Humor/Quiz: There, I said it!

[missgraceless]

(Sorry, swearing ahead)

Dear roomie's mother,

Stop. Fucking. Smoking. In your son's house. This isn't your house. You don't pay the mortgage. Your son does. Before he left for his deployment he put in FIVE GRAND worth of new carpet. And you know what you're doing? Destroying it and my lungs. Oh, you're so clever to only smoke in your room with the door shut. But guess what? I can still smell it when I walk out of my room, and my fiancé can definitely smell it. I don't care how hot it is or if it's raining. We have a carport. Go sit under it.

And for the love of all that is holy, you're 46 years old. You don't need to be sitting in your room reading Harry Potter erotica all damn day. And the only reason I know it's erotica is because you have the words zoomed in to an inch tall on your computer screen when you sit in the living room. I mean, seriously? We're not in high school. Grow. The. Fuck. Up. And get a goddamn motherfucking job and start paying your share of rent.

What are you gonna do when your son comes home and expects $1200 from you? Oh wait, you already laugh about not paying back the nearly $6k HE paid for your goddamn hearing aids. I know you're deaf. But learn sign language. I'll even learn it with you. But to use your son, my fiance's best friend, like that? That's just heartless. You're a good-for-nothing leech who's emotionally stuck in high school and hasn't had a job in a decade. FUCK.

TIFSI

Once again bitching about the same goddamn woman. (You should hear the shit that just goes on from day to day.)

I don't care if you don't like my dog. But allowing her on the couch when we explicitly told you she isn't will not make your son/my roommate get rid of her. It'll make me feel badly about needing to punish her for something you're doing. It'll make me despise you even more than I already do. It'll probably even cause me to get into fights with both Fiancé and Roommate. But what it won't do is get the dog out of the house like you so desperately want. I don't give a flying fuck about you or anything you do. I don't want to leave Roommate, but the sooner one of us leaves this house permanently, the better.

Also, I'm still convinced you're the reason the ammonia in my fish tank was so high. You don't like my dog, and you don't like the new tank. But guess what. In the hierarchy of this house, you're lower than the mice living in our vents and destroying shit. You STILL don't pay rent, you bitch about having to split groceries, and you fucking hoard food in your room.

YOU are the reason we have mice. YOU are the reason your son's dog is so badly behaved. And YOU are the reason that I hate North Carolina and want to move home. If you weren't a goddamn squatter in this house, I might actually be able to enjoy myself instead of Instant Bad Mood every time I walk through that door.

You disgust me more than any other person I have EVER hated in my entire life. You are a parasite who doesn't deserve the wonderful son who took you in when he shouldn't have.

And PS. I'm not stupid. I can smell the cigarettes over the lit candle in your room. I know you're still smoking in there. You are literally nothing but a waste of oxygen.

[Abigail]

Got something that's bugging you?  Vent it here!  

 
Dear neighbor,
I didn't complain when you fell headfirst into our door in the middle of the night, singlehan..singleheadedly attempting to recreate the Big Bang.
I didn't complain when your girlfriend and you celebrated her first week after moving in with a 3 hour long screaming contest, after which she left while banging each of your doors at least 5 times.
I don't complain that your drinking habits have given you bowel problems, and it makes us able to hear you shit your guts out nearly every single evening.
I also don't complain about you starting your every day puking for 15 minutes, or that because of it if I am home, I have to settle for having that as the background noise to whatever I am doing at the time.
Until today all the above things just made me feel sympathy cause clearly you have some issues and you should get help.
 
But when you asked me, the less noisy neighbor in the row, to stop using a hammer at three o'clock in the afternoon because "you could hear it", you made me realize I am much too nice.
I don't give a shit if my handiwork interferes with your hangover, you pathetic whiny excuse for a man!

I am sure you stopped an epic fight in Valhalla dead in its track because our ancestors collectively dropped their weapons to have the biggest laughing fit of the century. The irony that one of their descendants asked another to stop her artisan woodwork on a staff to honor them, only because he had a booboo after drinking too much must've had them all in stitches!

You are a fucking embarrassment. Don't you ever dare to make your problem mine again, I do not respond well to that and next time I will go full nuclear on your ass.

[Vixen]

There. I said it.

So, I know I have only been working for the city archives for a year and a half now. And I know you have done the brunt of your research before my time there. But we have been co-workers for the past 7 years when I was working for the other department. And we have worked together on projects at least once a week during those years. During those 7 years I've known that you were working on you dissertation on the Munster Abbey and all those years I have supported you and asked after your progress. So, what made you decide not to send me a copy while you sent all my other co-workers of the archive one...   

