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Author Topic: Best Spell Ever  (Read 3227 times)

Nehet

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Best Spell Ever
« on: July 30, 2011, 02:58:45 am »
The following is a real spell from the 12th century grimoire:  Picatrix (the Goal of The Sage), translated by noted magician John Michael Greer.

This is a spell "For Generating Enmity and Discord" (see page 205 of the grimoire).  

These confections are compounded for enmity and ill will. Take four ounces of the blood of a black dog, two ounces each of pig blood and brains, and one ounce of donkey brains. Mix all this together until well blended. When you give this medicine to someone in food or drink, he will hate you.

This is a spell that will work.  I can make an absolute guarantee.

When I ran across this thing it made me LOL half to death.

Fascinating read, by the way.  I'm not sure any of these spells are actually doable in modern times.  I love it, though.  Of course, I have a very warm place in my heart for ancient grimoires full of lofty spells.  Added bonus if they contain lethal ingredients like mandrake and bitter almond oil.
See, life is but a movement of eternal return.  Even Trees fall ~ Berlin papyrus 3024, (A man tired of life).

Live, Ausir, for all time and all eternity! Ankh Neheh Djet!

victoreia

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2011, 04:14:59 pm »
Quote from: Nehet;9412
The following is a real spell from the 12th century grimoire:  Picatrix (the Goal of The Sage), translated by noted magician John Michael Greer.

This is a spell "For Generating Enmity and Discord" (see page 205 of the grimoire).  

These confections are compounded for enmity and ill will. Take four ounces of the blood of a black dog, two ounces each of pig blood and brains, and one ounce of donkey brains. Mix all this together until well blended. When you give this medicine to someone in food or drink, he will hate you.


:eek: Why would you want someone to hate you? Or was the enmity directed toward whoever was giving the food/drink? (I could see how causing enmity between two parties would benefit a third party.)

Quote
This is a spell that will work.  I can make an absolute guarantee.

When I ran across this thing it made me LOL half to death.

Fascinating read, by the way.  I'm not sure any of these spells are actually doable in modern times.  I love it, though.  Of course, I have a very warm place in my heart for ancient grimoires full of lofty spells.  Added bonus if they contain lethal ingredients like mandrake and bitter almond oil.

 
And, out of curiosity, how do you know it works?
Do. Or do not. There is no try.  --Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

We are star stuff. We are the universe, made manifest. --Ambassador Delenn, Babylon 5

Etheric1

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #2 on: July 30, 2011, 07:29:44 pm »
Quote from: victoreia;9546
:eek: Why would you want someone to hate you? Or was the enmity directed toward whoever was giving the food/drink? (I could see how causing enmity between two parties would benefit a third party.)


 
And, out of curiosity, how do you know it works?

I think she's just reiterating what is said in the picatrix.
« Last Edit: July 30, 2011, 07:30:08 pm by Etheric1 »
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Morag

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2011, 07:54:03 pm »
Quote from: victoreia;9546
And, out of curiosity, how do you know it works?

I think if someone gave me a mixture of dog's blood and pig and donkey's brains in my food or drink, I'd hate them.
« Last Edit: July 30, 2011, 07:54:30 pm by Morag »
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Nehet

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2011, 09:03:58 pm »
Quote from: Morag;9580
I think if someone gave me a mixture of dog's blood and pig and donkey's brains in my food or drink, I'd hate them.


I know it works because if you gave somebody a potion like this, of COURSE they're going to hate you because it's a nasty potion.

I guess nobody got the joke :(

It was really funny when I was laughing with a friend about it last night.
See, life is but a movement of eternal return.  Even Trees fall ~ Berlin papyrus 3024, (A man tired of life).

Live, Ausir, for all time and all eternity! Ankh Neheh Djet!

Monica Mc

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2011, 09:17:45 pm »
Quote from: Nehet;9591
I know it works because if you gave somebody a potion like this, of COURSE they're going to hate you because it's a nasty potion.

I guess nobody got the joke :(

It was really funny when I was laughing with a friend about it last night.


Don't worry I got it, and I thought it was hilarious. Just as well I didn't have a mouth full of drink or my computor might not have survived.

Morag

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #6 on: July 30, 2011, 09:18:53 pm »
Quote from: Nehet;9591
I know it works because if you gave somebody a potion like this, of COURSE they're going to hate you because it's a nasty potion.

I guess nobody got the joke :(

It was really funny when I was laughing with a friend about it last night.

 
I got it!

I didn't really make that clear enough in my post though. But I had a good laugh when I first read it. :)
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Nehet

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2011, 11:22:48 pm »
Quote from: victoreia;9546
:eek: Why would you want someone to hate you?


