collapse
2020 Donation Drive

It's time for our annual Server Donation Drive! We need to raise at least $710 to keep The Cauldron's server online for another year. Please help! Either hit that Paypal button to the right and make a one-time donation in any amount or set up a monthly Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor subscription. You can find more info in this message!

Donations as of 20 October 2020: $556 donated. Only $154 more needed! Thank you, donors!


Note: This total is updated manually, usually once a day


* Recent Posts

Re: Developing and Nurturing a Positive Mindset by Sefiru
[Yesterday at 07:12:35 pm]


Re: Dreaming of Moonlight on Water by entwife
[Yesterday at 12:06:02 pm]


Re: Dreaming of Moonlight on Water by PerditaPickle
[Yesterday at 07:15:27 am]


Re: Dreaming of Moonlight on Water by ehbowen
[October 18, 2020, 09:50:51 pm]


Dreaming of Moonlight on Water by entwife
[October 18, 2020, 03:14:20 pm]

Author Topic: An emotional, blog like journal-ish dump. You were warned.  (Read 1162 times)

sunflower47

  • Sr. Apprentice
  • ****
  • Join Date: Mar 2012
  • Posts: 58
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
An emotional, blog like journal-ish dump. You were warned.
« on: June 07, 2012, 02:23:45 pm »
So, I have no one to talk to about this so I think I'll just share this here. Trying to be pagan (and I realize how this sounds...) when nobody else around you is difficult. And lately, I've been struggling with questions like "What exactly is it that makes me Pagan?" If I have an alter in the corner of the room, if I'm celebrating solstices and the like, does that make me pagan? Because I sure don't feel very pagan. Nothing I do makes me feel spiritual at all.
So my natural reaction when I'm learning anything is to try to read about it and learn more. But I just don't want to do that. I don't want my religion to exist between the covers of books, it's something I feel like I should create myself. Maybe its just because it's a slow process and I'm alone and have nobody to teach me. Maybe I'm just impatient (Yes... yes I am). But still, do I just pull my answers from thin air? If I make stuff up because it feels right then does it still count?
Anyway, I'm just saying it sucks. Never ending spiritual crises are so draining.
And if you followed any of that then you have my virtual applause.

Fier

  • Sr. Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jun 2011
  • Location: Michigan
  • Posts: 820
  • Country: us
  • Total likes: 7
  • Daughter of the Cosmos
    • View Profile
  • Religion: FlameKeeping
  • Preferred Pronouns: she/her
Re: An emotional, blog like journal-ish dump. You were warned.
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2012, 02:41:42 pm »
Quote from: sunflower47;59003
Trying to be pagan (and I realize how this sounds...) when nobody else around you is difficult. And lately, I've been struggling with questions like "What exactly is it that makes me Pagan?" If I have an alter in the corner of the room, if I'm celebrating solstices and the like, does that make me pagan? Because I sure don't feel very pagan.

 
Honestly, I wouldn't worry at all whether or not you qualify as "pagan". In my opinion, paganism is a fairly meaningless term. The definition we use here at TC is "not Abrahamic and self-ids as pagan". That leaves hundreds of other possible religions and paths, many of which have nothing to do with each other. I wouldn't worry about a label until you get more sure of your beliefs and practices.

If the stuff you are doing isn't making you feel spiritual, then maybe you aren't doing what it is right for you.

Sharysa

  • Master Member
  • ******
  • Join Date: Feb 2012
  • Posts: 471
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
Re: An emotional, blog like journal-ish dump. You were warned.
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2012, 02:57:25 pm »
Quote from: sunflower47;59003
So, I have no one to talk to about this so I think I'll just share this here. Trying to be pagan (and I realize how this sounds...) when nobody else around you is difficult. And lately, I've been struggling with questions like "What exactly is it that makes me Pagan?" If I have an alter in the corner of the room, if I'm celebrating solstices and the like, does that make me pagan? Because I sure don't feel very pagan. Nothing I do makes me feel spiritual at all.

As someone else who is about two hours away from any pagan group, lots of virtual hugs for you.

