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Author Topic: Hi! New and confused...  (Read 1091 times)

laluna01

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Hi! New and confused...
« on: January 30, 2020, 04:08:18 pm »
Hi! I'm all extremely new to any of this, I've always been on my own path in life but people have always come across my path. My most memorable experiences that have led me here (writing out this post) are ever since I was a child I found comfort in nature and even recall having extremely vivid "imaginary friends", later in life I dare now call them ghosts. When I was 13 my mom's friend noticed my anxiety and introduced me to crystals... I wouldn't say I really knew what I've been doing since them except googling their "meanings", picking them up, and carrying them with me. More than anything, I love just collecting them for the aesthetic! Tarot cards: my mom had some when I was in Mexico I picked up my own beautiful deck and I've "played" with them but as far as proper utilization? I can't tell.

All in all, I adore the aesthetic of the pagan practice, I've time and time again looked into how to begin my own but I am physically so busy that I almost have no time--or honestly concentration--to dedicate the energy it needs.

However, this summer after years and years of abuse from my home-life I moved out of my mom's and in with a friend. I can only imagine the sudden inclination towards the divine is due to having a clearer mind not constantly dedicated to making through my own personal hell.

Over the past six months, since leaving, I have found myself more than ever drawn to this feeling of maternal-ness. The desire and I want to even say calling towards healing, and children. Children used to overwhelm me and I feared to be alone with one, but now more than ever they bring me this light and comfort I cannot explain, and I've even decided to take on an internship with a midwife because of it. I've always adored plants, but without thinking I began growing my own garden putting together everything almost instinctively.

My whole life I have taken on the role of "big sister". I help and care and guide, and not only that it's as if people seeking this type of assistance are drawn to me.

Social media has sort of made things such as pagan practice very focused on, and I never wanted to assume myself as anything special just because it's a "trend"... but I do find myself continuously find both lifestyle and physical signs of SOMETHING.

The coins, the almost need or draw towards children and healing, the incredibly strong desire to start a garden as if it's a necessity, the childhood experiences with ghosts and un-familiar energies that always washed over me, pictures in my head that I can only call visions of a daughter in red.

I once saw a post about a goddess named Rhea, and from there this is when my curiosity peaked and I felt ever so drawn to all of this. I felt something I had never felt before seeing that name and being aware of her presence.

My whole draw towards this part of me is only especially obvious because I have always been a messy abstract type and a hardcore student who excels in math and sciences. I'm a mechanical engineer major! Can you imagine people's faces when out of nowhere I said I wanted to intern for a midwife? And something in me is calling me towards the Peace Corps to do humanitarian work--a year ago I was training to become a Marine!

and above all the fact that it has become so evident in my life that I find myself here... writing this post for anyone who will listen or help.  This all could be a coincidence or me over-thinking and mean absolutely nothing. Or it could not? If anyone has an answer, I'd be grateful.

SunflowerP

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Re: Hi! New and confused...
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2020, 04:25:12 pm »
Hi! I'm all extremely new to any of this, I've always been on my own path in life but people have always come across my path.

Hi, laluna01; welcome to TC!

I've deleted your other post, since it was identical to this one. Making identical posts/threads in more than one different forum is a violation of our rules. You're not in any trouble this time, because you're very new to TC, but please don't do so again.

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Anon100

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Re: Hi! New and confused...
« Reply #2 on: January 30, 2020, 06:03:39 pm »
Hi! I'm all extremely new to any of this, I've always been on my own path in life but people have always come across my path.

However, this summer after years and years of abuse from my home-life I moved out of my mom's and in with a friend. I can only imagine the sudden inclination towards the divine is due to having a clearer mind not constantly dedicated to making through my own personal hell.

Over the past six months, since leaving, I have found myself more than ever drawn to this feeling of maternal-ness.

Hi and nice to meet you.

I have to say I'd be the first one to put my hands up and say I don't know much. I can only go by a little knowledge and less experience so if others have other views to mine...
That being said, from what you wrote I have to say theres a good chance at least some of what you're feeling may be your having the chance to grow into yourself so to speak. For instance the healing aspect you spoke of sounds like something you've always carried ( and yes, as far as I get the impression of, people sometimes have an instinct for where to go when hurt and animals too ), maybe even something you've had grow in you from those years of abuse you've mentioned ( lets say an empathy for pain ).  The same for the midwife and peace corp.
That's not to say there's not more going on - a calling by a goddess, a deep need to follow one of the magic or pagan paths, some power inside you waking up etc.. But whichever path you have ahead almost certainly begins with, and grows from, knowing you ( and that can be a long road  ;) )
« Last Edit: January 30, 2020, 06:07:47 pm by Anon100 »

Anon100

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Re: Hi! New and confused...
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2020, 06:27:12 pm »
Hi! I'm all extremely new to any of this

Ps. I can't say for everyone but for me at least, things have had a habit of ending up slotting into place or nudging me, sometimes out of bad habits or into hard work but, in the end, in a useful direction - it can be a case of making sure you're doing the right thing then not thinking too much or second guessing where you'll end up.
And, while you're settling yourself, there's no reason you can't read up about this goddess, Rhea ( or [as I was told in a similar situation] if she's around a lot, talk to her [ ask her to confirm who she is if you aren't sure, ask why she's there, get to know her, etc ]), have a nose around at various things online and generally see what fits for you. You don't have to commit to anything ( actually best not to until/unless you know you're good and ready and really want to ) and you'll be getting a good view of the land around :)

Voren

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Re: Hi! New and confused...
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2020, 08:12:06 pm »
Hi! I'm all extremely new to any of this, I've always been on my own path in life but people have always come across my path. My most memorable experiences that have led me here (writing out this post) are ever since I was a child I found comfort in nature and even recall having extremely vivid "imaginary friends", later in life I dare now call them ghosts. When I was 13 my mom's friend noticed my anxiety and introduced me to crystals... I wouldn't say I really knew what I've been doing since them except googling their "meanings", picking them up, and carrying them with me. More than anything, I love just collecting them for the aesthetic! Tarot cards: my mom had some when I was in Mexico I picked up my own beautiful deck and I've "played" with them but as far as proper utilization? I can't tell.

