The Mental Health Hotline

[Ladywhitewolf]

This actually made me laugh. Not trying to offend anyone. By the way, I do have a mental illness and this still cracks me up.


Good morning, welcome to the mental health hotline…

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn’t matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s and grandmother’s maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

[Jubes]

This actually made me laugh. Not trying to offend anyone. By the way, I do have a mental illness and this still cracks me up.

Good morning, welcome to the mental health hotline…

 
LMAO! This  cracks  me up every time I read it! As a mother  of a  OCD,  bi-polar 14 year  old I can actually see her doing  these things.

[Sage]

This actually made me laugh. Not trying to offend anyone. By the way, I do have a mental illness and this still cracks me up. [...]
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

 
Laughing because I have low self esteem and that's exactly what it's like. It's funny because it's true. I think it's okay to laugh at ourselves sometimes, especially since a joke like this puts my experience into something easily understandable. "Having low self-esteem is like calling a mental health hotline and being told all lines are busy, please hang up."

Also laughing because I'm having issues with a good friend who is both OCD (literally - just got diagnosed) and co-dependent, and the lines about that are so true. It's so frustrating sometimes I want to (and do) cry, but laughing about it right now is great.

[Arienwen]

This actually made me laugh. Not trying to offend anyone. By the way, I do have a mental illness and this still cracks me up.


Good morning, welcome to the mental health hotline…

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn’t matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s and grandmother’s maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

 
The Bipolar one totally is me!  lol...it is good to laugh at yourself sometimes