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Author Topic: Things cats must try to remember  (Read 4471 times)

Ladywhitewolf

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Things cats must try to remember
« on: July 05, 2011, 11:14:38 pm »
Things CATS Must Try To Remember!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yowling at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase
leaves.

If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay
there until I get hungry.

The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him
constantly.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl
at nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files".

Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely
tail.

No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are
not cat toys.

If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in
groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.

The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by
swatting bits of it all over the floor or by picking it up and shaking
it from side to side

I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and
meowing complainingly at it will not bring it any closer.

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it
all dissolves in the boiling coffee.

The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its
bowl.

If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a
piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not
freak out every time I see it.

I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail
fluffed up will not make my balls grow back.

If I must give a present to my humans's overnight guests, my toy mouse
is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't
as tasty.

Just because I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them!

If I want to keep all nine of my lives, balloons are NOT meant to
be used as scratching posts.
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victoreia

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2011, 01:26:54 am »
Quote from: Ladywhitewolf;1774
Things CATS Must Try To Remember!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yowling at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase
leaves.

If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay
there until I get hungry.

The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him
constantly.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl
at nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files".

Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely
tail.

No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are
not cat toys.

If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in
groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.

The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by
swatting bits of it all over the floor or by picking it up and shaking
it from side to side

I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and
meowing complainingly at it will not bring it any closer.

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it
all dissolves in the boiling coffee.

The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its
bowl.

If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a
piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not
freak out every time I see it.

I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail
fluffed up will not make my balls grow back.

If I must give a present to my humans's overnight guests, my toy mouse
is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't
as tasty.

Just because I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them!

If I want to keep all nine of my lives, balloons are NOT meant to
be used as scratching posts.

 
All sooo true!
Do. Or do not. There is no try.  --Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

We are star stuff. We are the universe, made manifest. --Ambassador Delenn, Babylon 5

Mind how you go. -- Granny Weatherwax

LadyBug

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2011, 09:52:30 pm »
Quote from: Ladywhitewolf;1774
Things CATS Must Try To Remember!

 
Also;

Human babies don't have a scruff, and will make a loud, angry sound when you try to pick them up like a kitten.

They will continue to make this loud, angry sound if you scratch them.

When I climb up the curtains and get stuck, my human will laugh and take pictures before helping me down.

IceAngie

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2011, 10:05:57 pm »
Quote from: Ladywhitewolf;1774
Things CATS Must Try To Remember!

 
Oh my! I'll read these to my cat (do you think he'll remember them?) LOL! xD.

victoreia

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2011, 10:07:45 pm »
Quote from: IceAngie;3156
Oh my! I'll read these to my cat (do you think he'll remember them?) LOL! xD.

 
Let us know if that works! ;)
Do. Or do not. There is no try.  --Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

We are star stuff. We are the universe, made manifest. --Ambassador Delenn, Babylon 5

Mind how you go. -- Granny Weatherwax

JuniperMorgan

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2011, 01:48:15 am »
Quote from: LadyBug;3144
Also;

Human babies don't have a scruff, and will make a loud, angry sound when you try to pick them up like a kitten.

They will continue to make this loud, angry sound if you scratch them.

When I climb up the curtains and get stuck, my human will laugh and take pictures before helping me down.

 
When my human gets in the shower they are not just suffering from some mental handicap that I must try to save them from committing.  They will not appreciate my playful swats at their necked legs and backside to remind them that they shouldn't go into the indoor rain.

My humans will also not appreciate my attempts to help them dry off after this by licking their feet and legs.
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Jubes

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2011, 09:13:09 am »
Quote from: Ladywhitewolf;1774
Things CATS Must Try To Remember!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yowling at the can of food will not make it open itself.


Human's  heads  are NOT for  sleeping on, if  I wish to  be fed in the  mornings  it's  not a good  idea to  suffocate  my human  in their sleep.

That  is NOT a great  big  scratch  post  on the living room  floor   it's  something  called " carpet" it's a  big  NO NO  to  sharpen  my   claws on it.

I will not  hide under the  bed, jump out and  attack  my  human's  feet  in the  dark at  3 am when they  need to get up and use the human  flushable litter  box.

I will also  not  hide  on top  of the fridge in the  mornings and  jump on my  human's  back  and scare them  BEFORE  they  have had their  morning  coffee.

Litter  belongs IN the litter  box NOT on the floor beside the  litter  box.