TISI

[Sefiru]

TISI

Dear brother,

No, the Internet is not entirely made up of echo chambers.
No, "a forum" is not a worse echo chamber than Reddit. (Especially not this one, LOL)
The fact that you think Reddit is somehow less prone to echo chamber effects than the rest of the web, is laughable.
The fact that you think talking about echo chambers makes you look smart is just kind of sad.

TISI

[WritchCodex]

Dear brother,

No, the Internet is not entirely made up of echo chambers.
No, "a forum" is not a worse echo chamber than Reddit. (Especially not this one, LOL)
The fact that you think Reddit is somehow less prone to echo chamber effects than the rest of the web, is laughable.
The fact that you think talking about echo chambers makes you look smart is just kind of sad.

TISI

I hate GRRM's A Song of Ice and Fire. I think it's an overhyped and underwritten pile of garbage that is produced with the sole purpose of seeming grim-dark and edgy. In my opinion, it frames sexual violence, pedophilia and incest in a positive light, doesn't address half the issues it brings up, and waffles on about crap that never matters in the grand scheme of the story. The fact that everyone else seems to like this and is watching yet another incest plot right now really bugs me, and I just wish this fad would stop already.

There. I said it.

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

[missgraceless]

I hate GRRM's A Song of Ice and Fire. I think it's an overhyped and underwritten pile of garbage that is produced with the sole purpose of seeming grim-dark and edgy. In my opinion, it frames sexual violence, pedophilia and incest in a positive light, doesn't address half the issues it brings up, and waffles on about crap that never matters in the grand scheme of the story. The fact that everyone else seems to like this and is watching yet another incest plot right now really bugs me, and I just wish this fad would stop already.

There. I said it.

Sent from my SM-G930P using Tapatalk

(TW: human rights issues, but mainly feminism/sexism)

Dear fiancé,

I'm a feminist. I believe that all women should have the same rights as men. I'm also an equalist. I believe that all people should have the same rights as everyone else. The two are not mutually exclusive like you seem to think they are. The reason I call myself a feminist and not an equalist is because to be perfectly honest, as a white, American, cisgendered female in a heterosexual relationship, feminism is the only one that's... relevant to me. I'm lucky enough to not have to deal with racism, and I don't have to deal with homo- or transphobia.

Instead I have to deal with men harassing me or touching me on pizza deliveries and at motorcycle events. I have to deal with not being taken seriously in anything I do simply because I'm a woman. I have to deal with worrying about "is the guy staring at me a rapist? A murderer? Am I safe?" I have to deal with making sure I always carry my can of mace on deliveries because I never know when I'll get grabbed again. I have to worry about making sure my engagement ring is visible at all times because men respect the competition more than they respect a simple "no, I'm not interested." And even then it's not a guarantee because "just because there's a goalie doesn't mean I can't score" is a very real thing that's been said to me more than once.

But you, sir, as a white, American, cisgendered male in the same heterosexual relationship, don't have to deal with these things. You don't have to worry about walking alone at night to deliver pizza. You don't have to worry about bending over in front of a table of guys at Wendy's and having them stare at your ass. You don't have to worry about saying no to someone and getting raped and/or murdered. You don't even have to worry about people assuming that you're not just a passenger on someone else's bike.

Yes. Feminism has gotten a bad name from the misandrists (so-called "feminazis") out there. But there are many more true feminists who believe in equal rights for men, women, and everyone in between. 


Equalism to me sounds too... happy. It's too flowers and hippies and make love not war. Maybe sometimes I consider myself a hippy, but you're damn wrong if you think I'm not going to war against sexism and racism and all the hatred in this world. You literally have "if you want peace prepare for war" tattooed in Latin on your leg. Well guess what. I want peace for myself and every man or woman who's had to deal with harassment, discrimination, rape, and worse.


So this is why I call myself a feminist. And this is why until the day you call yourself one too I will scream and fight and lock myself in the bathroom when I can't take it anymore.

TISI



Sent from my E6782 using Tapatalk

[SunflowerP]

So this is why I call myself a feminist. And this is why until the day you call yourself one too I will scream and fight and lock myself in the bathroom when I can't take it anymore.

<offers missgraceless hugs and solidarity>

Sunflower

[Aisling]

Dear Clueless In Houston,

No, UPS probably will not deliver your package this week. Next week's not looking too good either.  Yes, I know it was supposed to arrive Wednesday and no, I cannot rush/expedite/force UPS to make the delivery.