I used to have a problem with "not doing pagan stuff" as well, especially with the holidays--mostly because I can't, due to lack of resources and the fact that my family's Catholic. However, a few years down the line, I realized that being pagan is ultimately a mindset rather than a practice or a lifestyle. The two have lots of overlap, but you could do all the pagan stuff in the world and not really be pagan if you're just going through the motions of it.

And if you're TRYING to be pagan, that may be part of the problem. See below.

Quote
So my natural reaction when I'm learning anything is to try to read about it and learn more.

[snip]

But still, do I just pull my answers from thin air? If I make stuff up because it feels right then does it still count?

My advice for learning more, which is definitely a good thing? Look up pre-Christian folklore and superstitions, and then try a few of them out. If something connects with you, then keep doing it.

Everyone focuses so much on the BIG FANCY HOLIDAYS, which is understandable, but you'd be surprised at how doing tiny things can get you into a pagan mindset faster and more effectively.

I started off counting crows because my patron's sacred bird is the crow. Seven years and a working knowledge of augury later, I can't look at crows anymore without going, "CRAP IT MIGHT BE HER, SAY HELLO JUST IN CASE."
« Last Edit: June 07, 2012, 02:58:39 pm by Sharysa »
On hiatus, but might pop in now and then. Just making it official.

My blog. 40% normal, 60% spiritual, 500% details.

Shine

  • Sr. Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Nov 2011
  • Posts: 912
  • Total likes: 0
    • View Profile
    • http://houseofthelion.wordpress.com/
Re: An emotional, blog like journal-ish dump. You were warned.
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2012, 04:42:02 pm »
Quote from: sunflower47;59003
So, I have no one to talk to about this so I think I'll just share this here. Trying to be pagan (and I realize how this sounds...) when nobody else around you is difficult. And lately, I've been struggling with questions like "What exactly is it that makes me Pagan?" If I have an alter in the corner of the room, if I'm celebrating solstices and the like, does that make me pagan? Because I sure don't feel very pagan. Nothing I do makes me feel spiritual at all.

 
As someone else said, "pagan" is a very general term. I've thought about this for a long time, and I think there's a tendency for us to think of "pagan" as a hat we put on. But it's not. It's a lifestyle, or a part of a lifestyle, depending on what you do and want from your practice.

Spiritual feelings will come and go, too. You have to have faith and confidence in yourself. Some days it will be rough and you won't have that faith or confidence, but you have to keep trying.

Quote
So my natural reaction when I'm learning anything is to try to read about it and learn more. But I just don't want to do that. I don't want my religion to exist between the covers of books, it's something I feel like I should create myself. Maybe its just because it's a slow process and I'm alone and have nobody to teach me. Maybe I'm just impatient (Yes... yes I am). But still, do I just pull my answers from thin air? If I make stuff up because it feels right then does it still count?


You can learn a lot from books and not have a religion that exists "between the covers". In fact, the things you learn can inform and enrich your practice. And remember: just because a book says to do something or believe in some way, you don't have to follow that.

If you pull "answers from thin air" or "make stuff up", as long as you're not claiming what you're doing is historically accurate or more correct than someone else's practice, most people will leave you alone. People tend to get upset when you make a factually incorrect statement about a culture or deity as if it's the truth, and not opinion (big difference here, as you can have your own opinion that doesn't fit fact but still has meaning to you).

Quote
Anyway, I'm just saying it sucks. Never ending spiritual crises are so draining.
And if you followed any of that then you have my virtual applause.


I'm sorry to hear you're at this point in your development, but it is necessary. :( Take a step back, relax. It's not always easy, I know. You have to figure out a way to push your spirituality beyond your comfort zone--and live with that--without having a crisis.

I'm in a similar boat you are. I'm so anxious to live like a "proper Kemetic" (Kemeticism is my religion of choice) and please my deities I work myself into a total mess. It's been a challenge to step back and take a deep breath, but I know I can better serve myself, my community, and my deities when I'm level-headed. Think about that.

And hang around the Cauldron with us. :) It's a great community here.
Leave your darkness with me, and I will make you shine.

