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Author Topic: Humor/Quiz: There, I said it!  (Read 153858 times)

Morbid

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2445 on: October 05, 2017, 02:23:54 am »


WARNING: Curse words ahead!


Dear asshole customer,

How you gonna come up into my place of business, waste FIVE FUCKING HOURS of my time looking at every aspect of every stupid casket that we have, ONLY to say after five hours of wasting my time, that you're going to be exploring "other options".  So you waste my time, energy, destroy 3 vases of flowers that were sat out, insult and are rude to my employees, and you have the balls to tell me you're exploring other options?  Funny thing...  It started off as your sister.  But then you said your mother.  With a little investigating, one could find out that if half of what you say is true, your entire family has been killed, and your mother killed three times over! 

Seriously.  Fuck off and don't come back because you might accidentally end up in a casket.

THERE!  I said it!
For he who has truly lived never truly dies.

Sefiru

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2446 on: April 25, 2018, 06:49:48 pm »
...

Dear manufacturers of minced-ginger-in-a-tube,

Would you kindly explain why there is now ginger on my ceiling?
And my floor? And cabinets? And shirt?
Your packaging design is terrible. I'm going back to the jar.

Morbid

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2447 on: April 26, 2018, 02:43:47 am »
Dear manufacturers of minced-ginger-in-a-tube,

Would you kindly explain why there is now ginger on my ceiling?
And my floor? And cabinets? And shirt?
Your packaging design is terrible. I'm going back to the jar.

Dear internet service providers,

Why do you have to be such dick weeds?

There, I said it.
For he who has truly lived never truly dies.

Sefiru

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2448 on: June 19, 2018, 06:33:25 pm »
...

Dear US Government,

What in the actual fuck?

SunflowerP

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2449 on: June 19, 2018, 07:23:55 pm »
Dear US Government,

What in the actual fuck?

Co-signed.

Sunflower
I'm the AntiFa genderqueer commie eclectic wiccan Mod your alt-right bros warned you about.
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“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” - Oscar Wilde
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Aisling

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2450 on: June 19, 2018, 07:49:42 pm »
Dear US Government,

What in the actual fuck?

Thirded.
Into the Grey Mists (Spiritual Blog)

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But once you learn your answers, you can never unlearn them."
~Neil Gaiman,
American Gods

SunflowerP

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2451 on: June 20, 2018, 11:30:32 pm »
Dear US Government,

What in the actual fuck?

Our Valentine did a fine tweet-thread rant on it the other day, far more eloquent than I have words for: Invalid Tweet ID
So... there, Val said it  :).

Sunflower

[Editing because apparently SMF doesn't want to just link the tweet; I'm guessing it wants to auto-embed, argh, and have tweaked accordingly I hope]
« Last Edit: June 20, 2018, 11:36:25 pm by SunflowerP »
I'm the AntiFa genderqueer commie eclectic wiccan Mod your alt-right bros warned you about.
I do so have a life; I just live part of it online!
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” - Oscar Wilde
"Nobody's good at anything until they practice." - Brina (Yewberry)
My much-neglected blog "If You Ain't Makin' Waves, You Ain't Kickin' Hard Enough"

Darkhawk

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2452 on: December 27, 2018, 05:08:24 pm »


That moment when your purse started blaring the Imperial March at mindshattering volume was really rather startling but in retrospect quite on point for illustrating the effect of your presence in my house.
as the water grinds the stone
we rise and fall
as our ashes turn to dust
we shine like stars    - Covenant, "Bullet"

Castus

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2453 on: June 24, 2019, 11:36:20 pm »
One of the most popular ongoing humor threads of the SMF Board, it was only natural to have it restarted here.

Got something that's bugging you?  Vent it here!  Preferably in the most over-the-top fashion that you wouldn't dare to do in real life.  Just remember to end your vent with the phrase "There, I said it!"

(Note: As a staff member, I think I should start by instituting a prohibition against venting about other members)



Bruno Mars,

STOP IT!

There. I said it.

I want to die. There's nobody who cares, I feel. I'm just so tired. I feel trapped.

"It's been too hard livin' / but I'm afraid to die / 'cause I don't know what's up there / beyond the sky"

TISI

PerditaPickle

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2454 on: June 25, 2019, 04:58:07 am »
I want to die. There's nobody who cares, I feel. I'm just so tired. I feel trapped.

"It's been too hard livin' / but I'm afraid to die / 'cause I don't know what's up there / beyond the sky"

TISI

We here on TC care, if that helps at all - I hope it does, even if only a little.

There'll be virtual hugs here for you, if you want them  x
"Everything's made up of elements, right? Earth, Water, Air, Fire and... sunnink. Well-known fact. Everything's got 'em all mixed up just right."
Character Nobby Nobbs in the late, great Sir Terry Pratchett's Discworld novel The Truth

SunflowerP

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2455 on: June 27, 2019, 04:02:00 pm »
I want to die. There's nobody who cares, I feel. I'm just so tired. I feel trapped.

"It's been too hard livin' / but I'm afraid to die / 'cause I don't know what's up there / beyond the sky"

TISI

(((((Castus)))))

Sunflower
I'm the AntiFa genderqueer commie eclectic wiccan Mod your alt-right bros warned you about.
I do so have a life; I just live part of it online!
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” - Oscar Wilde
"Nobody's good at anything until they practice." - Brina (Yewberry)
My much-neglected blog "If You Ain't Makin' Waves, You Ain't Kickin' Hard Enough"

Sefiru

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2456 on: August 19, 2019, 06:52:41 pm »


Dear Andrew Scheer,

Your rhetoric has all the subtlety of the Kool-aid Man. How the *hell* did your fellow politicians let you get so high in federal politics? I don't like your policies anyway, but your attempts at 'persuasion' are so blatant it's embarrassing. You sound like a comic-book villain FFS.

Aisling

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2457 on: September 03, 2019, 09:29:28 pm »
Dear Colleague,

I appreciate that you want to try to accommodate special dietary needs for our next lunch meeting and I know that your heart is in the right place. 

However, just because something meets a dietary restriction, doesn't mean that the person with the restriction wants to eat it.  Doubly so when you're trying to get two-for-one special dietary coverage by ordering a single junk-food menu item that combines very different dietary restrictions.

So forgive me, but I am going to have to turn down the 'cheese-less, gluten-free, vegan pizza'.  Life is too short for that kind of culinary sadness.

There I said it.
Into the Grey Mists (Spiritual Blog)

"All your questions can be answered, if that is what you want.
But once you learn your answers, you can never unlearn them."
~Neil Gaiman,
American Gods

Sefiru

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2458 on: September 04, 2019, 06:27:32 pm »
'cheese-less, gluten-free, vegan pizza'

Tomato sauce on rice?

Aisling

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Re: There, I said it!
« Reply #2459 on: September 04, 2019, 06:33:48 pm »
Tomato sauce on rice?

More like tomato-flavored cardboard. Bleh.
Into the Grey Mists (Spiritual Blog)

"All your questions can be answered, if that is what you want.
But once you learn your answers, you can never unlearn them."
~Neil Gaiman,
American Gods

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