If you can't understand why this is, then I hope you've also ordered a fucking clue because, dude, you really need one.

There, I said it.

[Owl]

Dear Clueless In Houston,

No, UPS probably will not deliver your package this week. Next week's not looking too good either.  Yes, I know it was supposed to arrive Wednesday and no, I cannot rush/expedite/force UPS to make the delivery.

If you can't understand why this is, then I hope you've also ordered a fucking clue because, dude, you really need one.

There, I said it.

Really!?!?!?!  They actually expect deliveries? I'm speechless!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Aisling]

Really!?!?!?!  They actually expect deliveries? I'm speechless!

Yes he did.  I paused for a good five seconds of stunned silence when he said he couldn't "understand what the problem is." 

Then I took another five seconds to bite my tongue to keep from making smart remarks like "Well, sir, you see, the delivery dolphins are out on other runs and the merpeople are on strike. We can arrange delivery by electric eel, but you'd be shocked by the cost."   

I feel sorry for the UPS driver that has to deal with the guy.

[Owl]

Yes he did.  I paused for a good five seconds of stunned silence when he said he couldn't "understand what the problem is." 

Then I took another five seconds to bite my tongue to keep from making smart remarks like "Well, sir, you see, the delivery dolphins are out on other runs and the merpeople are on strike. We can arrange delivery by electric eel, but you'd be shocked by the cost."   

I feel sorry for the UPS driver that has to deal with the guy.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Ashmire]

ROTFLMAO!!!

Dear neighbor:

      If you actually want to wake up early on a weekend to come mow my lawn as an "act of kindness" because Lowe's was slower than they promised about delivering the replacement for my broken mower, then do so.  But don't follow it up, after I smile and wave and say "Thank you!" by pounding on my door and standing over me with threatening body language, haranguing me about how this is a "One time only Act of Kindness!" and I should never expect it to happen again, and enumerating all the other things you have no intention of ever doing to help me.  I never expected you to do anything whatsoever, not least because my other neighbor, who can do nice things without being a butthead about it, mowed it earlier in the week and we've had no rain, so it was still only about half the maximum allowed height of six inches before you started.   If you want to see nothing but putting greens everywhere, then go take a job as a golf course caretaker or move to a gated community with strict HOA bylaws. Personally, I moved here on purpose because it wasn't one.


There, I said it!

[SunflowerP]

Then I took another five seconds to bite my tongue to keep from making smart remarks like "Well, sir, you see, the delivery dolphins are out on other runs and the merpeople are on strike. We can arrange delivery by electric eel, but you'd be shocked by the cost."

I love it!

Sunflower

[SunflowerP]

Ugh, I despise people who use what would otherwise be courteous acts as a means of bullying.

Sunflower

[Hariti]

Ugh, I despise people who use what would otherwise be courteous acts as a means of bullying.

Sunflower

Dear Friend,

I footed the bill every time we did anything together for four years. I let you stay at my home *dozens* of times when you had family issues and had nowhere else to stay. I tutored you on your homework in high school, and even wrote a couple of papers for you. I gave you a good recommendation, that you DID NOT DESERVE, so you could get your fist job. ALL I ever did was help you, in any way I could, at any expense.

So, when I let you move INTO my house, as an adult god-damned man, for four months, I expected you to be grateful. I expected you to *pay* for the groceries you consumed, to keep your room clean, to be quiet and not wake the whole family up at night when you left for work. I expected you to show me and my family respect.

I was wrong. You acted like a child. You spent all your money on luxuries, which you could only afford because you were free-booting in my house, while we (your hosts) struggled just to pay the bills and put food on the table. You DID not save any money, or look for a permanent residence, while you were staying with us. You spent it all on new video games, on "vape mods" , and on high-end takeout food... all while we were eating soup beans. You made a racket and woke us up EVERY morning before work. You left a mess in the kitchen, and left your room full of rotten food, dirty laundry, and other filth. You even made the mistake of trying to bully me when I pointed out these bad behaviors. You failed to realize that you were a guest, not a renter, and that I had no obligation to let you stay in my home. I tolerated your agonizing presence for four months, out of pity and friendship, but you did not change, you did not stop being a leech, and so we made you leave. Arrivederci! Sayonara! Adios!


Now you have no money, no residence, and nobody to help you. Too. Bad. Not my problem; I gave you help, and you choose to spit in my eye. I leave you with this: "We should think seriously before we slam doors, before we burn bridges, before we saw off the limb on which we find ourselves sitting." -Richard L. Evans

There, I said it!