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Author Topic: Humor/Quiz: Boasting!  (Read 2672 times)

Valeria Crowe

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Boasting!
« on: December 27, 2014, 11:10:27 pm »
Inspired by a glut of mythic literature and an hour on Tvtropes Badass Boast page, I hereby open this here thread for any and all absurdly over the top boasts, epithets, nicknames, tall tales and other ego-stroking nonsense, the more ridiculous the better.

Observe thusly, children, how it's done:


Australia birthed me, whelped in a storm in Tasmania, nursed by a Tasmanian Tiger, tutored by a Tasmanian Devil! After I feasted on the spiders and took much council with the serpents, to far off gun-haunted America did I travel at the tender age of three, for Australia's venomous beasts had no more challenge for me!

In the South, to the inhabitants of the great swamps of Mississippi I am known as the Green Man and they know well the sharp edge of my tongue. In the North, in the frozen city of Bangor which has ten thousand verdigrised copper church steeples, they speak in whispers of the coin I have spent in the shadowed haunts of the thrift stores and the high halls of Borders before its slaying by the crass and vile villain BAM. To the West, in Southern California where the girls are warm, I was known for my charm in the days of my youth, and elegant ladies and comely lads did flock to me!

My music is the song of war! When I love, the earth trembles; when I scream, it shatters! My love-making is an earthquake, my last sigh the hurricaine's birth!

Many crafts and arts do I know, many blades have felt my hand's touch and many gods heard my call!

I am called by some He of the Long Coat, by others the Bald Man. Knower-of-hidden-things am I, and the Raven Prince of Dark Hair, and the Laughing Jester, and many more things besides.

Every place that has known the tread of my feet has laid a title before them! I have more names than there are ways to kill a fool, and there are many ways to kill a fool.
« Last Edit: May 08, 2019, 11:08:21 am by RandallS »
"This is a sorrow-spider. Which end do you hold it by? TRICK QUESTION!"

Altair

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Re: Boasting!!!
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2014, 03:54:00 pm »
Quote from: Cuthwin Crowe;168214

Observe thusly, children, how it's done:


It's on! Being of the over-the-top boastful sort, lucky for me I've already got one at the ready: the bio from my author's website--

http://www.cfcooper.net/about
The first song sets the wheel in motion / The second is a song of love / The third song tells of Her devotion / The fourth cries joy from the sky above
The fifth song binds our fate to silence / and bids us live each moment well / The sixth unleashes rage and violence / The seventh song has truth to tell
The last song echoes through the ages / to ask its question all night long / And close the circle on these pages / These, the metamythos songs

Valeria Crowe

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Re: Boasting!!!
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2014, 05:55:17 pm »
Quote from: Altair;168229
It's on! Being of the over-the-top boastful sort, lucky for me I've already got one at the ready: the bio from my author's website--

http://www.cfcooper.net/about

 
You wrote for Marvel comics?

We are not worthy!!!
"This is a sorrow-spider. Which end do you hold it by? TRICK QUESTION!"

Altair

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Re: Boasting!!!
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2014, 12:09:45 am »
Quote from: Cuthwin Crowe;168240
You wrote for Marvel comics?

We are not worthy!!!


Best job I ever had. Unfortunately, none of my creations have been turned into a lucrative TV or movie version...yet. (Hope springs eternal.)
The first song sets the wheel in motion / The second is a song of love / The third song tells of Her devotion / The fourth cries joy from the sky above
The fifth song binds our fate to silence / and bids us live each moment well / The sixth unleashes rage and violence / The seventh song has truth to tell
The last song echoes through the ages / to ask its question all night long / And close the circle on these pages / These, the metamythos songs

Redfaery

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Re: Boasting!!!
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2014, 10:58:22 am »
Quote from: Cuthwin Crowe;168214
Inspired by a glut of mythic literature and an hour on Tvtropes Badass Boast page, I hereby open this here thread for any and all absurdly over the top boasts, epithets, nicknames, tall tales and other ego-stroking nonsense, the more ridiculous the better.

 
Do you think I should be a historian? I *am* a historian, oh foolish ignorant one.

Behold, my library of scholarly tomes: I have a better selection of literature on my chosen field of study than my last college. Regard my collection and weep, Oh Guilford College Librarians! I not only have Okagami, but Eiga Monogatari, and VOLUME TWO OF THE CAMBRIDGE HISTORY OF JAPAN MUTHAFUCKAS.

What is that I hear? It is the sound of my 3.46 GPA. I made the Dean's list thrice, oh foolish benighted students, struggling along under the weight of exams. KNEEL BEFORE ME. Address all queries regarding Classical Japan to me, and not to the pitiful "Google." You will find my answers most satisfactory.
KARMA: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

HarpingHawke

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Re: Boasting!!!
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2014, 03:43:34 pm »
Quote from: Cuthwin Crowe;168214
Inspired by a glut of mythic literature and an hour on Tvtropes Badass Boast page, I hereby open this here thread for any and all absurdly over the top boasts, epithets, nicknames, tall tales and other ego-stroking nonsense, the more ridiculous the better.

 
Oh yes, religion class. You heard right. I am the asexual sexpert of legend.

I know what contraceptives are, and why yes, I *do* correct the teacher regularly! I risked a markdown on my finals to let her know just how much rape culture was promoted in that class, in essay form, because I'm just that courageous. It is not stupidity, I assure you.

And no matter how funny you think jokes about asexual reproduction are, I will sock you in the nose, free of charge! And then I will explain, while you staunch the bleeding, the spectrum of sexualities and romantic orientations. Why yes, I do have a homemade chart. Bow to my wisdom on most matters sexual. Disregard old patriarchal tales and misinformation spread by social conservatives!

How do I have time to learn about all this and keep a rockin' GPA, you ask?

Magic. It is always magic. I am the asexual sexpert of legend--of course I have magical powers and of course I can bend time to my will. I'm a walking contradiction, at least to your puny minds.

Prostrate yourselves before me, the asexual sexpert of legend.
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self." - Hemingway

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