Not practitioner, but a question: What do you make of me?

[IamHowie]

Greetings all. I am not a pagan practitioner, mainly because I do not wish to meddle with things I cannot fathom. To me the shadowy side of science is like tentacles of Cthulhu, ready to pull me down to oblivion with slight wrong step in the topic.

So why am I here in the first place? It's because I have questions. I have experienced things that is beyond comprehension for normal science and logic, at least for myself, and nobody around me seems to be open to talk of paganism of any sort. Not that it is taboo in my culture, it's just that people are so selective on what they wish to listen to or laugh at so I decided to keep this to myself.

First my "religious" background.
I was brought up and educated by Catholics for over 15 years. These schools don't attempt to "brainwash" students into Christians, they simply showed the path and let us decide. I think that's fine and I never really got into Christianity, nor did I had much interest in Paganism until several years ago when my grandfather died.

I personally do not believe in religion. Mind you I refer to only religion, not dieties. I believe God, "killed" itself to create mankind, and many other sentient entities that only some of us can percieve. Therefore God lives in everyone of us and listens to our prayers always. God is gentle as well as wicked, God commits as well as procasinates, God exists as well as nonexist, that is how God can be omnipotent and omnipresence at the same time. This is so wrong in terms of Bible I guess the only proper description of me is a pagan.

I am a Chinese, but I know there is a tiny drop of Dutch blood in my mom's lineage several generations ago. Perhaps this is a link of me to the western cultures out there, so I found myself to be more "akin to" the things out there more than a lot of locals here. Provided that I had never left my city and lived amongst westerners save a brief trip to Macau and a one week business trip to a city in mainland China.

My "Calling", or a vision. Now I shared this with some friends, they looked at me as if I'm a delusional idiot. Whatever, but I know firmly what I have experienced, and I have always consider myself a scientific person. The logic was simply wrong. Something is out there communing with me.

Too many times, I had dreamed of scenes and events and forecasted the future. All very minor occurance and nothing major. Like my mom cooking a new dish of rice with the same posture and same actions in minor details as in my dream. What really got me into awe and stupificient was that I actually in my dreams, got together with people who were about to died just the night before they passed away, and with that in my last encounter, I managed to scream to the messenger in the dream and ... she actually listened and granted me the wish. I think this messenger, this she was Morrigu, the goddess of Death (and of battle and fertility if you want to be precise). But it could be someone else since I do not know anyone else except Hades who governs death domain.

My very first message. My grandfather. News that he went to hospital came to me a week ago, but I grew quite accustom to that since he visited there quite often, like almost once every month so I didn't really paid much attention to that. Then one night, in my dream, he was playing chess with me (he loved to do that whenever I paid him visit), and he was laughing sitting on his bed. His friends and all other relatives were there but I could not see their faces, only him. Next morning, he passed. My jaw dropped on that news. My mom and aunt cried but I felt nothing, knowing that he left happy, and still I vividly remember the smile on his face just before he left.

Next one is a friend of mine that we had know for more than 6 years. We played D&D together and he had an accident at work, large part of him were burnt and he was put in ICU. We received news from his brother that he was getting better. We all thanked God with joy, about to prepare a session of D&D game for him when he returned. Then this one night, I saw him in the dream. One last D&D game, one last faint smile on his face. His mind was occupied, but he knew had to let go, he wanted his brother to go to university, then the dream ended. I didn't pay much attention until a week later, his brother told us that a week ago his condition suddenly worsen and passed away.

In both dreams, I didn't say anything, simply watched them go. This last one however was far more supernatural than I can think of.

I saw my mom, she got hit by a van when she was returning home from market. I held her in my hands. She was scared and crying and for the love of her I screamed. I screamed "Not right now! Please not yet!" Then it stopped. I saw my mom, sitting and leaning by a wall, it was very dark confinement that I did not bother to notice, I stared at her face, so shrunken with skin so gaunt and stick to her face as if there's no meat left on her, like a mummified corpse. But she's not dead yet, she smiled to me. For instant I did not know what to make of it, then I woke up.

That day, she had to go to market for some shoppings, I told her to be careful. Then for the first time I prayed in my heart to Morrigan to spare her. I did not know what to offer but I simply begged. She returned home safe and sound, with a big grin on her face.

I haven't had this visions for many months now and I'm glad, that I do not have to witness anyone's death, yet. What do you guys make of it? Is there a message here? Is this a kind of sign?

[RandallS]

I haven't had this visions for many months now and I'm glad, that I do not have to witness anyone's death, yet. What do you guys make of it? Is there a message here? Is this a kind of sign?

Welcome to TC. It could easily be a sign or a message, but it's hard to know if it is just an ability to see a bit into the future or if it some type of sign or message from some "higher power".