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Author Topic: Helping someone with grief and anger  (Read 562 times)

Beloved

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Re: Helping someone with grief and anger
« Reply #15 on: February 09, 2019, 09:18:01 pm »
In addition to Jenett's excellent suggestions, another option would be to invoke some kind of Power on his behalf in some form or another. I'm not talking about manifesting ancient gods or summoning demons--just offering prayers to a deity/angel/spirit asking them to lend your husband strength for healing and peace. If both of you are coming from a Christian background, perhaps find an appropriate angel or saint and construct a short encouraging prayer or mantra. This might be a bit much for your husband, but it might also depend on how you construct it.

Thanks for this advice! I think he would be comfortable with me asking a saint for help, good idea.

Beloved

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Re: Helping someone with grief and anger
« Reply #16 on: February 09, 2019, 09:21:50 pm »
Do what you can to make him feel safe, calm, and loved, which I suspect you're already doing. It doesn't have to be anything grand -a warm hand on his, a hot cup of tea with honey, a dish of comfort food, snuggling up together under a blanket. Anything that says "I'm here with you" will work, particular if it's a 'language' that's familiar. 

Also, I work regularly with deities who deal with grief, death, and loss.  With your (and his) permission, I'll light a candle for him on my altar and petition those deities for their assistance in helping him heal from the loss.

This is a good reminder that even small things can help, thanks.  :) I love your candle ritual. I really appreciate your offer to light a candle for him. As he is from a fairly strict Christian background I am afraid that my passing that on to him would totally freak him out. But I genuinely appreciate it, really.

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Re: Helping someone with grief and anger
« Reply #17 on: February 09, 2019, 09:25:08 pm »
There's a few things it could be.  (Actually there's probably lots of things it could be, and if you asked him it might even be that he may be unable to articulate some of it).

It may be that he views a charm given to him specifically around this grief/anger issue as a reminder of the issue, and therefore he's reluctant to tote it round with him where it might actually bring up feelings at times when he'd otherwise not be thinking about it.  I know I've suffered with this sort of thing previously.

Or it might be a sort of superstitious worry about what happens if the charm got lost or damaged.

Or all sorts of other things, as I say some of which he might not actually be able to put a finger on.

It sounds like the energy type work you've discussed with others in this thread is the place to start.  Maybe leave/send him little notes or messages of support (something like "I'm here for you", say) if that's not already something you're doing - then he can carry that with him for a while if he chooses.  Might even encourage him to consider the charm idea, given enough time (though don't get your hopes up too much).

I like to use essential oils in our home, and can be just a drop or two of something relaxing or uplifting (bergamot is my favourite).  And depending on what beverages he likes maybe you could explore some helpful teas - doesn't necessarily have to be chamomile, there are other tea blends that can be calming and otherwise helpful.  Oh and he doesn't have to substitute this for all other beverages, just a cup a day (or most days) ought to help a bit.

I remember reading that there's certain foods that are helpful for reducing cortisol (the stress hormone, in case stress is a factor in perpetuating his angry feelings), though I can't recall how much follow up/verification I did of this:- walnuts, melon, sunflower seeds, wholegrain and low GI foods generally, and drink plenty of water.  As healthy a diet as is possible is probably wise to support both your immune systems at this difficult time, anyway.

[Edit: added a final line]

All excellent advice, thanks!! I don't know why I didn't think of the little note thing, that would be such an easy and non-spiritually-threatening way of sending something with him to cheer him up at work.

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Re: Helping someone with grief and anger
« Reply #18 on: February 10, 2019, 12:33:35 am »
I appreciate your insight! As of right now he says a charm is a bit too much for him, but I really like the idea if he becomes open to it.

Don't worry, and don't push it.  The important one in all of this is him, and yourself.

Do not forget self-care.  You can help him best when you are well and taken care of.

Jennett has given some excellent advice on cleansing the home, and I like Aisling's candle ideas.

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