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Author Topic: Being Pagan and Dating  (Read 2407 times)


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Re: Being Pagan and Dating
« Reply #15 on: October 15, 2015, 01:26:57 am »
Quote from: RandallS;180811
Perhaps one considers love more important than "not having a conflicting world view"? When dated, "thinks like me" was never that high a priority for me. Doesn't hate who I am was a high priority, but one can be very different from me without hating what I am.

I may go overboard.

First of all, I want to clarify that as an eclectic polytheist, I *can't* find someone who shares all of my beliefs.
And if I did, I'd probably butt heads with them. I have some self-critism, after all.

Also, you have a point. Love is fluid. But what I'm sharing with you is a philosophy.
People put on filters because compatibility & feelings are wacky. You can fall in love (romantically, platonically, etc.) theoretically with ANYONE. Including people you're not actually compatible with.
People limit themselces to certain individuals because they don't want to spend years with people they love, have chemistry with, but aren't really "good" or "there" for them.
Does it always work? No. I'm a relationship anarchist (similar in some respects to non-hierarchal polyamory. No labels is also included).
 I happened to to crush on first site with an atheist/agnostic ex-pagan. Well, 3 years we're still associating with each other. But it's pretty rocky & complicated. I still have this need for someone close to me to share religion with me, so I have to search for that elsewhere. And with someone who enjoys roses & the limelight.

And I have a somewhat close, platonic relationship with a blood relative. He's homophobic, misogynistic, racist, and just plain ignorent (he thought that non-Seventh-day adventists were pagans until his father told him otherwise.)
He doesn't even practice Seventh-day Adventism (which focuses on teetotalarianism &  Second Coming among other things) he's really just your USA small-town protestant Christian! Except for the Saturday part.
Hel, if I could find other Aspies & people I'd converse with easily, I'd drop him. Maybe.
But I don't. Because we're both so alike: stuck-in-time, artist aspies.
We have great conversation, even if I have to avoid or pointlessly argue over some topics.

We basically just find ways to try to convert each other to our respective beliefs.

Basically, these two are a great examples of why people apply limits.
This allows them to remove some potential, deep-rooted conflicts in their lives, and focus purely on personality.

This might strike you as ironic: if they REALLY wanted to focus on personslity, they wouldn't have filters!

Different beliefs to the same end: find someone who can love you, support you, and have fun together with.

Randall (and several other people on this topic) believe that belief differences can be worked out and supported.

People who apply these filters (and to some extent, me) realize that these people think differently from you. While some differences help, deep-rooted ones like religion are going to stay. (Unless they convert). And this can create arguments & conflict. And a need for both partners to either convert each other or tolerate eachother' differences rather than accept them.

If you're Pro-LGBT and you fell head over heels with a Christian homophobe, what would you do?
(For the gay/les, bi, poly, & pan people: if your strong mutual crush was anti-gay marriage & strictly for the heteronormative type of family, what would you do?

These are why people put up filters.


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Re: Being Pagan and Dating
« Reply #16 on: October 15, 2015, 12:34:10 pm »
Quote from: Aubren;181039
(For the gay/les, bi, poly, & pan people: if your strong mutual crush was anti-gay marriage & strictly for the heteronormative type of family, what would you do?

Have my head examined, because I literally cannot imagine either forming a crush with someone who doesn't actually tolerate me or being capable of believing that someone who is that hostile to me has a genuine crush on me, rather than one of those creepy "I'd be totally into you if you were a different person" dealies that people sometimes express.

I've met people who have said "I would be totally into you if you were...." and listed off whatever their deal was - I've gotten 'monogamous', I've gotten 'into casual sex', I've gotten 'heavier', I've gotten 'an atheist', and a couple of other things - and not a single one of these things felt flattering.  Creepy at best.  Revulsively objectifying at worst.  This is not material on which I can build an even hypothetical interest; the most polite response I can come up with is "How nice for you."  It's not interest in me, which is one of those things I consider a minimum requirement; it's explicitly expressed lack of interest in me!

It's not a real crush if it's "I'd totally do you if it weren't for your pesky personality", basically.

Other people's religions aren't about me, though.  They're about those people.  Whether or not I like someone's religious expression or find it compatible with my life has a lot more with whether or not I'm compatible with the person than what they practice.
as the water grinds the stone
we rise and fall
as our ashes turn to dust
we shine like stars    - Covenant, "Bullet"


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