All in all, I adore the aesthetic of the pagan practice, I've time and time again looked into how to begin my own but I am physically so busy that I almost have no time--or honestly concentration--to dedicate the energy it needs.

However, this summer after years and years of abuse from my home-life I moved out of my mom's and in with a friend. I can only imagine the sudden inclination towards the divine is due to having a clearer mind not constantly dedicated to making through my own personal hell.

Over the past six months, since leaving, I have found myself more than ever drawn to this feeling of maternal-ness. The desire and I want to even say calling towards healing, and children. Children used to overwhelm me and I feared to be alone with one, but now more than ever they bring me this light and comfort I cannot explain, and I've even decided to take on an internship with a midwife because of it. I've always adored plants, but without thinking I began growing my own garden putting together everything almost instinctively.

My whole life I have taken on the role of "big sister". I help and care and guide, and not only that it's as if people seeking this type of assistance are drawn to me.

Social media has sort of made things such as pagan practice very focused on, and I never wanted to assume myself as anything special just because it's a "trend"... but I do find myself continuously find both lifestyle and physical signs of SOMETHING.

The coins, the almost need or draw towards children and healing, the incredibly strong desire to start a garden as if it's a necessity, the childhood experiences with ghosts and un-familiar energies that always washed over me, pictures in my head that I can only call visions of a daughter in red.

I once saw a post about a goddess named Rhea, and from there this is when my curiosity peaked and I felt ever so drawn to all of this. I felt something I had never felt before seeing that name and being aware of her presence.

My whole draw towards this part of me is only especially obvious because I have always been a messy abstract type and a hardcore student who excels in math and sciences. I'm a mechanical engineer major! Can you imagine people's faces when out of nowhere I said I wanted to intern for a midwife? And something in me is calling me towards the Peace Corps to do humanitarian work--a year ago I was training to become a Marine!

and above all the fact that it has become so evident in my life that I find myself here... writing this post for anyone who will listen or help.  This all could be a coincidence or me over-thinking and mean absolutely nothing. Or it could not? If anyone has an answer, I'd be grateful.

Hello and welcome!
-Voren
(aka Sou\'r-Ghi\'den)

The Singularity

laluna01

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Re: Hi! New and confused...
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2020, 10:44:23 pm »
Ps. I can't say for everyone but for me at least, things have had a habit of ending up slotting into place or nudging me, sometimes out of bad habits or into hard work but, in the end, in a useful direction - it can be a case of making sure you're doing the right thing then not thinking too much or second guessing where you'll end up.
And, while you're settling yourself, there's no reason you can't read up about this goddess, Rhea ( or [as I was told in a similar situation] if she's around a lot, talk to her [ ask her to confirm who she is if you aren't sure, ask why she's there, get to know her, etc ]), have a nose around at various things online and generally see what fits for you. You don't have to commit to anything ( actually best not to until/unless you know you're good and ready and really want to ) and you'll be getting a good view of the land around :)

It's so interesting you mention the "things usually work out for me" Again, could just be another coincidence but I've always felt comfort in feeling like I have some sort of guardian angel (in the traditional sense) because domestically speaking things have always fallen into place for me amidst the chaos. The biggest example I can give is what prompted me to move out finally was a really scary car crash, but I felt like I had some force protecting me because while I did total my car absolutely no one was hurt not even myself, no other car was involved in what is usually a fairly busy freeway, I needed no ambulance or towing service, it was all best case scenario! And upon moving out with no plan everything fell into place. And my whole life has had the same type of idea. I've always had some type of love/ help in life even if it didn't come from direct kin.

Anon100

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Re: Hi! New and confused...
« Reply #6 on: January 31, 2020, 05:41:40 am »
Hi! I'm all extremely new to any of this, I've always been on my own path in life but people have always come across my path.

One thing it's worth remembering as you go along is that you are dealing with something alive, both in the deities and the religions themselves. There will be different aspects and points of view and often they may all be correct. Also remembering this means you approach them with respect rather than just as some kind of tool ( it happens ).

For instance I know of one deity who is seen as scary, powerful, caring but in a tough love kind of way, protective, overseer of kings, prophetess, dangerous, and a miriad of other things good and bad - and she's all of those. However, because we're humans interacting with another living being we each get to see those aspects of them which they want us to or which most fits.
That's where UPG ( Unique Personal Gnosis ) comes in. It's the point where we've got to know about a being beyond the written history and we're liable to come across quirks and aspects of them which are personal to their interaction with us.. Obviously if someone were to suddenly have a UPG that Athena was acting like an idiot or Mars was a pacifist then they'd need to check themselves as that would be going completely against that being's core personlity ( maybe the person is talking to someone different or perhaps they're projecting their own feelings onto the deity ).

 

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