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Author Topic: Forum Game: Let's make a (fictional) religion!  (Read 4950 times)

Sefiru

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #30 on: March 10, 2015, 06:57:16 pm »
Quote from: Cuthwin Crowe;172475
Human sacrifice is acceptable, although optional

 
Quote from: Sefiru;172594
Human sacrifice is only ritually acceptable if the cause of death is one of the elements.

 
Quote from: HarpingHawke;172852
That crocodile plays the trumpet and is regularly given sacrifices of sub par musicians.

 
Well this went in a strange direction ...

Lana288

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #31 on: March 10, 2015, 07:32:08 pm »
Quote from: Sefiru;172885
The crocodile represents the dark side of the elements, while the cat gods represent their light side.

Vinegar is considered the dark side of the Oil element.

Nobody ever talks about the dark side of the Internet.

 
Because balance is key, there is a set of priests who do nothing but wallow in the dark side of the internet. Their work is secret, and spoken about only by the holiest of holies. All that is known is that- for some reason- taffy is at play.

The light side of coffee is the mocha, and the darkest the espresso.

Lana288

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #32 on: March 10, 2015, 07:33:24 pm »
Quote from: Sefiru;172886
Well this went in a strange direction ...

...I don't quite know what to say about it either.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2015, 07:35:58 pm by Lana288 »

Valeria Crowe

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #33 on: March 11, 2015, 08:42:14 pm »
Quote from: Ian288;172892
...I don't quite know what to say about it either.

 
What, you don't want human sacrifice? What sorta liberal claptrap they teaching young 'uns these days, eh? Humph. Harumph! Be doin' away with the vestal virgins next! And then the sacred prostitutes! And then what use is a religion?!?
"This is a sorrow-spider. Which end do you hold it by? TRICK QUESTION!"

baduhmtisss

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #34 on: March 12, 2015, 08:23:52 am »
Quote from: Cuthwin Crowe;172953
What, you don't want human sacrifice? What sorta liberal claptrap they teaching young 'uns these days, eh? Humph. Harumph! Be doin' away with the vestal virgins next! And then the sacred prostitutes! And then what use is a religion?!?

You crack me up. Lol.
Undefined religion | Parrot Mom | Disaster Reservist

Lana288

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #35 on: March 12, 2015, 10:45:39 am »
Quote from: Cuthwin Crowe;172953
What, you don't want human sacrifice? What sorta liberal claptrap they teaching young 'uns these days, eh? Humph. Harumph! Be doin' away with the vestal virgins next! And then the sacred prostitutes! And then what use is a religion?!?

 
Wait, what? The sacred prostitutes? They can't deal away with those! Those are sacred to the crocodile god!

Sefiru

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #36 on: March 12, 2015, 07:27:48 pm »
Quote from: Sefiru;172474
...

 
Here is what we have so far:

This religion is grounded on the seven elements Titanium, Oil, Beer, Internet, Gingerbread, Coffee and Duct Tape. Each has both a light and a dark side. Duct Tape is the element that binds all the others together. The dark side of Oil is Vinegar. The light and dark sides of Coffee are mocha and espresso. Nobody talks about the dark side of the Internet; there is a sect of priests devoted to it, who work in secret (rumor has it that taffy is involved).

The light side of the Elements is represented by the Cat Gods, each god being embodied by a different coloration of cat. They are all-powerful and all-knowing, and are led by Paprika the Creator. The cat gods' messengers are called Katty Pink Unicorn Pegasus's and leave gifts on the doorstep of growing families.

There is also a god who knows nothing; its devotees preach against libraries, the Internet, and the Cat Gods.

The dark side of the Elements is represented by the Great Green One, a crocodile god who lives in the sea. He is constantly at war with the Cat Gods and the know-nothing god. The conflict is sacred, and every year there is a race between a crocodile and a cat to celebrate it.

Temples are circular and have three doors, however only one of them leads to the interior on any given day. They have many stained glass windows depicting humorous and absurd scenes. Temples also contain a Heterodyne Coffee Engine. Instead of an altar, there is a shallow pit full of water, where there lives a crocodile who plays the trumpet.

The crocodile is offered sacrifices of subpar musicians, who are first killed using one of the elements. There are also sacred prostitutes who are sacred to the Great Green One.