Annie Roonie

  • Sr. Master Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jul 2011
  • Posts: 915
  • Total likes: 1
    • View Profile
Re: An emotional, blog like journal-ish dump. You were warned.
« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2012, 05:40:53 pm »
Quote from: sunflower47;59003

So my natural reaction when I'm learning anything is to try to read about it and learn more. But I just don't want to do that. I don't want my religion to exist between the covers of books, it's something I feel like I should create myself. Maybe its just because it's a slow process and I'm alone and have nobody to teach me. Maybe I'm just impatient (Yes... yes I am). But still, do I just pull my answers from thin air? If I make stuff up because it feels right then does it still count?
Anyway, I'm just saying it sucks. Never ending spiritual crises are so draining.
And if you followed any of that then you have my virtual applause.


When I am impatient I tend to value the answers more than the questions. When I have more time and am able to slow down, the questions reveal themselves to be far more valuable than the answers. That journey from question to declaration/solution/answer is, IMO, where a huge chunk of spirituality is created.

I think you have posed an excellent question and already have identified some of the obstacles in the journey to answering it. I will agree that when feeling impatient that doesn't help much and the feeling still sucks!

You feel the need to create meaning of your own. That is a great idea and IME the only way anything learned really sticks and holds significance. You don't want to read books yet or have your religion exist there solely and that is also, IMO, a direction leading toward a more spiritual existence in the world. So you have two solid methods of approach to your query: authentic/organic action and independent experience.

Just brainstorming, but what about examining those concepts that brought you to paganism in the first place and then exploring how and why those concepts influenced you. Maybe get out in it and just observe those concepts in action. See if the original draw is still there. Let your mind wander perhaps. If new ideas come up or new questions, make note of them and seek out answers to those smaller bits of the whole.

Slow - kind of but maybe not as much as it seems right now. And perhaps that is when books will become useful tools to aide you, not to enslave you.  And you can also interact here too if you're still having an aversion to the books.

Just an idea. And I will admit I am one who needs to experience the world in order to gain better comprehension of abstracts. That is the way I teach myself and it has lead to much reading that has not enveloped me but empowered me. Plus, for me, getting out and doing things keeps me from becoming impatient of cures me of it when I am.

Good luck to you!

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
7 Replies
2556 Views
Last post October 04, 2011, 04:43:43 pm
by Star
30 Replies
11059 Views
Last post January 29, 2014, 02:38:58 pm
by Jabberwocky
1 Replies
1023 Views
Last post June 20, 2018, 09:17:39 pm
by RandallS
15 Replies
1989 Views
Last post July 18, 2018, 01:46:40 pm
by OĆ­che
7 Replies
1514 Views
Last post June 26, 2019, 09:36:31 pm
by Voren

* Who's Online

  • Dot Guests: 35
  • Dot Hidden: 0
  • Dot Users: 0

There aren't any users online.

* Please Donate!

The Cauldron's server is expensive and requires monthly payments. Please become a Bronze, Silver or Gold Donor if you can. Donations are needed every month. Without member support, we can't afford the server.

* Shop & Support TC

The links below are affiliate links. When you click on one of these links you will go to the listed shopping site with The Cauldron's affiliate code. Any purchases you make during your visit will earn TC a tiny percentage of your purchase price at no extra cost to you.

* In Memoriam

Chavi (2006)
Elspeth (2010)
Marilyn (2013)

* Cauldron Staff

Host:
Sunflower

Message Board Staff
Board Coordinator:
Darkhawk

Assistant Board Coordinator:
Aster Breo

Senior Staff:
Aisling, Jenett, Sefiru

Staff:
Allaya, Chatelaine, EclecticWheel, HarpingHawke, Kylara, PerditaPickle, rocquelaire

Discord Chat Staff
Chat Coordinator:
Morag

Cauldron Council:
Bob, Catja, Emma-Eldritch, Fausta, Jubes, Kelly, LyricFox, Phouka, Sperran, Star, Steve, Tana

Site Administrator:
Randall

SimplePortal 2.3.6 © 2008-2014, SimplePortal