You wouldn't.  I can't think of any advantage to getting someone to hate you...unless you just wanted them to leave you alone.  Of course, wouldn't you just do a "leave me alone" spell?

The Picatrix actually had traps built into it for people who didn't know what they were doing.  Since the spell itself offers the magician no real benefit, I'm convinced the author put it in as pure snark.

And, 12th century snark?  How much win is that?
See, life is but a movement of eternal return.  Even Trees fall ~ Berlin papyrus 3024, (A man tired of life).

Live, Ausir, for all time and all eternity! Ankh Neheh Djet!

autowitch

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2011, 11:40:13 pm »
Quote from: Nehet;9412

These confections are compounded for enmity and ill will. Take four ounces of the blood of a black dog, two ounces each of pig blood and brains, and one ounce of donkey brains. Mix all this together until well blended. When you give this medicine to someone in food or drink, he will hate you.


LOL   Still giggling over this one.

Aren't there some love spells with equally ... interesting ... ingredients in there?  That I think should lead to the same result?


Extra bonus when the grimoire includes bitter almond oil in spells specifically for healing.  Just as a trap for the unwary.

victoreia

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2011, 11:48:08 pm »
Quote from: Nehet;9591
I know it works because if you gave somebody a potion like this, of COURSE they're going to hate you because it's a nasty potion.

I guess nobody got the joke :(

It was really funny when I was laughing with a friend about it last night.

 
Oh! Duh! I hadn't had any caffeine at that point, so the brain didn't fully engage. :ashamed: (Note to self: Coffee first, then post!)

Sorry about that!:o
Do. Or do not. There is no try.  --Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

We are star stuff. We are the universe, made manifest. --Ambassador Delenn, Babylon 5

Nehet

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #10 on: July 31, 2011, 01:18:37 am »
Quote from: autowitch;9609
.


Hey, it's an Autowitch!  Dude, why are you not yet on "Doors of the Sky?"  Get on there, you poopie head.   :)
See, life is but a movement of eternal return.  Even Trees fall ~ Berlin papyrus 3024, (A man tired of life).

Live, Ausir, for all time and all eternity! Ankh Neheh Djet!

Wind

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2012, 03:55:20 pm »
Quote from: Nehet;9412

These confections are compounded for enmity and ill will. Take four ounces of the blood of a black dog, two ounces each of pig blood and brains, and one ounce of donkey brains. Mix all this together until well blended. When you give this medicine to someone in food or drink, he will hate you.
.

Darn, I'm out of donkey brains. It's a cute spell but I doubt it was really doable at any age.

Ah, a joke. Okay. Good one!
« Last Edit: October 16, 2012, 03:57:45 pm by Wind »

Annie Roonie

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #12 on: October 16, 2012, 06:53:54 pm »
Quote from: Nehet;9412

This is a spell "For Generating Enmity and Discord" (see page 205 of the grimoire).  

These confections are compounded for enmity and ill will. Take four ounces of the blood of a black dog, two ounces each of pig blood and brains, and one ounce of donkey brains. Mix all this together until well blended. When you give this medicine to someone in food or drink, he will hate you.


Now see for me it would only take brussels sprouts and having to do math on the fly. :p

Euryalus

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #13 on: October 17, 2012, 12:09:41 am »
Quote from: Nehet;9412
The following is a real spell from the 12th century grimoire:  Picatrix (the Goal of The Sage), translated by noted magician John Michael Greer.

This is a spell "For Generating Enmity and Discord" (see page 205 of the grimoire).  

These confections are compounded for enmity and ill will. Take four ounces of the blood of a black dog, two ounces each of pig blood and brains, and one ounce of donkey brains. Mix all this together until well blended. When you give this medicine to someone in food or drink, he will hate you.

This is a spell that will work.  I can make an absolute guarantee.

When I ran across this thing it made me LOL half to death.

Fascinating read, by the way.  I'm not sure any of these spells are actually doable in modern times.  I love it, though.  Of course, I have a very warm place in my heart for ancient grimoires full of lofty spells.  Added bonus if they contain lethal ingredients like mandrake and bitter almond oil.

 
This reminds me of a spell to gain strength I saw somewhere on the net ages ago.  It contained lines like "Pick the heavy object up and set it upon the altar.  Then pick it back up and remove it from the altar.  Repeat until your arms hurt."

Bear-craft

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Re: Best Spell Ever
« Reply #14 on: November 22, 2013, 03:49:39 am »
Quote from: Nehet;9412

These confections are compounded for enmity and ill will. Take four ounces of the blood of a black dog, two ounces each of pig blood and brains, and one ounce of donkey brains. Mix all this together until well blended. When you give this medicine to someone in food or drink, he will hate you.



 
Oh my gosh, that's hilarious. Love it!

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