I just know I'm irritable.

Physical pain does effect emotional reaction - so it might be worth stopping when you want to snap and doing a body-check.  "Am I mad because this is a problem, or am I mad because there's something in my shoe" type thing.

 
No physical pain I just feel like a valcano and am about to erupt.

PS. thanks everyone for the response and suggestions :) I will try and meditate every morning before school :)

OpenHands

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Re: Getting upset
« Reply #8 on: September 04, 2011, 12:00:24 am »
Quote from: Starglade;17626
In Tibetan Buddhism that's a form of attachment, and attachment is something to be overcome. We WANT certain outcomes from specific situations and when those outcomes don't happen ("arise" in TB parlance) we get frustrated and angry. You've provided excellent advice about flexibility. That's part of releasing attachments: Let go of the expectations, and accept what happens as what it is, and proceed from there. (This really drives my husband bats. "It is what it is" is one of my truisms that he HATES to hear. Hee.)

 
I never connected inflexible thinking with the Buddhist idea of attachment, but it makes a lot of sense after you've explained it.  Very interesting.

OpenHands

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Re: Getting upset
« Reply #9 on: September 04, 2011, 12:08:49 am »
Quote from: addy;17736
No physical pain I just feel like a valcano and am about to erupt.

PS. thanks everyone for the response and suggestions :) I will try and meditate every morning before school :)

 
Good luck!  I would also suggest that you practice becoming aware of when your frustration levels *begin* to go up and start using whatever coping skills you find helpful at that point.  Don't wait until you feel like you're ready to blow your top, that's a tough place to try to calm down at.  Even pausing to simply take a few calming breaths can help.

addy

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Re: Getting upset
« Reply #10 on: September 04, 2011, 11:02:10 am »
Quote from: OpenHands;17742
Good luck!  I would also suggest that you practice becoming aware of when your frustration levels *begin* to go up and start using whatever coping skills you find helpful at that point.  Don't wait until you feel like you're ready to blow your top, that's a tough place to try to calm down at.  Even pausing to simply take a few calming breaths can help.

 
Okies :) I tried taking breaths when I got upset and it worked :)

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