THOSE are NOT   bed mice, THOSE are  human  feet, and I shall NOT  chase them  when  humans are sleeping.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2011, 09:14:03 am by Jubes »
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Arienwen

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #7 on: July 15, 2011, 09:57:47 pm »
Quote from: Jubes;3884

THOSE are NOT   bed mice, THOSE are  human  feet, and I shall NOT  chase them  when  humans are sleeping.

 
That sounds like my cat, except she attacks my hand if it is under the covers and I try to scratch something.  I guess she thinks it is attacking me or something...
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Arcadia

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #8 on: July 16, 2011, 05:49:40 am »
Quote from: Ladywhitewolf;1774
Things CATS Must Try To Remember!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

 
Also

Standing on the kitchen table first thing in the morning and franticly pacing, howling and grabbing and biting my human's hand will not get me fed.

Most of us eat meat, not watermelon, beetroot or tomato.

Even if I am pleased to see my human come home, I must not lie down and roll around in the middle of the driveway, before they can even drive in.

I must not sunbake in the middle of the road!

I must not get into the boot of the car when my human is unloading the shopping. They might not notice and I might end up spending the night.

I must not stowaway in strangers cars. They will only have to drive me home again when they realise I am there.

I must not climb up inside the car and sleep in the engine bay to keep warm.

The rabbit might be my friend, but is not another cat and does not like to play wrestle.

I must make sure the window is open before I try to jump in. If it isn't I will only end up bouncing off and hanging off the window sill by my paws while my humans look on and laugh.

My human will come home from their walk. I do not need to follow them up the road calling pitifully.

I am spayed, I must not get confused and hump my human's head in the middle of the night :eek:
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Melamphoros

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #9 on: July 16, 2011, 07:22:51 am »
Quote from: Arcadia;5386

I must make sure the window is open before I try to jump in. If it isn't I will only end up bouncing off and hanging off the window sill by my paws while my humans look on and laugh.

 
This always happened whenever Cat #1 got locked in the sunroom.  And yes we pointed and laughed before eventually letting her in:D:


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Elizabeth

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #10 on: July 16, 2011, 09:28:02 am »
Quote from: Ladywhitewolf;1774
Things CATS Must Try To Remember!

 
I must remember that the yogurt I attack my human for has little pieces of strawberry in it that will keep me chewing for hours.

I must remember that I am too heavy to be supported by a hanging wall shelf.

I must remember that it isn't always easy to back out of a paper grocery bag.

I must remember that while my human is holding me, I should not look behind them as if there is someone or something behind them because they will put me down and walk away.

I must not fall asleep in the bath tub because my human doesn't always check to make sure I'm not in there before turning it on.
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Jubes

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #11 on: July 16, 2011, 11:12:21 am »
Quote from: Arcadia;5386
Also

I am spayed, I must not get confused and hump my human's head in the middle of the night :eek:

 
Must never drink coffee  while reading this thread again.....

I must  remember   like   the human  children, I   must to  ask permission to  have a friend  sleep over, I  am  NOT to  sneak a feline  friend in the house  and  scare  my  humans EVER AGAIN.

Hairballs are NOT  gifts! Humans  find them  extremely  GROSS and   do not  want them in their  beds or on their pillows!

I am a  cat NOT a ninja, I will NOT  balance myself  on top of an open  door and  wait for  my human to walk  by to  practice  my  ninja  skills.

Sinks are for  water  NOT for sleeping in!
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Stardancer

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #12 on: July 16, 2011, 11:26:58 am »
Quote from: Arcadia;5386
Also

I must not sunbake in the middle of the road!

 
This also includes rolling and back scratching in a bend of the highway. The trailers and trucks don't brake easily. :eek: (How many lives does she have left??!)
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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #13 on: July 16, 2011, 12:01:55 pm »
Quote from: Arcadia;5386

I am spayed, I must not get confused and hump my human's head in the middle of the night :eek:

 
Or my human's bathrobe, or any other object of clothing.



(My cat did this. All the time.)
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Arienwen

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Re: Things cats must try to remember
« Reply #14 on: July 16, 2011, 04:38:13 pm »
Quote from: Morag;5449
Or my human's bathrobe, or any other object of clothing.



(My cat did this. All the time.)

 
I must not bat my Human's face repeatedly in the middle of the night as if it were a ball of yarn.  She will not find it amusing.
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