Melons are used as offerings. Durian fruits are used for protection spells but may not be offered to the Cat Gods. Some rituals involve the consumption of chocolate. A ritual may only involve one of these three items (melons, durians, chocolate). Rituals are especially potent if they involve all of the Elements.

Amethyst is considered sacred.

Sefiru

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #37 on: March 12, 2015, 07:32:41 pm »
Quote from: Cuthwin Crowe;172953
What, you don't want human sacrifice? What sorta liberal claptrap they teaching young 'uns these days, eh? Humph. Harumph! Be doin' away with the vestal virgins next! And then the sacred prostitutes! And then what use is a religion?!?


Vestal virgins are sacred to the know-nothing god, due to renouncing knowledge of sex.

I gotta say, this temple sounds like a happening place ...

Dark Internet Priests wear fedoras, while Coffee priests wear white or dark brown berets.

Valeria Crowe

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #38 on: March 12, 2015, 07:42:11 pm »
Quote from: Sefiru;172991
Vestal virgins are sacred to the know-nothing god, due to renouncing knowledge of sex.

I gotta say, this temple sounds like a happening place ...

Dark Internet Priests wear fedoras, while Coffee priests wear white or dark brown berets.

 
Guess that makes me a Dark Internet priest. I hate berets, and my Indiana Jones fedora is my favorite hate. Aside from my cunnin' one.

Mwahahahahaha!

The rumors of taffy are greatly exaggerated. The tales of sexual perversions, on the other hand...
"This is a sorrow-spider. Which end do you hold it by? TRICK QUESTION!"

Lana288

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #39 on: March 12, 2015, 08:15:44 pm »
Quote from: Sefiru;172990
Here is what we have so far:

This religion is grounded on the seven elements Titanium, Oil, Beer, Internet, Gingerbread, Coffee and Duct Tape. Each has both a light and a dark side. Duct Tape is the element that binds all the others together. The dark side of Oil is Vinegar. The light and dark sides of Coffee are mocha and espresso. Nobody talks about the dark side of the Internet; there is a sect of priests devoted to it, who work in secret (rumor has it that taffy is involved).

The light side of the Elements is represented by the Cat Gods, each god being embodied by a different coloration of cat. They are all-powerful and all-knowing, and are led by Paprika the Creator. The cat gods' messengers are called Katty Pink Unicorn Pegasus's and leave gifts on the doorstep of growing families.

There is also a god who knows nothing; its devotees preach against libraries, the Internet, and the Cat Gods.

The dark side of the Elements is represented by the Great Green One, a crocodile god who lives in the sea. He is constantly at war with the Cat Gods and the know-nothing god. The conflict is sacred, and every year there is a race between a crocodile and a cat to celebrate it.

Temples are circular and have three doors, however only one of them leads to the interior on any given day. They have many stained glass windows depicting humorous and absurd scenes. Temples also contain a Heterodyne Coffee Engine. Instead of an altar, there is a shallow pit full of water, where there lives a crocodile who plays the trumpet.

The crocodile is offered sacrifices of subpar musicians, who are first killed using one of the elements. There are also sacred prostitutes who are sacred to the Great Green One.

Melons are used as offerings. Durian fruits are used for protection spells but may not be offered to the Cat Gods. Some rituals involve the consumption of chocolate. A ritual may only involve one of these three items (melons, durians, chocolate). Rituals are especially potent if they involve all of the Elements.

Amethyst is considered sacred.

 
I'm loving this.

But how does one sacrifice a person with the internet?

Valeria Crowe

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #40 on: March 12, 2015, 08:27:44 pm »
Quote from: Ian288;172993
I'm loving this.

But how does one sacrifice a person with the internet?

 
Internet seppuku.

Can't link to the source, unfortunately, NSFW.
"This is a sorrow-spider. Which end do you hold it by? TRICK QUESTION!"

Sefiru

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Re: Let's make a (fictional) religion!
« Reply #41 on: March 13, 2015, 07:06:43 pm »
Quote from: Ian288;172993

But how does one sacrifice a person with the internet?


Only the Dark Internet Priests know.
 
Quote from: Cuthwin Crowe;172992
Guess that makes me a Dark Internet priest. I hate berets, and my Indiana Jones fedora is my favorite hate. Aside from my cunnin' one.

Mwahahahahaha!

The rumors of taffy are greatly exaggerated. The tales of sexual perversions, on the other hand...


Cunning hats are surely worn by Titanium priests!

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